WOW! From the bottom of my heart Thank You Thank You Thank You all! I loved and greatly appreciated the hugs and support, commiseration and encomium. I guess it's true: misery loves company! Although I am so sorry anyone has to feel stress during what should be an exciting, wonderful time. (Guess this applies to both remodeling as well as child-rearing, although it's laughable to think either could be without stress! Thats why two of my favorite parenting books are The B**ch in the House and Mothers Who Think.) You know the way the child of an alcoholic might be reluctant to ever drink for fear of turning into their parent? For me, that's the way I feel about yelling. My mother was mean as spit and her yelling was ugly, personal, belittling and usually segued into hitting. I'm sure this is why my yelling at my children rattled me so. I waited a long time to start my family (I was 34 when I had my first) so that I could go through therapy to ensure I did not turn into my mother. (I think this is common here in the States, not wanting to turn into our parents!) So more than you know, I sincerely, deeply appreciate the comments of telling me I handled it well and that I'm a good mother and haven't scarred my children for life. That's my biggest fear -- I mean, I am terrified of heights, but the fear of hurting my children paralyzes me. Yesterday (day after yelling) my 3.5 year-old and I attended a birthday party, dressed, at his urging (this was not a costume party), as Spiderman and Spidermom. He wanted everyone to know "we're superheroes together!" After we got home, my 19 month-old asked me for a "tickle-cuddle," so I guess they've both forgiven me as well as moved past it. Kids are more resilient than I give them credit for. Phew! hilltophome, I think you are right, that I need to just put the cats in the basement (where we hang out lots so they won't be without human companionship) because their long-term well-being is much more important than their short-term sun-worshiping. And with a wonderful user name like cat_mom, I bet she'll agree! kitchenkelly, thank you for the use of your morgue drawers! Even though I have a foul mouth and talk a big talk, I'm a pacifist, so I'm really hopeful I won't borrow them. But it'll make an excellent threat to the next jerk who crosses my path! (re: my foul mouth: The night of the dirty bathroom, my 3.5 year-old asked his daddy "Why's Dux [his name for me] 'so f***ing angry?'" Ahem.) Francy, thank you both for letting me know you've walked in my shoes as well as saying I handled it well! Coming from you, who has such a sweet presence here on GW, means a lot. raehelen and hilltophome, thank you for reminding me of two of my favorite self-soothers: chocolate and exercise. I really do need to just put the kiddos in the buggy and go out for a walk! Fresh air can do wonders. And if there's a chocolate treat for the three of us to have midway on our walk, all the better. (This is how I know the boys are genetically mine: they both love chocolate. One of my proudest achievements Â.) divamum, thank you for your impeccable list of daily to-dos and reminder of how hard this is supposed to be .... I'd really thought I was prepared after months of reading (hardships) here on GW, but clearly for some of it I was not. Need to renew my prescription for Perfect Pills! (note to self: first discover "Perfect Pills") plllog, thank you for telling me to forgive myself. Sometimes that can be the hardest thing for us to do, no? I remember a few years ago a casual acquaintance and I were chatting about how we never, ever heard our parents apologize to us when they were wrong, and how much it would have meant to us to have heard it. Not just because it would have made us feel appreciated but also because it would have been a great model for us in terms of how to behave. Thank you. And I loved your note about my husband relating to spa day! Now there's a brilliant idea. .... polly929, my hero! I am so sorry about the past two years -- hopefully this leap year will signal the start of something good for you. Bless your heart for working in healthcare (what you must see ...) and having no foul-language filter -- love it! socalthreems, I have loved following your kitchen and I am grateful for your nice note. I am with you on the no-smoking! And thank you for suggesting those ground rules. They are superb and have already (because of your suggestion) been passed on to the GC. Also, thank you for your perfect description of "feel[ing] the steam rising." That's it! But it seems like lots of the parents with whom I casually chat 'round here are either big-time prevaricators or Stepford Mommies; they absolutely deny getting frustrated with their kiddos (or occasionally bored with hanging out with toddlers all day long). That's when I wonder what in the hell must be wrong with me to feel this way? Many thanks to you and Francy for telling me I'm not alone. westsider40, from the bottom of my heart I am so sorry about ez (which could not be more apt a description!). I guess it's just easy for me to chalk it up to cultural differences, but I guess some people are just born that way. One silver lining for me is that living with my ez has made me so much stronger, forceful than I ever thought I could be. Because of dealing with his non-presence in many areas I've found a voice (okay, a yelling voice the other day!). I would rather he step up to bat every so often, but I do like the feeling of the empowerment I've developed while living with him. flyleft and mommycooks, thank you for your generous, unconditional support! Such kindness from people I donÂt even know. You and your notes are what should be in one of those MasterCard "Priceless" commercials! And, flyleft, the insurance with which I'm having trouble is ... United! Imagine that. I am so ticked about this, that medical insurance agencies are for-profit entities, and that now many of them are transferring their call centers off-shore, to minimize what they have to pay (US taxes, US salaries, US health care to their workers, etc.)! I guess I may be one of the stupidest people alive because for the life of me I still cannot understand why denying people legitimate, preventive / proactive healthcare is not as good as letting them get sick, suffer and / or die, or making them wait so that the treatment they will require ends up costing the insurance company even more. Seriously, what am I not getting? You all are amazing. IÂll never forget this.

For regular household chores, things in our house sort of just get done when they need to get done. We both have things that we tend to do -- he waters the garden, scoops the cat box, takes out the trash, and usually loads the dishwasher, whereas I do more of the general tidying of each room (he's better if he's given a specific task; if I told him to "clean the living room", he'd have no clue). Usually every week or two we jointly clean the entire house, which involves mopping floors, scrubbing toilets, and all that stuff -- realistically, I do the lions share of that work, but he tries his best. One thing that has made housework a little more fun for us is this thing called Chore Wars -- if your husband (or kids) is into D&D or other roleplaying games, it's a way to track your chores, and gain "experience" while doing it. My husband and I compete to gain more points than the other, and right now he's beating me :( Because my husband is such a geek, though, he's been so willing to do chores lately, just to be able to enter them into this Chore Wars thing, so I love it. As far as household maintenance type stuff, like fixing things, generally hubbie asks me what our plans are for the weekend. I tell him if I think we need to work on anything special, and if he's noticed anything that needs attention, he'll add it in. We also keep a list up on the fridge of things that need to be done, and try to knock off 1 or 2 of those regularly. I'm very lucky that my husband is always very willing to pitch in and do his fair share -- I try to return the favor by making sure that he has plenty of his own time on the weekend to do what he wants (play video games, watch TV, whatever).

I think I need the wine this morning already. Power company has showed up, worker has drawn a circle around the power pole in back yard in fluorescent paint, says he doesn't know why, he's just the messenger, the army is to follow, but he suspects the pole is coming down for some reason. Meanwhile, the DH the Sweaty Equity has taken a day off to look for morel mushrooms and get some r&r. Our temp. kitchen is a camper and it's in the path of the power line work and I cannot do anything about the positioning of it because the tow car is also gone for mushrooms. And the whole camper has stuff strewn about because the kitchen has moved into it, but I'm not going to pack it up again in order to move the camper unless I know I have to. So it goes. Naturally, it's overcast and threatening rain, which we can use, but it does nothing for MY morale. On the good side, though, I can see progress in the new space. DH has figured out how to shim the marriage of two floors and has hired a consultant to help him think through some structural and electrical issues. And the landscaper left on Monday giving me the assurance about the driveway and sidewalk that "this is going to work out." Her drawings will be available soon! Come to think of it, I'll stick to coffee, at last until noon.

I deleted some stuff that doesn't apply to your situation. ............................................................ A couple in my church adopted a little boy whose parents' rights had been severed because of sexual abuse. The first year of life with Daniel was traumatic for all three: Daniel's kindergarten called the new mom to come pick him up because he was approaching children and adults sexually. Daniel went to a few birthday parties & was quickly blacklisted because of his sexual overtures to guests & parents. Daniel & his new parents went to intensive counselling, & the new mom quit her job to take care of Daniel... not only did he need full-time mothering, but he kept getting thrown out of day care. The parents learned that children who have been abused sexually almost always approach others sexually; it's what the children have learned to do for attention, approval, companionship...love, or a cheap facimile thereof. Yet their abusers have also shamed them into keeping the big secret; Daniel never said one word about previous sexual "activity". Based on what you *know* of sexual activity at her mother's house, I'd bet that this young girl has seen, *& been involved in*, a lot more than you know. She'll keep approaching people, girls, boys, grown men, whoever, sexually because *that's what she knows how to do*. ............................................................ Please get some help for this little girl, & keep her safe. If you 'give her back' to someone who's led her a chaotic existence & allowed her to be sexually abused, I think the day will come when you will find it impossible to forgive yourself. I wish you the best.