Talking sense into parents
kellienoelle
10 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (48)
gwlolo
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agolyfia
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Lets talk about Superior Parents in hybridizing- one way of doing
Comments (2)I can't comment yet on the quality of seedlings coming from my crosses since I have yet to bloom my first seedling, even from purchased seed last year. I do think though that one element of "super parent" is how easily it produces seed either from pod or pollen. A couple in my garden this year were amazingly fertile and when you look them up at Tinkers, well, they have so many registered offspring that I just have to call them super parents. Diploid example...Fairy Tale Pink. Mine set pod with every flower and every pollen I put to it. The pods were full of seed too. It passes it's exquisite form on to its babies. Tetraploid example...Desperado Love. Again, a super fertile both ways plant. When any tet in my garden proved a difficult parent I was successful with it using it against DL. Here is a list of "best parents" that came from a 2001 poll of the Robin members. Here is a link that might be useful: best parents poll...See MoreUsing pink in rennovated bath? Talk some sense into me...
Comments (13)div> [Eclectic Bathroom[(https://www.houzz.com/photos/eclectic-bathroom-ideas-phbr1-bp~t_712~s_2104) by San Francisco Interior Designers & Decorators Ashley Roi Jenkins Design, LLC [Modern Bathroom[(https://www.houzz.com/photos/modern-bathroom-ideas-phbr1-bp~t_712~s_2105) by Bellevue Home Stagers Lisa Lucas Design [Traditional Bathroom[(https://www.houzz.com/photos/traditional-bathroom-ideas-phbr1-bp~t_712~s_2107) by Los Angeles Design-Build Firms Carlson Construction Company [Traditional Bathroom[(https://www.houzz.com/photos/traditional-bathroom-ideas-phbr1-bp~t_712~s_2107) by Toronto Interior Designers & Decorators Carey Mudford Interior Design Here is a link that might be useful: Houzz This post was edited by Anna_in_TX on Fri, Dec 20, 13 at 22:50...See MoreMy DH wants this house: someone talk sense into him!
Comments (62)jkom, You seem the to be the only one with an understanding of the structural bracing necessary in an earthquake territory. The earthquake issue poses very real and expensive challenges in updating old houses. Do folks in other parts of the country not worry about crumbly concrete? I have only lived in the Pacific NW. It is actually quite common to see old houses lifted up on jacks and have the foundation re-poured and the house set on a new foundation. Our GC told us that it costs 50K-100K to do that. Since that is quite commonly done, my DH's proposal is to rotate the house at the same time if physically possible! In a $1mil house, it is a doable proposition. We live in a remodeled 1950s house right now. We took off all old lap-sheathing under the old siding, placed structural plywood sheathing with bracing everywhere. We had to get engineer's sign off prior to starting the project... We bolted framing to the foundation in the basement before finishing the basement. Our current house has been 'earthquake retrofitted'. It cost A LOT of money without really increasing the value of the house. When you go to sell the house, most people (young buyers or people from elsewhere in the country) don't realize what it takes to do that. We have friends in the SF bay area, CA that bought a house with the idea of total remodel. When they started to rip out things, they discovered that the foundation was damaged beyond repair and the previous owners covered it up to sell it. They actually demolished the house, then rebuilt on the lot. They sued the original owners... Our friends ultimately won the case. I think our friends with really deep pockets may have ended up paying more money in legal fees than what they got out of the settlement because they were MAD about the fraud. These things happen, buying things that are beyond what one had anticipated. I am putting a big padding number to not be surprised, hence my $500K to $750K number to update structurally to not have a total loss.... Anyhow, old houses with structural issues in an earthquake territory is a sad thing. There was an amazing old house on a steep hill in my neighborhood with really a stunning view. WAY WAY better than the one we are considering. The house was used as the Italian Consulate in its heyday. It even had a ballroom. Due to structural issues, the person who bought the house ended up donating the property to the city and the house was demolished, and the lot subsequently became a park. I think the tax break they got from the donation was easier to swallow than what it could have cost to restore. One of the due diligence we need to do is to see if we can get a reasonable earthquake insurance on this property. Many old houses in Seattle cannot get ANY earthquake insurance unless you do the extensive earthquake retrofit. For those folks not familiar with earthquake premiums, you buy separate earthquake policies in addition to the regular home owners insurance. The premium is usually equal to the regular home owners insurance. The deductible is generally 20K or more on an earthquake insurance. We have multiple rentals and we carry earthquake insurance on all of them. It costs several thousand $s every year for that! After what happened in Japan and Katrina, we are unsure if the earthquake insurance will actually be helpful if the city was a TOTAL disaster to the point where bridges fell down, tall buildings tumbled. But alas, we play by the rule and hope that the insurance companies also play by the rule....See MoreHow much should parents expect the other parent to help out?
Comments (22)"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her....See Morecamlan
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoOakley
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomaire_cate
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agopalimpsest
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoteacats
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agograywings123
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoterezosa / terriks
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agotinam61
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellyeng
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agosuero
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agojterrilynn
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomelsouth
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agotinam61
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellienoelle
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellienoelle
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoteacats
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agogwlolo
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellienoelle
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAnnie Deighnaugh
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellienoelle
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agofourkids4us
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agomtnrdredux_gw
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVertise
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoILoveRed
10 years agolast modified: 9 years ago3katz4me
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agotheroselvr
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoUser
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agochispa
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agojmc01
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoliriodendron
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agolizzie_grow
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellienoelle
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoneetsiepie
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agolizbeth-gardener
10 years agojmc01
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAnnie Deighnaugh
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agogsciencechick
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellyeng
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellienoelle
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellienoelle
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoILoveRed
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agokellienoelle
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoAnnie Deighnaugh
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agograywings123
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agotuesday_2008
10 years agolast modified: 9 years ago
Related Stories
GREEN BUILDINGWater Sense for Big Savings
Keep dollars in your pocket and preserve a precious resource with these easy DIY strategies
Full StoryMOST POPULAR5 Remodels That Make Good Resale Value Sense — and 5 That Don’t
Find out which projects offer the best return on your investment dollars
Full StoryDECORATING GUIDESHouzz Tour: Layered Look Adds a Fresh Sense of Style
Midcentury art, pottery and a mix of furnishings bring a hip edge to a traditional Los Angeles home
Full StoryFEEL-GOOD HOMETap Into Your 5 Senses to Find More Peace at Home
Counteract screen overload and stress by rediscovering basic ways to enjoy life
Full StoryLIFEIf You Could Talk to Your House, What Would You Say?
‘Pull yourself together’ or ‘thank you for transforming my life’? Notes to homes around the country hit us where we live
Full StoryBATHROOM DESIGNDream Spaces: Spa-Worthy Showers to Refresh the Senses
In these fantasy baths, open designs let in natural light and views, and intriguing materials create drama
Full StoryGREEN BUILDING5 Common-Sense Ways to Get a Greener Home Design
You don't need fancy systems or elaborate schemes to make your home energy efficient and sustainable. You just need to choose wisely
Full StoryFEEL-GOOD HOMEDesigning for Pleasure: Appeal to the Senses at Home
Homes that look, feel and smell good foster mental and physical well-being. Here's how to create sensory comfort in all kinds of rooms
Full StoryLANDSCAPE DESIGNMake Your Garden Come Alive With a Sense of Movement
Master the illusion of motion for an exceptional garden that stirs emotions and the imagination
Full StoryECLECTIC HOMESMy Houzz: Clothing Designers Bring Their Fashion Sense Home
Casual but pulled together, this San Francisco family’s home embodies effortless chic
Full StorySponsored
More Discussions
kellienoelleOriginal Author