I am amazed at how all these women(Elizabeth Edwards, Silda Spitzer, Hillary Clinton etc..) choose to stay by their man. Its not even as if they didn't have their career or the education to go ahead on their own. In Edwards case, didn't she already know about the affair and help cover it up when he ran in the primaries? Given how personal issues have been the undoing of so many politicians in America, it just makes them seem power hungry. I am sympathetic to her struggles with cancer and having to face the possibility of leaving young children behind. Maybe she will use the proceeds from this book to ensure that their future is at least secure and independent of John's.

I think all these women are a pathetic role model to follow. Teaching their children that being walked on is perfectly alright. They are void of self esteem and I have absolutely no respect for them. Sleeping in the same bed with a man who tossed them away to sleep with another woman. I think all of them are as sleezy as the husbands, they lack character and that's why they can "stand by their man". Do they really think anyone thinks they are hero's for being a fool?

It's not like they are destitute, poor and have no where to go or any resources. They are all filthy rich and could make a better life for themselves and their children.

I don't hold the mistresses at fault. They are not the ones who are breaking a vow to love and be faithful only unto their spouse. The only things they are guilty of is stupidity and poor judgement.

OK, start throwing stones at me, it's OK. I think these women are a joke.

Yes, yes, yes!!!! Mona, Vinudev and Brutuses, I think you're right on with that take. While I do agree with SG as to why Elizabeth wrote her book and appeared on Oprah, I think all of the above mentioned women are weak and, as Brutuses so aptly put it, are "void of self-esteem and pathetic role models to follow".

We teach are children by example. We can NOT say, "Do as I say, but not as I do". What are these women teaching their own children? These infidelities were not one time, stupid mistakes their husbands made. There was a history of infidelities and, from the sounds of it, these guys thought that they were *entitled* to have their mistresses and whatever. IMO, these women are teaching their female children to be victims and doormats, and their sons that it's ok to do the same someday themselves.

But, I do think that the mistresses are just as guilty as the men. I was single until I was almost thirty. I worked with wealthy educated, married physicians for many years back then in hospitals. Not once did I ever even consider going after or out with a married man . . . and believe me, I had many chances! I'm made of better stuff than that. In my mind, it's flat out WRONG to get involved with a married man. There is no excusing it, no way to make it right, no circumstances to condone it. JMHO
Brutuses, no rocks, just kudos for an honest, intelligent opinion.
Lynn

I will say that my DH was informed a long time ago if he ever cheated, he would not lay a hand on me until he visited the doctor for cheating.

I do have admiration for any woman who is able to publicly confront her shame and I appreciate Elizabeth Edwards honesty in this situation and hope that others will be able to draw strength from it. She has nothing but my sympathy for dealing with this, especially in light of her cancer. I think that it takes a lot of strength and courage to try to save your marriage under certain circumstances and telling him to hit the road jack may even be the easiest thing. Role models can come in many different forms.

The other thing that I often think is neglected is that we often only see these situations when they break. We do not get to witness the negotiations and penance that the philanderers must pay and for how long that must continue.

Some mistresses I fault more than others. Some are just young and completely stupid, in the case of the working girl, she was doing a job and was sought out. In the case of Edwards, I think that is absolutely sleazy to seek out a man you know to be married.

Karma can be nasty. This was all, IMO, payback for the despicable way that the Edwardses attacked D&L Cheney about their lesbian daughter, Mary, in 2004. Mary was already "out" and working on her father's campaign, yet that pair publicly cut at the Cheneys about her. My respect for EE tanked when she stated thst Lynne C. must be ashamed of Mary's lifestyle, since Lynne was offended by John's remarks during the debate. It was all pretty sordid. Elizabeth was her husband's political attack dog - nothing wrong with that, but you had better be prepared for the wheel turning.

I am so sorry that Elizabeth lost her son and then was stricken with cancer. I can't imagine anything worse happening to a woman, other than perhaps international public humiliation over another woman and a child out of wedlock. She has plenty of motives for writing this book.

Once upon a time all these things were kept quiet via an unspoken agreement within the media. It was taboo to discuss the children of politicians. And we've had other scoundrels as President, e.g. Warren Harding and JFK, but it was all hush-hush. Reporters who were "in the know" about FDR's paralysis and use of a wheelchair actually prevented photographers from photographing him in the chair. Now it's all out there, all the time. Yuck.

I know very little about the Edwards' private matters, and I intend to keep it that way, so I won't be reading this book. Nor did I see the interview.

But I can tell you with absolute certainty that an affair does not have to signal the end of a marriage. I've seen more than one couple go through the hell of betrayal, and come out on the other side with a much stronger marriage for having endured through the fire. It is an almost inconceivably difficult thing, but forgiveness can be experienced and trust can be reestablished. I know couples who are actually so much better than they would have been together, had they not had their relationship "tested" in this way. One couple in particular experienced the devastating fallout from an affair 30 years ago, and they will both look you in the eye and tell you with the utmost conviction that what happened, and how they worked through it and past it, strengthened their bond immeasurably. Today they counsel others who are going through what they did.

I personally think it's pointless to make blanket statements and judgments about the relationship issues of others. Most of us have a difficult enough time figuring out our own. ;-)

Lots of great posts here..
While I do not know a lot about either of them, I remember when it came out that he cheated and her cancer diagnosis. I wished that she would have left him, and I wonder if she knew more about her particular cancer then what was made public; and she made a choice so as not to disrupt her children's lives. Was it the wrong choice to stay? I guess we will find out once the kids get old enough to voice an opinion. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them writes a book later on.

Brutuses - good post although I also hold the mistress at fault.

We teach are children by example. We can NOT say, "Do as I say, but not as I do". What are these women teaching their own children? These infidelities were not one time, stupid mistakes their husbands made. There was a history of infidelities and, from the sounds of it, these guys thought that they were *entitled* to have their mistresses and whatever. IMO, these women are teaching their female children to be victims and doormats, and their sons that it's ok to do the same someday themselves.

It's exactly the opposite. My "mother" cheated on my father through their whole marriage. I learned just how long after he'd been diagnosed with cancer & believe me, while I was shocked to find out it went as far back as before I was born, I wasn't surprised.. if that makes any sense. When the question of my own paternity came up it was and still is devastating even though I learned the truth 2 weeks after he passed.

What did it teach me? It taught me to hate cheaters. I have no respect for someone that cheats on their spouse; and if they get another chance by that spouse they are very fortunate but if it was me, I would not take them back. They know going in how I feel.

I think the kids will make their own judgment of their father when they get older if they haven't already. They are almost old enough to know what's going on and are living it every day, just like I did. Eventually they will get curious and google.

Here is a link that might be useful: Oprah - Elizabeth Edwards' First Interview

I don't know if I could truly forgive my husband if he cheated on me - especially a long term affair. However, if I had small children and he was a good father, I would think twice about disrupting their lives through a divorce.

I think Elizabeth felt that if she left him, she gave him the green light to continue with affair and to draw her children into meeting this woman or perhaps a future fling. I think she was protecting her children and her "marriage" as things she wasn't going to give this other woman.

John Edwards is a weak man who probably has strayed before, but I do think he loves his family and wanted to keep that intact, he just wanted a little fun on the side too. Which is just wrong and a direct slap in the face to his wife.

I think everyone makes good points on this thread. I understand Bru & others feeling anger & disgust, & not "being with the program" when it comes to wives staying with philandering spouses. But I also agree with Auntjen who points out that there are couples who have survived infidelity & had stronger, better marriages after the betrayal.

I remember Hillary Clinton saying that she stayed with Bill because they shared so much history, so much life together, she couldn't imagine spending the rest of her days with anyone else. I can relate to that, as I can't imagine suddenly having a complete change of heart about my own husband, just like that. I would be very hurt, but I don't know if I'd want to throw away 22 yrs. of marriage & 24.5 yrs. of being together.

My heart aches for Elizabeth because she has been battling cancer. That makes the betrayal seem more devastating. Like Lynn, I really lost respect for John after this was reported. I mean if your spouse isn't loyal & utterly devoted & supportive while you're dealing with cancer, when would he be?

Another interesting point made here was when Lynn recalled never getting involved with the married men who showed an interest in her, no matter what. Statistics show that once a man cheats on one woman he will probably cheat on subsequent partners. In other words, Lynn could have dated one of these fellows, after he told her that his wife was a heartless shrew who didn't understand him. He could have left his wife for her, but chances are good that he would then cheat on Lynn down the road too! So much heartache results from this behavior. It's very sad.

stinky, Lynn made it very clear she doesn't/didn't condone going out with a married man, no matter what his story is/was. Does your post suggest otherwise? Or did I misunderstand your post?

I can speak freely about these cheating politicians and their wives because they chose to put their business on the street. I can't speak of anyone on this forum or a next door neighbor who might cheat. However, these politicians and their wives put it out there for the world to see and form an opinion. They are the ones who will sit in judgement of themselves one day. No matter what I say or do, it won't change that outcome.

I would not have started this thread because I don't give a hoot about these people. I didn't watch the interview because it's like watching an episode of "to tell the truth". LOL However, since it was brought up I'm giving my opinion on the matter as I figure OP would be happy to hear from others or she wouldn't have started the thread.

From where I'm sitting these guys are so egotistical and shallow they don't have a clue what it means to be totally committed to anyone but themselves. As for the wives, I think the money and power is what keeps them right where they are and doesn't have a thing to do with understanding, trust or love. Bill Clinton could have brought a woman into Hillary's bed with her in it and Hillary wouldn't dare leave him when she needs him to further hew own agenda.

About the mistresses, remember, mistresses do not cause cheating husbands to cheat nor do they break up marriages. The cheating married person is responsible for the outcome because they ultimately are the ones who make the decision to deceive their spouse. The mistress has no loyalty to the spouse, she didn't marry them. Like I said, I think the mistresses are stupid and suffer from poor judgement, but if my DH cheated, it would not be the mistress I would blame. I don't think mistresses are up for woman of the year awards either, but they don't break up marriages, cheating spouses do.

"I think all these women are a pathetic role model to follow. Teaching their children that being walked on is perfectly alright."

I really disagree with this. While I'm certainly not condoning John Edwards' behavior - it's reprehensible - blaming his wife for staying with him isn't right either. She has her reasons -- her children, her health, her whole life (which probably revolves around his career), her friendships (many of which might also disappear if she were to divorce her still-powerful husband)... There's so much more to a long-term marriage than the location of a man's whatchamacallit 24/7. Again, I'm not condoning what HE did. And she's not exactly making it easy on him now, is she?

"I do have admiration for any woman who is able to publicly confront her shame"

HER shame!?
From the rest of your post, I'm thinking this is just an unfortunate turn of phrase. I think this may be her way of *rejecting* that shame. Of saying out loud to the world that she is NOT ashamed - that SHE has nothing to be ashamed about. That he was a snake, that she was a victim, and that she intends to survive, thank you very much.

In much the same way a rape or abuse victim begins to recover when they shed their shame and air their rage, airing her story pushes the shame away from her and onto her husband where it rightfully belongs.

The only thing I'd be airing to the public is my new mansion and Ferrari that hubby had to buy in the divorce settlement. LOL A lot more people would be cheering for her, watching her story and buying her book!!

That Ivanna Trump could teach Mrs. Edwards a thing or two on how to make the poor hubby feel bad. Right in the wallet where it counts for big, powerful men.

I wish someone would ask her how her stage IV cancer suddenly became stage II? LOL. They are the biggest phonies ever to breathe, these two, both of them.

Some pretty harsh words ... from people who don't have a clue what her life is really like. Until you find yourself in her position might be best to hold judgment.

All I'm speaking on is what I see and hear. I would never be in her position because I would have walked out the day I learned from the media that he cheated. I'm not sitting in judgement of her. I wouldn't want that job. I'm only commenting on what she's put out there for people to see and hear.

I have nothing personal against the woman. I don't hold her in high regard or look at her as someone "special". She puts her business in the street and she's looking for sympathy. I wish her well, but I'd appreciate if she and others like her, i.e., Hillary, didn't get on TV and tell the world she's great because she stayed with that pitiful excuse of a man.

Side note, I don't care what political party they are affiliated with. A cheating husband is a menace to society no matter what his political affiliation. LOL

Sweeby, it was perhaps phrased improperlocial history. Embarassment could work but shame I think can work here to. When we are part of a family, shame is often shared by all and I would say that a cheating spouse can bring shame on the entire family. Humiliation would probably be the most accurate word.

Hi Monablair! Yes, yes, I know Lynn would never do such a thing under any circumstance! I was giving a hypothetical scenario. I wanted to make the point that she not only demonstrated integrity through her choice, but was also making a very wise choice.

I referenced statistics, but also personally know a very good, decent woman who fell in love with a married man who convinced her that his wife was "the problem." She believed that this relationship was meant to be, that she had found her soulmate, that she was the answer to his prayers. However, they did not live happily ever after! Yes, he left his wife, yes he married her, but two years later she caught him in bed with one of her friends. Divorce soon followed.

I wanted to point out that Lynn was not only doing the moral, good, & right thing to stay away from married men, she also saved herself a lot of grief. This is a story that seldom ends well, though many women see themselves as somehow "different." Lynn had the insight & self-respect, in addition to her moral backbone, to avoid the situation completely.

stinky, thanks for the explanation.

I agree that if a married man ends up marrying the other woman, the odds are high that he'll repeat the same behavior.
And as the new wife, I'd know how good he was at sneaking around and I'd never feel comfortable when he was out of sight.

And that's an awful way to live. But perhaps it's well deserved.

All this talk of infidelity brings to mind 2 women, who unfortunately chose revenge over other options. Betty Broderick and Clara Harris who chose revenge because they unfortunately lived their lives for their husbands and couldn't handle the betrayal.

Two women who ruined their lives, took another life and left their children without a mother or father to raise them.

I thought after Fatal Attraction the cheating rate would drop drastically, but seems men are still being stupid in spite of the fatal risk factor!!

"Until you find yourself in her position might be best to (with)hold judgment."

Generally I would agree, if we were talking about the people who live down the block. But EE put herself out there, wrote a book, and has been interviewed by the most famous interviewer on the planet. That is asking for judgment. In fact, taking up sides for or against politicians is nothing but judging them. Since the Edwardses put forth their happy family life as a model - unlike, e.g., Ron Paul or Rudy Giuliani or Dennis Kucinich - they were inviting the voters to make that fact part of the ballot-box decision.

After reading thru most (admittedly not all) of this thread the thought that comes to me is that no one but *no one* knows what goes on in a marriage except the people in it. Making assumptions about a marriage simply because the partners are public figures may seem like 'sport' to some degree but it strikes me as unkind more than anything else. I don't care how public their lives are, we don't know them and we certainly don't know if the choices they are making are a result of weakness or strength. Whatever the motivation, I hope they are able to fully reconcile if that is what they choose.

dlm2000,

I agree with you, and since they do have small children, and she is so ill, I do hope they can reconcile to whatever degree they're able.

dlm I'm afraid you're wrong about no one knowing what goes on. The Edwards put their business on the Oprah show and have written a book. They put it out there. I don't care about these people's marriage or their fake reconciliation. Their reconciliation IMO is all for show and for their personal gain. I don't think these people have a genuine bone in their body. If they do I wish it would show itself. I think they are both fine actors who are totally disengenuous to you, me, their children and above all, themselves.

I'll save my warm and fuzzy feelings for real people with real problems.

I saw the interview and I'm praying for Elizabeth Edwards. For all any of us knows, she's keeping the marriage together to make her passing easier on her children. She has enough to deal with now knowing that she has a terminal illness. She's showing great strength in making this decision, albeit not as easy one as she stated,to stay. Maybe her life would feel very void without him and the children all interacting as usual so I give her kudos for doing what's best for the most people and possibly, what's best for her under the circumstances.

brutuses I still disagree - no matter what has been put forth publicly it is only a small portion of their lives. Have you never gone to a party or family function after a tiff with your DH but put on a happy face for the world to see? (and let's not bandy the differences between a tiff and cheating) Even my very best friend in the world who knows all my secrets (truthfully, even more than my DH in some ways) doesn't know all there is about my marriage. She doesn't live it. I know of marriages post cheating (and not just by the men) that have been renegotiated and remade, then gone on to withstand the years. It can happen. I don't consider this warm fuzzies at all, just a bit of slack because I'm not in their moccasins.

DLM, I agree with you as well. "I'm not sitting in judgement of her", Brutuses, that's exactly what you are doing. Frankly I am appalled by your comments and utter lack of compassion. You always seem to have more sympathy and concern for animals than you do humans. Sheesh! I'm glad and happy for you that you can sit on your high horse and judge people because you are perfect and NOTHING has ever happened to you.

No matter how public one allows their life to be, we still don't know 100% what goes on behind closed doors. We can venture a guess or speculate but we really don't know.

Here's my take on the situation. I think like most of us we enter into relationships with somewhat of an idea of how the future will be. In the case of political couples and say celebrities most start out just like you and me. One or the other may become active politically or have a talent and get discovered and as time goes on, they rise in stature and before you know it, they are famous. I think in circumstances like that, it would probably would be difficult to leave because of the history together.

I mean think about it, what if your spouse came to you and said that he/she wanted to run for public office? They believe in a cause and feel that they could really do some good. Would you say no? I think most of us would say yes. So say said spouse does well and before you know it, wants to run for another office, one that is higher than the previous one and again wins. And so it goes. Before you know it, said spouse is now a high ranking official and the other spouse could easily be in a position where deep down they abhor public life but for love of a man, they are thrust into a public life. I mean think of Jackie Kennedy. I think she is a perfect example of what I'm trying to say. In many respects, she had a real distaste for public life and did as much as she good at times to avoid the spotlight.

Finally with respect to why someone stays or leaves, I think there are so many many factors. Some are made public and some are not. I think a lot depends on the person's upbringing, maybe religious beliefs, children.

I think the fact that Elizabeth Edwards came forward with her side of the story is one of the most powerful role models for her daughter. Having seen and heard what her mom has gone through I'm sure will provide her with a large bank to draw from of do's and don'ts when it comes to relationships.

Now for my own story. My dad cheated on my mom over and over during the course of their marriage. As a child I witnessed her emotional roller coaster and the back and forth of their relationship. As a teenager and adult, because of what my Mom went through, I knew that I would never cheat and that whomever I married I would make aware of my background and if they EVER cheated, the first time I found out I would be out the door. Many times I asked my Mom why she stayed and there were times I encouraged her to leave but for many reasons, she chose to stay. Was I ashamed of her? No. Did I think she was pathetic? No. Did I think she was a poor role model? No. Did I think she was humiliating? No. Did I lose my respect for her? No.

What I learned about both parents was the fact that something in both of them prevented them from seeking and trying to fix the dial inside them that allowed one to cheat and the other to stay in spite of it.

What I also was taught by my mom was that I was a strong, intelligent woman who could make it on her own and deserved to be treated in a particular way. I was taught NOT to tolerate certain behavior and if a man treated me in a particular way I was to run not walk away from him. Her favorit words to me was always "you can do bad all by yourself, never let another person bring you down". I think for whatever reason, the dial that she needed to turn to fix herself, she instead used it for me instead. I think she poured all of her emotions and energy into making sure that my self esteem and confidence was strong enough so that I would never put up with and endure what she did. For that I will be eternally grateful. She is and was MY role model, a woman I RESPECTED and I thank God everyday that she was my MOM. I wouldn't be the person I am today without her. I learned alot from her.

With respect to my dad, at some point in my adult life I let him know that not only was he cheating on my mom, but he cheated on me and my sibling as well. Everytime that he was with a woman and not with us, that was an opportunity lost with us kids. At some point, he had to atone for that.

30+ years later my dad admitted his mistakes as well as the realization that he did not know why he did what he did. He has been trying to get help for it and he realizes the pain he put everyone through. I have worked hard to maintain and build and sustain a relationship with him. I have forgiven him but of course I will never forget. I see the pain in his eyes and his shame for what he did. I also in some ways understand it, while some others would not. I love my dad, that's right I love him. I have also learned from him as well. I learned that because of him and my mom, I had additonal tools in my bag when I ultimately said yes to the man I married. I was either going to trust him or not. I could have been suspicious every day of our marriage every time he walked out the door but I am not. As I mentioned before I told him of our family history and what my reaction would be if her ever cheated. There would be no second chance. We have been together for 24 years and from the day I said "I do" I have had absolute and complete trust in him. I don't worry if he is cheating, because I know that he won't. That is what my parent's marriage taught me.

I'm sorry for the very long post but I just had to speak out and hopefully try to share the other side of the story. Clearly a nerve was touched and if I offended anyone I'm sorry.

No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and to pass judgement and malign a STRANGER for living an imperfect life is prejudicial.

Lots of differing opinions & comments and we're all entitled to say what we think, aren't we?

I'm going to defend Brutuses. I don't find her comments harsh considering that Elizabeth Edwards wrote the book detailing the affair. She went on TV and talked about the affair and her marriage. She let viewers into her home.

I don't know why she wrote the book but I have a feeling it was a way to make her husband squirm. It's her way of punishing him and humilating him for the way he's humiliated her. I don't think she loves him anymore but at this point it's just easier for her to stay than leave, but in staying she's going to make his life a living nightmare.

I do have compassion for her, but I also feel that if John Edwards had been a shoe salesman she'd have left him. I do believe his power and his social position played an important role in her decision to stay. Add her illness to the story and I can see why she didn't kick him out.

Elizabeth Edwards had to know she'd be inviting comments about her situation when she wrote the book and certainly when she appeared on the Oprah show. Given her situation I'd like to think that I would have kicked the SOB to the curb, but I can't be sure.

She obviously believes she's done the right thing for herself and her children. She may be right; time will tell.

But I think the average woman of modest means and without social prestige is being given the message that saving a marriage and forgiving affairs is the right thing to do even at the cost of her self esteem and confidence.

Deborahnj, I think it's wonderful that your mother taught you postive lessons as a result of her marriage. However, I think more young girls see your mother's life as a way of accepting whatever way a husband chooses to treat his wife and family. And that's not good.

I don't think Brutuses is sitting on a high horse, from her life experience this is what she thinks of a very public situation, exposed for all to see. You can't have privacy and at the same time, plug your book on Oprah.
I'm not sure if I could forgive and move on; I guess it becomes a renegotiation of your flawed relationship with
your partner. A choice you make and live with.

Mona, I'm not sure that the women in question suffered any loss of self-esteem & self confidence. As I indicated earlier, I even think Elizabeth may have written the book & "gone public" in order to assert herself & her story boldly & with authority. Hillary certainly seems to be no shrinking violet!

As for sending a message to average women, I don't think it is incumbent upon well-known figures to make personal life choices for both themselves & the general public. For one thing, it is virtually impossible to know what would be right for any one other than yourself! Their only responsblity imo, is to choose authentically for themselves. I think "role model" pressure is absurd. If I find myself in this situation, I'm not going to ask myself, "What would Hillary do?" The only sane approach is to evaluate my own life on its own terms. I would encourage young people to do the same...think for yourself.

I agree, Bru is unfairly maligned for her views. These are very personal choices, & each of us needs to act & formulate opinions from that place within that tells us what is right for us. There is no absolute, definitive answer here. Bru is speaking from her own truth, from a wealth of experiences that have shaped her views.

To me, it resonated when Auntjen observed that no one fully understands the dynamics of other people's relationships. Dlm shared similar thoughts.

Debora' mom, for example, may be viewed by some young girls as a pushover, but if I had a daughter, I would challenge her to open her mind to other possibilities regarding this woman & her choices. I'd encourage her to see that we do not know the whole story. We really never know what's going on in other people's lives.

I do think each of us has a choice, and each of us is a different kind of person. I'm not a forgive and forget type, for adults anyway, when there is major intentional emotional/physical abuse or wrongs involved.

Some people don't think it is OK to judge others. I'm not one of those people. One NEVER knows all the facts- even if you are sitting in a jury box, there is plenty that can and is kept from you for various reasons.

I go with what I know and feel perfectly comfortable with my feelings and judgments of the world I live in.

I think if you pimp your book and your life on a national TV show, it is perfectly OK for other people to discuss and judge what you put out there.

By the way, there seem to be LOTS of cheaters (I did an internet statistic search and I got figures from 20-60% for men cheating in marriage) I don't exactly know how these statistics are obtained, many people who cheat don't publicize the fact, but there's no doubt in my mind that cheating is not a rare event.

I'm with Brutus and MonaBlair on this one. I didn't view the Edwards as role models/inspiration before this happened and certainly don't *now.* For all I know, her tell-all book is just more political spinning from them. I agree they certainly have put themselves out there for all to take in---both of them. Brutus is not on any "high horse."

You can't have privacy and at the same time, plug your book on Oprah. Well said.

My father cheated on mom while I was growing up. I found out after he died that I have a half-sister somewhere due to one of his many affairs. My mom never divorced him but I did. I left home when I was seventeen (still in high school and supported myself) deciding that I would rather risk homelessness than stay in the same house as him. I will never forgive him for what he put her through.

deborah, I don't hold it against you what you think about me. High horse, now that's funny. I can barely climb in my van. LOL All kidding aside and I am kidding because I'm not going to get upset with you because of what the Edwards' do or don't do.

I always find it annoying when someone in a thread attacks another poster for their opinion. I think the original poster, in this case Carol, is the only person who has the right to tell me I said something about her topic that she finds off track or out of line or an insult to her as the OP.

You can differ in your opinion of me or what I said, but you don't have the right to attack me and insult me.

BTW, the animals I rescue and care for are innocent. Please don't compare them to any human. If I take a poll right now to see who most people would have compassion for, a stray husband or a stray animal, I think I know which would win.

"As for sending a message to average women, I don't think it is incumbent upon well-known figures to make personal life choices for both themselves & the general public."

You're right, their decisions should be made based on their personal situations.

However, consider the trickle down effect it's having on our young people. Statistics show that many young women are staying in abusive relationships and as a result are repeat victims, both of physical and emotional abuse. We'll never know if having persons in the public eye making those same decisions are influencing their choices.

It used to be that our young people had good role models to look up to. I believe with fame comes the responsibility of acting honorably and honestly. Our star athletes are testing positive for drugs. Our leading actors are assaulting others at public events. We read about countless
times where public drunkeness and lewd behavior has been reported. And how many times have these public persons been found to be playing Musical beds?

I respect people like Reese Witherspoon and Uma Thurman...they didn't take their husbands' affairs lightly.

I don't know why this woman wrote this tell-all book now. Even the media pundits can't figure it out. I have my own theory about it; but it's simply my theory.

I don't care if she stays with him. His life can't be too much fun for him right now and she's likely enjoying his misery.

Her choice to go or stay won't sway me if the time comes that (I hope not) I'm faced with an illicit affair issue.

But that's me. What about a young woman, not very educated and with little income? Maybe she'll end up staying in a miserable relationship just because "somebody" did.

Maybe Elizabeth shouldn't think about being anybody's role model; maybe she should just be thinking of how her children will survive these family tragedies.

But somebody needs to be thinking about how his/her bad behavior and decisions will impact those in their formative years. These young people are like sponges, soaking in what they see and hear. Their responses to situations are based on the experiences they've been exposed to.

That's all I'm saying.

Mona, I totally agree with you. If other young girls had known of my Mom's situation and viewed it purely from a public standpoint, they may have taken away a message that it is ok for a man to treat them disrespectfully. I sometimes think that she instilled so much in me to make sure that I would as much as I could preach and teach a different way of living as well as having self esteem and confidence in yourself. Essentially being the "role model" she could not or would not be in her lifetime.

For whatever reason any of these women decided to go public, I think it is always a good opportunity to use their situations when you can as teaching tools for those women, young and old that we know to have open dialog and discussion on the do's and don'ts of what is and is not acceptable treatment in a relationship. And as Auntjen so eloquently stated above, it can also provide an opportunity to discuss what can happen if a spouse chooses to stay and the benefits that could result after one makes that choice. Marriages do manage to survive and can come out on the other side much stronger and better than before.

Bru, from your own words "OK, start throwing stones at me, it's OK", you knew your words were inflammatory when you wrote them. Nuff said.

Finally, we haven't actually discussed the low self-esteem and lack of self confidence on the part of the mistress. I for one absolutely thinks that a woman who knowingly gets involved with a man is equally devoid of self-esteem, self respect and self confidence. That person needs just as much help as the couple. In the end, no matter how you look at it, all parties involved are lacking something or it wouldn't happen in the first place.

I thought some people would dissagree with me, did not expect anyone to attack me and I see you are the only one who took that approach. If attacking me makes you feel better, than God bless you.

This Oprah show was so typical (to me) of an ugly part if our popular culture. Damaged, flawed, greedy people feel the need to do whatever it takes to put themselves in the public spotlight. Then the public dissects, analyzes and judges their behavior. If the public viewpoint is negative, then the faux celebrity "deserves" it, because they have opened their lives for review. The whole thing makes no sense to me.

I didn't watch the interview and won't read the book. I'm not passing judgement on them, don't know enough of the story to really make an opinion. Other than cheating by either spouse is wrong. I will say as Auntjen did, that I have seen couples go on and repair their marriage after an affair. Very few and it would be extremely hard (IMO) after the trust is broken.

I do not understand why some think they need to write books and go on the interview about such personal, private matters. It almost embarrasses me for them. I'm not interested in what goes on in their marriage.

Kitchenkelly - I'm really sorry for what you went through. If only more parents who chose to cheat on their partner would really THINK about how their children would be affected . . . .

tina

Brutuses, Deborah didn't do anything but repeat your own words. Hardly an attack. It almost seems like you search for controversy. I saw your post of the deleted Junk forum thread over on the Cooking forum. First time poster there and that's your contribution?

natal, I'm glad I can always count on you to keep me in line. You're always on time and consistent when you stop in to tell me what I am and what I do wrong and what I say is wrong.

What I can't figure out is your facination with what I say. You've been critiqing things I say on his forum for over a year now. When is it going to stop? You don't like me and that is obvious, OK, I get it and I'm sure others who post here and see your repeated attacks on me get it too. So say what's really on your mind and get off my back.

To tell you the truth what you say to me is just annoying, it doesn't mean anything because you are not a regular poster on this forum so I don't respect or value anything you have to say. You only swoop in to give your 2 cents and tell me what I've done wrong on certain days. I have to tell you I'm sick of it. I'm not your child, your friend, your neighbor, so stop getting so familiar with me all the time. You are creeping me out.

Bru, another baseless rant. Why are simple facts so hard for you to deal with? I haven't posted much online in the past 8 months ... computer issues ... so your comment bears little truth.

Back to my question ... why?

You really do need to stop following me around and attacking me. It's documented so you can't deny it. I've copied every senseless attack you've come after me with over the last year or so. It's obvious what you are doing and lady I have to tell you it's starting to make you look unstable. So get a life and stay out of mine.

Bru, I don't understand why you accuse people of "stalking" you simply because they disagree with you. I know I'm not the only one, because I've seen similar comments directed at others. You did it to Deborahnj in this thread at 15:44 on the 9th.

I think the last time I responded to one of your posts was over on the LA/MS Gardening forum. I didn't "follow" you there, it's one of several GW forums I visit from time to time. I don't think I'm the loose cannon here.

It is being repeated today if anyone is interested in watching it.

I'm just wondering if any of you actually read the book. She spends very little time talking about her husbands affair. It is mostly about her dead son and her growing up years. She talks about how she always had dreams about her future and was shocked when her life didn't live up to them

I have not really followed this whole ordeal, so forgive me if I'm not up on all the details, but my impression is that yayagirl hit it on the head. Doesn't the poor woman have terminal cancer??? And she is expected to just shed her husband of so many years (despite his horrible betrayal) and "normal time" with her children, to die alone?

Jenny, I watched a bit of this again when it was on the other day. I did feel for her and was again finding myself wondering why she would put herself through a national TV interview, but perhaps she felt that by being proactive she was going to be viewed at the victim. I hadn't thought about her trying to hold her family together since she could die soon. She did say it could be 1 year or 10 years, so maybe that was only part of her motivation.

I did think it wasn't correct to say the "child" and his parentage wouldn't have any affect on her life, so she wasn't concerned with it. It would affect her life and her children's life if John Edwards was the father - financially and also emotionally that child would be a step child to her current children.

I hope things have gotten better for her and she continues to feel well and fight her cancer battle.

I would loved to have been a fly on the wall when she said:

"John, I've invited Oprah and her TV crew over to interview me on her show. You WILL be here and you WILL be civil."

To the extent that this show is out there for her children to see now and forever into the future, I think it was probably not the best choice for her. But, it was still her choice.