I am sorry to hear about this.

I hope there are some parents out there that could help me understand this. We don't understand any of this. Can someone out there help me understand where she may be coming from? Your DIL may be doing this out of spite or some other negative reason. I'm not defending her choices or saying she's right to make the choices she's making. But assuming she has your grandson's best interest at heart, here are some other perspectives from a parent. I've known many shy kids and watched them grow up over the years. Some parents believe their shy child needs more time at home to gain a little maturity. But other parents believe their shy child needs to be in situations where they are a little less sheltered and where they're exposed to other kids and have to learn to connect with other kids. I've seen both approaches be very successful. When my kids were younger I knew several shy children whose parents sent them to daycare or preschool, etc., even when those children had grandparents who wanted to keep them. Another place she may be coming from - I think in many families the mom gets to the point where she feels the need to mark her territory, so to speak, with the grandparents. Just my own opinion, but to me it's always seemed more likely to happen in families where the grandparents spend a lot of time with the grandchildren. My own mother is a wonderful grandma, the best ever, and she adores my kids and they adore her. She lives very close and spends a lot of time with them. My mom is great, but she did at times seem (to me) to think her opinion about what's best for them was equal in weight to mine. I did at one point feel the need to make it clear - my kids, my rules. Anyway, I can see where that situation could be exacerbated in a divorce situation. I know if I was the grandma I would be concerned about losing time with my grandchild, mom is probably concerned about losing time or control, I could see where a mom might want to put a little distance between her child and his grandparents. I think for some parents who divorce it comes as quite a shock after the divorce that they have so little control over their child's environment when the child is with the ex or the ex's family. She doesn't have a relationship with her own family. If she comes from an uninvolved family, she may not value those grandparent ties as much as some people do. If she grew up with uninvolved grandparents, she may not see the value on that close grandparent/grandchild relationship. I don't know what kind of daycare they have picked out, but the day cares around here have some terrific programs. They take kids to amusement parks, water parks, zoos, horseback riding, pools, etc. I know several parents that transitioned from grandparent care for younger children to day care for older children just because of the opportunities for sports and other activities. Just because your grandson is crying now doesn't mean he won't like it by the end of the summer. once school starts they will let him stay with us on a week-end here and there. If your grandson's schedule is anything like our kids' at that age, then I can certainly see why once school starts the parents will only agree to the occasional weekend. At 7 and 8 years old, by the time your grandson gets home from school, has a snack and plays with his friends, does his homework, eats dinner and showers, the day is over. There's not a lot of time during the week. Factor in sports, cub scouts, etc., and there's even less. Particularly in a divorce situation I can see why mom and dad wouldn't want to give up many weekends to grandparents. The good news is that if they actually do divorce, perhaps your son will welcome your help and your company even if your DIL doesn't. Even if your DIL doesn't agree to weekends, hopefully your son will include you when he has custody. If your DIL isn't close to her own family, you may get more time with your grandson than you think. If she works full time, she may need your help when he's sick or she may need help dropping him off or picking him up at sports or camps, etc. Hopefully if your DIL gets some space now, she may come to realize what a treasure she has in you, even if she has divorced your son. Right now she's probably stressed and upset and not thinking clearly, even if she wants the divorce. Having said all that, it does sound like a lot of change for your 7 year old grandson. You're probably right that it would help if he could stick to his old routine of staying with you. I'm so very sorry.

Absolutely, the two posters above me are correct--this sounds very much like a medical situation that needs to be addressed. Seems as if there's something wrong medically, and the daughter and her fiance are just the targets that gave him something to hang his hat on. Yes, if there are guns, and if he's having issues that are making him other than the man he used to be, you really DON'T know if he might decide to use those guns in a way he'd never have considered in the past. I'd think that the LAST thing you want to do is start sending him self-help books--that's going to be seen as a confrontation, and if he's not yet ready to look for help, it's going to be a bad idea. Best thing to do is sit down with his wife, make sure she understands that he may have medical issues that might be treatable--and that SHE needs to call their dr. and alert him to what's going on, so the next time your brother has a check-up, the dr. can be on the lookout and handle the situation properly. Fact is, your brother is at an age where sometimes some 'senior health' issues can hit. Good luck.

Thanks for sharing your numbers Jane NY. I really didn't understand why the other realtor seemed offended because I thought our offer was a good starting place! That realtor actually apologized to my realtor for the way she reacted, so that's good at least. Congrats on your purchase! Brickeye you are right that zillow can be inaccurate - they had their zestimate of our current house at $290k about a year ago and now it's at $159k with no explanation. However, they do have our tax assessment and taxes paid listed correctly. Zillow is also a good place to find out how long houses have been on the market and how many times they have been re-listed. Their zestimates mean nothing to me though. At this point I'm almost glad they didn't accept our offer because I'm so excited about the possibility of getting this unfinished house with the great view of the city and river. However, if we can't make a deal on this new house I will go back and put our final offer in writing on the first house. Thanks again to all of you for your input. Kind of makes me wary of buying from a divorcing couple!