I was pleased to see this thread as this is a dilema we found ourselves in when we purchased our old farmhouse in 2004. The house was built in 1909 by an English Immigrant whose occupation on the ship's passenger list is shown as "gardner". He arrived in the US in 1903 and didn't bring his wife and two children over until he had built the first part of this house (1909). He built the huge barn before he built any portion of the house and as the years passed, he added on to this house. His daughter and her husband inherited the house and continued to farm the 40 acres until the husband passed in 1969; the house then belonged to his widow (the daughter of the builder) whose ill health caused her to sell the forty acres cutting out only 1/2 an acre of land surrounding the house. Her only son (in his 60's at that time) inherited it in 1987 but died two years later and the house, which he had mortgaged to begin to repair it, was taken by the mortgage holder............who just happened to be a first cousin! That first cousin spent 11 years living in and repairing the house - adding the central heat and air, updating the wiring, and replacing the view of the stars in the upstairs with a new tin roof and putting in the first "real" kitchen the house had known, turned the original add on bathroom into the laundry room (all the bathroom fixtures still remain minus the tub/shower and toilet) and adding on a room to the side for a new updated bathroom. So how does all this relate to this thread? Because our PO's didn't do a restoration of this old farmhouse, they did a repair and update. It retains a lot of its primitive beauty nad its original footprint but much of its age is undetectable due to the very 90's kitchen and bathrooms that were installed during those 11 years. Termites had destroyed most of the flooring (only the dining room retains it original heart pine flooring and that floor was put in in the 40's) and the trim of the house and the walls were redone with modern sheetrock and mud, only the doors remained in good condition although most are missing their knobs. We faced a decision when we purchased it in 2004 - to continue to repair the house or to strip it out and restore it? If we chose to "restore" it, what were we actually restoring since nothing remained of the trim or downstairs floors and there had been no kitchen? We quickly realized that we would be replicating a "period" and not our home's history because this was in fact, a simple farmhouse from its humble beginnings in 1909 through the repairing process in the 90's. We spent some time touring other old farmhouses of the area and of the same era to determine what to do with this old house. Based upon those other farmhouses, some still remaining in the families of the cr. 1800 farmers, we made our decision. In the end, we chose to replace plywood and carpeting with pine floors where ever it was needed downstairs and to restore the pine flooring upstairs. The original trim throughout the house had been replaced in the 90's with inexpensive but size accurate trim and had been painted; we chose to repaint it rather than strip it....the rooms are smallish and stained wood trim would have "closed" them in further (the trim was as I said inexpensive and not beautiful enough to warrant a clear finish imo). We have painted the walls with "historic colors" and used techniques to age their appearance and further updated the wiring and insulating materials etc and are slowly bringing in period furnishings. We have worked on one project or room per year with the living room and upstairs rooms completed. This years project is the original bathroom turned laundry room that extends off the mud room. Our bathrooms will eventually be redone with reproduction claw foot tubs and pedestal sinks but the kitchen remains a big issue for us...we still live in the 90's kitchen with its 90's style natural oak cabinetry ....it looks like any galley kitchen you'd see in a 90's built home......what to do with it? I love the second photograph in your message - that is similar to what I'd love to do in our old farmhouse - white beadboard cabinetry, an antique stove, a hidden refriderator etc. Other old farmhouses in our area had those features in their kitchens and we believe that had circumstances allowed our original owners to put in a real kitchen, they would have used those features as well. If I had $30,000 dollars to re-do this kitchen, I would knock out the back wall and extend it into a large square configuration with a farmhouse table in the center of it all - however, again, all the other farmhouses around here of the same size and era seem to have had the galley kitchen appearance just as ours does........it appears these busy farmers all added a narrow room the width of the rear of the house and called it "the kitchen" sometime in the 1930's. It would be lovely if we all had the wonderful Victorian or Arts and Crafts homes but a simple farmhouse is where I call home and I'm pleased as punch to be so blessed!

I can relate this post to clothing (kind of like 6 degrees to Kevin Bacon, or whatever ....) Now this may be the voice of the debbil speaking, but I have planned a shopping day to buy some new clothes in order to pitch some that I have. While I don't travel a lot, I find that when I do, for either business or casual, I still, despite having certainly enough volume of clothes, don't have enough coordinated items. Partly it's a problem of color discipline (lack thereof), like the books that tell you to pick just 2 colors and an accent or whatever. Womens' styles are also to blame, because really, it turns out that cut, length, fabric, etc conspire to make items less interchangeable, and it's quite hard to have everything go with 10 other things, or whatever. Partly it's clothing attrition--some of the things that went together ended their lifespans, and and so now I may have "parts" of coordinated outfits but still love the items that are left. Partly it's style and me-changes so that this year I've finally gotten focused on which styles and colors I'd like to duplicate or expand. And while I'm on a rant, what IS it with "khaki" stuff in about 10 different shades? I mean, it doesn't matter for t-shirts, but I recently bought some new khaki pants only to find that a slight difference in color make them no longer "work" with a favorite jacket. That's my point about the tyranny of womens' clothing styles and colors. So I end up having to pack more things than I'd like in order to have enough "outfits". For business wear, I've also finally developed some more discipline about going off onto outfit-tangents. So, I'm planning to take a day at the mall to specifically search for items that work together and are in my "new" styles. Truly, honestly (!), I have identifed a dozen pieces (or more) of clothing I currently own that, if I had the right replacements, I would toss because they are just not right and because they don't all work together, but without replacements, they currently are part of what I grab when I travel. I've got them in a group at one end of the closet and I think before I shop I will make myself at least move them out of the closet. It's really not much more than making an intentional clothing shopping list, but with permission to buy a "group" of items if they all work together great AND will replace several disparate items I've got now. I did do some substantial clothing purging a month ago, which gave me both room and freedom, and that's what helped me notice that of what I've got left, I still am not getting the kind of use out of them that I need, but I can't quite let go because they are the closest thing to what I REALLY need for a given occasion. Pretty good rationalization so far, huh? The trick will be to be able to go home empty-handed if in the entire store/mall nothing right then fits the definition of what I think I'm trying to do.

I'm sorry to say, but your BF is the issue here and will not change. You will always be in the shadow of the ex and the daugher will also give you hell from the sounds of it because of your BF and her mothers condition. The biomom or the daugher is not the problem. ITs your BF. He is doing this and doesn't look good. Personally from reading your post you are a strong person, logical, and accept what life is. REally look hard and ask what southersummer has asked. Where do you see yourself in 10years? will this change? will he change? I would not invest any more time in this relationship because the way your BF is. You cannot free your BF only he can do that for himself. And if you are in therapy please cut your losses. There is not need for drama in life. Life is hard as it is. You can control yourself but you cannot make another person see what you see or do what you do for any reason. Its sad but true. My hubby is selfdestructive at times and there is nothing i can do about it. I'm happy he is strong against his ex and puts his kids in their place but his selfesteem has really taken a hit and alot of times i get stress just dealing with his cr*p. Its a big decision. Stay, with alot of counciling, leave and start again with someoneelse. its your choice.

That is good Harrry : You made all those little mistake and LEARNED from it AND you got lucky. Now all the dangers are over. Have a great season