Visitors like that are always welcome. That's definitely worth a dozen eggs. Is it not nice not to wait half a day until your computer responds? I always said what's the hurry, but now I would not want to go back.

We just installed vinyl tiles in our main (ha-only!) bathroom, replacing very old sheet vinyl. The difference with these tiles is that they can be grouted so they look just like tile. I think they're referred to as "luxury vinyl tile". The benefit of tile, yet without the coldness/hardness. Many of the major manufacturers carry them, ours was Armstrong. Although they're "peel & stick", a friend in the flooring business recommended using additional flooring adhesive rather than just the glue on the back of the tile. My only advice is to get the highest "grade" in the line...ours is only "better" and I can see minor scratches showing up. We purchased from Lowes so I expect flooring stores to carry better quality. But overall, it is beautiful and really does look just like ceramic tile. Very easy for the DIYer, unlike real tile it can be grouted immediately after laying the tile. Hope this helps, as I never knew there was such a thing. Here is a link that might be useful: Armstrong's Groutable vinyl tiles

Help_seeker, I am so sorry. To me it seems like parenting adult kids is particularly difficult when substance abuse or mental illness is involved. When your son finishes job corps, then it sounds like he will truly be on his own and responsible for finding a job and earning his own living. He may still change his mind and his direction in life. If I were in your shoes, knowing drugs are involved, I would try to attend a local NarAnon family group or something like that. They can probably give you some great tips. I might be tempted to keep paying for the cell phone, so my son would have a way to contact me and I would have a way to contact him. But you may be right that it would be better to stop paying for the cell phone. I know you are broken hearted at the direction your son has taken in life, and I would be, too. But he has some things going on in his favor. He was caught with pot, not heroin. Future employers will be a lot more understanding about an arrest for pot possession than something like meth. Second, he's an intelligent young man. When he finally gets his act together, he's a smart guy and he still go back to school if he chooses. Many young people struggle just to pass basic community college courses. When your son decides to get serious about his education he will be a bit rusty but he has the intelligence to do well once he makes that choice. Last, he has caring parents - both parents - who love him. It sounds like all you can do is step back and let him fall, and probably the sooner the better. Do you think it's possible that your son has a mental health issue like depression or anxiety? I've been told that there are some mental health issues that start showing symptoms early in college, and that self-medicating with alcohol or drugs sometimes goes hand in hand with mental health issues. I know people with mental health issues who have gotten treatment that works for them and are doing great - they went from falling apart to living healthy, happy, responsible lives. Hang in there. It sounds like your son has been given a loving family foundation. He may see the light sooner than you think.

BM told DH that SD is getting on her nerves & she doesn't think she can take it any/much longer (I may have not gotten the exact words from DH, I wasn't there). I don't know what BM has told SD, but it wouldn't surprise me if she says hurtful things to her. I don't even know if she's playing that angle anymore... saying she wants SD. It was pretty cold what she did/said at SD's birthday party. She showed up 40 minutes late, no gift & stayed in the corner with her BF & baby... then SD got my permission to spend an hour with BM after the party (I thought BM had agreed) and when SD asked her, BM said "no honey, I've got to get the baby home, it's such a long drive... I don't know how HE'S lasted THIS long!", like coming to her party was a major inconvenience. I mean the baby was sleeping the whole time... he was a month old. That was a HUGE eye opener for SD... BM did that right in front of me & MIL. mattie~ If someone had told me as a young adult, that I would witness so many mother's not parenting their own children, I would not have believed it. I had my first when I was still 17. I made a choice to be a parent. Abortion was legal, I could have chosen adoption (because I am pro-life), but my choice was to be a parent & take the responsibility for my actions, since my child was not planned. I NEVER imagined that dumping my child off on anyone else, including the father, was an option. I was flabbergasted when I met my exBF. HE had three children & their mother had walked out for a new boyfriend. She came to see the kids once or twice a year.. never called or saw them on holidays or birthdays, never bought them anything or paid support. But, then I got a job in social services & then I really saw how many kids are being raised by father's, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, siblings, etc. & foster care. and within my own family, I have a couple of female cousins & a sister that left the children to pursue their own life (with or without someone else) but they walked away too. I thought the bonding & love that developed between me & my children when I was pregnant & as they grew up, was something ALL women felt for their offspring. It is somewhat understandable if men don't have that same bonding experience, because they don't physically carry, give birth & nurse the baby. IMO, the maternal instinct is to nurture & protect your offspring & the paternal instinct is to protect & provide for the offspring. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to comprehend how a mother can not want to nurture her child, but put herself first & use her own child to further her own agenda. and I do think this affects me more because I have my own (deep) issues with my own mother. I was just telling my dad yesterday, that I am 41 years old & still have not given up completely that my mother would be different. I have accepted that we will never have a mother/daughter relationship where we go shopping, get our nails done & have lunch. I've grieved it as it is a loss & have accepted that she isn't that kind of mother, but then again it is something that I hope could happen... even though I know it isn't likely, which is what SD does with her mom.. she knows she isn't getting from her mom what she wants, she just hasn't gotten to the point of accepting that that's the way it is. I think she's getting there & it's a painful journey.. I know because I've been there. That is where all of my anger toward BM three years ago came from... I knew we'd get to this place and it made me angry that I could do nothing about it. I actually feel bad for BM & DIL because they might think they can make up for it later & have that relationship someday... the one my mom once talked about with me, but it never happened because those relationships take time & energy. Those kinds of mothers don't want to invest their time & energy into building it, then wonder what went wrong with it's not there later. I feel sad for BM & DIL that they are missing out on so much with their children... but it's not really about MY feelings.