I think an update is in order ...long overdue. Thank you for your well wishes rose friends :-) I am doing so well weight wise - have lost 110 pounds and I am getting in better shape every month, by running, biking, swimming and weight training. I have had no complications from the surgery what so ever (Yet?) - I take my vitamin supplements and I eat very healthy - smaller portions than before. I just do not tolerate sugar - it makes me really sick (metabolic dumping syndrome - heart races - I sweat and get nausea - so I stay clear of foods with too much sugar). But loosing weight has also made me regain myself or discower new sides of myself. I have had to work hard on healing years of sexual and physical abuse as a boy - since I have become more in touch with my feelings - my core self - and it has been rough and not always pretty as roses in may. I was assaulted and it retraumatized me and gave me anxiety problems and the court case was tiresome ...to have him sent to jail. For a while I coped by drinking way too much - so I had to bite the dust and admit - that I had to quit drinking - that it was no way to cope with emotions running up and down ... it has taken and still take some therapy ...but I feel better and stronger and more grounded. I am looking for a bigger house ... so I am in between gardens - At least I will be able to keep my rented allotment gardens I use for cutting roses, propagation and veggies/herbs. It is spring so I work my butt off preparing the soil, building raised beds - but it is nice. Most new roses I buy this year I will grow in pots - so I can take them with me to the new house and garden (When I find one I can afford) and I hope that the garden will not be too shaded ...since it will limit the number of roses I can grow. I really look forward to the spring flush - 8 weeks and the roses will start blooming and 10 weeks - peak bloom! Ahh ... (hope the weather behaves the 3-4 weeks they peak!). I do the last pruning and weed these days ... I have not blogged about roses and gardening ... I have had to prioritize and work on the issues I mentioned. Roselvr: Yes - it is important to find a good surgeon that specializes in WLS surgery. And yes there is a risk of complications - but the chances of of improwing life quality is much better - and far out-weighs the risk of complications - most of which can be managed. But all surgery has risks of complications ... Doug - How blessed I was - to be able to meet you in Iowa. I often think of you and your wife and hope you are doing well - and that your rabbits do not eat all your roses. Hugs! Ingrid: If you have read this far - you probably understand why I have not posted much - but just read and lurked here on the forums the last year. The reason you have not seen pictures of me as a big guy - was that I was very good at avoiding camera lenses :-) I will post a before and after picture - this summer. Alida - Sure I remember you! I hope you and Gerbe are doing well - even though I must say that rose does not repeat well - I still love the scent of the flowers.

I had three secretaries who had that surgery and every single one gained all the weight back within 3 years, two of them gained even more than they lost. Not only did they not want to limit things like fudge, they all ate a tiny bit nearly constantly, and it was things like cheese and salami and cream in coffee and lots of butter. Sigh. The first thing the poster will have to do is change her lifestyle and eating habits if she wants to keep the weight off. I think we all struggle with the fantasy that there is some way to eat anything we want and not gain weight. Boy, I sure wish that was true. The reality is that patients who have that surgery are going to have to learn healthier eating habits to maintain a healthy lifestyle and a healthy weight. Surgery is just one more tool, it's not magical. Now, as for the question, I don't know of any way to make a palatable fudge without sugar, I don't think it's possible. Baked beans? Brown sugar Splenda works relatively well, if it doesn't trigger a physical response, which happens sometimes. Nothing is going to taste like baked beans with brown sugar and molasses, though. The good news is that, after you don't eat that way for a while, you lose some of your taste for it, and it gets easier. Things just taste too sweet, or too salty, or too greasy and that makes choices a bit easier. Best of luck to the original poster, I hope she finds some substitutes that are acceptable and enjoyable to her, and that she's successful in whatever health issues she's battling with that surgery. Annie

THANKS for this thread and all the posts related to it, I read it early this am and it has been on my mind since. Fall of 2009 DH one day said come first of Oct I am going to loose some weight, I thought about it...told him next day I would go along with a diet....I needed to loose 20 pounds.....I lost the 20 ...then realized I needed another 20 off. Eight month later I had lost 42lbs and he had lost 55 lbs. i did the cooking...planned the menus....lot of veggies, fruits (fresh and no sugar canned) almost no bread...stopped baking all the sweets.....counted calories....weighed once a week....Sunday dinners were healthy but with beef steak, pork, or chicken. Once a week we treated ourself to a meal "out" from a reasonable healthy menu. We continued our exercise routine at The Y....we were never hungry..this all worked for us... When stopping I had my weight down to 144 lbs..DH down to 182...he looked great...I looked sick....for my height it was 10 lbs to much, face to thin and it showed up the wrinkles..lol...really aged me.....so I put 10 back on...155 and I was happy...gradually another ten went on.....and since Christmas another five...OUCH.....DH has only put on a total of 6 to 8 lbs...and you cannot tell it....he says he knows it.... So the story is ......I am back to the diet cooking and DH is going along with me. Hopefully by the middle of summer I will be back to goal of 155.....it is a matter of exercise, diet, food portions, a life style change and dedication.... I constantly read any and everything on diets.....I keep a food/calorie count and exercise daily journal.....anything that will remind me, "too much food is not good."

I've been with the same company since 1989, and so we are very familiar with each other by now, but it was not like that in the beginning. When I first met my boss, I felt an instant rapport with her and felt like we were meant to be together. When I looked at her furniture, I thought to myself, "These are the exact same proportions I would use," and so I knew from the beginning that we had a compatible design style/sense. It took her a little longer than it did me to realize this, but once she did, she trusted me with all new designs. Kevin has some good friends at work, and a couple of the them live not too far from us. One has offered to help cook and help with grocery shopping, if necessary, but I think I am recovered enough by now to handle shopping. I just cannot get anything heavy yet, but that will come in due time. As for the garden, I will hire help probably in October. It would nice to have him sooner, but he is my friend in Sacramento, and I have to work with his schedule. I don't trust the local landscapers here. I could possibly find a good landscape architect here, but that would be expensive and more than we need right now, although I'll keep it in mind for the future. It depends on what we end up doing in Palm Springs. I think Kevin will be much happier when we can buy a second home in the Palm Springs area. We'll probably end up in Cathedral City (Palm Springs adjacent but not walking distance), and hopefully Cathedral Gulch. This won't start happening until next year, but it's something to look forward do that I think might help Kevin feel better. What is odd is that so many people ask us if we are twins, but I am 15 years (+3 weeks) older, and I think this must be very insulting to Kevin. First people ask us if we are brothers. Then they ask if we are twins. Then they ask which one is older, which is the worst question of all. I've afraid that Kevin is going to appear even older after this ordeal, but if he can have a week-end house in PS, then I think he won't mind so much. I don't know yet how I will look after my full recovery, but I am keeping plastic surgery as an option. I've had hospital technicians tell me that if you live in Los Angeles, then it is almost mandatory. When I had a bike accident that cut my forehead, they would not release me from St. Johns until I interviewed with a plastic surgeon. Back then (around 1996) I did not care about having a small scar or two on my forehead, and now it's barely visible anyway. If anything, what I can see of it makes me look more rugged, I think. I wear bike helmets now. Sorry for rambling - I'm having trouble sleeping some nights, and after just having seen Kevin, I am feeling even more anxious. I think I will be able to help him with most of what he needs, but he is very private and introverted and often likes to be by himself. I hope he will spend his alone time in the back yard instead of his bedroom, but for now, I know it is painful for him to sit in a chair, and I expect that to last for a while. I could see the evidence of the surgery that had been done, having to remove part (or all) of his sphincter, which I mentioned before but had not seen evidence of before. He's going to be on disability for about three months, I think, but since he has been paying disability insurance for many years, he will get paid pretty much his normal salary - from the insurance. However, they deduct Californian disability payments, as California is fairly generous with these payments, and so Kevin will have to apply for those as well - since the payments will be deducted whether he receives them or not. He cannot file for California disability until he gets out of the hospital, but I think he knows how to do this.