I know there is a lot more to the story than you could possibly ever tell us and that sometimes you have to be there to actually understand. I just tried to look at what you were saying and tried to offer help. When I said about them going to court and taking the kids~I meant to also add that they could also just come and get them. Going to court was of course the extreme. It does make the situation a little different when I know they had you take them so they wouldn't totally loose them. Most people in they're situation would be in denial of a problem and keep the kids until the state did step in and even then they're in denial. It is good that they realize to some extent that there is a problem. What happened with your DIL that she is the way she is? Did her mother do the same as she's doing with her kids and that's why she never learned things? Or is it that she had a problem that they didn't accept was there and this is the end result? Most of the examples of things that she couldn't do are simple things that can very easily be learned, as you said. I guess it makes you realize just how lucky we are. We take advantage of being able to every day little tasks that are VERY hard for others. After reading your last reply I have a different out look with your situation. I can see that your son isn't really trying to be selfish. He made a few mistakes (like getting her pregnant this time) but he has to really love her to deal with all of this. I guess from what I read previously I just thought he thought it was easier this way and didn't care if he had the kids or not. Does he call and come see them and does your DIL also? I would think this has to be hard on them, too. Has anyone tried to contact your DIL's parents? Maybe just to ask them what her history was and so on. I thought it sounded like she just disowned them but why? Like if the sexual abuse story was all made up, what was the reasoning behind that? (Just went back and reread and I saw about her mother calling SS when the daughter got outside while the mother was asleep. I can understand why she called SS~the child was in danger. I wish my MIL had the guts to do that to SIL and BIL. The kids about 2 years ago~they were 4 and 2~packed a bag and decided, well Eric decided, to go get Mommy at work. They were outside in t-shirts and diapers and/or underwear in the middle of winter! Meanwhile they're father was in the house sleeping away. They were too cheap to send the kids to a sitter so BIL worked 11-7 and then had to stay up with the kids until his wife got home around 3pm. The kids were forced to nap or stay in they're rooms most of the day while he would sleep! They got out twice! They happened to live across from the school and one of the teachers saw these two and took them inside and called the police. BIL just happened to think he better call the police and report them missing. Later that day they were laughing about the whole thing!!!) Her past may be of great help for you guys now to deal with all this. Did she come from a very loving home? Would all the attention and love and support be something that could help her greatly? I know you said she would make things hard if she came to live with you but would the outcome be better for her and your son and their kids? Would it be any harder than it could be to care for 3 kids until they are adults? I don't know if I am any help. I guess talking about it and getting this out helps a little more than anything. Taking it one day at a time will help also. You can't really worry about what will happen when the baby comes until that day comes. I'm sure you'll do alright no matter what happens. It truly does sound like your grandson is doing much better with you and you're teaching him so much. I hope you're enjoying this time. It also is great to know you took in Caroline because she's not really your biological grandchild and many people are different with step grands. Maybe you can help her out before it's too late, also. Many of the "problems" that you have with her may just be because of her age. It's that pre-teen age and you think you know it all. Also I don't know if you had daughters but some people will say they are harder at this age and if your other children were boys, that will make it harder for you. It's certainly going to be different. Also, she's older and had more influence from her mother and others in her life. It also sounded like she had to take care of herself a lot of the time and maybe she thinks she doesn't need help now? Plus she probably wasn't used to having rules or someone at least making sure she stuck by them. Zachery was pretty small and young when you got him so he's learning most of his stuff from you. YOu and your husband will be in most of his memories as a child and you'll have a great effect on who he becomes. I just greatly admire you for what you have taken on. Good luck with the future!

First of all, let me say that I agree that grandparents should get to spoil their grandkids. But you have got to be kidding me!! Your parenting decisions are "interfering with her 'fun' relationship with her grandchildren??" Sounds to me that the only way your mother thinks she can prove herself to be "fun" to her grandkids is by allowing them to break all of the rules. That's not showing that you are fun, that is showing a complete lack of respect (for you and your wife). "Mother says that my wife is a control freak that wants to control all aspects of her relationship with her grandchildren." Please please please, stick up for your wife here. Stress that these are decisions you have BOTH made. Don't let your wife take the heat solo. [This point coupled with the prior one seems to indicate that your mother has issues with your wife. Perhaps the kids really aren't the issue here. . . ] "My father says that he will NOT have his relationship with his grandson compromised by our rules. He wants to raise his grandchild on HIS terms." Funny, I thought your folks had raised his kids already?? YOU are raising your kids, not him. I would tell him that IF he wants to have ANY relationship with the GKs, he WILL abide by your rules. Now I know I sound like a big meanie, so let me clarify. I do not think it is unreasonable for grandparents to spoil their grandkids. An occasional late night or crappy dinner is clearly not out of line. But the situation you described is far different. This sounds like a classic power struggle, which is entirely different. If your parents are going to repeatedly and often ignore your rules then I would make it clear that visits will be limited and/or supervised. Further, if their attitudes that they have just as must say as you do about your children, then an attitude adjustment is required. Period. And, last but not least, stick up for your wife!!!

Re the question about pit bulls and rottweilers: Watch Animal Cops and Animal Precinct on the Animal Planet channel. The majority of dogs taken in because of owners not being to handle them are pits, with rotties second. The majority of dogs that the SPCAs on those shows have to euthanize are again, pits and rotties. Someone may be able to mention a collie or beagle that turned vicious and attacked, but it would be extremely unusual. Pit bull breeding is out of control - these dogs are sought for their aggressive behavior. I don't know if the same is true for rottweilers, but you couldn't pay me to have this breed around children or the elderly for any reason. Dogs are by nature aggressive and territorial. No amount of training can get rid of this instinct. It may never appear in overt behavior, but it's always there. I would never bring my children to a home with untrustworthy dogs, not even that of my parents. I would also not leave an older child alone with a dog unless that child had proven that he was the alpha creature in that relationship and was used to handling the dog. Here in California pit bulls have made virtually all the attacks reported over the past several years. That is, with the exception of the two presa canarios who killed a thirty-year old woman in San Francisco a few years ago.

Sad that you have to go through this. I agree that if possible, move. Does your occupation make it possible for a transfer? Can you get letters of recommendation from your company and supervisor? With the economy, it would be rough to sell a home, start a new job, and have a whole new life. I wondered if you and your wife can sit down with your FIL and just tell him it has to stop. I doubt it will work as it appears she has been this way for years and he just ignores her. It would effect him though in not seeing the grand children due to her. Another thought is the pastor. I'm sure this would be no surprise to him. Perhaps if he would talk to her about "family", those who make up that group and their responsibilities. She's crossed the line too many times with her bossy selfish ways. She's pushing her family away and is going to lose them I'd change the locks, put up a fence with a lock and a large dog. I'd have my telephone number changed to a non published where no one can get it. I'd make it clear to my employer and whoever I gave it to, it was not to be given out to anyone. I'd even tell my employer my FIL was not to have it as MIL is the problem. If a cell phone, I'd change that too. If I saw her and she started pitching a fit, I'd tell her she's overbearing, sticking her nose in your family's business trying to control everyone and everything. NO MORE and walk away. If after time she has given it some serious thought and making an effort, I might allow a visit but nothing else. The only other alternative is tie her hands so she can't call, and duct tape her mouth to keep her quiet. Of course you'd get arrested so not really an option. Good Luck. I just couldn't live that way. Lynn