Wow Sylvia. You just never know what a day can bring. So wonderful that the other family included Ryans name to the memorial. It does affect so many people and that we all hope and pray that because of this that their deaths would not have been in vain. Yesterday I was preaching to my oldest, Sean just before he took off for the day to be careful himself. Yesterday on my way to take Nathan to my Moms for swimming I was sitting at a red light. As it changed to green I saw another two cars brakes locked coming to a stop to the right of me. I hadn't started accelerating yet but in disbeleif watched as this landscape truck blew through the red! He had tried because his brakes were smoking but he kept going. Thank the Lord we were not going. You just never know. We all need to be prepared. Made me think. (((((((HUGS))))))) Love, Jules

Sherrmann, I'm just reading between the lines, but it sounds to me like you would like to have a gathering of some kind. I will throw a few ideas out here for you to consider. Mind you this is not good old home cooking but it gets the job done, and everyone likes to eat and visit after funerals and such. Subway Sandwiches makes 6' subs, any way you like them. You pick the meat and cheeses that you want on them, the lettuce, tomato and other vegetables are on a platter on the side. They provide the condiments too. They will slice them for you and they are supposed to feed 20-25 people. Included is some plastic ware and napkins. They also have cookies that you can purchase. Our local subway charges 65.94 for the above. The cookies are extra. You should call the day before to order. You may also consider buying some pizzas. If you have a Little Caesars near you they have large pepperoni pizzas for $5.00. I don't know how many servings per pie, but you could probably figure it out pretty close to what you'd need. And you should probably call ahead, so there would be enough already prepared. Depending on the time of year you could go to a park, or maybe be able to use the towns community hall, for a small fee. So it can be done much cheaper than the $750-$1200 you would pay at a restaurant. It would just be fast food, but it doesn't hurt on occasion. Oh, and I don't have any interest in either of these places, I've just had to get together lots of food in a short amount of time! We had two 6' subs for my grandsons BD/DD's surprise engagement party and they fed well over 50 people. We also had potato salad, chips, drinks and cake. It was held at a local park that had large shelter houses. No cost, just had to reserve it in advance. I have been where you are. Peace. Di

I wonder why you are more upset that your mother has rejected you than your son has. You haven't seen or heard from your oldest son in 20 years, and yet seem quite at peace with that. However you got to that place of peace with your oldest son, I think that's what you should do with your mother until you can say about her like you do your oldest, "She's my mother no matter what, and I love her even if I don't see or hear from her." And then move on with your life. It seems you have several primary relationships in your life that aren't functioning well. Have you ever tried counselling? I agree with those posters who say you should have gone to the funeral. You didn't need to bring your dog, your husband was there. And when she had surgery that would have been a good opportunity for you to try to repair the relationship. It didn't seem like an unreasonable request. After forty years of adulthood, I would hope you would have resolved some of the issues you have with her independently of her. I'm sorry you are so hurt by her that you can hardly think or breath. That's a lot of hurt. And I'm kind of puzzled by how cavalierly you've written off your son. Not enough information about what's up with him; but the thought crossed my mind that you did with your son similar to what your mom did with you; she is estranged from her daughter, and you are estranged from your son.

Thank you again for your kind thoughts. I have talked to Shane's father, he appreciated that I had called his mother. I was the only one from my side of the family that has contacted with them and I had to join facebook to find them. I had Shane's phone number but the police had his cell for awhile.