Erica and Josh, my thoughts and prayers are with you! I am a bit older than the two of you but have a similar story. i am in my mid-30s and the oldest of 8 children. Both of our parents passed away in 2008. Our dad was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer and passed away after a very hard 3 1/2 month battle. Six months later, our mom was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer and passed away a month and a half later. It was a devastating time for all of us and most especially, our youngest brother who was still in high school. Our grandmother had lived with our parents for a bit and fell ill in 2007 and passed away that spring - this was during my brother's sophomore year of high school. During his junior year, our dad got sick and passed away. This was an incredibly hard time for my brother because he's the only boy in the family so if our mom wasn't home to help our dad go to the bathroom at his bedside and my husband wasn't there, our dad would get my brother to help him. There were times when our dad would try to get up in the middle of the night and because he was so weak, he would fall on the floor and then our mom would need my brother and sister to help her pick him up and get him back into bed. It was devastating to see our parents deteriorate so quickly and especially hard on our brother to have to take on so many difficult adult responsibilities at such a young age. Our mom was diagnosed with breast cancer at the end of the summer just before our brother started his senior year and then passed away a month a 2 weeks later. So our brother dealt with 3 major losses throughout his last 3 years of high school. As soon as my mom passed away, i immediately went to the court to get official custody of my brother. My mom and I had talked about me and my husband taking on a guardianship role. Because my brother was 17 at the time and would turn 18 a month and a half later, we got court appointed custody rather than full guardianship. Guardianship would have taken several months to put in place and go before a Judge and at that point, my brother would have been 18 which would make guardianship more difficult. With custody, it is me and my husband vs. my parents but because my parents are deceased, they cannot argue any of the guidelines of the custody agreement. We needed to have some form of official documentation stating our custodial responsibilities in order to get my brother under our health insurance and thankfully, this worked. Erica, it is wonderful that your father set up a trust to help you with school! I wish I could say the same about our parents. Unfortunately, they were not at all prepared for what might happen if they passed away. There were no Wills, no education trusts, nothing to help out with any of the costs to help raise the younger siblings who needed help and guidance, both financial and otherwise. One of my sisters and I are administering the estates (my grandmother, mom, and dad's estates) and our lawyers made it very clear that no estate money could be used to help with education because even though my brother was 17 at the time of their passing, our parents had every right and opportunity to designate money to be left to help with education costs. It was incredibly frustrating and left me in tears many times as I tried to work step by step to figure out how we were going to manage everything financially. Both my husband and I were still paying back our own student loans and I had been laid off from my job shortly after returning back to work after my mom's funeral. I think that changing the dynamics of switching roles from sibling to a parental role can be quite a challenge in many ways. It can also make you feel very isolated from others, even from your family and other siblings sometimes because there can always be those who question how much control you should have, among many other things. Most of my friends have babies or small children so it was hard to find someone I could relate to who could at least understand what it's like to have a child in high school who would soon embark on all of the excitement of senior year - senior trip, prom, graduation. I can remember heading to the bookstore shortly after my mom passed away, pouring through the shelves, looking for any books that would help explain how to handle the transition from sibling to parent... how to raise your teenage brother. There was nothing. The best I could do was buy a book about raising teenage boys and even that wasn't much help because my brother wasn't just an average teenager but one who had been through an enormous amount of trauma and loss. I found that working through the school was a good place to start. His guidance counselor recommended an excellent therapist that some of the other parents had also recommended. This therapist has been wonderful and I am so glad that I thought to ask for resources rather than just trying to wing it on my own. My brother has gone through issues with depression, substance abuse, and thoughts of harming himself. Just recently, he reached a very low point and we were able to find a wonderful treatment program for him and he's already sounding like his once happy, comfortable self. I am so thankful that this program has been so helpful to him and has been teaching him the coping skills he needs to help him get through the rough times which tend to fall around holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries of their passings. The 2nd anniversary of our mom's passing was earlier this week in fact. In spite of the difficulties, my brother graduated from high school and went on to start college, then realized after his first semester at that school that he wanted to transfer to a school where he could follow his passion. He is an incredibly talented musician and wanted to study recording arts. Once he was settled in a new school, learning and studying in a subject matter that he loves, he really began to excel. There have been bumps in the road as he and the rest of us try to pull together as a family and create our "new normal" but there have also been wonderful milestones accomplished and experienced too. In spite of everything we've lost, we are still very blessed! My thoughts and prayers are with you both Erica and Josh. I am so glad that you found one another! I too come online to try to find other people who have experienced a similar situation because it always feels good to find others who you can relate with. Take care and may God Bless you and your families!!

I just had my *second* eye job. I inherited the big fat bags and loose skin under my eyes from my dad, and the drooping uppers from my mom. They actually rested on top of my lashes. I always looked tired and looked older. I wore glasses all the time to disguise the bags underneath. I had the first done at 32. Doc told me it would last anywhere from 8 - 12 years. He was right. I'm turning 48 next month and got my second job in June. I don't look 'plastic' at all. I still have small bags under my eyes, but they are minimal and make my eyes look natural for my age. I don't regret either surgery for a second...I hated the way my eyes looked so I fixed them! For anyone seriously thinking about getting surgery, try to talk to people who have had it done. If you like the way they turned out, get their doctor's name. The docs show you before and after pictures of people they've done, but obviously they only put the best results in their sample book! Also discuss your expectations vs what can actually be done with your doctor. ie, a tummy tuck will definitely improve your overall look, but don't expect the washboard tummy of a 20 year old :) Finally, if you smoke, you must quit! At minimum, 2 weeks before and 2 weeks after the surgery. People who smoke are not only at higher risk during anesthesia, but they do NOT heal as quickly or as well. I also did the teeth whitening thing. $200 for the tray and gel. I only did my upper teeth because my lower teeth don't show, even when I smile. Made a huge difference, and I can do a 'tune up' if needed in the future. Otherwise, I would like a neck lift - getting pretty crepey there - but it's not terrible, so I'll leave that be :)

I've been with the same company since 1989, and so we are very familiar with each other by now, but it was not like that in the beginning. When I first met my boss, I felt an instant rapport with her and felt like we were meant to be together. When I looked at her furniture, I thought to myself, "These are the exact same proportions I would use," and so I knew from the beginning that we had a compatible design style/sense. It took her a little longer than it did me to realize this, but once she did, she trusted me with all new designs. Kevin has some good friends at work, and a couple of the them live not too far from us. One has offered to help cook and help with grocery shopping, if necessary, but I think I am recovered enough by now to handle shopping. I just cannot get anything heavy yet, but that will come in due time. As for the garden, I will hire help probably in October. It would nice to have him sooner, but he is my friend in Sacramento, and I have to work with his schedule. I don't trust the local landscapers here. I could possibly find a good landscape architect here, but that would be expensive and more than we need right now, although I'll keep it in mind for the future. It depends on what we end up doing in Palm Springs. I think Kevin will be much happier when we can buy a second home in the Palm Springs area. We'll probably end up in Cathedral City (Palm Springs adjacent but not walking distance), and hopefully Cathedral Gulch. This won't start happening until next year, but it's something to look forward do that I think might help Kevin feel better. What is odd is that so many people ask us if we are twins, but I am 15 years (+3 weeks) older, and I think this must be very insulting to Kevin. First people ask us if we are brothers. Then they ask if we are twins. Then they ask which one is older, which is the worst question of all. I've afraid that Kevin is going to appear even older after this ordeal, but if he can have a week-end house in PS, then I think he won't mind so much. I don't know yet how I will look after my full recovery, but I am keeping plastic surgery as an option. I've had hospital technicians tell me that if you live in Los Angeles, then it is almost mandatory. When I had a bike accident that cut my forehead, they would not release me from St. Johns until I interviewed with a plastic surgeon. Back then (around 1996) I did not care about having a small scar or two on my forehead, and now it's barely visible anyway. If anything, what I can see of it makes me look more rugged, I think. I wear bike helmets now. Sorry for rambling - I'm having trouble sleeping some nights, and after just having seen Kevin, I am feeling even more anxious. I think I will be able to help him with most of what he needs, but he is very private and introverted and often likes to be by himself. I hope he will spend his alone time in the back yard instead of his bedroom, but for now, I know it is painful for him to sit in a chair, and I expect that to last for a while. I could see the evidence of the surgery that had been done, having to remove part (or all) of his sphincter, which I mentioned before but had not seen evidence of before. He's going to be on disability for about three months, I think, but since he has been paying disability insurance for many years, he will get paid pretty much his normal salary - from the insurance. However, they deduct Californian disability payments, as California is fairly generous with these payments, and so Kevin will have to apply for those as well - since the payments will be deducted whether he receives them or not. He cannot file for California disability until he gets out of the hospital, but I think he knows how to do this.

Lars, I'm a little late to the party, but here goes. I had bariatric surgery in 2005 (bileopancreatic diversion with duodenal switch). My results were, let's just say, less than stellar. It was done laprascopically and I was sent home after 3 days (From Louisiana to Florida). After two weeks, I was admitted to our local hospital and taken by ambulance back to Louisiana, where I was in a medically-induced coma for 5 weeks and had two more surgeries to correct FOUR leaks and sepsis. I damn near died. I spent a total of 3 months in the hospital and had to learn to walk again. Learning to eat again was a major hurdle, to say the least. Protein is of the UTMOST importance for Kevin. Until he is able to handle regular foods, I recommend broth, soups, and protein drinks. Good old Southern chicken and dumplings, I believe, saved my life. I was actually sent home with a feeding tube - which fell out after 4 days at home, so I HAD to eat. Please convey my best wishes to Kevin on his recovery. Tell him to take it easy on himself, but to be open to trying new things. It is simply a matter of find his new normal (and it took me TWO years to do just that). There are still things I cannot eat without hurling - one is fried catfish. No rhyme or reason - he will just have to try.