When I had a steady job, I treated myself every 7 weeks to the same fancy schmancy salon my peers went to. I wasn't making great money, but enough to justify looking good in the office and keeping up with myself. I felt like it was a bit extravagant, but lucky to be able to do this for myself at last. I tipped my stylist generously, probaby too much out of ignorance. Anyway, it wasn't until several months later I found out she owned the salon. I was miffed but continued to go because I looked great. Out of my own discomfort and unwillingness to feel uncomfortable to just stop tipping, I kept it up, perhaps not as generously, but still a decent tip. On a hot summer day I opted not to have her dry my hair, figuring I'd save a little and the response was oh let me just dry the bangs we just have to so I can see how the color came out! So I said okay and she charged me. The next time I went the bill was higher by about $20 and when I asked they said oh you had the (whatever they called it) rinse. Apparently when she said oh your hair seems dry and damaged I'm going to use X on it and I said great, it meant an additional crazy charge! So I went home and checked the prices listed on their web site and learned not only was I tipping the owner all this time but I was paying MORE for her services because she was listed as a level 4 provider. What the?! This meant I was paying on average $50 more per visit and getting so ripped off. This will never happen again. I now go to SuperCuts, pay a mere fraction of the price for color and cut, tip very generously for the cost and I sleep well knowing I am no longer a sap burning money. By the way, my hair looks fantastic. No difference whatsoever.

Having been a hairdresser and a consumer, I see both sides. Just something to consider: First you get your hairdressing license. States vary on the amount of hours necessary to begin with. However, for many that is just the beginning of education. A top notch hairdresser most likely served as an apprentice for an additional 6 months to 2 years after completing beauty school. Then they take additional classes on a regular basis for more training. The classes they take aren't cheap, in fact some are quite pricey. Sometimes you need to travel to other parts of the country to get them as well. These are the people that deserve to charge these kind of prices in my opinion. After all it is our choice to pay these prices. If a hairdresser is exceptional they will be able to demand the price, and deserve it. They are also paying their medical and retirement out of their wages. The only salons I am aware of that pay benefits are the chain salons that pay minimum wage. People that are professioanl are paid accordingly, and I think that is right. It is kind of like a plastic surgeon with a great reputation. They can demand more because they have earned it. I personally pay a high price to get my color done because I know not everyone is capable of doing what I want and I am very particular. However, I get my hair cut elsewhere save money on that because I can't afford it and am happy with a cheaper cut...I get a basic cut for that very reason. I dry my own hair too. I don't care if I dry it, I do care about the results in the end and that is what I'm paying for. I budget for every six weeks, and it isn't so bad. I could spend that much on coffee each week! Just offering another perspective, so don't blast me!

I once was told by a salon owner to not tip him. I guess because all of what the owner charges goes to that person (even though they have expenses), but with someone working for the owner - a portion of their income goes to the owner. I tip 20% to my hairstylist and also the massage therapist I go to. I recently went to a new massage therapist and did not have much cash with me that day and I always use my card. I should clarify that both my hairstylist and the massage therapist have card thingies set up in their name - it does not go through the shop. My hairstylist knows to let me add tip to the charge, but the therapist didn't. So on my first visit, she didn't get a tip. I didn't have the correct amount to tip her in cash, and she didn't have change (LOL!!). So, Pesky, the next time I saw her, I simply doubled the tip to make up for the previous visit. She does a fabulous job, works me in, and has done wonders for a shoulder/muscle problem I was having. I usually use my card, unless I know they would prefer cash, but that's simply for my own convenience. tina

First, nobody is obligated to go thousands of miles to attend a wedding. I don't care if they're immediate family, that does not obligate you. Fer cryin out loud, sometimes the bride and groom aren't even in the same spot! LOL I would not likely attend many weddings or funerals that are thousands of miles away. Second, nobody is obligated to spend a DIME they can't afford to attend a wedding. Expecting that is selfish. No way would I spend the money if I couldn't well afford it. Third, nobody is obligated to condone something they honestly feel is not right. This isn't an endorsement nor condemnation to your opinion, simply a fact. And it doesn't matter whether it's reasonable or not. If *you* don't feel the marriage is right, for whatever reason and regardless of whether you're even correct on it, you don't have an obligation to attend and as I said, maybe only the bride and groom (or groom and groom or bride and bride, or dog and horse, etc. are "obligated" to attend in the first place. If you felt the marriage was illegal, for instance a sham to gain citizenship or something, you'd be a hypocrite to attend and endorse it IMO. Also, you're not obligated to send a gift if you don't want to give one. Sounds like you would like to give something since you've said you're happy for him and would like to meet his friend. I have a policy that I make known: Don't ask me a question you don't want answered. Don't pull this if you can't say something nice... BS on me. Don't even try. That's a silly saying. If you ask me "Does this dress make me look fat?" I may well tell you that no, the dress doesn't make you look fat, it's the extra 40 pounds on the hips that makes you look fat. He asked your opinion, you gave it. He couldn't accept it. He's trying to pull the if you can't say something nice crapola and you don't need to subscribe. Sounds to me that he wants to be more high profile on his beliefs, orientation and political activities. I wouldn't get caught up in it. Yes, if you haven't been invited it's not an issue right now but it's reasonable to sort your feelings now. And no, I certainly would not lie. I don't tell people I can't get off work, or the car wouldn't start or some lie that everyone can see through. You don't say why, you say you won't be attending the event. If you regret that you can't go, say you regret that you won't be attending. If they press, there's a lot of reasons, distance and financial should be the first considerations. And by then if they don't understand, there's no need to say more. And as far as being judgmental or uncomfortable at a wedding, sheesh! How often does that happen? Most? "She's not good enough for him..." "He's not good enough for her..." "My, my, do you suppose she's pregnant???" "S/He's not the same religion, color, nationality, from the same town, talks funny, doesn't have the same education,..." "MY child's wedding was nicer than this..." bla,...