Grandparents Won't Respect Our Rules
tlescak
21 years ago
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aileen
21 years agolindac
21 years agoRelated Discussions
Grandparents' Dogs!
Comments (21)Re the question about pit bulls and rottweilers: Watch Animal Cops and Animal Precinct on the Animal Planet channel. The majority of dogs taken in because of owners not being to handle them are pits, with rotties second. The majority of dogs that the SPCAs on those shows have to euthanize are again, pits and rotties. Someone may be able to mention a collie or beagle that turned vicious and attacked, but it would be extremely unusual. Pit bull breeding is out of control - these dogs are sought for their aggressive behavior. I don't know if the same is true for rottweilers, but you couldn't pay me to have this breed around children or the elderly for any reason. Dogs are by nature aggressive and territorial. No amount of training can get rid of this instinct. It may never appear in overt behavior, but it's always there. I would never bring my children to a home with untrustworthy dogs, not even that of my parents. I would also not leave an older child alone with a dog unless that child had proven that he was the alpha creature in that relationship and was used to handling the dog. Here in California pit bulls have made virtually all the attacks reported over the past several years. That is, with the exception of the two presa canarios who killed a thirty-year old woman in San Francisco a few years ago....See MoreHelp, GrandParents! Am I wrong as a Parent?
Comments (4)My children are older now, not babies or children, but I had the same ideas as you when they were little - limited tv, limits on sugary snacks and sweet drinks, breast feeding, etc. And, like you, my mom laughed or ignored some of them. Fast forward 20 years later, my mom appreciates the way I raised my children and she understands now why I made the choices I did. I am very, very glad I had the rules I did when my kids were young - I was right and I'm glad I held my ground. None of your choices sound extreme to me - limiting sugary snacks, limiting t.v., wanting a schedule and more time just the 3 of you, no trip to the beach at 4 months old - those are all reasonable choices. Cheri is right, your parenting ideas will change as your daughter grows. And she is right, your parents have things to contribute as grandparents. But that doesn't mean that you have to raise your children according to your parents' priorities and wishes. However, keep in mind a few things - whenever you talk about the way you want to raise your kids differently - many grandparents would see that as a criticism of how they raised you, their own child. Before you phrase things, think about how they might come across to your parents as implying that their methods were lacking. Also, be sure and make it a point to mention to your parents what they did right. My mom and I have different ideas about television, putting coke in baby bottles, etc., but my mom is also the person who taught me that when things look hopeless you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and work as hard as you can to change things. That is a gift she gave me infinitely more precious than riches or even education. Be sure and tell your parents what things they taught you that you will pass on to your children. Another suggestion that worked for us is that I told my mom that my husband wanted those rules. My mom simply ignored my rules if they were my rules, but she thinks my husband hung the moon and should have whatever he wants, so she (sometimes) listened if she thought it was my husband's wish. She did whatever she dang well pleased if it was just something I wanted. If my mom was particularly stubborn, my husband told her himself that he wanted it that way. Another thing that works well (with grandparents and babies) is to redirect. If your mom wants to take the baby somewhere, tell her no, now is not a good time, but this weekend would be great, how about then. Or if she wants to give the baby icing, tell her no, but baby loves sweet potatoes, why don't you give her that. Grandparents love to see "firsts" - first bite of chocolate, first time at the beach. Tell your parents, no, you can't take her to the beach this year, but when she's 2 you can take her and be there for her first time. You are being more than reasonable to limit tv, unhealthy snacks, limit visits to less frequently than daily or every other day, and set the expectation of higher education for your children early. Your mother is right, your daughter will express preferences of her own one day in education, food, hobbies, etc. That is still no reason not to set your standards high. If you are raising your daughter significantly different than the way you were raised, it will take years for your parents to change their minds. But when they see your daughter as a teenager, healthy and maintaining a healthy weight, doing well in school, winning awards and doing whatever extracurriculars (sports, violin, girl scouts, dance, whatever rings her bell), trust me, your parents will tell you you did your job well. I want to address something else cheri mentioned - her daughter's desire to use organic food, use cloth diapers, read to her children daily (I heartily endorse the part about reading to your children daily, by the way). The drive to be the best mom she could possibly be was strong in cheri's daughter, and even if her daughter changed her ways, she still probably has a strong drive to do her best. That drive should be honored, respected, and as much as reasonable should be indulged by grandparents. The realities of life will knock some practicality into the heads of young parents - let them have their dreams and give it their best shot. When my oldest was a baby my mother-in-law told me this, "In every young mother's life there comes a time when she has to look at her mother and say, 'Mother, you raised your kids the way you wanted, now it's my turn to raise my kids the way I want'." Be loving, be kind, include and affirm the grandparents, and let the grandparents have their way when it isn't important to you. But stand your ground with kindness on the things that matter. Everything you're asking for is reasonable and healthy for your child....See Morehelp with step son won't eat healthy
Comments (14)Ceph hit the nail on the head! If u only offer him healthy, and he refuses to eat, then so be it. Eventually he will get hungry enough and eat something. That's really the best you can do! I have done this with all of my three kids (2 bio and 1 Step) and believe me if they are really hungry they will eat. Thats not to say don't give choices, but they need to be healthy choices only. U can't control what is goin on at BMs or GMas so don't stress over it anymore... you can only control what happens at your house. Also, something you might find helpful as far as tv, computer and video games go- at my house you have to earn those treats, now my kids are physically active, but not all that big on taking time out to read, work on math or anything school work related- My kids can earn tv or computer or video game time by reading, extra practice on school work etc... I give 30 minutes of "fun time" for 30 minutes of "school work time" I suggest you try giving him 30 minutes of "fun time" for 30 minutes of physical activity, this could just mean going for a walk, kicking the ball around....... It really does work, but you have to NEVER GIVE IN..I am thinking that is part of this boys problem, he pouts or cries to go to the other parent to get his way...stick to your rules AND DONT CAVE OR BEND....he will probably be miserable and cry at first BUT once he realizes your not going to send him home, or give in he will start to do what he needs to do.... I would also have dad sit down with mom and give her the 411 on what you all are doing, she may be supportive or may not, but wither way it gives her a heads up, so she knows what to expect when SS comes home complaining..good luck! you all can do this, even if it is only every other weekend, It will make an impression... Also, maybe dad and SS could take up a sport together? I bet SS would be glad to have some time alone with dad, even if it is just for a walk............See MoreDecorative Gun Case - DH Won't Lock Up Guns!!
Comments (43)One more comment. Many gun death accidents happen with *unloaded guns* So even keeping ammo in a separate location from the gun in not foolproof, because all it takes is for one time to *think* the gun is not loaded when it is. My Dad was a gunsmith growing up. We were taught all the gun safety. On the way back from a Utah deer hunting trip (from So CA) all five of us kids in the back of the van and my parents up front. My oldest brother was carrying in one rifle into the house and blew a hole in the living room ceiling through the roof with the *unloaded* rifle that had traveled home from Utah to So CA in the back of the van. Another incident. Guns were locked up. My twin brothers were crazy anyways as in always doing stuff they shouldn't. One time after school I remember seeing my brothers in the utility room Showing one of their friends some handguns or one handgun. They were handling it. I think they were talking about shooting it in the backyard (can't remember exactly) but I was SCARED. All us kids KNEW not to touch or break into the guns. Period. It was drilled into us. Ummmm teens (boys or girls) have hormones raging through them, curiousity.. they Cannot see the danger as they have immature brains. That is all there is to it! Lets see .. one boy in our neighborhood lost his eye to a BB gun. ANY way to rationalize it and try to make a clear argument there is no excuse for locking away guns. I KNOW it defeats the purpose to have a gun for personal protection if you can't reach it quickly AND it be loaded .. but there is no easy answer! Thought I would share my stories...See Moreaileen
21 years agotlescak
21 years agoPaula_W
21 years agosarah_socal
21 years agosarah_socal
21 years agomississaugamom
21 years agomariend
21 years ago
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