I've never heard the term "grass widow". Any event, you don't mention what you have going on of your own. In a marriage, it usually works out better if both spouses have separate interests as well as friends and interests in common. Are you sitting home waiting for you husband to come home, or do you have a full life while your husband is working? I am not sure why you talk about your previous relationship? Obviously, you did not marry that individual. Get a job, volunteer, learn to do something that interests you, exercise, heck, do what you're passionate about. What I am reading is that you don't have anything going on for yourself with the exception of your husband. Not a good thing. I have a workaholic spouse, however, I have other things going on so I am not obsessed with trying to change him. His being a workaholic pays for alot of nice things we have and can do, that would not be possible if he pumped gasoline or punched a 9-5 timeclock. Nothing wrong with pumping gasoline (not trying to incite a riot over the example), but if you want a husband that has a 9-5 job and only wants to spend time with you when he's not working, it doesn't sound like you married the right guy. Even if your husband wasn't a workaholic, he should have separate interests and hobbies as should you. That's what makes a relationship interesting, what each person brings to it. What are you bringing to your relationship?? I think two married people who do nothing but spend time with one another while not at work are boring. I can be a workaholic as well. I can't sit still most times to watch a movie because frankly, there are things I'd rather be doing. Doesn't make me a bad person. I think if you want to stay married to this person, you need to work out the sexlife or lack thereof situation. I think your sex life is a barometer of your relationship. JMHO. Most couples who have a good sex life seem to roll with the punches with the rest of things that present themselves in life. If your sex life is as bad as it sounds, you need some help. I wish you the best. Please do something for you and it may change your outlook on things.

Grief and any one person's grieving processes take as long as they take. That is, getting to where a person can kind of manage their present and their future is a kind of healing triumph. If the daughter is having trouble, or feeling like she is 'stuck' where doesn't want to be, then it may be a good idea to talk to a counselor. She can work out (with or without a counselor) what her goal is, and how she can get to where she can be supportive of her mother. Try checking out the different grief support groups or grief information sites. The problem of group support in terms of grieving or in terms of how to heal is that they tend to have different goals-- so it's important for her to know what she wants for herself and for her mother before getting too involved. That's also why it may be better to begin with individual counseling. Not everyone sees the goal in this kind of situation as being supportive of the future and future relationships, and being able to feel good again. she can ask her doctor, or people she knows about whether they could recommend someone (or you, basically she doesn't have to just let her fingers do the walking) because if she needs good feedback and has a tumultuous emotional situation to sort out, a counselor is a good place to start P.S. If she's an adolescent, or child then she should specifically find someone who is a specialist with those groups. Also these people are in a better place to know about appropriate support groups.

Your right it's not your kids, it's you. Your kids are old enough and have their own lives. Are you afraid you are betraying your former wife? Betraying her somehow or are you afraid of the true committment? It is you an putting your fiance behind your kids is extremely painful for her. Your spouse should be forever an you are showing her you don't value her or that she is not that important to you. It is important for evey woman to feel values, important and #1 with their partner. I am living the same thing with a man that has told me I need to wait for his to grow up to hava a marriage. As our counselor said when in your head will they ever grow up. Once they are teenagers they need some guidance, structure and rules but when they are adults they are on your own. Instead of reading material I would suggest some coumseling. But it doesn't work if you don't do the work and get honest with yourself. That can be the hardest part. Your kids are grown and have their lives, it's time to move on an live yours. You get a second chance, don't waste it

drcinbd, like Karen, I'm sorry I didn't comment earlier. I wrote comments several times but deleted them because this is a very "hot-button" issue for me. Please do not end this relationship because your children object. If you do, you are abdicating responsibility for your own life to them and that is not healthy. I don't know when we shifted from a society that taught respect for the autonomy of other adults, including parents, to one that expected that life decisions should be made based on the opinions of others, particularly adult children. Before you were a husband or a father, you were most likely a fully-functioning, independent person in your own right. You got an education, built a career, entered into a long, successful marriage and parented five children into independent adulthood. While I suspect you sometimes sought the counsel of others, I doubt you did all of that so successfully by giving others a vote on every decision that you or you and your late wife made. If you end this relationship now, your children will most likely object to the next woman you want to marry, and so on. You will spend the rest of your life without the shared joy of a partner because your children are self-centered and don't want their lives to change in any way. Sadly, life has changed - your wife died and you did not. Have any of the five volunteered to give up their lives to live with you and be your companion for the rest of your life? If they aren't prepared to do that, what right do they have to expect you not to move forward with your life in the way that you choose? Why should you remain alone, because that is what they prefer? How would your remarriage harm them? It isn't like you could or would replace their mother. Employers replace people. Sports teams replace people. Families expand and grow in love because people join and leave them through many different avenues; birth, marriage, adoption, divorce, etc. What happened to loving your parent enough to both want their happiness and respect their autonomy? Please, talk to your love before just ending things. She should have a vote in this, not your children. This is her life, too. From experience, I can tell you that if you marry, there will be unhappy times when your children act on their feelings because you will not be able to shield her or your relationship completely and as their father, you will be hurt. Please remember that however difficult, it is only one part of your life, not the whole. I am married to the man I have loved since I was 17. We've been married for 5 years and in a relationship for 8. We were engaged at 21 but for reasons having nothing to do with our love for one another, he broke things off. He went on to have a very happy 30-year marriage until his wife died after a two-year battle with cancer. He contacted me through Classmates, 9 months after her death, and we built a friendship over months of email correspondence. Eventually, we fell in love again, met in person and began to talk about a future together. There were many challenges and obstacles, but we married 3 years after his late wife's death. My daughters love him and his youngest, while not thrilled, has been accepting and gracious. On the other hand, my husband's oldest daughter was unhappy from the beginning and behaved that way. She estranged herself from her father because she feels that by seeking me out and pursuing a relationship, he disrespected her mother. She has been awful to both of us and blamed me for many things that simply aren't true. I have tried to stay in the background and encouraged my husband to do things with her, without me. Individually and collectively we have tried everything we can think of to make things better. We gave her time and asked only that she be polite when we had to be in the same place. Her dad has spent many hours over the last 7 years listening to her feelings and opinions. He has apologized for his missteps and tried to make amends, but she prefers her version of things. He even agreed to therapy with a therapist of her choosing and went for about 9 months. Despite everything, she is adamant that he should have ended our relationship because she wanted him to and that she is perfectly right to estrange herself from her only living parent because he didn't. But, drcinbd, even with this sadness, we are happy and neither of us has regrets about marrying. Yes, there have been upsets and unhappiness surrounding his daughter's feelings and behavior, but they have not taken away from the joy of having found one another. I was with him this year when his cancer came back and he had to have radiation and chemo. He was my biggest supporter when I struggled to finally finish my degree and then found out (at 60) that I have serious ADHD. Yes, there have been MANY challenges as we worked to build a relationship, but it has been worth it! We are good for each other and to each other, and neither of us regrets our decision to marry, in any way. Yes, there are times when I weary of his daughter's toxicity and wonder why she is so awful to me, but every minute I get to spend with my husband brings me more happiness than all of the misery she has caused, put together. I have never been happier than I am in this marriage, with this man. We will continue to work to reconcile with with his daughter for as long as it takes, but cannot do more. Sorry to be so long-winded. Please do not deprive yourself of the possibility of a joyful and fulfilling marriage with someone who sounds perfect for you. Keep trying with your children, but don't sacrifice two other lives to their selfishness. At 57, you probably have many more years of life ahead. Grab this chance at happiness and hold on tight. Best of luck to you!