I'm here Annie, holding your hand.

Carol, it sure has been a year. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Holding out my hand to.....

Nancy

I've got it Nancy....

Carol, you are in my prayers too. I'm so sorry it has been such a difficult year for so many and thank heaven for the CF family.

Reaching for....

Alexa

I'm glad to hold your hand, Alexa....

Carol, I pray for comfort for you as you grieve your father's passing. I hope that pleasant memories of your life together will fill your thoughts and heart.

Closing my eyes, saying a prayer and extending a hand.....

Grace

Thank you so much Annie for posting and for my cooking friends' kind thoughts and prayers.

I haven't been on much lately but every once in a while I get a minute and this is comforting to see.

Actually, my father died on Thanksgiving Day, so this holiday will be one forever associated with the loss.

But the blessing is he went quickly and peacefully. My brother had visited him in the morning and Danny and I had seen him Sunday. At both visits he was unexpectedly bright and alert, so the end came as a real surprise.

My father was 90 and had a life rich in experience, from the South Dakota prairies, riding horseback to school, the trek to Oregon in the Depression, service in the CCC's, the National Guard, the Army in the European theater with Eisenhower. He helped build the Columbia Gorge Highway, worked in logging camps, farmed and raised two children as a single parent after my mother died.

He loved learning. In the dark early mornings he'd get up, build the fire and read until the sun rose and it was time for chores.

He was a good and honorable man. When I think of his generation, I'm not sure we will see their equal again.

Carol

Carol you seem to be a kind and giving person so I miss your visits to the forum. What a wonderful recollection you have of your father. I know your memories of him will keep you strong. I'm sadden to hear that you have had such a rough year.

Cathy

I'm very sorry to hear of your losses Carol and the passing of your father.
I will keep you in my thoughts and extend my warmest wishes for your comfort and peace.

SharonCb

Carol, I'll be thinking of you and your family. I'm so sorry for your losses. Your father was from the generation that I love to sit and talk with. The things I've learned from that generation are some I'll never forget.

Annie, thank you for posting.

My condolances are added to the rest....and I am off to fix a lunch for the friends and family of a church member who died thanksgiving day.
I know you will miss your father....sounds like he was a "good and faithful servant".
Linda C

Carol, I am so sorry for the loss of your father Ill keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Claudia

Carol, your Dad sounds like such a wonderful man. I'm so sorry for your loss of him. You are such a kind person. Now we know one of the reasons why - you had a good role model. My heart and prayers go out to you, for all your losses and troubles this year.

Sally

Carol, I've missed seeing you here. Sending my heart felt condolences and keeping you in my thoughts.

Ann

Carol, you bring so much wisdom to this forum. Sending peaceful thoughts your way.

Eileen

Carol, I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my toughts and prayers!
Annie, how very kind of you to post this, thank you , you are also in my thoughts and prayers! Gina

Carol I am so sorry for the loss of your father. No matter what their age, we miss our parents when they are gone. I am happy that you have only good memories of your dad. I know you miss your cousin, too

Losing kitties is like losing family members and I know you miss their warm snuggles.

And you poor DH! What a horrible injury. It must be so painful. He is fortunate to have you by his side.

I hope 2009 is a good year for you. By the way, anyone named Readinglady is a friend of mine!

Carol, I'm sorry I misunderstood the date of your Dad's death, it was all intertwined with the holiday and with Lee's passing, and so much all at once for you to cope with.

I'm still sending my thougths and prayers for you, and I hope you can feel my hand on your shoulder when you need it.

Annie

Oh Carol , I am so sorry to hear what a tough year this has been for you and your DH.

Sounds like your Dad was a wonderful man and that you will have fond memories, which is all we can ask for.

Thinking of you and reaching out to.....

Carol -- I am so sorry to hear about all these tough times, and my deepest condolences on the loss of your father. If you ever want to share more stories about him, I know we would all love to hear...

A big hug, and reaching my hand out to...

My condolences and strength are being sent out your way right now.

I have Emily's hand, who has mine

-Robin

I'm so sorry Carol. My prayers are with you and your family. If anyone is left, please take my hand...

Hi Carol, my prayers are with you. I have trsinc's hand.

Please take mine. -maria

Got your hand Maria, and giving it a gentle squeeze for sweet Carol. I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad's passing, it's easy to see how much he will be missed by you and your family. My prayer for you is that there will be peace and comfort knowing your dad lived a fine honorable life, and in the end, he knew he was loved deeply by his family. Annie, you are, as always, a wonderful true friend for posting this. Hugs to you Carol and your dear DH too. (((Carol and DH))).
DONNA

I'm grabbing Donna's hand and adding you to my prayer list. I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this now. Hugs to you from PA.
Lpink, aka Laurie R.

And I have Laurie's hand.

Carol, you have my deepest sympathies. All too much in one year. Your dad sounds like a wonderful father and mother too! May all your tears be followed with smile at his memory.

((Hug))

Peppi

I've got Peppi's.. Much peace and strength coming your way!

Thank you everyone and especially you, Annie, who has been such a good friend. It is healing to accept comfort.

Right now I am exhausted. My father lived in my hometown 60 miles away. It seems a lot of my time lately has been on the road. Today we met with the priest to plan the funeral mass, met with the management of his retirement center, called Social Security (a story in itself), sorted through some of his papers and effects, visited his bank (another long story involving his safety deposit box), and . . . I've forgotten. My brain is mush.

So a story about my dad. When I was little we lived in The Dalles right along the Columbia River. They built a huge dam there and one of the "costs" of the dam was Celilo Falls.

Celilo Falls in the Wyam language means "sound of water among the rocks." For 11,000 years the Indians have fished and traded on the banks of the Columbia. Little platforms out over the rushing churning waters. The spume fills the air with wet and the waters thunder. Fish leap in their eternal race to the headwaters.

The salmon whistle blows in the morning and the fishermen net chinook or coho or steelhead to bring to the people. At day's end the salmon whistle blows again and all fishing ceases. The old, the widowed, can come to take their share.

Celilo Falls.

And while I am not Native American, I can say with truth it is a sacred place and a sacred act in the Pacific Northwest to catch these magnificent fish.

In 1957 the dam was finished and the falls were flooded. 11,000 years of history gone in six hours. The belief was, as the sound of blasting went on in the background and the waters rushed in, that the falls were not only buried but blown up.

Just before Celilo was flooded by the waters of The Dalles Dam my father took me to see the Celilo fishermen one last time. To remember the sight of the great salmon and those brave men who challenged the river to catch them. He held my hand as we stood on the edge with all the people and told me, "Remember this. You will never see anything like it again."

I've never forgotten. I remember what it is to stand on the edge and see something irreplaceable disappear under the waters.

Just this week the Corps of Engineers revealed that sonar has been taken and that despite the stories of fifty years ago, Celilo was never blasted apart. There those falls are, intact, waiting under the water. Maybe someday, the dam will go down and the fish will move freely up the river again. This week the Nez Perce, the Umatilla, the Warm Springs, the Yakama, all the Confederated Tribes celebrated, knowing that under the surface Celilo survives.

Nothing is lost. It is only hidden.

Carol

Taking Terri's hand here...sending my sympathies and prayers to you and your family. What a moving story about Celilo Falls....

David

Nothing is lost. It is only hidden.
A beautiful thought, Carol. And a memory to cherish. I'm so sorry about your father.
-- Karen

I have your hand Karen and join everyone in sending thoughts of peace, comfort and love to Carol. And best wishes for a good recovery to your DH.

Carol, I know that your father and others would think of you as good and honorable - the values of his generation live on in you.

Lee, reaching out to...

Carol, I am so sorry to hear of your father's passing. But just now, reading your stories of him and what he held dear...well, I teared up.

He obviously was a wonderful man, with wonderful values and you are so lucky to have had him for so long.

My deepest condolences to you and your family. I hope Thanksgiving turns out to be a time of joy and remembrance for all of you once the pain subsides. You certainly have some great memories of your dad.

Linda

I also teared up reading your story. What a wonderful, wise man to share that with you. Memories like that will sustain you. And another year will hopefully be more joyous. Janet

I also want to add my condolences on the loss of your father. He sounds like a wonderful man.
Your stories are very moving. I wish you peace as you go through this holiday season without some of your loves ones. Best wishes for your husband also.
Lisa

I'm checking in again and so glad that I did. What a fantastic remembrance of something bigger than all of us.

Cathy

Carol, you've been so very helpful to me on the Harvest forum. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I love the story of Celilo Falls though, thank you for sharing that.

Let's hope that 2009 brings you happier days.

Ann

Carol, sending my special thoughts to you dear.

Ah, Carol, you'd have made a great Native American. Nothing is lost, it is only hidden. Grandma used to tell me that to be truly Native, it wasn't enough to have the blood in your veins, you must have the spirit in your soul.

You carry the spirit, the love and respect for the land, in your soul. It is probably an inheritance from your father.

annie

(((hugs)))

grabbing Jessy's hand and reaching out...

You and your family are in my prayers, Readinglady!!

Carol, I am so sorry for the loss of your father. Fathers are special and yours sounded like a wonderful man. What wonderful memories you have of him. What a special gift.

Prayers to you and your family.

Carol, I am so sorry. You'll be in my prayers.

And I'll have my dad go introduce himself to your dad.
Hope he likes to talk.....

Deanna

The funeral is over; now the tough part comes - the sinking in. Death and I have danced this dance before, so I know that for all the stress of the past few days, it is easier to be busy and exhausted than to face the slowing-down of things, when reflection is inescapable.

It was a beautiful day, clear bright skies, crisp air, only the sound of taps in the background. Somehow cemeteries are more comforting and peaceful places in the light. Not so lonely and bleak, more a company of souls at rest.

90 is a lonely age, and my dad was tired. His wife was dead; all his brothers and sisters were gone too. It is hard to be the last on one side when everyone else is on the other.

Every other time in the hospital he fought. This time I think he wanted a different end - to move towards eternity and say "Hello" again. He had had enough of "Good-Bye."

Carol

I'm so glad that I checked back in.

Carol, thank you for sharing the stories...I feel blessed to have "heard" them from you.

I still think of you and your family daily. Bless you as you go down the tuff road ahead of you.

Carol, you and your Dad have touched my heart. I will give my mom (91) an extra hard hug tomorrow. My very best to you. You are blessed to have such beautiful memories.

Pam

Carol, I am so sorry for everything. Thank you for sharing a story of you and your Dad. You touched me, too. Your a wise lady.

Your stories about your Dad showed me that he passed along some of his wisdom to you!
I hope you feel his presence daily and that it brings you comfort.

Grace

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad, Carol. I'm so glad you have such wonderful memories of him...thanks for sharing them.

Carol,
I haven't been here in a while and just now saw this. I'm very sorry for all you've had to deal with. My sympathy on the loss of your father. Sending warm and positive thoughts to you.
Jayne

"Goodnight sweet prince, and flights of angels sing you to your rest"

What you said about 90 being a lonely age is so true with my FIL. He is an avid golfer, but has outlived all his golfing buddies.

Carol, this is way off topic, but I have to point out that you are a very good writer.

Sally

Jessy, that is one of my favorite lines, but I did have to chuckle. All I could think is "Thank G*D my dad wasn't as disturbed as Hamlet!"

Thank you everyone. Words cannot express my appreciation.

Funeral Friday, weekend spent moving everything out of my father's studio at the retirement center. Some to the dump. (You could say my father's beloved old recliner had "character", but it's hard to imagine anyone else wanting to adopt it. About as appealing as an aged smelly dog.) Some to GoodWill and a lot to my niece and nephews whose apartments are sparsely furnished.

It's always amazing the discoveries you make. I found a letter my father had written while in the army (WWII). Just a friendly letter; I'm not sure why he never sent it. But being a devoted Roman Catholic, he'd vowed during Easter week to attend mass every evening. On Wednesday he went to mass, got halfway through the service and realized, GASP!, he was with the Episcopalians! That made him feel very strange. I got a good laugh out of that one.

The oddest discovery was in a little pile of my mother's silk hankies. 1930's vintage, from the days when every lady carried a decorative handkerchief. It's hard to imagine one ever making actual contact with a human nose.

I found a delicate hankie with a border of Union Jacks and a silkscreen image of Edward VIII. (You know, the king who gave up his kingdom for the woman he loved - Wallis Simpson). Well, my mother grew up in the booming metropolis of Willow Bunch, Saskatchewan. How and why she would ever have acquired such a commemorative I can't imagine, especially as her family was French-speaking.

But it's an intriguing oddity to contemplate. That went to my nephew's British girlfriend. Her father in Hertfordshire will be thrilled.

The thing that strikes me is how much we are mysteries to others, even those nearest and dearest. We are infinite.

Carol

Carol, I am reading this late, but wanted to offer my sympathies. Your stories of him are wonderful.

Brenda