Oh, man. I feel your pain. The pet forums are the worst. We live on wooded acreage and I made a post one time asking if anyone knew of any special shots my dogs needed, because they were digging after moles/chipmunks, etc. You would have thought I was asking what rope to use to drag them behind a speeding vehicle.

I got slammed about needing to train my dogs not to dig, etc. Heck, that's part of the reason we moved way out here -- so the dogs could have a lot of room to roam and . . . be dogs. Let 'em dig!

Because all forums are a microcosm of society, there will always be the strident and didactic.

There are Limbaughs on both the left and the right. We have moral *and* intellectual extremes. Leaning left, myself, I always chuckle at the types who got ticked off when the price of a Prius dropped so it was actually affordable to the masses. Where's my "no status, status??". "You can't shop at Trader Joe's, it *must* be Whole Earth."

I heard that the rose forum was particularly brutal. Huh? How can you have an argument about flowers? Oh, well.

Since I have a new cat, I ventured into the animal forum. Saw your post about the rabbits. :) Even friends, here, have had knock-down drag-outs about their furry friends. It's a shame.

I've pretty much decided to listen to the context that interests me. If someone is being shunned, for one reason or another, but has lots of knowledge, I'm in. I don't choose a pack to run with.

I *love* the rose forums. They got the nicest & most helpful people on there. I got a lot of antique rose cuttings from those roselovers, when I started my 1st rose garden. Once, a member injured her legs, but her barerooted roses came in and she couldn't plant them. The other members who live locally came to her house and planted all of them for her. I was floored to hear a/b that (but then I would jump at a chance to plant a garden too ) :-D The roses folks are very generous with their knowledge & expertise a/b roses. They can be a bit obsessive a/b how to treat their roses and if you don't give the roses the royal treatment (compost tea, fish emulsions) they will tell you what a bad roses mom you are. :-)

Another forum that got the bad rap is the Landscaping forum. I can see why it's intimidating for people to go there because it's used to be inhabited by lots of landscaping professional. However, when I 1st bought our house and asked for landscaping advices, these folks drew me up a plan w/ all the plants' names (it was mich-in-zonal-denial & bahia) and I was forever grateful.

Never been to pet forums, but I can imagine talking a/b how to keep a pet is like talking a/b how to raise our chidren. Surely that would be a hot topic. :-D I don't even discuss pets raising w/ my own family. Too afraid of being disowned!

Uh huh. I too, feel your pain. I was just put on notice for saying I had a child when I was young. Then my apology was removed.

Ahh, there is a lot of mad (angry) people in this world. I've borrowed my DH's line. "I'm glad I'm not married to him (her)." Then just move on. Take the good advice and don't own the bad energy. It speaks volumes about them, not you.

I'm glad you are enjoying your bunnies.

I was just put on notice for saying I had a child when I was young. Then my apology was removed.

What do you mean? Was that in this forum?

I've been playing (and working) online for many, many years. Back to when you had to place your telephone handset on a special cradle and dial in to your friend's home-brewed basement BBS (which would often go offline because their parents needed to make an actual phone call). Yes, I'm that old and that much of a geek.

Even way back then there were issues that cropped up from time to time. There's just something about being behind a keyboard and monitor that seems to accentuate / emphasize issues just that little bit more. I just ignore them and move on.

bellaflora: Any chance you live in the SF bay area? My life is so insane I've had no chance to plant anything. ;)

Yep. But I'm hesitant to discuss it because I don't want to get banned. :+)

golddust, not to dredge up stuff, but in your 'apology' thread (which you might not have seen since it was pulled) the last time I saw it before it disappeared, cat_tail, Lisa and myself had posted that we saw a comment in the '13 yr old father' thread about your son's worry regarding an adolescent male physical concern (to put it delicately ;-) . Your wording was much more direct. ;-) We all pretty much agreed (and posted) it was that comment that prompted your Friendly Reminder, probably a bit too graphic wording for GWs mods. And as a few us us mentioned, many of us have gotten FR's over the years. This too shall pass!

I'll discuss it. Golddust made a public apology, which was heartfelt, in a post in the event she had insulted or hurt anyone's feelings (on another thread - "13 year old father"). I really don't know what happened or why it happened, but her 'apology' thread was pulled. Twilight Zone. Some folks just can't leave well enough alone and seem to look for reasons to get into another person's face....Gold, dear, I'm not referring to you ;o)

Sorry ... I really wasn't trying to dredge up anything - I didn't see the post(s) in question, so was just curious!

And yes indeed, I've gotten those "Friendly Reminders" as well. I'm awaiting one at any moment now, in fact, for calling a spammer an "Idiot" on the other side.
;-)

Singin' I................ just gotta be me.................. True, sometimes I'm just a little too much. :+)

California time allows a lot of things to happen that I don't get to see. I'm just happy to still be able to come here with "all my girlfriends from the home decorating site." (That is what I call you in front of DH). It cracks him up because the other work I do is so serious and this site is polar opposite. Hehehe. This is truly my down time and I love every single minute.

golddust started acting defiant towards GW, even going so far as to insinuate that they had been infiltrated by an evil cult who are after her. I don't think anyone on the forum reported her to them, I suspect that GW acted alone in this.

zipping my mouth closed for the rest of this threads life. Just for the record. :+)

Parma, your post could have been posted by me! I feel exactly as you. I've also seen references made by you to Frasier, my all time favorite series. Not only do I think it is hysterical and has the best ever characters, but the interior design of every single set is amazing and timeless.

The internet is just like real life...everyone has their opinion and some think that one's opinion is wrong because they don't agree with it and must tell you so...I've never quite understood how one's opinion could be wrong.

Gold, you can unzip (I wouldn't say that to a guy, lol). Be you. I been sent to disney a couple times, I think you are probably better than me.

I'm not talking about that stuff though. I was reading about bunny cage sizes and I kid you not this person was laying down the law like Moses hid an 11th tablet and bunny cage sizes were on it.

She was really rabid about it. By golly if it wasn't to her specs it was bunny abuse.

That's what I was thinking about when I started this thread. She gets the 2009 Critter Biddy award as far as I'm concerned.

I shouldn't have used the word dredge! ;D

It was just there was so much guessing in the apology thread as to why the FR was sent to golddust, everything from early motherhood comments to ill friend's son was suggested. But those of us who saw the post about her son's personal male issue figured it was that one that they busted her for (because of anatomically correct wording and um, illustration of the problem). Because lots of members have talked about motherhood and illness and it's no biggie.

Anywho, as is mrsmarv, I'm stumped as to why that thread was pulled (the apology thread). But missed the end of it, saw it up until Lisa's post after mine in the a.m. but had to fly out of here. Had wanted to come back later and give a wave back to Lisa, haven't seen her in ages. [If you're reading Lisa, waving "Hey" now, and how's things? ;-) ]

Anyway, *poof*, yet another one bit the dust.
All these edits, pulls and FRs feels like old times, kind of gives me the warm fuzzies...

"Anyway, *poof*, yet another one bit the dust.
All these edits, pulls and FRs feels like old times, kind of gives me the warm fuzzies..."

Unzipping my mouth, just couldn't contain my laugh. Hehehe. I actually help moderate/control two other mailing lists. Our rule is to always leave the record intact. Nothing said is ever removed. It's all part of history.

Everyone's blunders (including our own) lives out it's full life in entirety. By necessity, we must keep accurate records and there's only two rules. Stay on topic and no personal attacks. We give thumps on the head when necessary and sometimes have to issue time-outs. But we allow anyone a second, third, fourth, etc. chance.

Sometimes we do have to provide a time frame for when a serial repeat offender will be welcomed back, but no one is ever banned forever.

Our mailing lists make the 'Hot Topics' forum look like baby stuff. Luckily, this is our 'off season' time. So I get to work while having fun here, 'with my girlfriends'. It's a very plush job certain times of the year. Other times of the year, not so much.

Gold, I think it was likely the post in which you posted your daughters date of birth, birth city and name. In any intenet forum that's a bad idea, and probably why the warning was issued...it was to protect, not abuse you (I'm guessing, but as an AOL moderator that would have prompted me to send the same warning and pull a screen name if necessary since this is someone elses private information being posted).

I'd guess the cult infiltrating GW lead to the second pull, but who knows....maybe they're out to get us all :oP

Harri Chrishna to all :)

Lucille, amen to your complaints. There are crazy's abound LOL And on all forums on the web. I am on a forum for infertility and we often gripe about the frustration of our issues and having to take the drugs, blah blah...something you do with others in the same boat because they understand. Some silly chit joined and spent a month trying to tell us not to post anything negative because the bad karma was probably ruining our chances to get pregnant, yada yada. After hundreds of posts (it was her mission in life) she finally gave up. I mean if you can't complain about the issue to those in the same boat...who can you complain to?

And in another forum I have this crazy old bat who follows me around to comment on my personal life or the size of my shoes whenever possible...nutty old thing :oP I will never comment on anyone's roses again heh heh

People are goofy on the net. Some in a funny way, and some...well some are just more goofy than I'd want to encounter in real life!!!

And in another forum I have this crazy old bat who follows me around to comment on my personal life or the size of my shoes whenever possible
Ya knocked the queen off her throne one too many times, ic. ;D All jesting aside, having seen what you refer to in action, it ain't pretty. Much as edit-outs drive me batty, that is a scenario where yanking content is a good thing. It serves no other purpose than to be low down dirty hurtful to another at their most tender spot and it's best it's gone. No doubt it's about as appealing as a quick dip in shark infested waters for you, but hopefully it won't keep you away from there ;).

I am fine. My daughter is fine. We're on the internet, in real life. We own a manufacturing business. Have been in business for 27 years. We advertise. Complete with our name, address and phone number. DH heads it up but we're all involved. Our information is readily available. All you need to do is ask.

Same situation with the Internationally based non-profit I head up. People call me all the time. Sure, some people just want to vent but not usually. I get phone calls from people who need help and information.

This forum is the first time I have adopted another name other than my real one on the internet. I am fine. I have never mentioned my daughter's last name here but I gave my address and I'd do it again. Big deal. I'm easy to find. I don't generally hide. Nor does my daughter. I don't need protection from anyone. I do a good enough job by myself. We're also listed in the phone book. No, I won't give my social security number but that is about our only limit. When people were afraid of the internet, I was not. We've had a presence here since 1994.

I never look over my shoulder. I think I've said that before. It's not the way we choose to live our lives. We're not into hiding. We're not afraid. Relax. We can handle our lives. I just don't want or need to be protected by moderators and complainers.

If I offended anyone here, I'm still sorry. I like you people and want to be able to hang around.

Veering off in another direction...This is my favorite forum, because 99.9% of the posters here are friendly and supportive. If I have a general question, I'll be asking it here. I don't like bullies or know-it-alls in real life, and I avoid them at all costs. If anyone has extra time, read the thread on bathroom forum about "washlets in nursing homes". A simple question was asked, and one respondent turned it into a political question. The original poster can definitely use some hugs right now. thanks!!

Heh. I just got "attacked" over in the kitchens forum.

But then there were two responses coming to my defense.

It all balances out eventually.

Oh, that "socialism" thread. I came to the OP defense already. I go back and give her another "hug." Thanks, dee.

pbris, are you the flight or fight type? I going to go see.

Neither, really. I say my piece and speak my truth and just let all the other stuff pass (mostly, sometimes it sticks a little).

Pbris,

I did a search over there to see what you were talking about. Didn't find it but I did notice you spoke about wanting kids. I'm just back here as the mom three, saying sometimes having kids isn't all it's cracked up to be. :+) Dogs are easier and they don't ever talk back. (Can you tell I've been hands on parenting for 39 1/2 years???)

I love my kids dearly but Maxi's expenses are killing me! He just got into a fender bender in our Prius. Nothing happened to the other car but something did to ours. I have two more parking tickets to pay. (Love wasting money on those). Just spent $300. on text books for summer school. If his birth mom doesn't contact me soon, I think I'll send him back by default.

Guess I'm broadening this gripe thread. :+)

LOL.

Well, my four "kids"* do talk back - especially the Diva Miss Lucci. But yeah, I know kids are no picnic.

The thread is over on the main kitchens Discussions forum. Someone took exception to my critique of induction stoves. Rather amusing, really.

*three chihuahuas, one Timneh African Gray parrot

To widen the thread further, there are joys in old age. One is having children who are raised. I pray the good Lord will let me live long enough to see my kids with teenagers, I will enjoy that.

The critters speak their mind but I can always close the door and go into another room.

Car accidents by kids: I remember I had saved up for Christmas gifts for the kids (I was a single mom). Younger son had just got his license, and managed to scratch a teacher's car at the high school. Rather than getting our insurance rates up, we decided to pay cash to have the scratch repaired, and with today's prices it wiped out my Christmas funds. No one had gifts, but we all learned a lot about responsibility and family finance.

Actually, everyone, the thread on the BR forum concerned Bodica. She just lost her mom after a long ordeal with a nursing home. Thanks for checking it out, GD

Yes, poor Bodica. I gave her a hug surrounded by the arms I learned how to give here. (((hugs)))

Lucille, one of our kids pulled a worse trick. He got a job at a ski resort. Told us he couldn't go with us for Thanksgiving as his training for the job started the day after and we would not be able to have him back in time (lielielielielielie). We fell for it and actually felt badly when we left him. (grrr)

When we returned home, it took about 2 seconds to figure out there had been a large high school party here. Carpets needed cleaning after lots of cars parked in out pasture during a heavy rain (mud). That son's Christmas money paid for rug cleaning and a few other needed repairs.

Luckily DS #2 learned this lesson from afar. The house did eventually survive that party.

Hey, I'm kind of liking this gripe thread. Serves two purposes in one. Lets us parents vent, while helping pbrisjar feel better about not having kids. :+)

I found the thread. LOL! That one poster really took you to town. You feed people snake oil, you gas hugger! LOL! I nearly spewed my water when I read it.

I thought you made excellent points. You were basing it on your opinion and that is what the OP asked for.

Some people really do take things very serious, huh? Think that person may sell induction stoves for a living?

I'm still laughing. Sorry.

Yes, it is rather amusing. No need to apologize for laughter. Odd what some people decide to take so seriously.

At least you with kids know that there is a possibility that there will be someone to take care of you in your old age. As I get ready to go over to spend the evening with my MIL (she has terminal cancer so that's probably what got you confused with Bodica's thread) in their house of chaos, I think about what will happen to Hubby and me when we get old. We won't have that and as we are spending all our energy and resources taking care of Mom and Dad and crazy brother, there won't be anything there for us when we need it.

Ah well, my fatigue and utter frustration at a crappy, crappy situation that I just found out today is even crappier than it needs to be is making me more morose and bitter than normal.

Off to seel more snake oil, I guess. Have a good evening everyone.

I had a run in with a forum biddy on a critter forum this past few days who actually emailed me privately to dress me down about some questions I asked.
I'm thinking she expected me to kneel and apologize.
I stood up for myself and told her exactly what I thought.
Then she got all offended and told me she was only trying to help. And then I told her what I thought about the kind of help that criticizes and puts people down for simply asking questions.

You know, there are people here on this very board that DO respond and try to help others, and they do it in a kind, nonjudgmental way that actually provides info and makes listening to them a pleasure. (Y'all know who you are)

It's a totally different experience, and a good one. Wish more people were like that.

Were you asking questions about breeding said critters? Questions like that send us animal rescue people through the roof.

(trying to say this with a straight face) No, it was about... induction stoves... She gave her honest opinion, as an owner of one, and she was called a 'Gas Hugger', as in a gas stove hugger. She was accused of pondering snake oil instead of an honest review. Still cracks me up.

I guess some people take it quite personal when someone doesn't like an appliance. LOL!

Didn't find that either funny or supportive, Gold.

lucille, I was talking about Pbrisjar. Sorry, I got lost in the conversation. Lucille, I'm sorry. My post wasn't targeted at you.

Golddust, with ADD

A 'Gas Hugger' -- hee hee hee (I just love cooking with gas!)

Was it on Pets? Every now and again some poor fool (like me) asks about feeding their precious pets "mainstream dry dog food" and gets sliced to ribbons....

Try looking for the thread on "Bully Sticks" if you want a real laugh!

No, I was seriously lost in conversation today as I had too many things happening. The 'gas hugger' accusation took place in the kitchen forum. Someone asked for opinions about induction ranges and Pbris gave a detailed experience of her unhappy purchase.

Her through opinion turned into bait for the induction appliance sharks. Too bad because she put such thought into her post, AS AN OWNER of the appliance in question.

Instead of just an owner giving an honest opinion, she was turned into a gas hugger/snake oil salesman. It was unbelievable but funny at the same time. Some posters leave no room for anyones opinion but their own. (Over an appliance??!!) Sheesh!

lucille, I have found that this varies greatly depending on the moderating. I was a frequent poster on another board, and while I know some thought it was too heavily moderated, it was actually very fairly moderated, and it kept so much of what you are describing at bay.

I thought that board was a great resource, but unfortunately, I found out someone local to me was stalking me as a lurker on that board (didn't even register!). She is, very, uh, vocal with any news she finds (in whatever format, about anyone) and is happy to spread it to anyone. Of course, anything online should be treated as public knowledge anyway, but this was different. The weird thing is, this person barely knows me. I still don't know why my life would be interesting enough to share for her.

Lucille:

I have stopped reading the critter forums because I'm afraid to go in there!!!! It seems to me that no matter what the question is, there's always at least one biddy screaming that you just aren't giving your dog enough exercise! I gave up and haven't been back in years.