Uninterested Grandparents
Jensor04
18 years ago
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daisyinga
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoelisa_z5
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
A cry for Help for my Bird of Paradise (Pics)
Comments (29)Toni: Luke is just a 'mutt', as they say. The best guess is part border collie and part blue-tick hound. We adopted him about 3 years ago from the elderly neighbor lady. She'd been walking him and fell and was hurt. She asked us to just watch him for awhile, but my then 8 y.o. DD really fell for him, and we ended up keeping him (her adult kids advised her to give him up, and she obliged.) It has worked out nicely, as she still gets to visit him, and occasionally he'll wander over there (we live in the country) and she'll have him spend the night....lol...funny! He was probably at least 2-3 years old when we got him, so he'd be 5 or 6 now, but still has a lot of 'puppy' left in him. He weighs about 75 pounds, so not exactly a 'lap dog'! It has been made clear to Luke that he is NOT the alpha-dog...and we humans aren't the ones who clarified the point, if you know what I mean! Harley (the 11 y.o. small dog)tries hard to keep up with Luke..it keeps him 'spry'! Our dogs chew on grass outdoors, but they have never bothered any of the indoor plants in that way - Harley will occasionally bury a treat in a large potted plant (grr) but that's the only way they've ever really bothered my plants. The cats chewed the ends of the leaves of my Beaucarnea but never any other plants. Maybe the dogs just know better than to mess w/Mama's plants?! (I like to think so)(Ã) jasdip...I'm still thinking 'previous cold-damage', but just my opinion....keep us posted!...See MoreUninterested Grandparents
Comments (19)Iarsk, I hope you can manage to not take this personally. It is true, some people are just not interested in children. I'm one of them. We had 5 children in a less than 4 year span. For 20 years our life was completely devoted to them, the farm, the family. Truth is, we're just plain tired and want to do things ourselves now. Yes, we see all the 6 (so far) grandchildren. But we both breathe a sigh of relief when they are gone, and usually just fall into bed. I'm not much of a 'hands-on' grandma. I don't want to babysit, I don't offer advise, (but will give my best guess when asked.) Well, 2 of the grandchildren are just tiny, not old enough to 'play' with yet. The other 4 are like whirling dirvishes, never slow down for a moment. Their mother doesn't seem to mind that, but it's hard on us. I doubt your parents, neither dad nor his wife, are trying to be hurtful. Not all of us are meant to be caregivers for our entire lifespans. Some of us do the very best we can with utter attention and devotion to raise our own families, then we feel like we're done, and want to move on to other things in life. Just enjoy your babies. Appreciate every age and every stage. Maybe some day you, too, will want to be more removed from childrearing. You never know. j...See MoreAn offer he can't refuse?
Comments (16)You all are so right, thank you for the advice, especially the cash offer. Yes I was thinking of waving thousands in front of his face (by selling my car and buying another one) just to get him to go, because money and drugs is all that matters to this man. He cares nothing for his parents, him self, and above all, his daughter. She has been a burden on him since day 1. However, after reading these posts, I see what you mean, he may take it as a payoff, which could backfire on me. Maui: I do NOT have full legal custody. In our decree it states I have "sole physical custody", meaning, DD will always LIVE with me in MY home. Then it states "joint legal custody", which goes onto state that the father will have a 50/50 say in her health care (even tho it states he will never, ever have to pay for ANY medical treatments or insurance coverage), her schooling (even tho it states he will never have to help with school fees) and "general upbringing". I do not want to keep DD from her paternal grandparents. I have VERY fond memories of MY paternal grandparents... my father was "there" but completely, totally uninterested in me (he still is and doesn't like us coming around). My dad's parents were my best friends... much like DD's paternal g-parents. I would never dream of denying her a love like that. Tami ... I cannot qualify for public assistance, no way in lleh!!! I make over $40k a year (NO college degree... just tenacity, ambition, and I LOVE TO WORK!), I own my own home, etc. To give all that up just to do this, would be ludicrous. Trust me I have thought about what it would be like to STOOP to his level; to not wanna work, to live either with my parents or in some crappy subsidized housing somewhere, and the thought makes me ill. DD and I have a great life and a very nice home, and when I accepted WIC for the first year of her life (I had to... her father moved out and I was left with a SLEW of his bills, and to keep my credit A+, I had to pay them so it left me kinda broke) I felt awful when I cashed in those vouchers. This is terrible but when I'd use those WIC vouchers, I would get trashy looks from the gals at the grocery. I was not some welfare-mom who was toting 9 kids and didn't know what birth control was, yet I got the looks. When my salary rose up and WIC was cancelled, I was relieved. Talley Sue (thanks for your long response btw): You aren't the first to call me "dense and worried" over this. I swear when he tried to take her last year it was the worst weekend of my life. I spent two days vomiting I was so upset over what "almost" happened. I KNOW I just need to do what I can do, meaning, keep up on the Child Support summons, and make sure his parents are "watching him", even tho they said they won't interfere with his "problems" any more... but I cannot help but to be worried. He doesn't have the stability to follow through on the idea of removing my custody or "legally" removing DD from me... but his parents are SO behind him and think I'm the anti-christ for keeping tabs on him. They used to really respect me and his mother was very friendly, but since his release from prison in October (during this free time he managed to knock up his second wife, who is a 20 year old girl with two kids by two different fathers...), they have been at odds with me. I pray every night that he does himself in. I know that is bad, to wish that upon someone, but I'd rather it be him then my DD or his parents or someone else. He is the one who deserves to worry and suffer... not DD or anyone else. Yer right Talley Sue, he will always be around, I fear. I know he wants to leave KY and he wants his 'freedom' away from everyone here who has 'harmed' him, but he cannot make it in this world without his mother's support. At least DD and I are very close. I make sure of that. Among all the disciplining and rules I set in my house, we have a very strong love and she listens to me like you'd not believe. I hope in time she will see just what her father is... do you think she WILL? As a teenager, or as an adult? Or even when she gets into grade school??? - darkeyedgirl...See MoreIs formal dining room dead?
Comments (150)Well this thread has almost reached its end. I think that dianalo and lax have so many good points. Lots of others also but I can't go back again and make note of all of them. For the most part the parents are trying so hard and are doing the best they know how. I don't know how anyone can ask or want more. I made a point of saying we ate dinner together every night. We did. And that it didn't matter where you ate together ...in a tent or where ever. We talked and laughed and cried and sometimes I yelled and stormed at the kids too. It was not all perfect and rose colored. My DH and I did the best we knew how given the patterns we grew up with .I think we did a great job. Our kids are well into adult-hood now. They have a range of behaviors that are full spectrum from in/out of jail and mental illness to productive well-adjusted employed to alcoholic to sweetest and kindest to most self-centered impossible out of control anger...this is the same person...all in this one family...it is also parts of the other 2 children. We all ate at the same table and loved and learned together. All of the children have told us in recent weeks how much we mean to them and how much they love us...while one or another was exhibiting the above behaviors in the past months . As parents there is simply no job that is harder or more heartbreaking or more rewarding. Most of us try to do our best. We ate together and I am the first to admit that sometimes we would have been better off being in separate rooms. So be it. We did the best we could and the kids know this. I know this...I still feel guilty every day for the times that I made big mistakes. I am trying to let that guilt go. But when the phone rings in the middle of the night...it all comes back. This started as a conversation about the DR. Yes we have had one since 1979. Has it made a difference in my life or DH's or our children's ? No. Has the time we have spent with them reading stories in their room ? Yes...more than any other time ever ever spent they still all talk about the books that we read them. Time spent and the love generated in that time... still none of it is a guarantee . c...See MoreSketcher25
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoSketcher25
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoSketcher25
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