Why not call the school and ask? And ask if they could make up some missed time in other ways -- extra credit assignments, summer school?

You may also want to ask if retention is mandatory given a certain number of days missed, or if there's some procedure whereby a student who is succeeding academically is not penalized the same way.

In our state, retention is 'mandatory' for a child who fails the state-mandated tests. However, the school also has the lattitude to reverse the retention if they feel it is not in the child's best interests.

Can't answer your question, but found this on the internet: a report that says, "Attendance data show that students miss an average of 12 days of school each year" in Connecticut.

Here is a link that might be useful: report

The school is closed today (and perhaps the next 2 days) due to snow. But I was just coming back to post that I found it - 4 times in one month or 10 times in a year is truant. At least they don't appear to be reporting him yet - probably b/c the absences have to be "without a proper excuse" and we have had excuses ("proper" or not) for all the absences.

"A "habitual truant" is a child between the ages of five and 16 who has 20 unexcused absences from school during a school year...The law requires each local board of education to adopt and implement policies and procedures to deal with truants enrolled in their schools. Boards must monitor individual unexcused absences of children in grades K-8 and make a reasonable effort to notify the student's parent or person having control over him when the child is absent. They must also, within 10 days of the student's fourth unexcused absence in a month or 10th in a school year, hold a meeting with the students' parents to discuss the situation. If a parent fails to attend the meeting or fails to cooperate with the school in addressing the problem, the superintendent of schools must file a written complaint with the Superior Court alleging the child's family is a "family with service needs" (§ 10-198a)."

This was as of 2001, I haven't found anything newer. The principal is not requesting a meeting at this time. I wll call the next day school is open and see what he suggests. It's funny, they say "Please let us know of any extenuating circumstances" when we've notified them of the reason for every absence and also "...and/or any ways in which we can support better school attendance." Ummm, change their policy so an older kid with a slight fever, runny nose, or pinkeye can attend school? He's old enough to follow basic hygenic precautions to avoid spreading germs. That's the only thing I can think of that would have helped this year. Let's hope he stays healthy for the next 4 months - but I'm pretty sure he'll miss another day or two.

It also seems strange that if he's able to make up all the work and is academically ready for the next grade (he's not challenged enough as it is) that they would (possibly?) retain him and/or file a written complaint with the state.

I agree with the suggestion to talk politely in person with the school first - it may just be a standardized form letter that goes out based on a certain # days, and the school may in actuality take each on a case by case basis.

Thanks graywings - I saw that report listed in results, but didn't open it due to title - I was looking for laws. Interesting, though, isn't it? Esp. the part about 9th graders missing a month on average!

This has been a particularly bad year for DS, he's not usually this sick though I don't think he's ever had perfect attendance.

This school district penalizes HS students 1/4 - 1/2 credit (whatever that is - I don't know their grading system) for too many Unexcused absences, but I can't find anything on the district website about elementary school penalties (if any). I just hate the thought that this letter is going in his "permanent record" like it's his fault he's been sick? I also found that once he's had 10 sick days (so we have 2 left) he has to have a dr's note for any more that year.

Who sent the letter? The individual school? The broader school district? I'm sure individual schools just have to compile a report of absences for all kids together every so often to the school districts, who have to report to the state education department. And when they do those reports, it's just a number of absences and no room for explanations.

"Permanent record"? Who's gonna look at that? It's not like colleges ask about this sort of thing. Relax. Wait until the school reopens, and then ask to talk to someone who can explain the relevance of this and any possible consequences. I think you will be greatly relieved at that point.

Our school district has a process to be followed for excused absences. If your child is sick, a dr.'s note must be presented within 5 days upon return to school; excused were driver's license testing; college visits; funeral, etc. I went round and round with the powers at DD's former high school since I did not feel it necessary to take her to the dr. every time she didn't feel well enough to go to school. So, long story short, I would call my primary's nurse and have her fax a medical note over to the nurse at the school.

Had a real problem twice in early elementary years when I took DD out to visit Disney. The first time was first grade and the teacher gave DD 30 double sided pages of assignments to complete upon return to school after our trip. Completely given as a punishment. DD was doing homework on Halloween nite, on the flight and every afternoon when we came back from the parks. The teacher was a real PIA, asking me why don't you take her in the summer when there is no school? Well, I don't particularly like Florida weather in the wicked heat of summer.

DD was a straight A student K-12. She was in the G&T program and they still gave me a bunch aggravation when I took her out to do something during the school year. Didn't matter to the school that other trips (not Disney) were very educational and she learned much more out of school on most trips than she would have had she attended class.

I once offered to share a professional video about the High Arctic that a independent film maker traveling with us put together. The history teacher replied that yes she would like to have it around Christmas time, as she was thinking North Pole/Santa. Total idiot, this was a 7th grade history teacher who has now become a principal in one of our elementary schools.

The other thing that made me crazy was when we took DD out of school for a few extra days during spring break as we were traveling to Spain. DD at the time was studying Spanish and was actually able to bridge the communication gap between our hostess and me! The school would not consider the absence as excused despite the educational benefits DD experienced during our visit. The dimwits at our school didn't want to hear about it. They actually treated it as tho I had taken her to a club med and spent the week lying on the beach drinking pina coladas whilst DD romped in the ocean.

Sorry to hijak AJ, the way schools handle this just hits my last nerve.

Stepping down from the soapbox now.

Welcome to my world and our new school system...

Did you get a doctors note for his illnesses? If they are like our school they don't actually excuse it with a Dr's note.
See if they want a chronic illness note & if so, let me know because I can point you in the direction of what is needed with it.

Technically they should have excused the absences if you got a Dr's note but for some reason there is a new policy in affect that is making parents jump through hoops to get them excused.

W-i-P - oh no I hope that's not the sort of thing we have to look forward to! This year with free admission on your birthday (and both kids' birthdays Tgiving week) was the last hurrah b4 DS starts jr high next year - then we know we can't pull him out. But we do hope to make some educational trips occasionally, and can't guarantee that they will fall during vacation weeks. I wish they would give a whole week (instead of short days) at Tgiving instead of a week in Feb and a week in April.

roselvr - according to handbook, dr's note not needed unless the kid has been out more than 5 days (or maybe that's just for HS since it says "to avoid losing credit" and it looks like that only applies to HS). You just have to call in each day. They also say can't come to school until he's been fever-free w/o meds for 24 hours (so lost a couple days there - one of which he really could have gone), and in the case of pinkeye I sent him to school, made eye dr's appt, picked him up, then he had to stay out for 2 days b/c he had to be on antibiotic for 24 hrs but dr didn't Rx it for him since it was viral and wouldn't do any good so had to call school the next day and tell them, the next day DD got it so took her to ped., the ped gave steriod eye drops and told me to send DS to school, keep DD out (since she's younger) but no note.

DS doesn't have "a" chronic illness, it's just been a rough year.

I know it can be frustrating for parents, but put yourselves in our shoes. Those of us in schools are trying so hard to instill in your children that education is important and something to be valued, and we are constantly faced with families that take Disney or ski vacations during the school year because it is too hot or too crowded to do so during vacations. I hear that you all have GT children, but even a bright child needs consistency. Many concepts build on one another and if you miss a week of instruction, we teachers are expected to catch your children up on what they missed. We work through our 20-minute lunch break on most days. We are expected to be hand-holders, nose-wipers, morale-boosters, mind readers, instructors in content areas, recess supervisors, assessors, etc., etc. We are required to take graduate-level classes on a regular basis in order to stay current on best practices and expand our own knowledge. We are expected to put up with disrespect from both parents and students. Some teachers are not the best, but there is not one that I know who does not have the best interests of your children in mind every minute of every day. We take work home EVERY night and work on weekends. We come in early and leave well after our contract hours.

Most everyone made valid points about the bureaucracy you face with schools. We get frustrated, too. Most of that is driven by your elected officials who pass laws or rules requiring certain things from schools and teachers. I have taught in two states and doctor's notes are required only if a student is out for more than three days. We teachers need a note in the same situation.

Trust me when I say we face many more stringent requirements than you do. Our days are so full of mandated content that we cannot get to a lot of the lessons that might be considered enrichment. We are only allowed to show county approved videos. I am not sure that the History teacher in 7th grade really planned lessons on Santa. She probably knew the film would not be allowed because it didn't relate to the curriculum. We have to prove a curriculum connection for everything we do. From lessons to videos to field trips, we must cite the state standards being addressed.

I hope your children do not hear you when you call their teachers or school personnel 'dimwits' or "total idiots.' Unfortunately, whether intended or not, whether articulated or not, children do pick up on our attitudes toward others and I cannot tell you the negative effect it has on a child to be torn between home and school.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to bed because I need to be "on" every minute of the day tomorrow for my kiddoes.

My kids are out of college now, but when they were in grade school and high school, parents were clearly informed that taking children out of school for vacations was considered an unexcused absence. It wasn't even considered an option back in the caveman days when I was in school. I have to admit that I never understood why families found it necessary to take vacations during schooltime, but maybe there were special reasons why it was unavoidable for them. I have to side with the schools on this one. If we don't take schooling extremely seriously, then the kids won't, either.

Have not read everything-- my sister got this kind of letter too (in Chicago) and it turned out it was automatically sent but meant nothing. That was last year and they had no issues going on to the next grade!

My state funds schools based on their attendance percent. The schools are very motivated for the students to be in class everyday. We get 9 absences without notes, included in these are college visit days.

Many years ago I was a restaurant manager. I found it interesting that the kids whose parents didn't make them go to school often called in sick and were seen out that night. Their parents also called in sick for "mental health" days frequently per their kids. The parents were teaching their children that it was okay to shirk their commitments and responsibilities.

That said, my DD and I are flying to Dallas in a few weeks for a huge club volleyball tourney. The day of school she is missing unfortunately was a snow make-up day that we now have to go on. Oops!

"Ummm, change their policy so an older kid with a slight fever, runny nose, or pinkeye can attend school? He's old enough to follow basic hygenic precautions to avoid spreading germs."

Good heavens, no! I work in our local school district in an elementary school as a Principal's Secretary and I can tell you that, thanks to parents who think like you do in your suggestion above, many of our staff members have gotten sick from children who come to school with the symptoms you stated above (to name a few). Come on, you can't be serious.
Besides the obvious health concerns, don't you think parents should be stressing the importance of consistency in education, and that means not just when it's "convenient" for the parents to do so? And folks wonder why some kids today don't develop the tools necessary to become responsible and contributing members of society when they become adults. It's all part and parcel.
I'm with cyn427 and jboling on this one.

cny427 while I am sure you are a wonderful and dedicated teacher, please know that for every one like you, there are others who do not even meet the bar of doing the minimum.

As for my comments of the idiot who didn't get the importance of showing kids tape from a small group traveling by icebreaker to the High Arctic, my opinion is warranted. She did in fact tell DH & me that she would like to use the tape during holiday time. I tried to explain what was on the tape and that DD had been on this trip and learned so much as the trip was an expedition-type cruise on a small ship. All of the passengers (124) explored the entire region of the high Arctic on foot, in zodiacs, etc. I was lucky enough to befriend one of the filmmakers who sent us the tapes he made for the Discovery channel. Tell me, why that would not be something unusually interesting to show your students? Very few people ever get that close to the North Pole. Global warming is a definite hot topic and has been since we made that trip. I don't think it was a problem with the "red tape". She had no idea nor did she care about what we were offering. She was just putting in an appearance at Back to School Nite.

I was raised to believe that the teacher was always right no matter what. Well, I have some concerns as an adult about that particular statement. And no, I didn't give my DD a problem by having to chose between school and home. DD knows that I always was and always will be her advocate when necessary.

Well, I can't get through by phone - every time I tried to reach the office "operator" through the phone tree options just b4 school started I got an answering machine for leaving messages for absences (!) and/or got disconnected. After school started the phone just rang - finally I let it ring long enough on the 3rd try to get the answering machine again, pressed "0" and got the operator, but then she disconnected me when she tried to transfer me to the principal. Tried again, got his voice mail, so now I'm waiting for him to call me back.

I'm taking offense at the suggestion that I've let DS (and DD) miss school for *my* convenience. Yes, we pulled them out for 4 days at what we thought was the least-busy time of year (3 of those were early release days when they typically just watch movies, and not educational ones!). OK, this was the 2nd year in a row we did this for DS, but we didn't take vacations in 2006 or 2007 so it's not like we make it a habit. We did pull him out that same week in 2005 when he was 2nd grade, but again we had not taken a vacation in 2003 or 2004. I don't think missing Tgivng week every 3rd year in the younger grades is that damaging to the child's education. In the middle grades, DS asked for work in advance (and completed it) and also made up work that was done in class while he was gone (oops, we had no way of knowing this year the science teacher was going to have them do a lab that week). Now, we probably won't pull him out in 2012 to go on vacation since he'll be in 9th grade.

What was I supposed to do - cancel the vacation/birthday trip/family reunion when DS got the flu in Oct and was out 4 days, so that he wouldn't miss another 4 days in Nov (and more since he got sick again)? We'd had the vacation planned for 6 months and the plane tickets bought for more than a month already.

It's not like I let my kids stay home from school b/c they don't feel like getting up in the morning - I get them there even if I have to literally drag them out of bed.

As far as sending them to school when they're sick, that was half-joking. I do feel that the "no fever for 2 hrs *w/o meds*" does cause kids to lose a day that they could go to school, and as far as pinkeye was concerned the same thing - for older kids. I wouldn't/didn't send DD to school when she had it b/c I knew she would spread it, but DS is old enough to not touch his eye, or if he had to wipe it, at least sanitize his hands before touching anything else. Now, the stomach bug - even though DD could have gone to school the Friday b4 vacation, I wasn't going to send that nasty virus in (DS and I got it Thursday night) just so she could attend her Valentine's party. Give me *some* credit for common sense!

I don't have kids in school but my sister does. From the time they were in elementary till now (6th & 8th grades) the school system has put an emphasis on not letting sick kids attend school and pass whatever it is they have on.

I guess the days are long gone when we simply had to produce a handwritten note from a parent and hand it over to the school secretary. I had a good friend who could forge with the best of them, we had a few sweet ditch days senior year of h.s. thanks to her penmanship. ;)

Still waiting for a call-back. I'm just saying it's a Catch-22 with the sick policy. Can't send them to school til they've been fine for at least 24 hours (if you're lucky they go through a night w/o a fever, wake up temp under 100, then the *next* day you can send them to school. If the temp doesn't break til noon you're stuck with them home *2* more days b/c of the policy). But lose 2-3 days or more due to a fever-type illness, another 3 (or more) due to stomach virus, a day or 2 to pinkeye, and now you're getting close to the 10 days before they send you a letter and tell you you have to get a dr's note for anything else!

Am I the only one whose kid(s) get sick more than 1-2x a year? B/c it seems like we lose *at least* 2-3 days each time, even for a cold (with fever) that doesn't put the kid out of commission for more than a day or 2. BTW, maybe that's why you're seeing "sick" kids out at night - their fever broke more than 24 hours earlier, but they had to stay home that day b/c it broke *less* than 24 hrs b4 the start of the school day.

WiP, I did not say the film would not be interesting, just that I am not sure how it would connect to History and even if you believe otherwise, we really do have to connect something like that to the standards set by the state for the course. Perhaps you would have gotten a better response had you approached the Science teacher. Also, I do agree that a parent is the best advocate for his or her children and, as a teacher, I always encourage my parents to be just that. However, being an advocate does not mean that one needs to be an adversary. Students usually love their teachers, especially in elementary school, but how can they do that when mom (they love her, too) can't stand the teacher? I cannot tell you how many parents come in right from the beginning ready to challenge anything and everything. By the middle of the year, they usually start coming around and by the end of the year, when they see the progress their child has made, they are normally extremely pleased. Would it have been so awful to smile and tell the teacher that she was welcome to show the film whenever she wanted? That would have made it a win-win situation for you, your DD, and the teacher. One further note: I try to teach my own child as well as my students that name calling is never appropriate. Obviously, we have a difference of opinion and expected behavior in that area.

AJM, you did say, didn't you, that part of you reasoning on the timing of your trip was that you didn't want to go to Forida in the heat of the summer? If you took offense, perhaps you should rephrase or delete that statement.

I am with mrsmarv and jboling on the illness thing. The policy is based on medical recommendations. Argue the point with your school board, but don't send your kids in to me. I am sick of getting sick because a student coughs all day, throws up an hour after arriving at school ("She didn't have a fever."), sneezes in my face, or wants to hold my hand after using that same hand to wipe his/her nose.

I hope that someday your children have teachers you like and trust. I am out of this conversation.

I just called the school (NY) for my 5th grader. We also got a note saying that he'd missed 8 days. It was a very offical looking letter which seemed to say this was SERIOUS. During my phone call, the school bascially said that they are obligated to send out the letters to let us parents know what the running total is and they also report all this to the state (NCLB, I guess or NY state reports). Because my son's absence's were excused (he was sick)there is really no further action on the school's part or my part. No CPS or truancy officers or anything like that. The letter was just for notification purposes. I'm betting your letter was the same.

Bottom line: Taking a kid out of school in elementary school for 2 to 4 days shouldn't really be a big deal. Middle school and high school - yeah, that is tougher. We took our kids out when they were in 3rd and 2nd grade, repectively, for a family trip to Disney. The teachers were very supportive, but my kids did have to take homework with them and make it up when they got back. NBD. I personally wouldn't take them out after 4th grade - just too much work for them to make up. But that is just me. My kids are very good students and we have sent the message about the importance of school. Obviously, there are some parents that don't stress the importance of education. I'd say all, but you never know what example someone can pull out, so I'll say most people on this board don't belong in that category.

Cyn47 (if you're still reading) - no, I didn't say we didn't want to go to FL in summer (though it is hot - my parents took us just b4 my prom about 30 yrs ago). We tend not to go on summer vacations (or long ones) b/c the kids have school til Father's Day, DS usually goes to Scout camp in July, and DH and I are busy with the haying in late June/early July and then 2nd cutting in August. DH just said a couple weeks ago that he'd rather go in Feb than Nov/Dec though, since Tgiving weather isn't usually too bad around here, but by Feb he's tired of the snow. So we *will* be going in Feb vacation week with everyone else in the future LOL.

I never said that I didn't like or respect my kids' teachers. I'm just upset about the letter, though I realize it's a form letter. I called again when I didn't hear back, office told me the principal has meetings all day so maybe he'll get back to me after school or tomorrow and I'll find out what the ramifications are. I sure don't have any solution to the sick days though.

Sorry mrsmarv but and cyn47, but if my kids actually have a fever, I don't send them to school. If DD's nose is running, I don't send her, but I do send DS if he doesn't have any other symptoms. He's not going to hold the teacher's hand at his age. Same thing with pinkeye. And I don't send either kid if I think he/she is going to throw up - DD got sick on a Tuesday night, DS went to school Wed and Thurs since had no reason to keep him home, he was feeling fine, but then Thurs night it hit me and him both like a ton of bricks (literally, I felt fine until after dinner and within an hour I was in the bathroom!), so I didn't send DD on Friday even though she was over it since the virus was definitely spreading throughout our house and I didn't want it spreading through the community (more than the dr said it was already).

Just heard from the principal - form letter he has to send out, no ramifications, he just wanted to make sure we were aware in case we were keeping DS home from school if/when he just was too tired or vague "didn't feel well." Said he might have to contact me again and discuss the "problem" if DS misses school regularly (he gave example of a couple of days each week!) for the rest of the school year, but if he gets sick again and he has to be out 3 days next month, no problem, just call in each day like we've been doing, no dr's note required, no summer school, nothing. He said the average number of sick days (roughly, off the top of his head) in his school was 5! With the flu and the stomach bug going around this year, I find it hard to believe that was it, though like I said it's been a rough year (not just for DH - some schools around here closed in October since over 30% of the students had the flu).

Sorry meant to say "it's been a rough year (not just for DS)" not DH (though *he's been to the periodontist and dentist every month!)

Sorry, Ajsmama, it was WiP who talked about the "wicked heat" in summer. I should have gone back to check and I think I should have just addressed her for my comments. You have sounded quite reasonable!! Guess it has been a long week.

cyn writes: Would it have been so awful to smile and tell the teacher that she was welcome to show the film whenever she wanted?

In fact, that is exactly what I did. The teacher never took me up on the offer. The tape did apply to history more than science, but what bothered me was the simple disinterest.

I would never negate the authority of the teacher to my child and why you would interpret my rant on a public forum to my negatively influencing my own child toward a teacher is ridiculous. DD had so many great teachers over the years. I owe each and every one a debt of gratitude as they were played an integral part of making my DD what she is today in her first year of college. Even the worst of teachers taught my DD something.

We got so tired of red tape of public schools we started homeschooling. Great decision. We could travel anytime of the year we wanted. We either did school while traveling or simply did our school stuff later on. Many of our trips were educational in nature.

My oldest son never fit in the public school mold. ADD and hard headed, he stayed in PS through eighth grade (and it was stressful for all concerned. lol), then we moved and never put him back in the system. Our youngest went through second grade. We pulled him the same year.

It was a tremendous relief to have control of our schedule all by ourselves. Plus, I loved getting to learn really cool stuff all over again or in some cases, for the first time.

My youngest graduated last spring and is currently a freshman in college.

Just saying...if you want to travel more....you can make the world your classroom. We did.

Work in progress - perhaps the teacher was concerned that if she showed the video of your child on a voyage, that then every other child would want her to show tapes of their adventures. That could definitely be a concern I could understand.

gail - The trip was a once in a lifetime adventure. Most people have no access to the places we saw. The only way to do it is by small ship (120) passengers & crew so we could get into fjords that the "Carnival" type cruises cannot. No, it would not be an adventure for everyone. I actually lost 10 lbs whilst traveling as we were kept moving with hiking, etc. DD was the only child on the trip. So, not so much of an envy thing with the other kids.

Besides, the videos were done by a guy working for Discovery Channel so it was much more of something you would see on PBS or National Geographic.

I understood that. It's just that I think you can offer it to the teacher, but you should not be angry if she chooses not to show it. It's her class, her choice. I certainly don't think you should call her an idiot because she doesn't want to show your film.

RE: Do anyone's kids get sick more than once or twice per year?

YES. When my DD was in KG she missed like 24 days. All but 5 were for true illness (fever, vomiting, etc.). One of the KG teachers said it was the worst yr. they'd had for illnesses.

When DS #2 (8th grade) just got his report card, I happened to notice with some surprise that he had missed 8 days of school so far. I hadn't really been keeping track. Yes, we took him out of school for 2-1/2 days for a Thanksgiving trip, but the others were all illnesses. This boy has grown 5 inches in a year and I swear it's affecting his immune system! Anyway, I wonder if I'll get a letter if he misses any more school? I've never heard of anyone I know here getting a letter... and I have a friend who pulls her kid out of school for 6-8 days every year for a vacation in March just because they don't want to travel when everyone else does. I don't condone what she does but of course I think my extra Thanksgiving days are perfectly acceptable. ;)