IMO, your father is playing both of you like a fiddle. As long as each of you are complaining about the other one, all focus is off of him. Brilliant! Golddust.. I agree. I've started replying 3 times and deleted all of them. I think there's more to the story & doubt it's just the girlfriend. Reading her letter, she probably thinks she's helping her man. Danielle, the best advice I can give you is to try to understand where she is coming from; but don't let her walk all over you. This is a very touchy situation; you know what your dad was like when you were growing up & she came into the picture after he was out of his "unhappy" marriage. While he's probably told her his side; she's never going to know what really happened because she wasn't there and IMO.. she needs to respect your feelings & how hurt you were by him but try to respect her for trying to be there for your dad now. I have issues with my step son. He likes to go back to his father & say that I said this or I said that. When my hubby fell off of his truck I sent him an email because he stopped speaking to my hub & wouldn't you know it, he twisted my email around trying to start a fight between my hub & I. Thankfully my hub knew about the email before I sent it; it was a rude awakening to my hub of just what his son would do to get me out of the picture. This is all in SS's head, not mine because I can be grown up about it & smile like nothing ever happened but he can't. The best advice I can give you is to try to have a relationship with your dad without the GF around every time. You still need father/daughter time. I encourage hub to call his son or go golfing with him because even though we can't see eye to eye, it's still his son. My hub does not talk about me when they are together & if the kid starts, he says it's between you 2 and not me. SS's mother was an alcoholic - probably why he hates me so much because we have the life he never had growing up & his father has been raising my 2 kids for the last 10 years.. so he's bitter; but he's also an adult man in his 30's & a divorced father. I don't feel that the GF was trying to place "blame" on any of the kids for the marriage/drinking problems, I read it as her just stating why he was drinking. My dad stayed in a bad marriage because "It was cheaper to keep her" & we kids suffered with the fighting. Dad was not around most times, he chose to work as much as he could.

mommabird congrats on moving on and doing what you needed for your sons and yourself to get your life back, it's great to hear things are going so well. one thing in your posts really jumped out at me: " " I really do think hoarding is a control issue." as a former hoarder who did get help and learned to overcome the obsessiveness of hoarding, I totally agree that it is about control. I think often what happens is circumstances that make a person feel like they have no control, that could be a job loss, a death in the family, financial problems, poverty, lots of other things that trigger that sense of not being in control in your life. that was very true for me, and the hoarding is like a way to control your surroundings, as long as you control the stuff you feel like you have control over something. one of the greatest feelings though that I wish all hoarders could experience is just letting go, giving up the need to control things and realize that hoarding doesnt improve your life, it doesn't protect you from all the crap that life throws at you and when you learn to let go you get such a sense of freedom from this horrible obsessive behaviour. it's not easy but it can be done and the rewards are so worth it, but I think a lot of hoarders are afraid to try and get the right help but no one can make them face it head on, that has to come from within and just a desire to change and do the hard yards to overcome it. unfortunately though hoarding does affect other people and mostly those who also live in the house, as frankie said above mental illnesses do have that impact, but when a hoarder tries to control everything in your surroundings, it ends up controlling what other family members can or can't do as well. At the end of the day, you realized what is right for you and your kids.

Mortality is such a hard concept for young people to grasp. To really understand... Dotz - Do you have the kind of relationship with your SKids that you could pull them aside and tell them without having them think you were trying to manipulate them in some way? I lost both of my parents my husband's father within the past few years; and if our experiences are anything to judge by, I'd advise telling, if you think they will truly 'hear' you. We had advance warning for each of my parents, and having that notice allowed up to fully clear the air and resolve all of our past differences. We had a good relationship with both of them before, but it was even closer at the end, and for us, that made the loss easier to bear. We were free to concentrate of the happy memories and good times, free from recriminations for any harsh words or oversights. I have so many wonderful memories of my parents -- While I still miss them, it's an easy transition into the good. When my husband's father passed, it was sudden, and there was much unfinished business and many unresolved issues. Those 'messes' -- personal, financial, and extended family -- are what we most remember. And believe me, those memories are hard to deal with. If your SKids can come to terms with your husband, make peace and get close -- they'll have closure when the time does come. It may be years away -- I hope it will -- But it will come someday, and they'll wish they'd have had the opportunity to do that.

Lottie-I love your spirit! I'm sure there's a good stove out there for you. But I want to tell you, don't overlook induction ranges. I never in a million years thought I would be saying this, but I actually am looking into perhaps choosing one myself now. They are absolutely amazing from the videos I've seen on youtube. I am truly an old fashioned gal who learned on gas, used electric all of my adult life (27 year old range and still kickin!), and also have made a good meal or two and baked 100s of holiday cookies. And I am middle of the road--nothing too fancy or expensive. But I agree, there are so very many improvements over the years now, convection one of them, and I am very excited to get my new range, whatever it will be. Good Luck in your hunt!