I've read each and every post, and each one has something helpful, and just knowing you're not alone helps. This time of year just seems especially hard. I keep thinking about just last year my mom and I were going to plant nurseries and picking out ALL (we have lots of pots) the flowers and plants for our pots-something we've done for years together-I think this is my favorite memory of time we spent together-we could never talk enough about it. We would go to different nurseries for differents plants around town. So, I think this time of year is especially painful. I probably do need to be the "glue" for my family now, and I really do enjoying being around my sister and her family, but, I do not enjoy being around my brother's family. I actually get anxiety being around his wife especially. My brother is fine when she is not around, but, she is so self-righteous and judgmental, I feel I am always having to be on my toes and am just not comfortable. But, I really don't think I could invite JUST my dad and my sister's family-I couldn't be that mean. I do feel guilty that my SIL did help a lot with my mom's funeral-she'd already been through it with her mom, so she knew what to do. None of the rest of us knew-guess we would have figured it out though. red, I have actually considered a grief support group-for me and my dad, but I know dad wouldn't go, but I would. joanie and pattycakes, I think that is a smart thing for you to do with your kids, demanding they be close almost. My DS is an only child, so I don't have that opportunity, but think that is wise. I feel guilty about my DS not having his grandma who did so much with him. polly, I know how you feel, and my dad is feeling the same way the woman your father had a relationship is probably feeling. Being around us, makes my dad feel worse, most of the time. Especially coming to my house, he was always there with my mom. I think he should just do it more to where it feels more normal. I know it's been so hard after being married 49 years. tina, I know you were really close to your mom too. It sound like you have a wonderful family that gets together still. I think in most families, when bothers and sisters and BIL and SIL's and THEN when you add the kids in the mix, it becomes more complicated at family get-togethers. If it were all adults, it would be easier, I think. In my case, my brother's kids are quite a bit older than my DS, so for instance, like Easter, my DS still thinks its fun to hunt Easter eggs, my nepehews of course don't since they are older now, but, my brother doesn't think it's important like he did when his kids were young-and it was all about his kids. This got OT, but, just a glimpse of why I don't enjoy getting together with ALL my family. And, there are numerous things, lots of jealousy, because my mom was so close to my DS and my sister's kids, but, my SIL had all these "rules" for my nephews and I think it made a difference. Thanks to each of you for responding, each post means something to me!

Jerri, I guess that's what I need to stop and think about and quit worrying. I think a relationship with MIL has more bad points than good...and why spend so much time trying to get someone to approve you that never will? It should tell me something that my fiance' isn't bothered at all by not hearing from her or not having a relationship with his own mother. He's known her a lot longer than I have, so he's a better judge of the situation than I would be, right? And it says something that she has no problems writing children and grandchildren out of her life~especially over something so petty. That takes a special kind of person to that to their child that they gave birth to and raised. I mean, she hasn't talked to her one son in about 3 years and says she doesn't even care anymore because it's been so long. I know when I really think about it, I'm still angry and hurt over a lot of stuff that's been said to me or about me or my family since I met this woman (she's done a lot of belittling me and telling me I'm unhappy or have a low self esteem when I know I don't and I'm happy). She's caused me a lot of grief and problems too by just constantly talking to me about my one BIL and SIL and their situation and things. I don't agree with how they take care of their kids and things but it doesn't have to be a major part of my life! She would call or e-mail or IM or whatever about them until that's all I thought or talked about 24/7! But when I sat down and really thought of it all...I didn't care at all about them~it's their life and their problems! Or I've listened to her call here and get on fiance' about something I let him buy (he's spoiled she says and yet the other boys are mistreated because they never get anything they want). Or she'd make him feel guilty because his brother would supposely do anything for him and we wouldn't return the favor...when in fact my fiance' was making less money than one of them let alone both and they were bumming money from us! It was constant arguments and problems every week. And you can't tell MIL anything...she knows more than you do about your life. I often hear my fiance' saying, "Yes, Mom," "I know, Mom." when he's on the phone with her and it's just because she's telling him she knows we didn't pay our electric bill or something (because she figured up how much we spent going out to eat and on the stuff we bought) when in fact we did but she won't listen. And DS may miss his Grandma but he has many more where she came from! Ones that actually say they love him and wouldn't pretend he didn't exist. (Once this past summer we saw her in the Wal-Mart parking lot coming down the same isle we were coming up and she dashed in between cars to avoid us! She had this look on her face that I've seen her get when she sees someone she doesn't want to. That made my fiance' so mad because there our son was yelling, "Grandma" and she's running like were strangers! We weren't even fighting with her then!) Another thing is...if I don't have to go down there and put up with her and all that crap...I don't hear stuff about the others and can't be blamed for saying things about them. That's been a good thing. And my one SIL that I don't get along with... I see very little of her now. I've realized she and MIL are a lot alike and she just causes stress that I don't need, also. Okay, I just need to keep thinking of how peacful it is now and remember the horrible things she's done and said and how it's not something DS needs to be around or my baby when it's born. I really wish she would change, but it's not up to me and it may be way too late. Oh, and yes we do plan to marry. We always have it's just we get busy and it doesn't pop into our everyday lives. If we could just go today or tomorrow and do it and it be done, we would. Neither of us really like to plan stuff. We want just a JP wedding with a simple family party afterward. I think it would be best to wait for warm weather now and others think I should wait because I'll be gaining weight and all due to the baby. ~Leslie~

Thank you all for your responses. In response to the last poster, yes he does have many other women in his life! Not women who he cheats with but he is friends with his ex who he works with (she is married also) and he has casual friends or aquaintances that he sees when he stops at the convenience store or gas station (he befriends these women). He hasn't crossed any boundaries and I believe that men and women CAN be just friends but not at the expense of your partner. My husband admits he enjoys the attention of other women because they are new and they don't EVER argue with him or have any disagreements with him (as we do from time to time) I look at it as those "friendships" are so superficial nothing like a marriage so of course they have nothing to disagree about. I just don't understand how to reach him and make him understand what I am feeling. I am tired of feeling as though I am bothering him when I try to be affectionate or when I ask for advice about a problem (that has nothing to do with him) He willingly gives advice/listens to any other female and he is very attentive to other women who are casual friends. With me, he's not mean just acts distant.

I havent been posting on here but for a few days. I can honestly say I do Love My SD very much. They are a part of my husband and to love him I have to love his kids somewhat b/c they are a part of him. Just because I love them dose not mean I always like them. They do dumb inmature things and say things that are better left unsaid. I do try and look at that as children if not mine but my husbands. And kids say and do dumb things to their parents. Dont know that it makes a difference if I am MOM or not I am married to DAD. And sometimes as adults we still treat our parents bad, and think they still dont know all we do. I love the grandkids I have from this marriage and wouldnt take any of that back(even if Im to young to be a grandmother) I really hope and pray my sd's grow up and do the right things for themselves and their children. I try to keep faith that things can only get better, that grown adults dont always act like children. Kasey