My Beloved passed on Jan. 31

country_sunshine

It has been the single most horrific circumstance I have ever experienced. Oh, I realize he was 82 years old and had lived a full life and all those things everyone says.. and yes, I know he is "in a better place"... It has been a scant 11 days and I have become numb from the agony of my loss. How do you move forward? I have a wonderful church family that is tremendously supportive and I have Christ by my side.... but the pain is still so unbearable..

In the midst of life with lots of friends around, I still feel so lonely... how can I move foreward??? How??

Carolyn

SaveComment5Like
Comments (5)
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
sylviatexas1

Hi, Carolyn, it's me sylviatexas from TMH.

I'm so sorry.

This forum is a wonderful place that has a lot of love & compassion & experience, & I'm sure you'll get priceless insights.

One thing that I've learned, over & over, is that one of the first things we experience after a loss is a sense of being at sea, not recognizing familiar landmarks, a feeling that somehow *we've* changed & therefore everything else has changed.

& I think that makes sense.

You were married for many many years, & you lived & breathed as part of a partnership, a critter with 2 pairs of legs, yours & his.

Now you're walking on only your own 2 legs, which is a very large adjustment in itself, & you're doing it at a time when you're grief-stricken & hurting.

It's wonderful that you have the support you have, but it can't make everything "right" all at once;
nothing can do that, only time will ease the blinding nature of the hurt.

I think one of the best things to do emotionally is to get down on your knees & give thanks that you had such a loving partner & that you got to keep him so long.

One of the best things to do physically is to move;
walk, jog, hike, ride a bicycle, exercise with a video if you can't get out to exercise with a live class (the more things you can do with other people, the better).

Do things, keep busy, share yourself & your caring & your wisdom with everybody you can.

The *best* thing I can think of is to remind yourself that you are in a way more than yourself;
you're the self that grew out of your union with your dear husband.

In that respect, you hold a little piece of him here on this earth, a little piece of goodness that you can share with others.

I wish you the very best.

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
country_sunshine

Thank you. I am pretty okay during the day, when I can go outside and am active, but once the sun goes down, I feel like the world is closing in on me and it is quiet and it washes all over me again. That is when I get sometimes hysterical almost from the pain of not having Bob with me any longer.
Someone told me that once we have the Memorial Homegoing Celebration of Bob's life on Monday evening, then that will be just a little bit of closure for me and from then it will get easier.... but it will take time, lots of time...

My dearest friend told me last night that she knows that God has big plans for me and so I might ought to look forward to serving Him and making Bob proud. And that it is okay to talk to Bob too...

Hugs,
Carolyn

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
sylviatexas1

holding you in my thoughts always, & especially so today.

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
nana2010_gw

I'm sorry for your loss. My husband died just over a year ago so I know what you are going through. It is okay to talk to your husband. I found it helpful to write to my husband as well. People seem to think you should be glad for all the time you had together, and you should, but that doesn't make the loss any easier.
Thinking of during this difficult time.

Save    
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
country_sunshine

It's really hard, but I have a wonderful support system with our church family and friends, so that helps a lot. I don't think the pain will ever go away completely, but I look forward to the time when I can join him in the presence of the Lord. Knowing that is what he is up to now, well how can I stay sad all the time... just when I am selfish and want him back here with me. But soon we will be together ... soon.

Carolyn

Save    
Browse Gardening and Landscaping Stories on Houzz See all Stories
Fun Houzz 31 True Tales of Remodeling Gone Wild
Drugs, sex, excess — the home design industry is rife with stories that will blow your mind, or at least leave you scratching your head
Full Story
Life 'Not My Precious Books!' — Pain-Free Ways to Declutter Your Library
Have your books and neatness too, with these ideas for paring down and straightening up a beloved collection
Full Story
Pets 50 Dog Photos Worth a Wag
Design hounds: Share in the pet love with Houzzers' snapshots of their beloved dogs at home, in the workshop and at play
Full Story
At 2 Navy Lane, we pride ourselves on amazing customer service and beautiful designs. We also offer Professional... Read More
Van Metre Homes is a homegrown builder with a reputation for blending the enduring traditions, quality and value... Read More