I believe that diet has a huge impact on health. Being an RN I have seen this time and time again. My grandmother always has a healthy diet (she actually counts her veggie/fruit/grain/meat/etc servings) She almost never eats out even tho she could, and she never drinks pop or eats junkfood. She is in her 90s and still going strong with no illness, she told me that once she gets her eyes lasered she will be good for another 10 years LOL! She also exercises alot with her walking group. My grandfather smoked unfiltered ciggarettes since he was 14 and did get eventually get emphysema but never got any type of lung cancer. He lived to his later 80s. I really believe that he stayed healthy so long because my grandmother made him eat the way she did, even though he hated veggies lol. Of course she made him smoke outside. I really need to be more like her lol.

Hello organic brice, I was sick over the holiday. My husband called his father (his father never calls him) prior to the holiday. He said he didn't hear from his sister (only when she is needy and wants something). I called my mother prior to the holiday. No contact of any kind with the sisters. His aunt sent him an email (about the weather) and a few pics with the grandchildren (nothing else). He received an email from a cousin (sporadic emails) with a few sentences. Nothing else and nothing different--the status quo as usual. My husband doesn't want to rock-the-boat. They all want to pretend--the status quo is easier than to accept personal responsibility. I don't have the energy to cope and deal with any of them. I no longer care to try because they will never take responsibility. I used to try to make attempts, but this backfired and resulted in anger, rage and hostility. I was an easy scapegoat and the target of their rage, malice and misery. I think my husband okay with this (he says it isn't, but he doesn't talk to them about their unacceptable behaviors). He says, they will not change and they are a lost cause, etc. I find it easier and less emotionally stressful to stay away and avoid contact. It takes more than one person to find a solution and by their actions they have clearly demonstrated that they are unwilling to the invest time and energy into improving relationships. The status quo and pretending is their preferred outcome. A few years ago, my husband's step-mother sent him an email letting him know that she had left his father. He told me that at first he thought it was a joke. He called her and found out otherwise. The problem had been brewing for a long time, but he ignored it. She sent a Thanksgiving card addressed to Mr. & Mrs. with an inside note to him and me. I noticed that his father's name wasn't on the card and his name wasn't on the return address. (She sporadically sent cards to my husband for his B-day and Xmas and signed them from his father and her). She never acknowledged me. Then she sent another card for Xmas and it was basically the same, except this time, on the inside note she wrote my name first, instead of his. She'd never done this before (she'd never communicated to me, as it was always to him), so I took notice. I asked him what's up, and then he told me that two months prior she had left his father. I asked why he never said anything to me, and he made some excuse, saying he thought it wasn't important. To make a long story short, I repeatedly asked him throughout the year, if he was going to contact her (they had each other's emails and phone numbers--she would forward him email jokes) and all of her prior communication was to him. He told me there were a few emails, but really nothing to speak of. He'd made comments about her, which I felt were negative. I think he felt he had to choose sides (this is a consistent and very destructive behavior pattern), or else pay the price and as is typical of his behaviors--he didn't want to deal with it. He always told me his parents were the, "Do as I say, don't do as I do types". They make unreasonable demands and do not care who it hurts or the destruction it creates. I had health issues and surgery, so almost a year later I wrote her myself (I did not tell him). I finally had an opportunity to speak my peace, without his interference or control and she responded. She mainly vented her anger and frustration about his family--his father's manipulation and control and his sister's manipulative behaviors. She said that she had always stood up for me (to all his relatives), something that I never knew and was unaware of. She told me that she didn't want anything to do with their hateful, cruel and malicious existence. (This was his father's 3rd wife). If she told my husband about how she stood up for me, it was information which he never shared. I do know that she was upfront with him and direct about his sister's manipulative conduct. This was something that he did tell me about. I wrote again, but she didn't respond. I let her know that if she wanted to see me alone, I would be willing to do that, but if she wanted to visit with my husband that it was between her and him and I didn't want any involvement period. I told her that I don't want to blamed--my husband can take responsibility for his own behaviors and speak for himself. I want absolutely no part in any of it. Since she didn't respond, I left it at that as I've had too much on my plate to deal with. My MIL is deceased. She died two years ago. She didn't want a relationship with me. I've never written completely about her cruelty--someday I will. It probably would be good for me to let it out. I'm glad that you had a nice visit with your SIL and your husband's ex step-mother.

Lucinda, you have misunderstood what Nicki is saying. The doctor said that there were "pre-cancerous" cells there and they needed removed. So she had the procedure done and the cells were removed. Once they were removed, the doctor discovered that the cells had already turned into full blown cancer. I am so so sorry that you have had to go through this. :( PLEASE make sure that you keep up on your follow up checks. I know its easy to cancel them and wait a bit too long to reschedule, after all, its surely not the funnest thing in the world to do. Seeing this post ripped my heart out. Even though things are bad right now, I seriously can't imagine this world without you in it. I really do love you, even if it doesn't seem like I do. (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

Hi TOS - I'd like to go back to your reply to Dana. You stated that you send your young children into a SM's house who destroyed your family. My heart truly goes out to you because you are really living in a tough situation. My X left me for a much younger woman with no children of her own. This happened in my late 40's and I had been a SAHM with no college degree to fall back on. If I had had to send my young children into their home, I could see myself being extremely bitter about it. It could easily become a battleground for me as I could envision myself hating that my children might establish any good feelings towards this woman and I could also see myself not giving the woman a chance to show any signs of good actions towards my children. In other words, I could see myself as a mother bear protecting (in my own mind at least) my cubs from danger. Having admitted this, however, I believe there might possibly come a time when I might realize that this battle between how I felt about this woman could actually hurt the very children I'm trying so hard to protect. It has to be an extremely bad place for children to find themselves - torn between two parents whom they love - both of whom love them in their own individual ways and possibly through different parenting styles. I think it's wonderful that you have so much love for all children of divorce. You are right - they did not ask to be put into this situation - they are at the mercy of the adults now divided into separate worlds and possibly living with new people. Children, however, have an uncanny ability to adapt into the households where they find themselves living, whether full-time or part-time. Sometimes they don't need as much protection from us as we think they do - especially if our protection includes leading them (consciously or unconsciously) to feel negativity about their BF and/or new SM/GF. Kids are very smart and they tend to figure out for themselves over time whether a person is trustworthy or not. On the other hand, children can also be manipulators who exaggerate the truth in order to play victim with a BM or SF - whichever the case may be. With young children, I found it best to communicate with the BP directly so as not to allow the child/ren to manipulate a given situation. Barring the fact that there are some SMs who totally hate their SKs (which I believe is the minority), I believe it is up to us, as the mothers to these children, to help the children the best we can to assimilate to the new reality that one or both parents have remarried. One of the ways in which we can do this might possibly be to lay down our arsenals of negativity towards the other camp in order to help cultivate cooperation between the households. We can begin to realize that most people, even a woman whom we see as having broken our marriage, isn't a completely bad person - she has some good qualities too. Maybe we can't see them right away or don't even want to see them, but they must be there somewhere. It takes a very mature person to set aside their own feelings of misgivings and unforgiveness to be the first to lay down the arms and I also know it may take years for both adult camps to come to civility - but it can be worth it for the peace and invaluable life lessons our children will gain from our attitudes and behavior. I totally understand that you may not be at this place of laying down your arsenal yet. But I truly hope you will think about it. Your childrens' emotional well-being and relationship with their BF as they grow older may depend on it. It is not my belief that you truly want them to be estranged from their BF in the long-run. We all know that this would not be beneficial to anyone's children. We BMs are tremendously persuasive in helping our children learn to cope with disappointments, resentments, anger, and all of the other negative emotions that will constantly bombard them as they mature into adults. Life is definitely not easy and the sooner we learn to cope with the our own negatives and deal with them in a conciliatory manner, the happier we can be. I pray that all of us here on the message board can learn from one another and continue to grow into the kindest & most loving people possible. Hang in there, TOS, I am here to support you whenever I can. Blessings!