I'm tickled pink when someone asks for recipes too. I'm not much of a dessert eater, and I've taken some desserts to family dinners. I got asked for the recipe for 4 of the cakes and another thing. I gladly shared them, but told SIL that I'm running out of ideas for desserts to take, since they were my favourite ones. Now that they make them they aren't a treat anymore so I can't take them.

I'm in the camp who believes in sharing but I think it's better for those who don't want to share to simply say so rather than give a recipe that's meant to "sabotage" the hoped-for result. That's just mean.

However, just want to note how different results can be when 2 people follow the same recipe. Above posts have listed how folks will substitute ingredients and ignore rising/baking times, etc., but even with identical ingredients the finished products can be quite different, especially if you're following an old handwritten recipe with directions like "season to taste."

My sister and I both make traditional Tourtiere (French Canadian Meat Pies) which, while similar, are not identical. Our pie crusts are different in texture and flakiness and the fillings are seasoned differently and have different textures. My Mom's old recipe is our guide and we follow it based on our own taste memories and interpretations.

A number of people have asked me for this recipe and I've gladly shared it and tried to explain any nuances and techniques I used to make the pie they enjoyed, but I'm guessing all of their pies come out a little different.

I think this is part of what makes home cooking so interesting to me. It really is as much art as science.

I don't mind sharing recipes but, dear Lord, don't ask me for the recipe 3 drinks into a cocktail party! Best for you to all give me your e-mail addy and I'll send it off to you tomorrow. You'd be surprised how many e-mails I get kicked back because THOSE were wrong too.

The worst was a neighbor who came for dinner and thought my blueberry muffins were the best she'd ever had and wanted the recipe. They were Jiffy Mix muffins with some extra frozen blueberries tossed in. Thank Heaven's she never asked for it twice.

In my younger years, I was blessed to have the brains to understand that some of Gram's recipes would be gone when she was, so my time on the farm was spent in the kitchen with her, her pull out bins of flour and sugar and my notebook...."'bout this much baking soda" and I can still see how much she put in her wrinkled palm, how she dusted her hands over the bowl and how much she wiped on her apron. THOSE recipes are hard to share. Hard to write down, "sorta like a 1/4 tsp. of baking powder". I know she had measuring spoons because I have them now. I know she never used them.

The best thing you can leave off of a recipe is, "Sweep them seeds and oats out the back door. The chickens will get 'em and put this other stuff in the pig slop pail. Gramps will be here soon and you gotta help with chores so don't get that pail to heavy to carry."

Ahhhhhh, the joys of learning to cook and follow a recipe. LOL

jasdip, I have to disagree, I don't see why if someone has a recipe why you can't make it anymore and why it wouldn't be special anymore? Anytime someone else makes a dish and I don't make it, it's special to me. Heck I have about a zillion recipe and if Aunt Lulu decided to make that to take to a dinner, it certainly would be no less special because I have the recipe sitting on a shelf!

This discussion has reminded me of an article from one of my cooking magazines - must have been Cook's Illustrated or Fine Cooking, about four or five years ago.

They had a recipe they were trying out from a West Coast source, and it flopped. I think it was a cookie recipe, and it came out thin and crisp instead of soft and chewy. The source was reliable, and they couldn't figure out what was wrong.

Finally, they realized that the difference was....the brand of brown sugar. On the West Coast, C&H is the dominant local brand, and it's advertised as "the only pure cane sugar from Hawaii" (C&H stands for California & Hawaii). That's what was used in the original recipe.

But the East Coast test kitchen staff were using Domino's, a very good East Coast brand - but that's beet sugar, not cane sugar. In 99 out of 100 recipes it wouldn't make any difference. But in this recipe it did, and so when they published the recipe they specified that if you weren't using a cane sugar product, you needed to instead use a modified recipe they had made adjustments for.

On the issue of packaged mixes, I've never understood why people are reluctant to admit using them. They're a convenience, no different than frozen vegetables or a package of pre-grated cheese. Some of them are darn good, too.

Not everyone needs to be a great cook. Just putting dinner on the table night after night is exhausting, when you've got family and/or career demands. Besides, as I'm fond of telling our friends, "Good cooks need a good audience to appreciate their cooking!"

Food isn't a competition, it should be an enjoyable part of the day to be social. If that means nuking something in the microwave, then so be it. There's no point in my telling you how to make my special sushi if it takes three extra specialty market stops and the better part of two days' cooking time, if it's beyond reason you'd ever make it. It's easier if you just ask me to make them, and I'll bring 'em over. I'd rather save the recipe for my niece, who is every bit as willing as I am to put in hours over prep work.

It isn't so much the 'secret being lost', as it is that unused recipes go unappreciated and...well, unused. I've thrown out a lot of recipes over the years that were more work than I was willing to do. That's just the way it is. Some things I don't mind doing, other things seem like way too much trouble.

jkom, makes me wonder if that's why everyone's chocolate chip cookies are now flat suddenly when once they were not when using the same recipe. I guess we need to be using pure cane sugar...makes note to self!

Point taken, jkom. There's no right and no wrong. But hopefully this thread will help some people understand why others may not want to share a recipe, and on the flipside make others realize how people may feel when someone doesn't share recipes.

You're right, most people (me included) would have no interest in spending two days to cook a dish the star of which is raw fish, nor would most folks spend nine hours to roast vegetables. You do paint a convincing picture though, and it would sure seem a priviledge to be your dinner guest. And now that you've explained how long it takes to make a meal that you find exceptional, I understand more why you go out to eat so much! :-)

Not important to the conversation at all, but for the record I'm on the East Coast and I currently have four types of sugar in the pantry - regular granulated, light brown, dark brown and raw. All Domino, all cane.

Jkom51, your post reminded me of another recipe I was reluctant to share. I make a mean fresh raspberry pie that is a great deal of work (not hard but lots of steps). I only make it for special occasions and special people. A family I have been "adopted" into, used to tease that I made it for their dad (in his 80's) because I was trying to finagle the deed to their shared family waterfront cabin out of him. Oh, we played up that scenario often and always had a good laugh. He LOVED the raspberry pie and I wouldn't share the recipe, because, dam it, I WANTED the cabin, and it was my ticket to be invited to their family gatherings!!

After he died, one of the family members was making a family cookbook (large family) and was soliciting favorite recipes for the book. They begged for the raspberry pie recipe to include. So I wrote it out:

Olychick's Raspberry Pie

Have a party.

Invite Olychick.

Ask her to bring Raspberry Pie.

This "recipe" has a special place in the desserts section of the cookbook, but I also wrote out the full recipe which appeared on the next page. I don't think anyone has ever made it, but I know they appreciated finally having it.

LOL!! Love it!!!

That's priceless Olychick!! I love that they actually printed that in the book!!

I take it as a compliment when people ask for my recipes. I'm very happy to share them. It doesn't bother me if people don't share theirs' when asked. Puzzles me, but doesn't bother me. They have their reasons I guess.
I enjoy cooking and baking(baking more). I enjoy the process of peeling and chopping, mixing and pouring. The end results are worth it to me. And when asked to share that process it's a good thing! As stated above in another post, I'm not a fan of the 30 minute process. I've tried a couple of the recipes and they just didn't hold up in the flavor category...there was none. I also don't consider what Sandra Lee does qualifies as cooking. When 70% of the meal is prepackage or in a can, where is the cooking or inventiveness? NancyLouise

Well, I think we'd all agree that most 'quick meal' recipes aren't as good as many of the traditional, longer cooking recipes. OTOH, when you're working - which I did for 35 years - most weekdays you just wanted something fast that was good tasting and reasonably healthy, LOL.

That is one of the best things about retirement, to me. We can afford to go out quite often, but when I want to cook, I have the luxury of being able to spend considerable time on it. This is not necessarily because the recipe is in itself so complex, but because I love stews, braises, marinades, etc., and will often change recipes into steps where I can get the fullest flavor out of all the different ingredients without overcooking any of them.

It doesn't bother me that anyone would have a secret recipe. We all like to be appreciated and feel a little "special". And way too many recipes get copied and re-copied and disseminated outwards until the originator's name is lost and they no longer receive credit for their originality OR their generosity.

I remember seeing a recipe on a website that was claimed to be original by the person who posted it, sometime around the mid-1990's. Trouble was, I had that exact recipe, word for word, in printed form, that I had clipped out of a magazine almost forty years previous...so I KNEW it wasn't her creation (she wasn't old enough, LOL, unless she was baking at the age of three). I didn't say anything or disagree (open forums were rare in those days), but it took quite a while before I shared any recipes at all on the web.

There are lots and lots of innovative and wonderful recipes that can be prepared in 30 minutes....ever watch Top Chef....or whatever that food channel thing is where they have 30 minutes to prepare a full innovative dinner? It sure can be done...I did it for a few years! Not sure I think a long braised roast is as good or certainly no better than a broiled beef filet, or weinerschnitzel or scampi or sole pan fried in butter with a pistachio nut crust....etc etc.
It's nice now and them to spend all day in the kitchen, but when I do that, there are usually a couple of loaves of bread and maybe a pie to show for it.
And none of the recipes are secret....! LOL!

I always gave a recipe when asked, taking the time to write out each step exactly to ensure their dish turned out just like mine, but my time is valuable too and after seeing that some people have their own agenda for asking with absolutely no intention of ever making the dish, I've recently decided to only share with those I know are asking for it because they mean to try it.

Call me selfish. I have a couple recipes I make that everyone likes. I made them up myself. I have never written them down as I just make them as I go. I know what the ingredients are and about how much I put in but usually it is never exactly the same each time I make them. Some of these things I make only at the holidays for gifts. My brother in law who is a chef loves my pumpkin pie and I make it for him and put a bow on it every year.

I got divorced last year. My mother in law and ex husband kept asking me over and over how I made certain things as they wanted to teach his new girlfriend to make stuff just like I did. I was like nope ( call me a selfish b***tch if you want) I was not about to give out my special things I made for the family to her so they could have her make them. Those things were for my family and not for the replacement to make like me.

Both my mother in law and ex husband come down to Florida to visit me and my son. When they come I make those things for them because to them they are still special. I will not share them with the replacement. Like I said call me petty and selfish if you want. I probably am being that way but I don't care lol. They want that stuff they can come get it like they do.

I have other recipes I will share until the cows come home and I don't mind doing it but I do have a few like I said that I honestly could not give an exact recipe to if I wanted too. I have tried writing it down as I go but then end up doing something and forget to write down a step because it is second nature and then when I try to replicate from my own recipe it doesn't come out right and I have to go back and figure out what I left out because I just don't remember.

"My mother in law and ex husband kept asking me over and over how I made
certain things as they wanted to teach his new girlfriend to make stuff
just like I did."

Now that is nervy! I wouldn't share either. Now imagine the new GF, hearing about your wonderful recipes and cooking.

I told my mother in law to let her make her own recipes and for them to try her food and let her have her own special stuff she makes for them. My mother in law said oh she has cooked before but she doesn't cook like you and we just really don't care for what she makes lol!

I cooked dinner for them everyday for 20 years. My in laws are older and my mother in law was never much of a cook. So they came over every night and ate dinner with us. It was a great family experience for my son. We ate dinner at 6pm every night at the table and would talk about our day. Now they do not have that as the new girlfriend doesn't cook often and I think they want what they used to have and just aren't getting it. I do find it funny though that my ex husband is trying to recreate what he had with me through her. Why do that? It makes no sense to me.

Aprile - you go girl!

teresa_nc7 ... Lost a recipe from Sunset that I'd had for years and years, so it was quite old. I contacted Sunset and, after much to do, they found it and passed it on to me. Country Living will probably do the same thing for you and the wedding cake recipe.

jazmynsmom - Would you share your onion soup recipe that has no after effects? TIA

Here's my two cents worth. I always shared recipes with anyone one that asked. However I have a friend who has a bad habit. We do a lot of pot luck socializing. I work very hard to come up with something interesting for each occaision. My friend will invariably ask for the recipe then make the exact same dish for the next pot luck! She inevitably screws up the dish and then tells everyone how she followed my recipe to the letter.

It has become a source of amusement in our group. She is a lovely person but not talented in the kitchen. I think she asks for my recipes because I usually get good reviews and she wants to be able to participate. Our group just laughs it off but it's tough as she gets offended if no one eats her renditon of the recipe. And no I do not leave out techniques or ingredients, that is not nice.

We tried putting her on wine detail but her taste in wine is worse than her cooking. She can't set a table, kives end up on the left, papertowels thrown on plates fro napkins, etc.. Her forte is she is a clean up whizz and she is usually the life of the party! Anyway I finally told her no more recipes, stick to what you are good at keeping the partys interesting. She was so relieved. LOL

Moosemac, thank-you for sharing that story! The ending, that she was relieved to be told she didn't have to try to do what she's bad at is fab!

BTW, I believe her that she followed the recipe. I once saw my best friend, who is a good cook and the offspring of a pro, try to bake a batch of Toll House cookies from the recipe on the bag. I'd made the same recipe countless times. I watched her, and helped a bit, and she didn't do anything wrong. They were the WORST cookies in the entire world. Just awful. Inedible. They looked okay.

-->> Hm... I wonder if she used beet sugar? I learned about the tragic effects of that on baking from Grainlady.

I am always happy to share my recipes (with the exception of the family Christmas cookie recipes- but my son-in-law has indicated he's like them because he's the baker in the next generation- yay! the Christmas cookies will go on :-) ) but like moosemac and plllog, I have found over the year that you can give a dozen people the same recipe and you'll get a dozen different versions of the item in question. Our local annual show (like a county fair) has a section in the cooking competition where everyone has to make a cake to the same recipe, and they're all different.

Years ago a friend used to buy my chocolate cake from me on a regular basis as her husband really liked it. After I'd made her the first one I said, "You know, it's silly for you to pay me for this, I'll just give you the recipe and you can make it yourself." A couple of weeks later she came to me and asked me to make her another cake. When I expressed my surprise she told me she'd baked my recipe but after trying it her husband said it wasn't the same and could she just get one from me. So I guess everyone does things unconsciously that affect the outcome.

Actually, thinking about the Christmas cookies, my Mom wrote out the recipes for them but one kind (for the first few years) were nothing like Mom's version. It was what she called "Swedish Wedding Cookies" and I've generally seen as "Mexican Wedding Cookies". Hers were like little nutty shortbread balls dusted with confectioners sugar. Mine spread out like normal cookies. Finally when I was visiting her, I looked at the original recipe in the cookbook and found she had told me three times as much butter as they were supposed to have. I always wondered if that was on purpose, as she did like to be the queen bee and I suspected she wasn't ready to have me take over the family Christmas baking, even if she wasn't physically up to it herself anymore.

Good stories, funny topic. I don't have a problem with 'secrets'. Most seem to contain a mix or an addition that is decadent and fattening....holiday fair.

Or, like mentioned, a seasonal gift that might be best as a giving gift on holidays and held dear.

My half dozen recipes are more about process and i'm open to share...i usually say that i will share but we need to meet up in my kitchen. I'll show you the process in person. Writing up the recipe just won't work. Way too visual/method. Mostly non-cooks that have been very appreciative and have mentioned years later that my one or two dishes are big hits in their homes with family and friends.

My only experience is with my x-BIL's mothers oyster dressing a few holidays. He changed the subject over and over. I knew and guessed it was a traditional 50-60's recipe very common...one sleeve of saltines, lightly crushed into a baking dish, 3 pints of oysters, drained, liquor saved and mixed with a qrt of heavy crean and a stick of melted butter....oysters on the crackers, butter cream poured over and baked for two hours, lol. delicious. (a bit of paprika on top).

Most 'secret' recipes are holiday specials that are not what we would normally eat every day.

People ask for the challah recipe. I give it to them with great detail including brands with known success. It's too involved. They won't make it. Same for the vegan loaf and the pumpkin lasagna and the spaghetti sauce. I've offered to give lessons for the challah and borekes (ME filo cheese pastries). Sleevendog reminded me of that. The few who have taken me up on it look on with horror as I try to get them involved and run for the hills. What did they think? You put the raw ingredients in the oven and they pop out done? It's not like they've never cooked!

Then there are the ones who won't make a recipe with a morsel which isn't "fresh", but want it to come out just the same. I mean, go ahead and dry your own potatoes, but don't complain to me about my recipe not being accurate if you refuse to use the ones from the box or make your own in a good dehydrator, and think you can get fresh potatoes to work the same (if it's not obvious, you can't. Maybe Linda could using her chemistry skills. Ordinary people can't.). Or the ones who insist on using "real butter" but complain they don't get the right texture -- the recipe calls for vegetable fat. It bakes differently. Deal with it.

I tried to explain ordinary lasagna to a friend who way underestimated the time it would take to "demonstrate" for his kids and didn't believe me that it took a good hour to make and the better part of another to bake. So I started explaining about making the cheeses (just the mozzarella and ricotta), pasta, sausage and sauce just to see his eyes roll. It's not an actual recipe anyway, just a method, and I usually use store bought except for the sauce, though I've made it all from scratch (except, unlike Annie, I don't milk the cow, butcher the meat, and grow the tomatoes), but where do people think all this good food comes from? McDonald's?

I pass out my recipes, freely. The brisket can be made from packets and is dead easy. I don't think they actually make it, much as they love it. I don't actually have "secret" recipes. But they stay secret anyway because no one else is willing to bother...

Sorry if I'm ranting. It feels good to get it out...

olychick, You have the right to keep some recipes secret, if you wish. OTOH, why not give your friend(s) the secret biscotti recipe as a gift to your friend(s) the next time you want to get a gift. I'm sure they would value that even more than the occasional biscotti you make them. In the future, you can gift them with special coffee/tea to enjoy with the biscotti they make from the gifted recipe. Just a suggestion from someone who has chafed at occasionally being refused a recipe. I don't hold it against the person, but don't understand. If I'm in the position to give or share something with someone that I know they want, it gives me pleasure to do so.

My least favorite response is when someone promises to give the recipe and then never get around to doing so. After 3 or 4 more requests, I realize that they either are absentminded and forget their promise or don't want to share the recipe but don't want to admit that. I do have a friend who is known for being unwilling to share any recipe, and doesn't hesitate to tell someone that. I prefer that to being promised a recipe when a person has no intention to actually share it. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, though, and assume that they just forgot---and I give up because I don't want to be a nag.

What an interesting thread. I have no secret recipes. Everything I cook or bake is relatively simple and many of my recipes are already on my website with more to come. I've met folks over the years who have brought a dish or two to one of our parties/barbecues who have claimed it was secret recipe and they would NEVER reveal it. That usually lead to everyone else spending a few minutes or hours trying to suss the ingredients... almost always with success. And when it happened, the secretive cook nodded his or her head and smiled - the secret had been deciphered.

I spent more than a decade involved with the competition barbecue circuit, where secrets are sacred. Of course, this is very simple cooking and secrets don't last very long, even when it comes to sauce. Two stories that illustrate this:

I had a great friend and an amazing barbecue cook who won contest after contest with his sauce. I had the chance to cook with him three times over the years and finally got him, over a large jar of moonshine, to admit that his "secret" sauce was nothing more than equal parts Sweet Baby Ray's Honey Barbecue Sauce mixed with Kraft Original.

Same guy, but at a contest, very early in the morning when no one else was looking, used to throw a large onion into the firebox of his cooker just as a breeze was picking up. The smell of the burning onion permeated the air in all the neighboring cooksites and other cooks would casually saunter over and ask what he was doing. My friend never told anyone why he put an onion in the firebox, but within a month, every cook was tossing an onion into their cookers, thinking that the odor would somehow help their meat. The secret? He just loved the smell of burning onions.

Okay, one more...

There was a great barbecue joint in Ft. Lauderdale called Tom Jenkins. Old man Jenkins ran the place for close to 50 years before he died around 10 years ago. He kept his dry rub and sauce recipes in his head, never writing them down. His sons took over when he died and the food went down hill in a hurry. Those of us who ate there regularly had a pretty good idea what his recipes were, but the sons refused to listen to any of us and tried to figure it out on their own. I don't know if the place is still in business; I last ate there around five or six years and the food was still terrible. Sad to see because there aren't that many good barbecue joints in South Florida. Tom didn't do much good for his restaurant by keeping secrets, unless he was guaranteed that he'd live forever.

If I ask and someone tells me their recipe is 'secret' or they prefer not to give it out, that's fine by me! Why would anyone be angry about that???

I have a long-time acquaintance who frequently asks for my recipes -- usually old family recipes -- and I have always obliged, but she NEVER gives me any of her recipes that I ask for! I remember asking her about a jello salad I liked where she refused to tell me what was in it... I remember asking about a linzer cookie recipe she said came from a magazine, she wouldn't even tell me what magazine!!! She's been asking for an old family cookie recipe lately... at this point I say 'sure' and don't do anything. lol!

OK, here is one of my secrete recipes for amazing BLT.

slice the tomato thick, about 1/2" or thicker. Put tomato slices in the dehydrator for a couple of hours, then make your BLT.

The semi-dehydrate tomato slices make the BLT less watery and much sweeter tomato flavor.

dcarch

Sounds great, dcarch! Unfortunately, no dehydrator here... :p

Put tomato slices in the dehydrator for a couple of hours, then make your BLT.

Would cutting them very thin and pressing out all the liquid between paper towel give you similar results?

"Would cutting them very thin and pressing out all the liquid between paper towel give you similar results?"

No. Not the same at all. You don't want the tomato juice to be sucked away. You only want the water to evaporate, leaving behind concentrated tomato flavor.

dcarch

Very cool! I'll try to remember that trick. :) Now I just need a dehydrator!

I am somewhat of a recipe hoarder. I'm really bad at recipes. I'll tell people what's in it, but I rarely ever measure anything. People end up getting so frustrated when they ask "how much of this ingredient?" And the only answer I can come up with is "you know, just a little" or "just some" They usually just give up. But that's just how I cook when it's my own recipe. I do have a few recipes that have definite measurements, like a bag of cheese or a can of something. But I notice when I give those recipes out,people change them and then wonder why it's not the same. I remember when recipezaar.com first launched. I put a bunch of recipes on there, and was amazed at some of the reviews my recipes got. Things like:

" So I added an extra cup of salt, used tofu instead of beef, and left off the cheese. It was WAAAAY to salty, and didn't look at all like the picture. One star."

Okay,so that was an exaggeration, but you get my point. But I actually did get a review for a chip dip I make that ticked me off so much I asked the website to take the review down,which they did. It was called "cream cheese Olive dip." It has 4 ingredients:cream cheese,grated onion, chopped black olives, and the juice from jarred green olives.(I know it sound weird,but seriously,it the best) Anywho, the review went something like this :" So I made this for a party, and it went over okay. I used brie and ricotta instead of cream cheese, and left out the olives,olive juice and onion. I used chives and capers,and baked it I the oven, and served it with toasted baguette." Ummmm....what? No...you didn't make this recipe for a party,so don't review it. Post the recipe you actually made as your own. I stopped putting my recipes up. Most of the reviews were positive. The ones that weren't 4 or five star invariably had the reviewer butchering the recipe. I have noticed this trend on other peoples recipes too. Very rarely do I come across one that reviewers say they followed the recipe to the letter,and it was awful. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for tweaking recipes to your own taste,but if you changed the recipe and the results were negative,you shouldn't review that recipe. Same thing with people who ask for recipes of dishes they've eaten. If it's so good that you want my recipe why would you tweak it and then get mad when it's not the same?

I had this happen last week, when one of my sisters asked for my buffalo chicken dip recipe. She forgot the ranch dressing, and decided to substitute plain mayo instead of going back to the store. She then called me and accused me of giving her the wrong recipe, because hers didn't taste like mine. She thought the ranch was just for creaminess,not flavor. My others sisters sister in law asked for my cheesburger casserole recipe,which has cream of mushroom soup in it. Well, she liked the casserole when i made it, but she said that she hates mushrooms, so she left the soup out, and said the casserole was different and not as good when she made it. She couldnt taste mushroom when i made it,but had it in her head that she doesnt like mushrooms, so she just left it out. Well duh it tastes different. Most people in my family just ask me to make whatever dish they want,and just reimburse me for the ingredients. It's better for everyone really.

My aunt is a recipe hoarder, keeps everything secret. She's a fabulous cook, but her techniques will die with her. I hope she lives forever and I don't care if she doesn't share her recipes. She won't even let me help her in the kitchen, it's just her thing and we get the benefits of enjoying the fruits of her labor. To call that "selfish" rather than "quirky" sounds a bit unnecessarily confrontational to me. C'mon, it's just a recipe, you can probably Google it or find ten more recipes for the same stuff in cookbooks at the library. If you want something like that, you can find it in this day and age. Who cares if your chiffon cake isn't exactly like grandmas. Folks should be happy you made chiffon cake and if you don't like it, perfect it yourself, that's what I do.

The wonderful thing in 2016 is that every recipe is available on the internet.

There are no "secret recipes" anymore.

LOL!! L Pink, you remind me of the old story about the woman who behaved like your aunt about the recipes and staying out of the kitchen. The "recipes" were the mom and pop restaurants that her set didn't patronize, and the kitchen was for putting the food on her own plates with some garnish. Or in another version, Stouffers. Or actually made by her but a jar of this and a packet of that, barely combined.

Amylou, you reminded me of a response I made to a recipe I'd used as an inspiration. It was a comment rather than a review, and I told the author how I'd made it mine, using her techniques and a few of my own changes of ingredients. Her basic recipe was sound and I was thrilled with the one I developed on top of hers. She didn't seem too happy with me even for that, however, so I don't even do that much anymore. I can't keep up with the politics.

Another way I was made to think more about this: I was grousing mightily about people not making the recipe--Amylou's examples are even more egregious--but if someone changes it on purpose, I don't mind at all--share your innovations with me and if they're good I might try them. If it didn't come out well, I'm happy to brainstorm on how to fix it. Like if someone uses chicken sausage in the spaghetti sauce, and it turns to flavorless rubber, I'll explain how they need add it in near the end so it doesn't overcook, add some olive oil because there isn't enough fat, and some more seasonings if they escaped the sausage while it was browning. But I'll also explain that if they want the sauce it to taste like it has cooked down beef in it, they have to use beef. :) Where I take issue is when they think they can just use chicken, drain off all the flavor, use no fat or red meat and still have it taste like meat sauce!

But I do share my secrets. The secret to my spaghetti sauce isn't on the handed down recipe. The one variable that changes the flavor too much to be omitted is green bell pepper. And while there isn't a set number of other vegetables, I also always add carrots and zucchini, and usually a chili pepper or two. Those all can be omitted or subbed out, but not the green bell pepper if you want it to taste the same. I include all those, with notes, when I hand out the recipe.

To momj47, Yeah but you don't know if it's any good until you actually make it. That's what makes it great about getting a recipe that's tried and true from someone that makes the dish.

My recipes might as well be secret because I do not think anyone makes them - except for two or three of them. I started writing down my recipes and cooking methods because I wanted someone else to be able to cook for me in case I happened to be unable to do so, but I still have trouble getting relatives to try my recipes. Occasionally people (at my parties) have asked for recipes from me, but I have no evidence that they ever used them.

Plllog, I've had people do that too. That is,use my recipes for inspiration and change it up quite a bit to suit their own tastes. I think that's great. I do that all the time.What I don't like, is when people change it up, then leave a less than flattering review of the recipe based on their changes instead of the true recipe. That's why I've become somewhat of a recipe hoarder. That, and people who know what the food tastes like, like it enough to ask for the recipe,change it,then blame me cuz it sucks. I've made a lot of spinach artichoke dip,mac and cheese,lasangne,roll em ups,etc. over the years for people just to avoid having them screw it up. Must protect my culinary reputation!!!

So many "recipes" are useless without actual demonstrations/lessons/videos.

That's why you have cooking schools.

dcarch

amylou, that drives me crazy to read reviews and people say it wasn't any good, give it a bad review and go on to say what all they changed. I don't get that. At some point, it's not even the same recipe so why do they review it? I wish that there was a place to comment on their reviews because I'd tell them what I thought! :)

Amylou, absolutely, and on all counts. You just made me think a lot, so I wanted to acknowledge that. Thank-you!

In my own cooking, if I'm using a recipe more for proportions or timing or some particular methodology, but have a thorough grasp of what it is and how it gets there, I will sometimes change it on the fly. If it sounds good, but is really new, I always make it as close to the original at least one time before I start messing with it. How can you know what it is if you don't taste it?

My mother says the secret to cooking is knowing how to eat. Like the Ranch dressing example. It's not that hard to make Ranch dressing from scratch, and if you don't have any buttermilk, you can thin down mayonnaise with vinegar and/or lemon juice and make a decent substitute, but if you don't put in enough acid, a lot of herbs, garlic, and pepper and a boatload of salt it's not going to have any flavor! Nothing like the commercial stuff. Do you think it's learned helplessness? Like the otherwise loved one who takes the spoon so you can go to the bathroom, but only kind of slides it around without really stirring or getting the bottom so you won't ask for help again?

I hate the commercial ranch, I must say. It's weirdly sweet. But for buffalo chicken dip, I don't wanna mess up my food processor making the real stuff just for that.

I long for relatives who don't want to help in the kitchen. It would save me a lot of very unladylike profanity if they would learn to keep out. It stems from the time one of my brothers slipped water chestnuts into my spinach dip for "texture"(ick) and cayenne pepper and garlic into my mac and cheese for "flavor" even though it was made for the exclusive consumption by 15 children under age 10......

amylou, priceless laugh about your relatives! I'd offer you mine, who are all great cooks but also follow directions precisely when cooking in someone else's kitchen....except then where would I be?!?!? LOL!

OMG!!! Amylou, that takes the prize.

When it's your brother, I don't know if it would work, but what I do with my cousins is put things to nibble on on the coffee table, and cold drinks with all of the accoutrements on a table in the foyer, and when they come in the kitchen, I shoo them back out again, telling them to help themselves, help the old folks, help the little kids... At that point, they start talking to each other and forget about invading the kitchen. It took awhile to retrain them, but they've caught on. Then I have one cousin who comes in the kitchen, sees something he knows he can be helpful doing, and asks if he can do it. Then does it right (after I say yes). Without instructions. Total treasure.

The worst was when I made roll emups. They are a thin piece of steak and bacon rolled up and at the time,secured with a toothpick before cooking in a slow cooker with onions and beef stock for 6 hours. He thought he would "help" by stirring the then fall apart tender roll em ups, causing them to, well, fall apart, leaving a toothpick laden shredded beef and bacon mess in the crock pot. The dish makes a ton of its own gravy, so it looked like toothpick stew. He tried to save face by running out to buy hoagie rolls and claim that he invented a new sandwich filling, but everyone still had to pick out the toothpicks. Now, I use wafer thin,long and wide pieces of round steak (milanese or something is always on the label) It's so thin and wide that when I roll it up with the bacon inside, it requires no toothpick to hold it together. And that's why I am a kitchen dictator and ruthlessly guard the kitchen door from intruders. I have come to realize though, that many of his, and my other siblings kitchen antics are strictly to get a rise out of me for their own amusement,and it works every.single.time.

ROTFLOLTIWMP!!!! Well, at least your family is amusing! But that's very sad that they'd ruin your work to get a rise out of you. :( Threatening to stir the crockpot is teasing, and siblings, annoying as they are, get a pass (and maybe a whack with a wooden spoon). Actually doing it is mean!

Yes,well, I don't know that he actually knew the damage it would cause. The look on his face when he did it was almost amusing enough to make up for it. Almost. They all like to breeze through the kitchen, then dart to stir or turn something or move something or snitch something to nibble just to get a reaction. I have used many a kitchen utensil for both defense and revenge.

LOL my family would never ever come in the kitchen when I am cooking. Not because I don't allow them to help. Heck sometimes I would welcome the help. They tell me I do such a good job on my own they feel I don't need any help. Everything is so good they say that they don't even feel the need to bring a side dish or dessert because it just wouldn't measure up. I call BS they are all just to lazy to help and half of them don't cook anyways. A little help to clean up or set the table would be nice but you know I am OCD about cleaning and they just fear they wouldn't do that right either lolololol.