Here's a bit of background:

My sister and I are 4, almost 5 years apart in age. I am now 19, she is 24. I know no parent loves one child more than the other, but my mom and I have always gotten along better. We travel together, shop together, even just sit in the same room and I'll read and she watches TV and it's just easy. On the other hand, my older sister can't sit in a room without talking. She hardly ever does things with our mom, and she's just flat out rude.

Since my mom and I have always had a good relationship, my sister saw it as my mom favoring me. However, instead of getting mad at my mom, she took all of her anger out on me. She made sure to always exclude me growing up...even when it came to my step-siblings, she would make sure I was ostracized. If it was something as simple as me wanting to watch her and her friend play a video game, I wasn't allowed. When I was in middle school, some of the hardest years of any kids life, she made sure to always criticize how I dressed, the music I listened too, and just took hits to my self esteem. Now that we're older, it's her criticizing my boyfriend, my lifestyle choices (my boyfriend and I are serious, he has a daughter, so I don't go out and party much...she still does and thinks I'm stupid for not doing the same) and things of that nature.

But it's not just those things, though they play a part. She's just simply mean. She called me while I was fighting with my mother and told me I was the reason our family had split apart and was so messed up. She allowed one of her male friends to say something very crude and hurtful to me as she sat next to him laughing. The list really continues on.

I have thought about cutting her out of my life completely for some time. I've even started to do it, before my mother begged me not to, and my sister promised to change...which she never does. This time I am serious. I have made my sister aware I don't want anything to do with her more than I have to, and that it's just gotten too far, too much water under the bridge, and too much hurt for me to forgive and forget.

So, in a way I am grieving. I am grieving the loss of a sister I never really had. I didn't have the sister who would play with me, or look out for me. I had the one who treated me like an annoyance and a verbal punching bag.

I know I'm hurting my mom by doing this...but I just feel like I've been kicked one too many times to try to forgive her again