Great to see your name on a post! Don't be a stranger. Now that you've got high speed access you can zip right through these forums.

Boy, do I know what you're going thru. I have two children to a previous marriage, my first husband was killed. I remarried a few years later to a wonderful man that loves my two kids, and three years ago, we had a child of our own. Our daughter was born with Down Syndrome. She is beautiful and healthy. My husbands parents didn't react so well when they found our she was downs. They treated her like a sick child, they told people she had "a touch of Down Syndrome". Well, to make a long story short, we told them that we didn't want her treated differently than the other gkids. She is healthy and wonderful, and she need to be treated that way. They were angry and didn't speak to us for 8 mos. That was almost two years ago, and still to this day Alison isn't attached to her grandparents. We visit pretty often, but it is almost like they missed the bonding time when she was a baby and Alison knows it. I really hope that your mother realizes that building loving relationships with her family is too important to throw away on a stupid power struggle. If not, she will miss out on so much that can never be returned to her. I understand your frustration, but you can't make her resolve these differences. She made this decision to be angry, and she has to make the decision to get glad! You need to not be so hard on yourself. She's a grown woman with a mind of her own. Maybe you both just need a little distance right now.

Looking past any danger that may have been involved, this story warmed my heart, made me chuckle, and brought back warm fuzzy memories. He was 10; he wanted to see his grandparents, and he even took a baby sister along. I think his heart is filled with love. I also wondered if Mom and Dad were gone from the house and that's why he took the baby with him. All of my nephews and nieces were driving old trucks around the farm when they were 10, but with adults, or teens, in the truck, too. I "drove" the fields and lumber roads when I was 12, but not alone of course. The "dwarf who forgot driver's license" made me roar. The kid may grow up to be a journalist. I hope the parents aren't too hard on him.

You are doing the hardest work possible in parenting someone else's child and there really is very little reward except the fact that you know you are doing the right thing. You really are an amazing woman. I would suggest the you restrain yourself from sinking to level of the bio-mom. Nothing you say will ever make a difference in what that woman does. It is only fruitful ground for further power struggles. Standing firm by your convictions and being the best role model possible for your step-son is what WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE in his life. May not matter in the short-run but IT WILL in the long run. It seems you and your husband have very different parenting styles. Not that yours is wrong or his is wrong but they are simply different. Both styles are noble. But when there isn't support for both style, it is very difficult to manage. There are other ways to discipline a child who is acting out -- and your stepson is beginning to act out. He will continue and it very well could get worse until he gets someone's attention. I imagine that child has probably seen many forms of abuse and when children see adults being abusive what else could you expect but for them to mirror the behavior. It is a very unhealthy cycle. He needs LOVING discipline in the worst way. He needs to learn in a CARING WAY that there are consequences for his behavior. It sounds like you really care deeply about your husband AND his son and because of that I would definitely suggest counseling. Couples counseling for you and your husband and therapy for the son as well. Your stepson probably has tons of anger and hurt due to the neglect of the bio-Mom and he needs to learn how to cope with it and heal from it. If the two of you cannot find SOME middle ground on the parenting issues, then you may need consider making a healthier change. I might also suggest a series of short holidays every-so-often (somehow, someway) with JUST you and your husband so that you can have some alone time and spend time reconnecting and loving. This will ADD value to you as a couple and to you as a parent. It will benefit the child to see caring relationships and how they take care of one another's needs. Take special care.