I can understand your reaction! My prayers are with you and your family. I hope she died of natural causes, and that she died quickly.

You've been through a lot recently and you do have health issues, so try to stay calm and take care of yourself.

Please keep us informed.

M.

I'm so sorry.. some how the words don't seem to be enough to convey what I want to say.

I will pray it was natural causes. It's so hard when they live alone. My ex-neighbor fell in July (at 10pm); I don't know how he got up to go inside to call the ambulance but he did. Since then; he's made sure to carry his cell phone on him even in the house just in case.

I know it's too late now but maybe it will help someone else; my hubs gram is going to be 93; they have a phone chain going where they check in; in the morning & at night. A lot can happen between the 2 phone calls but it's worked so far. Thankfully she has a distant relative staying with her but he house sits & works & isn't always there.

Keep us posted. I know what losing a few people in a short time is like with my dad and father in law; so I know how painful it is; and now you have the not knowing.

~Hugs

(((Oakley))), you poor thing! I am so incredibly sorry, for you and for your family. What a terrible tragedy and shock for you all! My heart goes out to you. Please know that your friends' thoughts and prayers are with you all. Take some deep breaths and make yourself a nice cup of hot tea in the mean time. Keep us posted. We're here for you as best we can be.
Lynn

Hi Oak,

I just learned about the loss of your brother today and now this, I'm so terribly sorry. It's hard to find the right words to say but I feel so terrible for you, we lost our grandfather the same way many years ago. I'll say a prayer that the officials provide you with information soon and that it's she passed quietly in her sleep.

Oh Oakley ... I'm at a total loss for words. I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I am so, so sorry. You and your family must be reeling from this news. How is your DH holding up?

I'm so sorry Oakley. I hope you're able to find out what happened very soon. Saying a prayer for your family. Please keep us posted.

I am so sorry. (((oakley&DH)))

Thanks everyone. DH just called, they found her in the bathroom, and the cops said it appeared to be natural causes, and she may have died on Wed. or Thursday.

I just feel so bad she died alone, I think that's what hurts the most. When my dad died alone..well, it still haunts me to this day.

I'll keep you all updated.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is very sad to think of anyone dying all alone, especially a loved one. I hope that she did not suffer long.

I'm so sorry you and your family have to go through this. It's never easy to lose a loved one and under these circumstances it's doubly so. I hope you can feel some relief since they believe it was a natural death. I'll keep all of you in my prayers.

Oakley, I'm so sorry and doubly so that this is coming on the heels of the loss of your brother. I fully understand the haunting you still feel from your dad's passing. My mom didn't die immediately although she laid on her bedroom floor for up to 36 hours after having a massive stroke before being found by my brother. I'm still haunted by what that time was like for her. Her last few months were spent in a nursing home paralyzed on one side, incontinent, unable to speak, and fed through a tube. Death on her bedroom floor would have been a blessing. Find comfort in the fact that your husband's mother didn't have to suffer any longer than she did.

This happened to my father and to my mother's brother. My father had died in his kitchen as he was headed to the refrigerator. Also it was a case of not hearing from him and of him not answering the phone. We had to keep calling local police to have them go in to find him. My sister and brother and I all lived in the neighboring state and were a 2-3 hour drive from him. My uncle was found dead by the postman who noticed no one had brought in the mail. The postman called the police.
Although the family members died without another human present,they are far from alone. God sends his angels for us. May her eternal soul find true happiness with Jesus.

Oh, Oakley!! (((Hugs))) I'm so sorry! May you find peace with her death. It is very sad to think of her dying all alone without discovery for an entire week. Was she healthy?

How awful! Your poor husband. I'm sure he is beside himself. He is going to need you in the coming days - i'm sure he will have feelings of guilt. I would also guess there was probably nothing anyone could have done and like Natal said, be thankful she did not linger and suffer.

I like the calling chain. My sister and I are within 30 minutes of my dad, my brother lives out of state, but just about 2 hours away. With dad now alone, my sister and I call often and visit, and my brother calls daily.

Thank goodness for your MIL's church and their concern. I'm glad the police were able to find the body and not one of her sons.

Hoping you both are able to get some rest tonight and wishing for comfort for your family.

tina

I'm so sorry, Oakley. The passing of a loved one is never easy. Please don't beat yourself up over her being alone, or your father. It's the time that was spent with her while she was here that counts. And the memories the family has of her. Share those in the coming days and don't dwell on the negative.

I am very sorry about this loss, and I know the attending feeling of not knowing the details just makes it worse. My sympathy to your family.

Red

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I agree with what others here have said so much better than I could....share your memories. Focus on her, not on how she passed on.

So sorry to read your the news of your MIL passing. Just shocking to have to go through that so soon again.

I would try and remember that she liked living on her own, but unfortunately when someone isn't living with an elderly relative and they're not ill, it's easy to have a few days go by and not realize you haven't spoken to them. My friend's Mom was also found several days after she had passed away. She felt terrible that she hadn't called her for a few days, but her Mom loved her independence and didn't want to have a livein or live with my friend.

I read here daily but don't post much, I do feel as though I know you though. My heart goes out to you and all of your family on news of her passing, I am just so sorry. I have been through this twice with my husband and son, death is never easy my dear. I will keep you close in my thoughts and prayers.

Oakley, I am so sorry to hear about your MIL. This had to have been quite a shock. But as others have said, at least she went quickly - probably never knew what happened. For that you can be grateful. And please don't think she died alone, because since it likely happened so quickly, she never knew she was dying, or felt alone as it happened.

My beloved MIL died quickly, tho my FIL was in the next room. She went in to the bedroom to change into her nightclothes. He was watching TV, and the phone range- it was their daughter, calling to chat with MIL. When Dad went to get her, he found her on the bedroom floor, already dead. The paramedics said that she was probably dead before she hit the floor. While it was a horrible shock, it was what SHE wanted - she had recently had a mastectomy and started chemo, and said that if the chemo didn't work pretty quickly, she just wanted to stop and only wished to go quickly. She got her wish. My DH and I took great consolation in that.

Oakley, with all that has been going on in your life I am so sorry that this has been added. You know how special you are to me. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time .c

Oh no Oakley! I am so very, very sorry to hear this. What a terrible tragedy for your family. Hugs to you and your family.

Oh oakley, I am so very sorry you and your family are going through this. To comfort you re. her being alone, I will add a bit to caroleoh's thoughts: she liked being independent in her own home. My sweet Gran never recovered from being taken from her home and placed in assisted living. I was far away at the time, with no say so in the matter, but always felt it would have been better for her to take the chance of a fall down the stairs, or a fire, or whatever possible ending was feared for her. She would then have been happy for the time that was left her. Feel shocked and saddened, for sure, but do not beat yourself up over her this. Far better a few hours or even days alone, than a long, painful, lingering illness, while surrounded by loved ones. Do not linger on this thought. Rather, as Allison wrote, remember the impact your caring for her made on her life. Celebrate her life and all she gave and received with love, and do not dwell on those final moments.
This may seem silly, but has worked for me : imagine standing on a cliff or by the sea. Reach in and grab that thought and ugly picture from your mind and heave it over the cliff or out to sea. Do this visualization each time this hurtful picture enters your mind. In time it will fade.

Oakley I'm so sorry for your loss of your brother and now your mother in law. Please try to hang in there.

My sincere condoleances go out to you and your family, what a shock.

Oakley, I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine going through this twice in so short a time.

I'm waiting to get that type of call about my elderly MIL. She has had a number of close calls with falls alone at home. We would get her an emergency button to wear, but we know it would end up sitting unused in the box.

Your words and personal stories are comforting. I'm doing okay, dh is still in shock and didn't get any sleep last night.

We're going to the funeral home in a bit to make arrangements then to her house to get her belongings out of there so no one will break in and steal them.

I can't remember if I said this above or not, but her Church is going to take over everything after the funeral arrangements are made. They'll have a dinner for everyone, etc.

The Church has a food bank there and that was my MIL's greatest joy in volunteering there every week.

She was an RN, very well educated and well-read. Smart as a whip. It was always fun being around her because I envied her intelligence. lol.

She had a nice life. Her three brothers will be flying in soon, and they're just great men, I can't wait to see them.

I'm so very sorry...

ML

Oakley, I'm sorry about your MIL's loss. It does sound like she was a wonderful person who raised fine sons. I'm sure she knew she was loved and cherished by her family. In the end, those bonds are the ones that are the most important, I think.

Take care of yourself too--as the saying goes, you can't pour from an empty glass.

Ann

That is shocking and devastating...I'm so sorry for you and your family.

((((((((((Oakley & DH))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear about your MIL. It sounds like she had a wonderful church family. Take care of yourself, you have had much to contend with in recent weeks.

Jana

I can't really add to what others have already said except I'm so sorry for what your family has been going through. You are in all of our thoughts. Please be very good to yourselves through all this.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Wishing you and your family the best in a diffucult time.

We subscribed to 'the' button several years ago for our 87 year old MIL. It isn't cheap but it is a real comfort to us since she lives over 3 hours away. She receives 3 phone calls a day - we've organized a phone chain. She has close neighbors who also check on her daily. We are so grateful for that.

We insisted Mom wear the button. It's water proof and she used it once when she slipped and couldn't get up. Now she is a believer and wouldn't be caught without it.

Oakley's tragic situation should be a wake up call for all of us with elders who live alone.

I am glad for all the support you will have.

One thought for all of us: We have an elderly neighbor who lives alone. His son is in Florida and we are in Virginia. Every morning he calls his next door neighbor once he is up and dressed, just to check in. If our neighbor does not hear from him, he knows to go check. He also has been given a key. We check in the evening when we walk the dogs, but informally, to be sure we see the lights on. Having a daily check-in in your neighborhood is a great safety measure.

Oak, please know that you are in our thoughts as you deal with this terrible loss. My prayers are with you, and hope that your family will have comfort while coping with your suffering.

Don't put too much faith in those buttons. My mom wore one on her wrist. When she had the stroke she couldn't reach the button either because she fell on that arm or the other arm was the side where she was paralyzed.

I thought the same thing Goldie - that this should be a wake-up call to others. I have thought of this often recently since my dad is alone and in a fairly remote area. He and my mom shared acerage with my grandparents. After my mom became ill, I had to place my grandmother in assisted living.

Keeping in contact, having neighbors who also keep an eye out, etc. are great ideas.

We did some things for dad (or rather made sure that he took care of some things) such as updating locks on his house, an alarm system, and a cell phone. Dad is in pretty good health and still is able to drive. Last year he did fall twice in ice (once feeding his dog and once going to check on my mom/grandmother - in my grandmother's home). He's since had a hip replacement - not due to either fall, but they probably speeded up the process. So, falling is a big concern of mine. He keeps his portable phone or cell phone with him. I had an aunt who fell and broke her hip and laid for several hours before pulling herself to where she could knock a phone off and call 911. They had to break the door down.

The "buttons" can be a good thing but they are not foolproof. A panic button on an alarm system is good also - but again will not work in every situation.

Many elders do not like giving up their independence (who would?) but checking in with them daily can be done without it seeming like you are "checking up". They can also be lonely and most likely will enjoy the connection.

tina

I know nothing is fail proof when an elder insists on maintaining a home. Mom wears hers around her neck. Either hand can push it. That said, phone calls certainly provide additional back up. The button worked the one time she needed it.

The button worked the one time she needed it.

And that was fortunate for her. It's just a good idea to keep in mind that so many variables can come into play and make that not possible.

Oakley - I am so very sorry. This must have been such a dreadful shock, especially coming so soon after losing your brother.

It seems as though your MIL was a fulfilled woman, active and happy. That is something to rejoice over. As others have said, some elderly people make the decision to live independently, knowing and accepting the fact that they may become very ill or pass away alone. For them, it's a price worth paying.

I will pray for you and especially for your husband. I hope that you all will find comfort and solace through the church's celebration of your MIL's life.

My deep condolences,
Sable

oakley, this is so sad, especially coming so soon after your brother's death. My sincerest sympathy to both you and your husband.

Hey everyone! Thanks again for your kind words. We were in the City all day, made the funeral arrangements, etc.

I'll fill you all in later, I'm just pooped right now. Having a cup of Keurig! lol

Oakley - I am very sorry for your loss. I know you must be beside yourself, with two losses so close. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care of yourself.

oakley, I'm sorry to hear of the recent losses of both your brother and MIL. I will be praying for you and your husband and family.

wow, what a stressful start of the new year for you, oakley... wishing you peace.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. What a shock.

Echoing the other thoughts...I hope you can rejoice that your MIL was able to live an active, independent life right up until the very end. We should all be so blessed.

It's hard because y'all didn't get to fuss over her or say good-bye. I hope the funeral and your own special rememberances bring you closure and comfort.

Oklaoma woke up this morning to a sheet of ice and snow on top so the funeral is canceled today and we'll have it in the morning. Actually I'm glad because DH needs a day off. He's an attorney and is in charge of everything so he's been warding off the "vultures" and it's been very stressful to him. People get so greedy, even before the body is cold.

Today we're going to light a fire and just de-stress and enjoy the potted plants and flowers we've received.

Thanks again everyone!