Sad that you have to go through this. I agree that if possible, move. Does your occupation make it possible for a transfer? Can you get letters of recommendation from your company and supervisor? With the economy, it would be rough to sell a home, start a new job, and have a whole new life. I wondered if you and your wife can sit down with your FIL and just tell him it has to stop. I doubt it will work as it appears she has been this way for years and he just ignores her. It would effect him though in not seeing the grand children due to her. Another thought is the pastor. I'm sure this would be no surprise to him. Perhaps if he would talk to her about "family", those who make up that group and their responsibilities. She's crossed the line too many times with her bossy selfish ways. She's pushing her family away and is going to lose them I'd change the locks, put up a fence with a lock and a large dog. I'd have my telephone number changed to a non published where no one can get it. I'd make it clear to my employer and whoever I gave it to, it was not to be given out to anyone. I'd even tell my employer my FIL was not to have it as MIL is the problem. If a cell phone, I'd change that too. If I saw her and she started pitching a fit, I'd tell her she's overbearing, sticking her nose in your family's business trying to control everyone and everything. NO MORE and walk away. If after time she has given it some serious thought and making an effort, I might allow a visit but nothing else. The only other alternative is tie her hands so she can't call, and duct tape her mouth to keep her quiet. Of course you'd get arrested so not really an option. Good Luck. I just couldn't live that way. Lynn

Ok...well I thought I would give my thoughts...you are so right...there is no reason for jealousy because how could any parent not want the grandparents to love their child... But here is where the reptile...a snake in this case spits venom....when a DIL sees that her children may lean more favorable to their husbands mother...that is a no-no.....in my case, I am the more fun grandmother...my grandchildren gravitate to me when around both grandparents.... My DIL hates it and likely me as well...and for this reason...she just backed off in our lives...our son basically goes with her flow...so we are grandparents with a lot of love to give but only when we initiate a time with them....my son only comes over with his family on a holiday or a meal is involved...but I have had some foot issues in the last couple of years...not as active...and just had surg. To correct these issues...no visit...DIL or son has not gone out for a card for the kids to send...nothing ever nevrr... This got worse when DIL's mother left her husband and moved to the area...she used me for years as a babysitter...hated to see any attention her children gave me or me to them...she did not seem that interested in her own grandmother...so maybe that was the telltale sign of who she is.. While it takes a village, I am no village idiot...I know when I am being rejected....now my other DIL is expecting and I can tell it will be the same way...she knows how close my grandchildren were to me...she has a mother..she will protect her mothers best interest...I have decided to just let it be.... I am not going to put myself out there for anymore hurt...life is too short...and I am dealing with other issues in my own home to worry about someone elses....she is the most controlling person I have ever seen...she is even trying to control what people buy the baby for the baby shower tomorrow...which thankfully I am not attending.. I refuse to show up in a boit cast and crutches only 3 wks from surgery for this woman...its not the babys day yet...its still hers...I bought some great gifts for the baby, but was told that she told her own mother if she did not get the right item, she would take it back... I even hesitate to give these items to her....for fear it will not be to her liking....never mind they are very nice items....this is just what my sons went out into the world and married...the total opposite of their mother....

I have wonderful memories of my Grandmother. Unfortunately, I came along fairly late in life and didn't know the others. You know what I remember? The time she spent with me. I use to spend the night with her and we'd play cards for hours. she didn't have much money and lived with her friend in the upstairs of her home. It was a small upstairs and just right for the two of us. I'm getting warm all over just remembering :-) I have a son that hasn't had the benefits of good Grandparenting and I feel bad for him. His step Grandma is so busy volunteering and doing good stuff for others that all the Grandkids seem unimportant. Her and my Dad have never even had him spend the night and he's 18 now. Too old to care. My husbands side was even worse. From the day he was born they made it clear they were never going to babysit and they didn't. They never built a relationship either. I don't know if your retired or still working, but how special it would be to make time for them during summer vacation or other holidays and spend special time with you. I know when our son was little the pool at the hotel was the greatest entertainment, and it didn't have to be fancy. A walk, an ice cream, etc all willl make memories for that child to hold for the rest of their lives, and it will make them both feel real special. Perhaps you could even be a catalist for the relationship between the grandkids if they don't get to see each other much. I don't have years of wisdom to pass on, just some stuff I appreciated and treasure and regret in the life of my son and his cousins. How wonderful that you cared enough to ask on this forum. I bet your going to be wonderful Grandparents!

I have not read all the responses, but can I offer you this? My mom tends to buy my kids tons of junk that ends up all over my house. Sure my kids love it and after a day the novelty fades and it ends up in a bin somewhere or even vacuumed up if it's little. She does NOT respect my wishes when I ask her not to do this and she does it drives me insane. Here are some things I can never get enough of for my children: Books. My children love them, I love reading them. My mother never read to us as children. My dear grandmother did, and I have wonderful memories of her reading all sorts of stories to me. One of my earliest memories is sitting on her lap hearing the story of Hansel and Gretel. One of my most prized possessions is a Mother Goose book, inside my grandmother wrote a little note to me on the day I was born. I will cherish it always. Buy your grandchildren books, and read the wonderful stories to them. Inscribe them, because one day those words you write to those children will be priceless.