I hope there are some parents out there that could help me understand this. We don't understand any of this. Can someone out there help me understand where she may be coming from? Your DIL may be doing this out of spite or some other negative reason. I'm not defending her choices or saying she's right to make the choices she's making. But assuming she has your grandson's best interest at heart, here are some other perspectives from a parent. I've known many shy kids and watched them grow up over the years. Some parents believe their shy child needs more time at home to gain a little maturity. But other parents believe their shy child needs to be in situations where they are a little less sheltered and where they're exposed to other kids and have to learn to connect with other kids. I've seen both approaches be very successful. When my kids were younger I knew several shy children whose parents sent them to daycare or preschool, etc., even when those children had grandparents who wanted to keep them. Another place she may be coming from - I think in many families the mom gets to the point where she feels the need to mark her territory, so to speak, with the grandparents. Just my own opinion, but to me it's always seemed more likely to happen in families where the grandparents spend a lot of time with the grandchildren. My own mother is a wonderful grandma, the best ever, and she adores my kids and they adore her. She lives very close and spends a lot of time with them. My mom is great, but she did at times seem (to me) to think her opinion about what's best for them was equal in weight to mine. I did at one point feel the need to make it clear - my kids, my rules. Anyway, I can see where that situation could be exacerbated in a divorce situation. I know if I was the grandma I would be concerned about losing time with my grandchild, mom is probably concerned about losing time or control, I could see where a mom might want to put a little distance between her child and his grandparents. I think for some parents who divorce it comes as quite a shock after the divorce that they have so little control over their child's environment when the child is with the ex or the ex's family. She doesn't have a relationship with her own family. If she comes from an uninvolved family, she may not value those grandparent ties as much as some people do. If she grew up with uninvolved grandparents, she may not see the value on that close grandparent/grandchild relationship. I don't know what kind of daycare they have picked out, but the day cares around here have some terrific programs. They take kids to amusement parks, water parks, zoos, horseback riding, pools, etc. I know several parents that transitioned from grandparent care for younger children to day care for older children just because of the opportunities for sports and other activities. Just because your grandson is crying now doesn't mean he won't like it by the end of the summer. once school starts they will let him stay with us on a week-end here and there. If your grandson's schedule is anything like our kids' at that age, then I can certainly see why once school starts the parents will only agree to the occasional weekend. At 7 and 8 years old, by the time your grandson gets home from school, has a snack and plays with his friends, does his homework, eats dinner and showers, the day is over. There's not a lot of time during the week. Factor in sports, cub scouts, etc., and there's even less. Particularly in a divorce situation I can see why mom and dad wouldn't want to give up many weekends to grandparents. The good news is that if they actually do divorce, perhaps your son will welcome your help and your company even if your DIL doesn't. Even if your DIL doesn't agree to weekends, hopefully your son will include you when he has custody. If your DIL isn't close to her own family, you may get more time with your grandson than you think. If she works full time, she may need your help when he's sick or she may need help dropping him off or picking him up at sports or camps, etc. Hopefully if your DIL gets some space now, she may come to realize what a treasure she has in you, even if she has divorced your son. Right now she's probably stressed and upset and not thinking clearly, even if she wants the divorce. Having said all that, it does sound like a lot of change for your 7 year old grandson. You're probably right that it would help if he could stick to his old routine of staying with you. I'm so very sorry.

Yes, I think you are correct in that I'm usually very trusting of people. It's not my nature to look for the worst in people and I'd like to think that people will treat me the way that I treat them. However, in the past few years my husband has taught me a valuable lesson in what happens when you are too trusting. When I look back on some of the different situations that have happened I can't believe that it totally slip past me or how deceitful he is as a person. I trusted him to move money out of my checking account to pay monthly expenses until one day when I was trying to make a purchase and the clerk informed me that my debit card was declined. My first thought was my account must have been hacked. On my way home to figure out what had happened I remember how during the past few weeks he kept reminding me that I was spending a lot of money. I only spent what I knew that I could afford to spend and never more than what I was making. His statements should have been a clue. When I went online to view my banking account I saw where he had transfer more than $30,000.00 out of my account over a period of year and half without consulting me. Hence the "you're spending a lot lately". I never really checked my account because I always knew that I had a pretty good cushion for what I wanted to spend. My spending was nothing more than a visit to Walmart every now and then and I knew with the amount of money that I make (retired Federal employee and now a government contractor making six figures) that I really never had to worry about my card being declined. When I confronted him about it the first thing he yelled was "I pay the house note out of my check'! There was about an ounce of truth to his statement with the exception that the money was first transferred from my account to his account and then of course he paid the house note but using my money. What a snake in the dirt! At that point I really just wanted to know what was going on with him so I was willing to sit down and discuss the situation with him but he got angry and slapped me across my face. He told me that I had repeated to him that I didn't really need to know what was going on with the budget just as long as everything was paid and on time. That was his excuse for not telling me that he was taking money out of my account. Well needless to say when he put his hands on me I used his cane and beat the crap out of him. No one, and I mean no one is allowed to touch me in that way and every since that night we have not shared a bed. I knew then that the marriage was pretty much over for me. That happened last March and I'm still trying to figure out how to get out. It can't be that difficult because people do it all the time. I think I need a some sort of life coach to help me to navigate all of the changes that I'll need to make. The other thing that I noticed is that he no longer takes his mom and sister out to dinner and movies anymore and he's not offering to guy rounds when he visits a bar. REALLY?? When I look back at the time that I've spent with him and various situations that are questionable I realize how he's been lying to me all these years. I've had people question me about his comments and how they say he bashes me behind my back. Oh well, I'm sure you're probably bore and have heard enough of me. Thanks for your time. Pam (forgive all errors in this almost book that I've written. I'm writing this while on my break so I don't have much time to proofread.)

Absolutely, the two posters above me are correct--this sounds very much like a medical situation that needs to be addressed. Seems as if there's something wrong medically, and the daughter and her fiance are just the targets that gave him something to hang his hat on. Yes, if there are guns, and if he's having issues that are making him other than the man he used to be, you really DON'T know if he might decide to use those guns in a way he'd never have considered in the past. I'd think that the LAST thing you want to do is start sending him self-help books--that's going to be seen as a confrontation, and if he's not yet ready to look for help, it's going to be a bad idea. Best thing to do is sit down with his wife, make sure she understands that he may have medical issues that might be treatable--and that SHE needs to call their dr. and alert him to what's going on, so the next time your brother has a check-up, the dr. can be on the lookout and handle the situation properly. Fact is, your brother is at an age where sometimes some 'senior health' issues can hit. Good luck.

Thanks for sharing your numbers Jane NY. I really didn't understand why the other realtor seemed offended because I thought our offer was a good starting place! That realtor actually apologized to my realtor for the way she reacted, so that's good at least. Congrats on your purchase! Brickeye you are right that zillow can be inaccurate - they had their zestimate of our current house at $290k about a year ago and now it's at $159k with no explanation. However, they do have our tax assessment and taxes paid listed correctly. Zillow is also a good place to find out how long houses have been on the market and how many times they have been re-listed. Their zestimates mean nothing to me though. At this point I'm almost glad they didn't accept our offer because I'm so excited about the possibility of getting this unfinished house with the great view of the city and river. However, if we can't make a deal on this new house I will go back and put our final offer in writing on the first house. Thanks again to all of you for your input. Kind of makes me wary of buying from a divorcing couple!