How to enlighten brother?
In one year, my middle brother has become a verbally abusive father to his elder dtr since she announced her engagement to marry. Marriage will not be in the family's home "parrish," but a civil ceremony on a college campus. Initially, my brother extolled the virtues/ambitions of this man, but since the divorce of his parents (and my neice 'moving in'), my brother has only negative comments: disinheriting, stupid, etc. We have met this young man several times and admire him greatly. He and niece are employed, self supporting college grads...living many states away.
My brother ceased all calls with sibs and rarely sends emails, unless forwarding non-personal generic info. He has never told any of us of the engagement. If he answers the phone when I call, he never speaks of his wife or dtrs. All topics are about him, his trucks, crops, etc. His wife works from home and is finding it more difficult to be productive. My younger sister and I believe she will leave him after the wedding. When the pending wedding plans are raised, my brother walks away or says 'it will not happen.' The younger dtr is still in college, but not living at home.
This brother (60+ years old), had been a very caring person. Is this dictatorial/controlling behavior common to men with only dtrs? Am I corrrect in being worried about everyone's safety, as he does have guns for varmints on his farm?
Has anyone witnessed anything similar? Will sending him books on toxic relationships/parenting enlighten him? Is there any way a letter could be effective? I am his closest (and eldest) sibling at 400 miles. My family plans to attend the summer wedding.
Any advise for promoting my brother's understanding and ability to 'let go' is appreciated.