Gift card???? They make the choice?

I know, I know. Not good.
I have a similar issue with my MIL. Not diabetic, but lives on Walmart pancakes and dry Honey Nut Cheerios. Blech.

For a birthday, one shot deal. I think I'd make them what THEY want. Any other time they eat at your house or you cook for them, sneak in the healthy stuff, maybe slowly...1/4 whole wheat flour at first kind of thing.
Are there ANY healthy things they like? You could also just focus on those. Make just 2 muffins for a treat.

I don't know. It's hard.
IF I make it to my 80's, I probably won't want any young squirt telling me what to eat either! LOL

Good luck.

Deanna

Aya....there's the rub.
The challenge is making something semi healthy that tastes like junk food!!
How about oat bran muffins with 75% cocoa chocolate chunks, and maybe raspberries or dried cherries?
How about sweet potato muffins with pecans?
On the other hand if your FIL is 88 and still getting around well and the mind works....maybe we all should be eating his kind of junk food!
Linda C

My DM is 89 and doesn't like much that is healthy either. Her attitude is that she's made it so far, I'll eat what I want. But then again, her favorite cookies are the peanut butter ones I make for her...and those are much more healthy than the one's she buys at the grocery store.I least I use good ingredients!
Her other favorite...Twice Baked Potato Soup. I'll load up her freezer when I visit next week.

Nancy

Well, I say make them what they want with a few changes that work for you..They have lived a long life..these two things they are asking you for ARE NOT going to send them to the grave.

Make AnnT's biscuits Cheddar Chive Biscuits adding some garlic powder, removing the ham and chives.
Brush them with butter if you will...I think they'll like them more than those Red Lobster things. And with a fair amount of flavor from sharp cheddar and the garlic powder, you could easily sub atleast 1/2c if not 1 c of white whole wheat or whole wheat pastry flour.

And these muffins are delicious. Again, just a 1/2 c of the wheat flour of choice..Nigella's Chocolate Chunk Muffins I use chocolate chips and grapeseed oil. And yogurt instead of milk will make them very moist.

I totally understand your dilemma I have an 88, 89 on Valentines day, year old dad. His eating habits are beyond belief but I donÂt even bother to talk to him about it anymore. He has gained about 50 pounds since my mother passed away but he is pretty good health his blood work and blood pressure are good. At one of his Dr. appointments the Dr. wanted his to see a nutritionist to help him control his weight. I explained that the Dr. wanted him to see someone who would teach him how to eat a better balanced diet and ask him if he was interested in doing that. He looked me in the eye and said nobody was going to tell him how to eat. Enough said I told his Dr. that after losing my mom and just about all his friend within a 4 month period I didnÂt care what he ate as long as he was happy. Cooking and eating is about the only thing he has left that makes him happy so who am I to tell him he has to change his ways. I did have a conversation with him about living longer if he lost some weight but he said at his age he wasnÂt interested in living longer and made it quite clear it wasnÂt something I could do anything about so if I go visit him and see that he has eaten half a pie with ice cream for lunch I donÂt say a word.

I would make them what they want as long as they donÂt ask every week but for a birthday celebration I wouldnÂt feel too guilty about it.

Claudia

Thanks! It's good to know that I am not alone.

I suppose one meal is not going to make things better or worse. I need to loosen up and let them make their own decisions.

Think I will make oven baked chicken fingers and a lentil soup, accompanied with a couple of biscuits and chocolate chip muffins. Hopefully, they will eat the chicken and soup first and become too full to chow down all the biscuits and muffins at one sitting. LOL

Al

ItÂs embarrassing the crap I buy at Costco when I have a list from my dad. If I had a dollar for every one of those big cans of peanut I buy for him I could go Hawaii twice a year LOL He doesnÂt eat much meat but bacon and eggs every day, ham and cheese and enough fritos to last a teenager a month. He been on a kick for those frozen breaded shrimp and I know he fryÂs them and he says he put most of the cheesecake in the freezer but I donÂt think so. At his last check up his cholesterol was 129 go figure.

Claudia

Add salad or cole slaw to balance it out and you won't have to feel bad... Just go easy on the dressing.... LOL

Rita

I honestly don't mean to offend anyone, but when you offer a gift, do someone a service, or cook someone a meal, isn't the idea to please the recipient, not yourself? Are our parents or grandparents children, too immature, ignorant or incompetent to choose for themselves?

We love them, and want to care for them, of course. And having made certain choices in our own lives regarding benefits against sacrifices etc., carefully weighing information and coming to conclusions, it is tempting to consider our own path the one everyone should take.

I don't care to have people lecture me about my lifestyle, and I can't imagine my distaste for such treatment doing anything but increasing as I get older. If I were invited to dine in someone's home, I would be appalled to think that they were purposefully designing the menu so as to sneak healthy stuff into my diet, as if I were incapable of making healthy food choices if I were so inclined.

My MIL, who died at age 98 last year, had similar dietary preferences. I followed the same rule for her that I always used for entertaining dinner guests - "Cook for your audience".

Maybe you could make some chocolate chip muffins and wrap them to give them to your FIL as he is leaving so you won't have to see them consumed in your house.

I agree with Ruthanna and several of the other posters. Hopefully, you are cooking to please them and make them feel welcome and loved.

Alexa

These people are adults, and your husband's parents, so tread carefully. I imagine they had a pretty good diet for most of their lives - they are in their late 80's after all, so eating biscuits and chocolate chip muffins should be no big deal. Since your MIL doesn't cook, maybe the only time they are getting food like this is when they eat out or you make them - and that's a wonderful gift from you.

It must be very hard for them, if they still live on their own. I saw it happen with my own parents as my mother's dementia got worse, my dad trying to find food that they liked and was easy for him to prepare. Once they moved to a retirement community, it got easier, since they could eat in the communities dining rooms, but they still like sweets and "junk food." My dad lived to be 91 and died of old age, even though he had hypertension and diabetes, and right now, I'd happily fix him an entire meal of muffins and biscuits just for the opportunity to have one more meal with him.

Wish your FIL a Happy Birthday from all of us at the CF and give him a great big hug with lots of smiles and happiness.

I plan on eating as many biscuits as I want when I'm in my eighties! Along with the fried chicken and cream potatoes.

I agree with above posters: cook for your audience. Make them happy. You can't change other people so try to make them satisfied. Even your own family will rebel if you push it too far and you do have some leeway with them, of course, but if everything gets too "healthy, ie not "tasty", they'll find ways to gobble down secret candy bars.

Let him have his biscuits, don't try to trick them with healthier versions, and don't even mention their diets to them. Your intentions are good, but there is also no guarantee that your healthy lifestyle will allow you to live until you're nearly 90, either. I don't mean to be a jerk, Althetrainer, but your lifestyle doesn't suit everyone, and their lifestyle has gotten them through 88 years already. You're not very likely to turn them around at this point, and you've probably been trying for years. You're not going to worsen their condition....they're nearly 90! It's their party.

Your heart is so in the right place, but seriously if someone is telling me how to eat when I'm 88, they can just forget it. It's not happening. Older people are not known for the flexibility :) Just make the muffins the biscuits and don't feel one bit of guilt for doing something nice for them even if it isn't the healthiest option.

Tracey

Make them what they want, and maybe give them a gift basket of some goodies that you would want them to sub - some have been mentioned above - and say thats a bonus gift from you, and you would appreciate their opinion. Who knows, they might LIKE and actually change (you/we can dream....)

Many of us seem to be in the same circumstances. I would be happy if my DF followed a diabetic diet, ate meals at regular times and took his medication. At 85 he isn't going to change the way he lives. His blood sugar swings from 200+ to 50 or lower. I fully expect to get a call saying his blood sugar bottomed out during the night and he was beyond help. What I want to remember is the enjoyment he had when we had lunch together rather than feeling angry that he would not properly manage his diabetes. Let's face it, my making a very healthy meal every week or two will have no effect on his health. It is not a teaching moment, it is time to make good memories. As long as what you serve does not put them in ketoacidosis or hypoglycemia give him the birthday he will enjoy.

I agree, cook them what they want, what they like, what they'll eat. You can "healthy up" food forever, but you're wasting your time and ingredients. They are in their late 80s and you aren't going to change their tastes or eating habits.

Dad died at 76 from diabetes and heart disease. Nothing I could do or say would make him give up the butter or the sweets, and my stepmother refused to cook, so they lived on fast food and frozen stuff. I'd bake bran muffins or sugar free fruit desserts and take them over, saying I'd baked some for myself and couldn't eat it all or whatever. Dad would just complain about them and stepmom never made them. It was fruitless, a waste of my time and made Dad grumpy.

We cannot impose our beliefs on other people, we just can't. It's wrong and it's usually unsuccessful. Your in-laws are adults, they make their own decisions and I'm sure you've explained your position to them, so they know. That's all you can do, you cannot bend them to your will.

I can't think of any way to "healthy up" biscuits anyway, other than the addition of some whole wheat. They're fat and flour, add some cheese and garlic. The muffins you could probably cut down the fat, use high percentage chocolate in smaller amounts and they might not notice, but I'm betting that even the higher percentage chocolate is going to get a thumbs down, my family can tell the difference. I like it better, but they don't.

In this instance I say bake what they want or don't bake at all. You can give them healthier "extras" any time you feel like doing it, and they can decide whether or not they're going to eat it.

Annie

Thanks all! I have to agree that we can't preach to someone who don't share the same beliefs. Annie, I know what you mean... you just can't cut the fat in biscuits because fat is what makes them taste so good.

I will stick to my plan: baked chicken fingers, lentil soup, to go with biscuits and chocolate chip muffins. He will have a good birthday meal.

Thanks again.

Al

When and if I get to be 80 sure hope folks wont be telling me what to eat. Of course they will because they will know better. My eating habits are not the best now.

This isnt food related but I feel it is a good story. We were at mom's this weekend. Family members were talking about their pets. My mom comes out of her bedroom with this stuffed dog that barks, does tricks and snores when it gets tired. My younger sister asked how much did that cost. Mom ignored her question at the time, but after she left my mom said....'That dog cost about 3 packs of cigarettes!'
Thought that was so funny!
Nobody is going to tell my mom what to do, let alone what to eat!

I have to agree. If they have made it to their late 80's on this diet, I would leave it alone. My mom is 92 and going strong. She has always eaten a "1950's" diet, full of butter, cream ,salt, etc.

However, I think this generation had a couple great advantages. When they were kids they did not get a diet of food filled with preservatives and other scary additives. My mom ate veggies straight from the backyard garden and raw milk from the dairy down the street. There was only fresh butter and whatever meat they had also landed on the table not too soon after it had been out in the woods or fields.

Obesity wasn't a problem because kids got shoved out the door and told to go play.

Anyway, my point is that they probably haven't had a lifetime of junk food as later generations did.

I'd cook what they enjoy, but not add those recipes to your usual repertoire, which I know you won't.

If you give them foods you consider an improvement over their preferred diet, the clear message is, "I disapprove of you. You should be more like me."

I don't recommend grudgingly making food they like either. That will not make for a happy occasion. Is there no common ground? No foods you both can enjoy together? Apparently not. You seem to be saying they only like unhealthful foods and you only like healthful ones and that all foods fit into one category or the other.

I suggest you celebrate with a non-food outing such as a movie or a play. I would definitely stop for ice cream on the way home.

Jim

It is hard not to try to change old eating habits. My widowed MIL has lived with us for three years and I was appalled at how much 'junk food' she actually ate.

But it's understandable: she doesn't like to cook, and for herself it just isn't worth going through a lot of fuss. Unlike your in-laws, she is very healthy save for osteoporosis and a slowly growing dementia.

Her only real problem is a total lack of knowledge about nutrition - she thought the Mocha Mix creamer in her coffee and Cheerios was full of calcium, since it's "just like milk." ROFL!

You need to remember that the taste buds dull as people age. MIL has a real sweet tooth, but as her blood sugar is fine itÂs not a worry. Although she makes a huge deal out of "Oh, I canÂt take any chile peppers at all", the truth is we make a lot of spicy food and she can actually tolerate a modest amount without a problem. She prides herself on never salting her food, but IÂve noticed when we go out that the food she likes best tends to be salty (most restaurant food is salted heavily, even in upscale places).

My DH and I, OTOH, have health issues, so I finally laid down the groundrules that she feeds herself for breakfast and lunch, and any junk food she eats is hers - no offering it to DH. I make dinner, which almost always starts with a big green salad with low-fat dressing. She's fine with that, the low-fat 1000 Island I use for her is so close to the original she can't really tell any difference.

As DH likes to say, we may know intellectually we need to accept some unpalatable idea, but truly accepting it emotionally is a great deal harder. Good luck to you and may you find more patience within yourself going forward  and if you have any extra you can spare, please send some my way!

Couple of points:

First, I donÂt believe good food if prepared properly and presented nicely that would be less desirable than junk food. I like junk food once in a while. But I no longer have a craving for them.

Second, it is my view that in the very near future, the possibility of us living from 150 to 200 years old is very real. It is very important to keep all your vital organs in good working order. Medical science has already now achieved some unbelievable results such as growing your own body parts and genetic reprogramming of your biological clock.

Yet we still think that we must die before 100.

dcarch

At 80, I hope I've got enough spunk to hint about chocolate chip muffins. My late mother in law didn't drink alcohol or coffee, ate mainly organic foods she raised herself and died of live cancer at 62. My mother is 85, smokes, drinks, lives on doughnuts and canned soup.

I have parents who are 87 & 85, and are in excellent mental and physical health. All of their lives they've eaten healthy, beautifully prepared food -- my mom has always been an excellent, adventurous cook and entertainer. You could bank on having a superb meal at her table.

HOWEVER, within the last 5-8 years my dad's taste buds have regressed, and I've learned that this is not uncommon for older people. As we age, our taste buds are not as sensitive (maybe our sense of smell has been diluted, too) as they were when we were decades younger, so food just doesn't taste good like it used to. And so older people retreat to "comfort" food, or things they know they like.

My mom has given up trying to cook as she has for decades, to accommodate my dad's changed taste buds.

So, since it's a meal in honor of attaining a remarkable age, I say give your in-laws whatever will taste good to them, and what they'll really enjoy eating. Their bodies have responded better to the foods they've eaten than many health-obsessed people's bodies have. And, you just don't know how many more of these celebrations you'll be able to share with them....I'm always reminded of that regarding my parents.

Lighten up, it's his 88th birthday...make him what he wants!

I'd give him a call and ask what he wants you to cook. Hopefully he's forgotten about the biscuits and will ask for chili. Which you can make painlessly healthy by using some lean meat and beans :-)

Seriously, does anyone like lentil soup?

I have a very hard time serving unhealthy food to people I love. I would feel the same way about buying cigarettes or alcohol for an alcoholic. Yes, they will not change and it is impolite to lecture and force your choices on them, not to mention futile. I tried for years to make "healthy" versions of the kinds of junk foods my dad likes, but just like Annie's experience, it was to no avail. Last time the folks were here I cooked like dad liked, and felt sick for a week afterwards. My dad seems to exist nowdays on fat and sugar and refined carbs, with some meat and potatoes and fruit juice thrown in for good measure. When I was home I noticed he ate about a dozen plus cookies a day, as I kept filling up the cookie jar each day and then seeing it empty the next. I think he got up in the middle of the night and ate them! I do think older folks get to a point where they just say, what the heck!

I would compromise, muffins OR biscuits, not both! Eating one or the other is not too bad, it's the combo that is lethal! Make a really decadent version of one or the other and they will probably be really happy!

I'm a lot younger than your in-laws, but once my DIL looked at what I ordered at a restaurant and proceeded to tell me that I should have ordered a healthier meal. We've never been close, probably never will be.

Enjoy their company now while they are still there and forget about what they eat or want to have for a special meal.

When I was raising my kids, we had only natural peanut butter, whole wheat bread, lots of fish and a little lean meat, fresh fruit, whole grains. I baked and cooked from scratch and rarely bought prepared or boxed foods. My kids were born between 1968 and 1984, so we're not talking about the stone ages here.

So what happened? Every one of my six kids went to college and learned to love junk food, which they serve much more of to their kids than I'd like them to. They are all healthy so far. Hub and me? Two of the healthiest eaters on the planet who exercised, watched their weight and tried very hard to do it right? We were both diagnosed with cancer in 2005, within seven weeks of each other. HUb is 69 now, and I'm 62.

Let that lucky old long-lived man enjoy his food and drink. How much do you really think muffins and biscuits are going to shorten his life, if at all, at this point?

Sherry

Al, I have to agree with the others, they made it this far, let them enjoy more on thier birthdays.

And I love lentil soup.

I hear you, Brody. Too me, it's ok when trying to eat healthy and nothing else is available but not anything I would consider for a special meal ever.

Peppi, you and me both, I love lentils in almost any form, but then again, I've seldom met a bean or pea that I didn't like in most any form.

Still, one of those cheese biscuits would be good with the lentil soup, LOL.

Annie

Lots of great advice here but I wanted to comment on an earlier post...

if everything gets too "healthy, ie not "tasty"

Healthy does NOT have to equal not "tasty.

Generally speaking, I cook a VERY healthy diet for my family, almost all from scratch, although I tend to use more frozen veggies then I would like in the winter, and when guests come over, I am always asked for recipes. You can use less fat and taste it up with herbs and spices.

You need some fat to stay healthy so just make sure the fat you consume is the healthy kind.

Al, wish your FIL a very happy birthday and make him a happy man :)

For what it's worth, I find white whole wheat flour makes perfectly good biscuits--throw some cheese in and nobody will notice the color is a little off. Same for muffins and cookies. Not delicate ones of course, but almost anything with brown sugar or cinnamon or otherwise earthy works. Still a mile from health food, but probably slightly better for diabetes.

But yeah, it probably won't matter in the long run. They're too late to save! :)

I didn't mean to imply that healthy can't taste good, however, usually the best tasting things to me are not the healthiest. Pralines, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, whipped cream, lasagna, ice cream and chocolate cake are a few items that are usually popular but not easily duplicated in a healthy way.

I am a great believer in fresh natural products and eat little processed food, comparatively anyway. But I would rather have cheesecake less often then have it made with tofu, ever. Moderation in all things and I do tend to save the "best" foods for special dinners.

And what is healthy and what isn't is still greatly debated although nearly everyone agrees on fresh and natural.

My mil is 85, fit and healthy enough (at about 85 pounds) but it is sad to see the way she deprives herself of nearly everything. She is still concerned about getting fat!

Al, I think your heart is in the right place but believe me, people just like what they like, especially in their 80s. DH loves junk food and quickly loses his appetite when I fix "healthy" food I like. His closest friend always ate HEALTHY and used to tell DH that he would like healthy foods if he just would try them more. Well, a couple of years ago we buried him, he was the healthiest eater in his family and the youngest one to die. He always thought he would live the longest and surprisingly, he was the youngest to die in the family. For those in our family celebrating a birthday, we let them choose what kind of food they want or restaurant they want to go to and that's OK with us as it's their choice. DH hs increased the number of healthy foods he will eat but they still don't take first place. I've stopped trying to influence food choices for others, like DH, especially elders, because I think eating should be a stress-free experience. Good luck, I love lentil soup but its something I always eat alone and fix something else for DH for those meals. Hot biscuits are a favorite of his but it's something I prefer to bypass, unless they're Red Lobster cheese biscuits, LOL! Well, we never go there as fish is on his never-feed- me-this list.

Thanks all! The meal was well received. A picture of the meal and the feedback were posted in my other thread about his birthday meal. Al