- This is a regular event that is well attended,
- You discussed it with a local and they said no RSVPs is normal,
-It's a casual event

Based on the above I would roll the dice and proceed with the event. Don't let your inside Ms. Manners get the better of you and put a bad taste in your new neighbor's mouths. I've been a resident of small towns my whole life and let me say, if you cancel, it will not be forgotten - ever.

The rudeness of others can be astounding but put your resentment in your pocket and send out one more "sweet" reminder email and maybe a flyer on the school entrance. The notes going home with the kids is also a great idea.

Have fun!

Wow. Yet another case for severe rudeness. Wow. Self-centered people. Is it so freaking difficult to email nowadays?

Yes. Tread Lightly. Send your email and go to the school and present the whole case in person. Leave a written copy of all of your prep work. State that you are SO very disappointed in the responses. Offer to re-schedule BUT only after sending out Save the Date emails first! Then ask the school if you "missed a step?" "perhaps WE can send along a note home with the children????" Etc. Make the school VERY aware that THEY are missing out on a FUND raiser opportunity.

Sad but necessary.

Unbeliveable. Rude. Rude. Rude.

Jan at Rosemary Cottage

Agree with what kellyeng said. If it would be easier for you to make it more casual I would in order to be flexible and continue the previous tradition. If it bugs you to order beef tenderloin and not know how many to plan for, change the menu and save the tenderloin for yourself.

LOL I knew I could count on ya'll to be honest :) OK first, let me address the potluck.

I'm not catering, DH is a chef in his spare time. We'll be making the tenderloin on our big green egg. I actually described it as "some sort of meat or meat byproduct" in the email to the school (they know my sense of humor so that's ok) so people don't know what it is, and it will be served in an informal way. The wine is cheap :oP I visited the wine distributer a few weeks ago and arranged for it in advance so I could get it wholesale. It's good to drink but less than ten dollars a bottle...some less than five (but remember that's wholesale so it's not annie greensprings). And as to serving good food and wine, that's a tradition we won't break even for a new neighborhood :)

It's not fine linen and china :) It's enough plates for everyone to have one instead of using paper because the whole freaking town is full of greenies and we're trying to be green :oP (it's hard for folks in the oil industry to make people think we are green ya know LOL and no, no one knows what we do for a living). I just wanted to rent because that's a lot of paper and plastic that would just get thrown out in the trash so renting casual dishes makes sense...but given that reminder by ya'll, I'll go by the rental place today and make sure it's casual. I honestly don't want wedding china...it's not that type of party.

We have a large house, and large yard, but even for a casual yard party we need to rent tables and chairs. Do any of you have 100 chairs I can borrow? heh heh

I'll send a nice email today. I know from emails to the teacher last night that we have at least 30 coming (from teacher's family and friends) and I am not one to cancel...I just didn't want to spend a fortune, including rushing to get a playset up and installed by friday if I didn't need to. If ten were going to show, it might just be a bad weekend (but even if it is, for gads sake RSVP).

OK more later, DS is late for school LOL

Brave of you to volunteer to host. I would've played it safe this first gathering especially being the new kid on the block. Beef tenderloin and wine is a far cry from potluck and "freaking casual". I tend to agree with Ann's sentiments. Good luck with all of it!

Hoo boy...

I totally agree about not RSVP'ing being rude. But on the other hand, if that's the way things are done for these preschool at pot-lucks, then that appears to be the norm for this particular group, and I'd cut them lots of slack. Also, presumably, your son goes to this preschool because you felt it was the best place for him. You wouldn't really want to mess up his social standing in the good school because your nose was out of joint at a lack of RSVPs (no matter how reasonably).

As Ann and Deee said -- You know the Power Mom clique and how those typically work. In a small town, cancelling the event (or I suspect, even postponing it) would not be forgotten, nor, I suspect, easily forgiven; and you and your son would be the ones to suffer. Mean girls exist in all age brackets, and while you may not want to join them, you sure don't want to paint a target on your back.

"This isn't a hot dogs & potato salad gig with lawn chairs."

Are you sure you're not over-doing it with tenderloin and wine on real china?
Believe me, I totally 'get' the good food and wine on real china and glassware party credo. I have a really, really hard time using plastic or paper serving ware when (thanks to several generations of dead relatives) I have dozens of china plates and sterling flatware. But sometimes, out-doing the community norm can get you into trouble. Particularly in your case since your house and grounds are already huge and gorgeous -- the type of place to inspire envy in those who are so inclined. This might be a wise time to scale back slightly.

Since Hubby is doing the cooking in a Big Green Egg -- what about substituting some other big hunk o' meat for the tenderloin? Something Alaskan maybe? Maybe a haunch of moose? Smoked turkey? Venison sausage? Or rent a big ole' wide grill so Hubby can 'show grill' a variety of smaller items (moose burgers?) while interracting with your guests.

Might also be a good idea to 'angst' to the pre-school director and/or head of the PTA. Get them on your side in a helping capacity so they're invested in the success of your event. Maybe calling around for more RSVPs? Consulting on the menu?

I bet you'll have a great turnout due to curiosity alone.
Unless it really is just your too big/too small arse and red hair? ;-p

I've done fundraisers and thank you parties, and I figure on twice as many people attending as the RSVPs. Yes, I know that manners are dead, but that's the way it goes. Oh, I've also got about 10 dozen glass 7" plates and an equal number of wineglasses (also good for other cold liquid refreshment) that get reused . The cost has been more than made up for all the paper or plastic plates and cups that we didn't have to buy.

If you plan on hosting more events, look into this. I think Bed Bath and Beyond has them for about $10/dozen.

Okay, here's a story. My former church has a monthly, themed, potluck dinner at members' houses. A member signs up to host and others respond by a certain date as to whether they will attend and what they will bring. A friend asked me to host with her at her ranch. She and her husband were very affluent and owned a large ranch and large home with a small staff and could accommodate many more people more comfortably than I could at that time. I was delighted to have been asked as she was and is lots of fun and both of us took pride in our cooking. We had both attended many of these supper gatherings and always brought appropriate amounts and types of food. We received only four responses (affirmative) and commitments to bring food. We received no other responses, affirmative or negative, despite three polite emails, requests, etc. So, she and I proceeded to plan around dinner for about eight people She had her own rental-type tables, catering set-ups, etc., but I brought flowers and pasta dishes as it was to be a pasta-themed event, as well as various other items. We cooked a couple of things for about 20, thinking that if a few extra folks showed up, or if some brought their entire families, it'd be okay. Sixty people showed up, many empty-handed, some with maybe enough for two servings of a single item. I felt horrible. Neither my friend nor I had ever hosted an event where there was not enough food to go around, but here we were. I have tried not to think about this experience; it left a very sour taste. However, your post brought it up again. If I had it to do all over again, I'd cancel due to lack of response, very politely, and offer to do it at a "more propitious" time. Honestly, I believe people thought, "Oh well, it's being held at X's house. Let her feed me." I know this sounds b**chy, but it is how I feel and it is good to vent about it, finally. There is simply no way to entertain a large group well if you have no way to predict how many guests will be there. Either people will go hungry or you will waste a lot of food and effort--not to mention, emotional energy.

Every potluck that I have been involved with has had a sign up list, so that the menu doesn't end up with too many desserts, not enought salads and no bread. Also, when people have signed up to bring a particular item they feel more involved and obligated to show up.
That said, I wouldn't call this a charity party unless funds are being raised. This sounds like a planning session/get together. I would probably ditch the rented dishes and find some eco-friendly disposable stuff. Have you run your plans by any one who has hosted one of these events in the past? I agree with runninginplace that your idea of what is appropriate for this event may be way different than what has generally been done in the past.
That said, the no RSVPs is really rude. I was president of a service organization last year, we had weekly meetings, and it was like pulling teeth to get people to attend regularly, or to even let me know that they wouldn't be there. Sadly, many people don't honor their committments.

Kitchendetective - you felt horrible? Oh, honey - no! Every single one of those mukluks who showed up "unannounced" and empty-handed should have been beet red with embarrassment to say the least. How did you handle such a large crowd? I think I'd strongly consider writing down the phone number to the local pizza delivery place and handing it out to all of those rude morons. "Here. Might as well get something to eat, since you didn't bother to let us know you'd be coming for the meal."

Yes, I know - bad manners should not beget bad manners. But I'd personally have a hard time even wanting to socialize with people who were so rude and clueless from that point on. Maybe such lack of consideration is "just the way it goes" these days - but I still have a very difficult time overlooking such a blatant disregard for others.

I can kinda see not bothering to RSVP if you didn't plan to attend the event (I don't condone this, but I can understand how it might happen). I cannot even fathom failing to let the host know I'd be there if I were planning to attend, however.

Ah Sweeby has some good points. I forgot about power moms since my kids are grown. Now I remember I guess my community is rather like a small town since many grew up here and moved back to have their kids(like salmon i guess).
Don't cancel, plan for more people, dazzle them with your hospitality, call KK and me to fill two spots,and go with the flow.

Doesn't "pot luck" mean everybody brings a dish to pass or something to drink to the party? That's what it means here. Maybe nobody knows how to respond to you, if you've changed the way the party has always been done. Maybe you would have been better off to attend one before hosting one, so you'd know what the norm is. No matter how you cut it or what you call it (meat by-product?), tenderloin and wine on rented tables is a far cry from beer and brats, if that's what they're used to. Your peeps may even be wondering what to wear to your "event" and if they can bring the kids.

I love hosting big parties and know your frustration, but I'd worry that you might be raising the ante for future parties the group holds.

I agree that for a pre-school event, what you are planning is too much. No matter how much you like good food and good wine, etc. I don't think this is the time for it. What exactly are the plans for the garden and how is it a charity? They might be thinking you want them to plant your garden for you!

I'm assuming that no one has signed up to bring anything. Therefore, if Ig wants to "suck it up and proceed," how does she plan? Come up with a menu and food for 100 people because that's the number that has shown up historically? And if one or two sign up, how many people should the dish they bring feed? I'm liking the pitchfork idea better and better; it may be the most practical. No matter whether one can afford it or not, if there are food and covers for 100, and ten people show up, it's a waste and will put a damper on the atmosphere and success of the event. OTOH, if "That's just Pt. Townsend," then there should be ample people around to tell Ig how to plan for the non-responders. Sweeby does make a good point about the pre-school social pressures. I guess I was never very good at the strategic aspects of pre-school. The very thought of having to pay attention to pre-school politics makes me want to crawl under a boulder.

AJ--Yes. I felt horrible and it lasted for years. I had been attending that church for about a year when this happened, but the co-hostess had been around for at least ten years. We both felt there was some sort of inchoate hostility in the way the event unfolded. Moreover, both of us had unwritten codes with ourselves that no one who came into our homes would ever feel that we had not treated them with the utmost hospitality and generosity.

I'm not busy Friday and I've never been to Port Townsend...I'm down in Portland so can I come? I'll even RSVP and bring my own chair. (j/k).

I'm glad you're not cancelling because it would be held against you. You live in a gorgeous home that everyone is familiar with and unfortunately, there are some who resent the fact that someone has nice things. Sad...but true.

A friend offered her gorgeous home to an organization I volunteered with for a potluck..and yet there were some unbelievably caddy remarks made about how the owner of the home should have had more to offer with regard to food. Kind of sad. They also had no respect for her home, leaving it a complete mess. I doubt she'd ever offer her home again.

Kitchendetective, I wasn't questioning your hospitality (hope you didn't think that!), but am honestly curious how you handled it when that many unexpected folks showed up. I haven't a clue what I would have done. I mean, short of praying for a loaves and fishes-type miracle, how do you feed 40 people you weren't expecting? :-/

kitchendetective: Another "wow"

These stories do continue to amaze and horrify me.

And again: this is the 21st century. Picking up a cell phone, email etc. is so second-nature to folks nowadays that there is NO excuse for not dealing with invitations.

And to arrive EMPTY HANDED is beyond rude. It is crass. And self-centered. There is no doubt that most of those folks EXPECTED to be fed.

Honestly, I don't know that I could remain polite to the empty-handed latecomers!

Jan (picking up her jaw from the floor) at Rosemary Cottage

KD good gad what a rude group. You and I seem to have a similar hospitality mode of operation, we always make sure our guests are comfortable, happy, and well fed (and leave half drunk if necessary in a cab LOL).

OK guys...I do not have china!!! (I have china but it will stay in the hutch). I hate paper plates and dispise plastic so I will not, ever in my life, use them. They're not eco friendly and when you're in our business people talk about that kind of stuff (not so nicely). We will have paper napkins ok? The plates are ironstone, cheap cream ironstone, which are somewhat like the ironstone we have here for the B&B so we can supliment if necessary (I rented fifty of everything).

We are providing beer as well :oP Soda (which is probably more controversial in this town than wine) and juice/water. We are also making hotdogs which everyone knows because the teacher asked for a volunteer to bring another grill. So sliced beef and hot dogs ok? as well as beer :oP And I'm sorry, we wouldn't have moved here if people didn't drink wine.

This is a fund raiser. This is typical for the group. They have one or two a year to fund projects like a play yard, and now an extensive garden. I'm actually donating our garden (a great deal of it) to the preschool. It will be a low pressure fund raiser (this is being organized by the teacher and they're not doing anything different than normal for it). I'll have a large sign up sheet asking for volunteers or "stuff" but that's the extent of my part of the fund raising.

I was telling the teacher that I expected they had decent fund raisers in the past (as far as how much funds came in) and she said they're always good. Purely on a judgemental note, when I pull up to drop my son off, the parking lot has BMW's, Mercades, Jags, etc out front. The children are in general children of doctors, lawyers, professionals, artists, gad the whole gambit (which is why we chose this school...we wanted the gambit verses just the docs and lawyers). One thing the school is lacking is many kids who are lower income which we hope to help them fix at another fund raiser but that's another story :oP

But I find it hard to believe that a doc and his family will be intimidated by paper napkins and sliced beef and I've yet to meet a doc who does not drink wine or beer :oP Yes we have a big house, but that's why they asked if we'd volunteer it and we're getting a lot of guff from the community about taking the house out of the community (becoming a private home verses being used for fundraisers etc as it has been in the past). I've been to fund raisers here...people drink and eat good food and wine. We also have friends in every gad what do you call it...income bracket, and one thing out friends have in common is they like good food and in general they tend to drink. That said we'll also have non booze drinks as well :)

I can't do much about the house, it is what it is. If someone has a problem with us because we live here, well they're not likely to be folks we're going to socialize with much anyhoo. We've met many friendly folks in the community who don't feel this way so I'm going to say I'm not going to change to fit anyone's preferences outside of ours :) We are who we are. So be it.

Sweeby you crack me up...we don't carry haunches of moose with us when we travel LOL

Now as to that whole mean mom thing...I have to say, age is a positive when it comes to that sort of crap. I have zero need to be one of the cool or whatever they call them, mom's at my age :) It's preschool, not the prom. He's a very well liked child, because he's a freaking social butterfly (this is what happens when you lock your child up in isolation for four years apparently...they go nuts when they get out). He has a swing set and eats oreo's and cheeto's for lunch...what more does a child need at this age to be popular? LOL Really though, I have been judged by so many "mom's" since his birth because of his illness and feeding issues, that the mean mom stuff is honestly water off my back. I'm too old and too comfortable with myself to take anyone elses opinion of me that seriously. I suppose if we had no friends I'd feel differently, but we do, and given that I seem to be able to attract friends, I'm fairly comfy feeling like it's ok for me to be me :) And not try to conform to the mean girls etc. We'll survive the school mom goober just fine.

I went to the rental place and made sure that the dishware and stuff was not formal. I rented 50 of everything and can up the number if we get any RSVP's (Sue I like the idea of expecting 50% more than we get). In order to make it more comfortable for everyone...I'm not going to weed the garden OK? :oP

And maybe I can get the deer to poop in a few stratigic spots....

Oh, no, AJ, I didn't think you were questioning me at all--just sympathizing and offering me a great idea.
Well, we raided co-hostess's freezer and refrigerator, threw together what we could, put up more of her tables from storage, and were not exactly portraits in calm equanimity. Nevertheless, there was not enough food (two families brought teenagers and their friends). If anyone complained after the fact, the complaints never reached my ears. A couple of years later, I co-hosted another of these with a very catty, hilariously funny church member. While there were a few non-responders who showed up empty-handed, it was nothing like my earlier experience. He would have been much wittier (and far less polite) in his response to the situation, had a repeat performance occurred. Sort of makes me wish it had. . .

Igloo, is there anyone that has hosted before that can give you a hand so that you understand what the norm is?

I admit, my mouth has been on the floor since I 1st saw this post.. How do you plan to feed people when you have no clue how many? You may as well just donate what you would spend hosting and call it a day. lol

What I would do is have a sheet passed around from tomorrow until Thursday to get an idea of names, how many are coming and if they are bringing a dish.

As far as the wine & beer; I would be nervous serving either where I live because many hosts have been sued when someone drives drunk.

Good luck

"Should I park in front of the preschool with a pitch fork tomorrow and force them to asnwer???? "

Not the world's worst idea really...
What's the parent pick-up / drop-off routine? At my younger son's old school, there were two carpool lanes, so one day's worth of asking by the car-pool helper could get a pretty good response indicator. If not carpool, could you hit up the classroom teachers and aides to get an approximate headcount?

"Sweeby does make a good point about the pre-school social pressures. I guess I was never very good at the strategic aspects of pre-school. The very thought of having to pay attention to pre-school politics makes me want to crawl under a boulder. "

Horrible isn't it? Well, potentially, anyway...
I had three very different preschool environments, and expectations can differ *greatly* between the different 'types'. Do you know which type you're dealing with yet?

- The first school younger DS attended was "The Best" for kids with special needs. (I didn't know it at the time, being a special ed. rookie, but we were very priviledged to even be allowed to give them our $30K per year tuition.) Their fundraising gigs were citywide Society events geared toward Movers and Shakers, not just/even parents. Tenderloin, wine and fine china would have been expected here -- and a celebrity guest chef. Of course, someone would donate a garden before the evening was over, and someone else would donate a garden center or a gardener...

- The next school was very relaxed with no Mean Girl Power Moms at all (despite a very active parents' group) and a huge variety of socio-economic situations. The rich donated the occasional building and regular large sums of cash; the poor gave time and smaller sums, and all worked hand-in-hand together appreciating the contributions of each. Very special school for special (autistic) kids. Hot dogs or tenderloin -- either would have been great and greatly appreciated, with nary a 'snipe' no matter what was or wasn't done.

- The third is our local public elementary school, which has a very involved parents group with a strict social heirarchy and community norms. The Mean Girls Power Moms are alive and well and running things very smoothly, thank you! There are many delightful parents here as well (most, in fact), but the social landscape is a veritable minefield. While it's annoying at times, the benefit is that the school doesn't need anything from me that isn't amply covered by parents with more money and more time, so I can pick and choose my volunteer opportunities to match my interests and availability. (And since DS is Sp.Ed., we're already social pariahs, so what can the Mean Moms do to me? Say DS is weird? He's autistic - of course he's weird!)

As far as what to actually plan for...
I'd expect more people. Really - lots more. Especially if your home was the old 'community center' of sorts. If typical attendance is 60-100 and the weather forecast is tolerable, I'd plan for 100+.

I don't know how the caterer works on plates and glasses, but would they be willing to consider a deal where if whole racks/boxes/cases of plates and glasses aren't used and stay packed, they are rented at a discount? You could 'hide' the extra in a closet and bring them out only if needed. (I'm betting they will be needed, and not embarassing if not needed since they're hidden.) Or else, how quickly can they get you more? Have 'em on standby. I wouldn't worry about that many chairs -- if they won't RSVP, let 'em stand.

For food, since DS is a Cheetoh monster, I'd have large quantities of cheap non-perishable kid food on hand that you can pull out (or not) as needed. Costco is great for big boxes of lunch-bag portions of chips and such. Hot dogs can stay frozen forever and be pulled out and cooked easily in a pinch. Big cans of baked beans can be heated quickly if needed, or donated to a very happy food pantry or homeless shelter if not. And a BIG green salad can be a life-saving meal extender. A $20 investment in extra lettuce and tomatoes can feed an awful lot of people... Lots of beer and wine -- it won't go to waste ;-)

I'd also add a few high school kids that can 'pinch-hit' as needed. If things are going smoothly they can bus dishes, tend kids and offer drinks. If you get into a food or serving ware panic, they can unpack and set up more dishes, even heat beans or make salad.

Well regardless of what happens this weekend you better believe that all of us will be checking this forum to find out what transpired. Oh gee it's only Tuesday....

"I hate paper plates and dispise plastic so I will not, ever in my life, use them. They're not eco friendly and when you're in our business people talk about that kind of stuff (not so nicely). We will have paper napkins ok?"

See link below--at the end of April I'm co chairing the last PTA event of my life (mixture of sobs and smiles :). It is the senior class farewell luncheon and our theme is geared toward reuse/recycle/sustainable living. So, we wrestled with disposable-paper-plastic until we found this vendor. The prices are good especially for bulk buys and we got a discount on shipping. For anyone like igloo who might want to go green but not as elaborate as rented china it is well worth considering.

I've checked the stuff out-they sell a sample pack. The plates are very sturdy, the utensils too and everything looks great. We are buying for 500 people (students, teachers and staff) from this vendor and getting everything from plates to cups to cutlery to napkins.

Ann

Here is a link that might be useful: Biodegradable Disposable Tableware

Sweeby I'd say this group is kind of the middle group you described (well done LOL). I'm not feeling the mean girl goober at all. They seem pretty laid back, no one trying to impress each other aside from one gal who was trying to talk designers with me a few weeks ago but since I don't know crap about designers for anyone over the age of 5, I didn't make the cut with her (thank god LOL).

It's not a huge school...32 kids I think that go at different times and different days (two sessions, morning and afternoon). So there is no need for a parking monitor etc.

I'm a pretty laid back entertainer. We'll have extra of everything though sweeby I love the idea of asking the rental place (not a caterer, just a rent it joint) if they'll provide extra at a discount..I love that idea. To appease Ann I'll probably have some extra paper stuff on hand just in case :oP (Ann love that idea, but unless we walk around with the label on our forehead people judge...being in oil and gas is kind of like being in prostitution...no one believes your girls are ever there by choice....nor that you don't bath in petroleum products...wait the two together could make soem money....hummm)

Oh where was I? LOVE LOVE LOVE the salad idea sweeby. Your right, they can go miles and DH can make up extra dressing and toss it in 52 seconds. I rented 50 lawn chairs (not the beautiful wood ones for 2.75 each LOL but the metal ones painted white). A few tables (there will be a lot of kids and they need to sit when eating normally). The whole house will be open which gives a bunch more seating, and it's supposed to be a lovely day so I'm hoping to have people inside and out. It's supposed to be a lovely day so hopefully the weather man/woman is right!

Please come on by everyone...just claim you're the friend of star flower or eagle watcher or one of the other goofy names of today's children :op Make one up...I'll give a prize for anyone who exceeds the sillyness of tequilia sunrise or christmas carroll (both of whom I went to school with).

I just read this and had to respond. Here, no one answers a RSVP, either. They just save the date in case something better comes up, or if they just don't feel good that day. So, you never know who's going to show up. I've seen quite a few invitations lately that read "RSVP with regrets only", so they will assume (and have food for) if you don't call with regrets.

I would expect most of them will show up. And they will never know they did something rude. If they do, they won't care because everyone else did it that way, too.

Just make sure you can freeze the meat, just in case. But I bet most will show up, you will have a good time, and you will learn that RSVP's are apparently going out of style. Perhaps when you email you can ask them to email you back if they are not going to be there. That way, they don't really have to give you a 'yes'. Which, for some reason, is too hard for people to do these days.

Good luck!

This is my RSVP story: I once thew DS a party where we rented go carts. Had to reserve the go carts in advance, thus the RSVP. No response. None at all. Invited all the boys in the entire class.

Well, about 6 boys showed up, some a little late. We left one hour later than we should have because I was afraid someone else would show up and we would be gone. The go cart place was nice, and they refunded my money. It was the most stressful day for me. But it taught me one good lesson: that the people in this town don't RSVP.

(it's hard for folks in the oil industry to make people think we are green ya know LOL and no, no one knows what we do for a living)

While I agree there's a major misconception from the general public based on years of environmental rape by the oil & gas industry ... times have changed. My husband works in the industry too. We don't pretend to be something we're not. We've been composting for 25 years and recycling for more than a decade. I am guilty of using paper towels and occasionally paper napkins and I drive a 10 year old SUV. C'est la vie! Be true to yourself.

Okay, yes the people who have been invited and have not responded for whatever reason are beyond rude. That said, I don't think you need to explain your style of entertaining nor dumb it down to appease people who may be intimited by eating off of a china plate as opposed to chinette. I really can't imagine anyone would think it out that far, but I don't know your group. How would they even know your plans?

As for the mean mom thing. A true sad fact of life, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. You have the right attitude about it (much the way I dealt with the "PTA moms" I came across during DD's years in school). I also have a child with a chronic health problem. I had much bigger concerns than winning a popularity contest. I was older than most of the mean moms and already had many friends and collegues with whom I socialized, so that was a non-issue. In other words, I didn't give a flying fig if they liked me or not. I've never liked the clique thing anyway, very middle school.

Also, this is your DS' preschool, isn't this just a 2 or at most a 3 year gig, and not his final destination for his schooling?

I like to entertain in a similar fashion, however, I won't make excuses for liking things a certain way. We don't use paper products even when we bbq (have dishes for that), love to entertain friends with an abundance of gourmet food, good wine, great music. Let's say, entertaining has always been a fun outlet in a stressful life dealing with a sick child. I belong to a great gourmet club and we all do things similarly as it is a common hobby. I also won't turn up my nose/make a judgment at a function another holds that doesn't care much for entertaining and wants to serve her/his meal on paper plates. To each his own. It isn't about how or what you are serving. There is a common purpose for the fundraiser. End of story.

I have to agree with the above poster - be true to yourself. I think I would send a final friendly email reminder, plan for a few extra guests who may still attend with no rsvp, and have a nice time with those who respond and attend. I don't think I would cancel, not because the mean moms will talk, but because that's just not me.

I guess that I'm just wondering why this whole event is Igloo's responsibility? Isn't there some kind of committee that does the fundraisers? How are funds actually being raised? Some sort of auction? I find the whole thing rather curious.

Natal, we are very true to who we are, but we do some things more PC than others because it makes good business sense, and "that's" who we are given we own the business. In a town full of greenies, there can be a perception about people in oil (because SOME have been irresponsible...not all in the business). Personally I don't like paper or plastic and hate styrophome (can't even spell it LOL). Too much of it in the hospital and I actually almost resent it (no I don't raise my nose at others homes who use it, but for my home, we don't use it much). Eat on it every day for three months...you'll feel as I do.

Eventually I'll purchase all of this stuff but we aren't there yet because we've just moved in and I don't have time to do it right now nor know where I'm going to keep the party stuff at this point. (No BB&B Sue) :(

Work in Progress...please come to the party :) We can hang LOL You put into words what I was trying to say. I won't dumb down my life or standards for anyone. If people don't like to rsvp in this town than they won't be having dinner with us much. The folks we've had over so far haven't had issues with it. In addition, name one person you know who could easily plan a decent party for 100 people without knowing if they will have ten or 100 in their home. Most homes, even larger ones, don't have seating for 100 on the main floor (or all floors LOL). even if I was serving crap food (which we don't do) I'd still need to know if I was buying hot dogs for one or 100...wouldn't anyone? (I do not want a bunch of frozen hot dogs left over LOL I hate the things).

Anyhoo, thank you for putting into words what I was trying to say and not sound like a putz. I am who I am, DH is who he is...we don't drink wine out of plastic at our house...nothing wrong with it but it's not our preference, and I'm not going to serve on wood tables from a paprty store without a table cloth (those things always splinter and we have children attending).

While I wouldn't cancel, I did have the teacher send out another email that said this:

"Hello Fire fly Families (or whatever you normally say):
We haven't received many RSVP's for the Friday Pot Luck to be held this Friday at (our address). We may have picked a bad Friday given the response, so if you'd kindly let us know if you are going to be able to attend and how many will be attending, by Thursday afternoon it would be greatly appreciated. If we don't hear from folks or don't get any more RSVP's we might need to cancel the party and plan it on a less busy Friday.
Oh and we're still in need of a traveling grill with a volunteer griller attached to make hotdogs etc for the kids :)
Thank you and we look forward to seeing everyone!"

Terriks...why is this my responsiblity? Because the "committee" which is the teacher/owner, another mother who can't seem to make a meeting but does agree to take the rsvp's and myself is fairly small. I don't do the fund raising (I don't ever do that personally for many reasons, most involved with business and my former career) and I didn't want the RSVP's because my phone does not ring...no not kidding...the danged computer repairman keeps blowing me off and hasn't come to fix that. VERY ANNOYING!!!!

So the teacher is sending the emails to her list, (it's their normal way of communicating) as well as putting notices on the board we all ready when we enter and leave and sent invites with the kids a while ago. She will give a presentation prior to dinner to the parents telling what they've done this year and what their plans are, and we'll have a sign up board, but that's the extent of what we will be doing. They are fairly low key about this stuff and apparently that works for them so we aren't getting involved in that part of it. We are just hosting the event and paying for the more expensive part (which the school has done in the past so it's part of our contribution to the effort). It's not the usual fund raiser I attend :) But I'm ok with that. I get tired of being milked hard all the time and I would like to meet some of the other parents if just to attach faces with the kids I talk about with DH (those with funny names and the children my son is asking to come move in with us...something I found out about today....he's apparently getting involved in the attempt to "get" a brother and sister because we're not moving fast enough for his taste).

He offered a girl her own room today :oP

On a personal note, and purely sounding like a snotty old brat...I will not dumb down for anyone....if this lazy RSVP thing is how they fly here, than they should quit asking for them on all of the invites we've received (and replied to). It's my guess that this is just an excuse from a few folks who are doing the planning...maybe they're ok with it, but I'm still old enough to remember when manners were important, and young enough to drill them into my son's head. If people want to hang with us...they'll have to dumb up :oP wait that does not sound right heh heh No really, I'd not have a group of friends who treated each other so casually. If I'm invited to someone's home, I respond. I know that even for the most casual of visits I do make sure I'm dressed with a bra on and the floors are swept :oP I like to afford any hostess the same curtesy to be prepared by responding to any invite with a yes or no. That's not something I'm willing to give up on ever.

I did get some great ideas here :) So thanks ladies. I knew you could get my brain moving in the right direction. I really do appreciate it!

Uh huh.

Oh Igloo! I hope you get more responses soon. I don't live too far from you and you are so right about the green thing! Whenever I take stuff to school I feel the need to buy local and organic too. Community peer pressure! I hope you didn't suffer any wind damage yesterday. Your shindig will be fabulous!

Well with Marlene and KK and me- that makes 3 to drink. oh and eat. might be late tho gotta pick up KK and we're drivin'

Igloo...sorry for the stress this is causing you. I was raised with manners, and due to my ethnic background I prepare enough food "for an army" at my parties, so your situation is no fun. "RSVP" somehow is not understandable here in the northeast, either. A co-worker who is getting married in two weeks has only received 44 responses for the 120 invites she sent out. I think from now on I'm only going to invite members of this forum to my parties, since I know you ladies will RSVP, LOL

More of a lurker, but the NYT just did a very timely article on the RSVP problem. Here is a link; you'll have to copy and paste:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/15/opinion/15cooper.html?scp=1&sq=RSVP&st=cse

LOL Deedee, now you have to dish on that ethnic background...I have to guess since you didn't...either southern african american (one of my closest friends is and that dear woman serves food for 20 at a 2 party dinner....we adore her for her fabulous hospitality and I've seen it in her family as well...she says it's just the way of the south) or my other fav hostess is from Chilli (that's not spelled right is it???) Anyhoo, she puts the other dear friend down on occasion for not serving enough food LOL (they're good friends as well...it's sort of a local legend/joke amoung their large circle of friends). She says in her country if you don't have 4 burgers (or their equilivant in chilli food that I can't pronounce) per person you're being "cheap" LOL

I'm scandinavian, irish, german, scott....so if nothing else, we'll slap some startch down your throat and wash it down with more booze than you ever planned on drinking in your lifetime LOL :)

Ok girls, pack up the truck, you KNOW you can stay over right? (if too many you're gonna have to share beds LOL but I can easily handle 8 overnight...more if you get drunk and want to sleep together) :oP

We're up to 48 RSVP's after the email today :) DH and I talked and we'll leave the rentals as they are unless we get confirmation over 75. We will have the entire house open, plus it's kids and parents so they won't all be sitting at the same time so it should work. We have 40 plus supplies on our own plus the rentals...though I am going to ask for the Sweeby special and see if they want to provide it.

Someone volunteered a grill and is bringing the kid drinks as well as the hotdogs so that's off my plate fortunately> And another lovely family is bringing a huge blow up slide as a back up if the swingset does not get finished (deliver at 11 tomorrow LOL).

Nan you should have driven by the house yesterday...we were attracting more gawkers than a circus as I and my 4 year old attempted to rake the yard in that hurricane. I also hauled 50 lbs of wet sand to different locations in the yard, installed a hop scotch (gorgeous cement tiles with numbers and animals on them) and tried to pick up the kiddo's toys...but they kept blowing away. And I have to pick all the flowers that got permanently blown down in the wine tomorrow :)

Come on by everyone...I mean it LOL You'll find me near the kiddo with glowing red hair...I have a similar die job his is not a die job) and will be carrying three glasses of wine, telling people they're for guests (but really they're not). I need one of those hats with a straw for two beers...only that fits wine bottles LOL.

Maryanne I can't wait to read that...I'm glad that my nagging email woke people up. I absolutely hate folks who are rude, and no RSVP is rude in this town, and any other!!

Sherrmann...thanks for your deeply thought out comments. I couldn't do it without ya... (eyes rolling)

OK, CB Sue. Head on over today. I will pick up donuts and a pack of Depends so we can make good time.

Igloo, would love to join you, where is that you live? Yes, that's right, completely across the country. LOL. Seriously, the rsvps are increasing despite how you have to twist arms to get them?

I am Scottish, English and Irish, so I understand the whole starch and alcohol thing.

Have a great time and do dish details afterward.

kk and cooper...I'd like to rsvp to you for a ride...and I'll supply the Depends because I buy them in bulk!

Igloo, I'm happy to hear you're starting to get responses. Years ago when I was planning on including PT on a getaway, your current home was one of the B & B's I was considering staying.

If you see this post, can you recommend a wonderful Inn (no, I am not going to crash your party). The more I read about PT, the more I'd love to see it.

Amazing how 48 were ready to let you know they'd grace you with their presence after threatening to cancel the event, hoowee, I saw that coming!

I have a close friend that NEVER, EVER will confirm an invite either way (drives all her friends up a wall). She's getting married in May and it would serve her right for her to get her just desserts. Fortunately for her, most of her friends wouldn't do it to her, or rather allow themselves to be that rude. Now, her family is another matter entirely, and she has 8 siblings, HA!

WTG, Igloo, I'm sure it will be spectacular - wish I were close enough to crash, I'd be there in a Victorian heartbeat ;-)

I was at a St. Pat's party last night. A lot of people were working the phones to get RSVPs. Final RSVP count yesterday afternoon was 800. Actual attendees -- 1,000. Fortunately, we did have enough food because we counted on having more attendees than RSVPs.

uh uh, we will just have to have fast pit stops- leave those depends behind. I will be a speed racer!
Marlene you bet, we will call you when we get close- KK is in Minn and I am in MD so we may make it by next week sometime. we will have to shop our way across the country.LOL
since you are so close you really should head over!

Coop (btw the picture of Cooper and Bailey under the other post is too precious....they are so beautiful, as are KK's (I'm going on memory on hers, but as I recall, I also fell in love when she posted her kids in the Kitchen Forum)...ah, but I digress.

I am planning a visit to PT in the next several months. So, Igloo, if you see a 62 year old woman with long curly (as in unmanageable) hair desperately clinging to her Depends, run! (J/K...I usually keep the Depends in the suitcase.

Rolling right back at you.

Is there a prize for the poster who can guess how many people showed up? ;^)

Let's let sherrmann go first:)

LOL Marlene :) Feel free to stop by but I'll need to see a depend to know it's really you :oP

We recommend the Quimper to folks quite often (a couple of blocks from our house) or the Bishop Hotel (which is a lovely victorian hotel right in town). Their location can't be beat, but it's an easy walk from our area to down town as well (maybe a one depend journey at best) :OP

I haven't been in Quimper but because of it's location we recommend it when our rooms are full and our guests have enjoyed it. I'm going to the Holly house for tea on Tuesday (near here as well) so I'll report on it for you early in the week.

If we're out on the lawn wave a diaper and have a sit in the garden (which we just ruined with a large playset LOL)

So how many? I don't know cuz I was too busy to count heh heh DH said there were 40 dishes on the table so if you aver age 2 people per dish brought and throw in a few kids we easily hit the 100 mark (there were A LOT of kids from baby to teen). The beef went over well :) We did bone in rib roast because they were out of the tenderloins and every bite was snapped up from 40lbs of roast. I have a bit of left over bread pudding if you ladies make it before tomorrow morning....I hope those diapers are holding up!

We had fun, some 50 bottles of wine were drunk and many hotdogs consumed. The house is suprisingly back in good condition (renting and returning dirty dishes is nice LOL) and the only room not cleaned is the dining room which I won't vacumm because I want a reason to yank up the carpet this week heh heh

We met some wonderful people we will have back if they RSVP heh heh

Now on a side note...Shermann I don't know how I've offended you, or why the hostility, but if I did offend I will say I'm sorry. I'm not understanding the snide comments at all but assume it's because I've bothered you somehow and for that, again I'm sorry.

igloo, bravo! Good work and great job. Sounds like it was a wonderful event. Don't worry. I feel certain you will bring them all along sooner or later... Soon, you will have them RSVP (ing) like they have done it all their lives.

I haven't been in Quimper but because of it's location we recommend it when our rooms are full and our guests have enjoyed it.

What did I miss? You're keeping it as a B&B? I thought it was now a single family residence.

Ig, I needed a good laugh this morning and you didn't let me down!

I'm so glad everything went so well...but I am really surprised you weren't too pooped (nothing to do with Depends) to even respond to the thread.

Thank you so much for the referrals.

LOL Natal, No it's a family home...but we seem to have a lot of friends since we've purchased it heh heh

We also use the place for management retreats on occasion, the first time all senior management was here and now we do little retreats with department heads. Sometimes 3 or 4 rooms isn't enough (we're going to turn room 4 into a nursery soon so we'll be down to three guest rooms).

I'll pop you out an email later in the week marlene after I see the holly house :)