I would not have registered....registering for gifts is for brides.,,first time brides.
I assume you will only be inviting good friends to the house warming? And good friends know you well enough to have an idea of what you would like.
Also...it's not considered good taste to throw your own "house warming"...with the expectation of gifts.
Much nicer to throw a "Celebrate our new house" party...and act like any gift is a tremendous surprise.....and return what you can't use later!
Would love to come! What are you serving??
Linda C

Oh darn, Lars, I won't be there until at least spring, if Elery and I come again next year to visit his grandsons. i'd rather come to the party!

I've never been to a housewarming or had one, so I can't tell you what the tradition is here, but if I'm going to bring a gift I'd rather have a clue as to what is needed or wanted instead of buying something unwanted or buying a gift card. Now people are registering for everything from baby showers to birthday parties to engagements to weddings to graduations!

If it's bad taste to throw your own housewarming, can you get a friend to send your invitations? (grin). Say something like "Kevin and Lars are celebrating their new home, and would like to share their excitement. No gift is required, other than the pleasure of your company. Anyone who feels that it is absolutely necessary to bring a gift can find a list of small items is available at BB&B."

Annie

Annie, I think that is a good idea - I like the way you worded it. Also, it would be nice to have a friend send the invitations - I had never thought of that. We will be inviting more than just good close friends, as Kevin has a lot of co-workers who want to be invited (and want to bring gifts), but they don't know us that well and would appreciate clues as to what to bring. Even my good friends can be pretty clueless as to what to give me as gifts, and my family is even worse. As I said before, it was not my idea to register, but it does seem to be appropriate in Los Angeles, where a lot of things are different from what I would expect. Here, birthday parties are often held at restaurants with all guests expected to pay a percentage of the total bill. That was a big shock to me.

If we were only inviting good close friends, of course it would not be necessary to register, but we are also inviting people we work with who are very curious about us and want to see where and how we live. Having these people at our party will help our relationships at work and possibly help develop into closer relationships, but most of the coworkers are not at that stage at this moment. It's also a tradition here to bring presents to a housewarming.

My approach to this would be vastly different if we lived in a much smaller city, like Austin, where I lived briefly. It would also be completely different if we were in Mexico City, which is closer in size to L.A. but with different social customs. Here it seems that people expect people to register for gifts for a housewarming party, and it is also considered proper for the house owner to host the party. The intimacy level here is very different from less urban areas, which is something I never liked, but I still have to live with it, since this is where I work. The only other place I could do the work I do is NYC, and I cannot live there because of climate. I had a housewarming party when I moved to Venice (but of course did not register for gifts), but I still got a lot of gifts and had a lot of people attend who were coworkers that I otherwise almost never saw socially. My boss says she wants to attend my housewarming party, but I rather doubt that she will show up, since lately she is often absent from work. To get an idea of her personality, think of Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada and notch it up.

I would like to hear what the customs are in other cities that are similar to L.A. or other ideas based on the fact that we live in Los Angeles.

Lars

Brides forum

I found this discussion on the subject at Brides.com. It's made me rethink the idea. It was never my idea to register, but so many people encouraged me to do it that it made it seem like the normal thing to do. I won't put the registration information on the invitations, but if people ask what to bring, I can mention that we are registered. That way we could assist those who want help with selecting a gift without offending those who think we are giving the party just to get gifts - and such was not our intention at all!! If we happen to get them, that is fine, but I certainly am capable to buying whatever it is that I have on my registry list, especially since most of the items are very basic and minimal. I think some people like to give gifts that they know the receivers will truly appreciate, and I am one of those persons.

Lars

Hi Lars,
Emily Post wouldn't approve, but Annie's right, everyone is registering these days--even at Toys R Us! Most guests wouldn't walk in w/o a plant or a gift or a bottle of wine. No one has to feel pressured to bring a gift, but if they ask or if someone else does the inviting, then mention BB&B. They sell gift cards and have many convenient locations, so why not?
Sorry, to say we won't be there either. We've booked some vacation plans during that week. Wishing you a good party!

Lars I think doing it that way makes a lot of sense. I do think here in LA people register for lots of different things in addition to weddings, even if that was the idea's original intent, and the one most accepted from an overall etiquette point of view, which is why you heard that refrain from others.

I do like using modern day registries. I would probably carry something to a housewarming party despite liking the fact of having that aid in my choices, but for a wedding, especially an out of town one, it's nice to point, click, ship and update the list all in one fell swoop. The gift is then delivered to the address the bride designates.

Having attended a baby shower recently for the first time in my life for my cousin and his wife, I am waiting to see if they have a boy, as I suggested they might, since when I printed their registry at Target it came out on blue paper (LOL).

Personally I think it's extremely tacky. It's a housewarming party, which is nothing more than an excuse for a party. You show up with a bottle or other token gift if you feel so inclined. And why have someone else mail the invites? If they are paying for and organizing the party then yes. But if you are throwing a party then you should invite people to it. As for comparing it to a wedding, maybe think of it this way: If you "were" to get married, how much would you spend on the wedding? $10K? $50K? $100K? Whatever the answer, be guiltless about spending up to that amount of money on random stuff for the house. I would guess that the cost of my wedding was more an I received back in gifts.

It's very common in my area for people to throw house-warming parties when they've moved into a new house. Even the "hoity-toities" in DC do it...and they tend to be the ones with a theme, like "Stock the bar." And they're the ones who could afford to generously stock their own bars, my bar AND your bar! It can get very carried away. The ones we attend are usually colleagues of DH's so if anyone has registered anywhere...that info never gets passed to me! We always take a bottle of wine.

I am uncomfortable being on the receiving end of gifts, so I wouldn't have registered, but I am not necessarily uncomfortable about someone else doing it. What you've registered for wouldn't cause me heartburn. I would get uncomfortable if someone registered for crystal, china, silverware, etc, for a house warming party. We did not have a house warming party. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

All these "etiquette rules" have changed and relaxed over time, and there are most definitely regional differences. I'm learning to go with the flow and not get hyper about what others do. The only thing I do get hyper about is making sure my children know there ARE "social rules" and how to figure out what those rules are and when and how strictly they should be applied under the circumstances.

My life these days is so busy, if I received an invitation to your house warming party, I'd be thrilled to learn (by word of mouth from friends or from you directly...not via invitation, I do draw the line there! Tee hee!) of the registry because I could cut to the chase and bring a gift I know for a fact you would want or need. I won't have stressed over a gift and you will enjoy the gift and, more importantly, not feel any stress about having to return it. We'd both be happy!

I KNOW you're not asking folks to bring you something. But I do know, a house move, even from a well-stocked house, generates needs. I'm all for a house warming party to show off your new digs (it's expected in my circle). If people want to bring a gift, great for you! That's generous and I know you'll appreciate it and the thought. If they go a step further and ask what you need or want, I don't have a problem with a registry. It's not a wedding. You haven't registered for china, crystal and silverware. I wouldn't attach the same strict rules of etiquette to it. Just my 2¢!!

Have the party and enjoy showing off your new place!

You know I was wondering Lars, if you were going to have a housewarming party!
You have been in your new digs for a few weeks now and I was also wondering how its all going??

Today "should" have been my closing day but we were pushed back til next week...either way its a very thrilling time.

I have a pal at work who purchased a BEAUTIFUL condo back in January. It took her about 3 months to fully move in and to date has not planned a housewarming party. She claims she is not ready to host a party yet and a few folks at work have been ribbing her about it saying "Oh Susie will have her housewarming party before Louise"...its kinda a running joke at work LOL!

I think she is just really taking her time unpacking and setting up house and wants to wait till she has her place perfect.

I on the other hand, have already thought about what I may plan to have.
I am calling it the Backyard Burger Bonanza. I was thinking of waiting till mid September when the weather here is still quite warm and the summer party season is over.
I am also thinking about making it on a Friday late afternoon since in our line of work, Sat and Sun are the busiest days and everyone works. Plus I am callinh it an open house so everyone can stop by at any time all evening.

I had thought about what to say if someone asks to bring something and so far I think I would say a Lowes gift card since that is where I plan to spend a lot of my time and cash in the next months.

It never occured to me to register for my housewarming since I am planning such an informal affair.

Most housewarming I have gone to I would either bring wine or a plant...seems thats the norm here although I recently went to my nephews housewarming and took a good bottle of EVO, a misto and some chewies for their 2 new yellow labs.
They also got a lot of home depot and lowes gift cards.

I want to hear about the food!! What are you planning on serving?? Something delish I assume!!

Cheers!
Susie

when I send the invitations, I do not in any way want to give people the impression that we expect gifts, since I don't

To summarize: You want to have a house warming party for the sake of showing your house to friends and coworkers who want to see it. Your purpose is not to garner gifts, but you know that some people will be bringing gifts and you would prefer that those gifts be something you want. And it is the norm in your area to register for this kind of event.

OK! Let's pretend it WAS a wedding. Almost the same things could be said: the purpose is to share the event with friends, gifts are not required but most will bring one and the couple hopes they will be gifts they want, and it's the norm to register.

What is the etiquette for wedding invitations? You don't mention gifts or registries. People who want to know will ask the couple or others involved where they are registered. Some will not ask and will just buy what they want.

Same thing here. You send the invitation out with no mention of gifts or registry. Especially if it IS the norm to register for a housewarming, people will mostly know to ask if they want to know if you're registered.

Just as in a wedding, you'll end up getting some gifts you're not thrilled with. And that's ok, because, after all, that isn't the point of the party.

OOPs! I forgot to say...

Congratulations on the new house! Have a great time at the party!

Yes, congrats on the house. If you don't want people to bring gifts, say that on the invitation. If you mention that you are registered, then people will presume they are expected to bring a gift.

I have had invitations to showers (wedding and baby) that mentioned a registration and it was very helpful. I have never seen that on a housewarming, and I do agree that it's kind of not proper etiquette to give yourself a party and accept gifts. That's why showers are usually given by a friend or relative, not by the bride or her mother or the new mom-to-be.

On the other hand, people will bring gifts of you don't tell them not to, so who knows, maybe they would appreciate the guidance. The last housewarming I went to said no gifts but I brought a bottle of Ice Wine.

Wish I could be there, but this is my official "regrets".

Honestly, I can't imagine registering for a housewarming. To me, the purpose is to share your new home with friends - sort of ringing in a new beginning - not garner gifts. I'd be terribly turned off to see anything on an invitation about gifts, especially mentioning a registry. Those who want to bring gifts - and I'd always bring a gift to a housewarming - will ask you or a mutual friend what you need.

Lars, I know it's not your intention to ask for gifts and that it's a Cali thing. But to me it screams tacky.

I have a totally different feeling on this. I do think that the idea of a "housewarming" party is to warm up your new house by inviting friends and family over. I've been in my house six years and I have yet to throw one, although I did have a couple of nice Christmas and dinner parties, but never could get it together enough to invite a large crowd. Anyway, I would not DREAM of going to a housewarming party without bringing a gift, something for the new house. That's the idea on the friends part, IMHO, to bring a gift to warm up the house of your friend. Ideally something they want and can use. I have received plants, art, etc. from friends when I have moved to new places. My good good friends came by my new house and brought bookends--replicas of the ones in front of the NY Public Library, the perfect gift for me with all my books. Being the canner that I am, I often bring my home canned goods, or something for the kitchen. I even SEND my British friends housewarming gifts when they move, like a carved hard maple bowl I sent my Scottish friends. It was such a pleasure to visit there and see my bowl on the kitchen table. So the idea of a housewarming is to warm people's homes, and the right gift can do that on the day of the party and for years to come.

As far as registering, that's kinda tricky. Ideally your good friends would have good taste in what to bring, and I'm sure you do not expect gifts. In my etiquette world, when someone moves to a new house you send a housewarming gift. And it is nice to think you can be assured of getting them something they will like and use. Although if I threw a housewarming party I would not expect a gift or think less of a guest if they did not bring one, so I have a different etiquette standard as a host than I do as a guest. So perhaps best to leave it up to the good taste of your friends. I sometimes have given people gift certificates to Target and the like. Maybe if someone asks what you need you can say you are registered.

I've lived here 30 years and never experienced a registry for a house warming party Lars, but I think it's an OK idea. Just don't include the info on the invitation, and tell folks only if they ask what you would like.

Make sure the BBB registry is across all their stores -- last time I shopped by registry was for a baby shower and I found the process cumbersome -- also the hosts did not choose enough items and I was left with slim pickings.

I don't think it's tacky, especially if you use Annie's wording. That's what I was going to suggest... Like Lpink, I wouldn't feel comfortable showing up at a housewarming party empty-handed either... if I know them well I might bring glassware or something I know they'll like, if I don't know them as well it might a house plant, flowers, or a bottle of wine...

Many of the people who know you less well might not ask if you are registered, or even what you like... and you just might get something that truly doesn't fit you or your house. Also, you are both adults and have been "on your own" for a while... that sometimes stumps people re: housewarming. So a little hint is appreciated. Especially since your registry is mostly $20 and below...

"Kevin and Lars are celebrating their new home, and would like to share their excitement. No gift is required, other than the pleasure of your company. Anyone who feels that it is absolutely necessary to bring a gift can find a list of small items is available at BB&B. "

wordsmithing to "All we want is the pleasure of your company, no gift is required." puts the emphasis on their presence rather than presents.

That sounds perfect.

Lpink, it must be a Michigan, or a midwestern thing, because I wouldn't dream of going to a housewarming party without bringing a small gift of some sort. Mostly gifts here are useful, not decorative, since every one has different tastes, but there's nearly always a gift of some type, mostly household items.

Annie

We Cali heathens also bring gifts ;)

Sorry if it was implied that not bringing gifts was a regional thing, that's not what I meant! I meant that I have a different perspective as a guest at a housewarming than I do as a host. I don't think I've every actually been invited to an official "housewarming party." I've just visited friend who recently moved or bought a house, and the same thing when my friends visit me in a new place, you bring a little gift that says, "Welcome to your new digs!" But I would never think less of someone who didn't bring a gift, because the pleasure of their company is what warms things up the most. And people may not know what to give or have money to buy gifts (these days).

With the registry thing for weddings, I don't always use them. I've used them when I don't know the couple well, or cannot actually attend the wedding but want to send a gift. The last thing I want is to get someone something they don't want or need, or to have someone get two of something, and one is my gift that they can't take back. But sometimes I get a gift that I think is fairly innocuous, and it doesn't matter if you have two. Like a tablecloth, for example. But with a housewarming, I would invite only friends I would expect to have at my house again, therefore close friends. I think I'd have to leave it up to their best judgement in that case.

Sorry, but I just can't get my head around a couple of people of a "certain age"...and you know you are!! LOL! Inviting people to a housewarming....and certainly not registering for gifts!
Sweet young things do that when they have bought their first home, but not middle aged people who have bought a larger house!
Throw a whale of a party! Invite the whole world! But call it a "party", not a house warming.
Is this something some people do every time they move?

Four years ago my son and his family bought a lovely 5 bedroom house. In the first 3 or 4 weeks after they moved in, at least 6 or 7 of their friends brought or sent a gift.
there was no party invitation, no registering, but their friends who wanted to, brought over gifts.
People who love you will bring or send a gift when they hear you have a new home....but don't make it demanding by sending invitations to a "house warming". Send invitations to "Celebrate our new home"....and do not give any indication that a gift is anything but an amazing surprise....because your intention when you sent invitations was not to garner gifts, but to celebrate with friends.
And if you receive stuff that you wouldn't have chosen, remember that that's what a "gift" is, something for you chosen and bought by another.
You have been part of enough exchanges here to know that a gift is from the heart, and part of the gift is the care with which it was chosen. Throw a party for your friends and if someone brings a gift...accept it with grace and thanks and remember the party is not about gifts but about celebrating with friends.
Linda C

This is Lars and Kevin's first house and it's a big deal to them and I think having a party is warranted. Different strokes.

Gina, I don't think it is their first house, unless I am mistaken. Weren't they in Venice near the beach as I remember? Anyway, I personally don't think registering for a housewarming is appropriate but that may be my midwestern sensibilities coming to the surface. My biggest problem is not having the time to attend the party!

Just have a hell of a good time and revel in your new diggs! Don't sweat the small stuff. Just have fun and appreciate the fact you are blessed to have a great new home!

Duane

I see nothing at all wrong with throwing a housewarming party for yourselves to show people your new home. People around here do it all the time.

I am not crazy about the registry thing however. It seems that just by the fact that you did register you are expecting gifts. By stating on the invitation that you don't expect gifts, but if one is insistent upon bringing one you are registered at BB&B, it would make me feel that in reality you DO expect a gift.

By leaving it off the invitation and only telling people that ask, I think those that don't ask and show up empty-handed will feel awkward when they see that a number of people brought gifts. And it will come out during the course of the afternoon that you were registered. Which, in my opionion, would make those folks feel even more awkward.

Personally, I would throw a great party, but I would go and cancel the registry and note on the invitation "no gifts, please". I would guess that under those circumstances a few will still bring a bottle of wine or a small token.

Just my 2 cents....

Linda

Enjoy your housewarming party , Lars; I find it very warranted to call it that,
since that's what it is, lol.... I would not cancel the registry since it's already done.

Invite your people, don't mention gifts, let things evolve in a casual friendly way, which I sense was your basic aim to begin with.
Most importantly, keep us posted on the outcome !!!

You know I never thought to actually call my party a house warming although now that the move is so close I get asked ALL thie time about when the housewarming party will be.

When I bought this house we did not have a house warming party....I did throw a surprize birthday party for Frank shortly after we moved but you have to keep in mind that in our case we were just about partied out!
in 1988 we had a wedding shower and our wedding. In 1989 we had a baby shower and a christening so having another party seemed way over the top.

This time I really do want to celebrate since it was so stressful getting to this point in the first place and so many of my friends, family and co-workers helped me get through all the ups and downs that I feel almost obligated to show my appreciation.

Plus I feel like I have been out of the loop when it comes to entertaining. The whole time the house was up for sale I rarely had anyone over...a few things for the kids but heck....I didn't even have anyone over during the holidays.

So I will still call my party the backyard burger bonanza and serve an assortment of burgers and sides some good beer and drinks and lots of fun!!

Oh and you are ALL invited!!!

Cheers!
Susie

I've never had a housewarming party, but my secretary just did. She didn't register, she had a big pig roast and lots of beer, LOL, and many people brought gifts, but some didn't. She got a lot of very useless stuff, LOL, since they had always rented "unfurnished" places and their last residence was a mobile home so she and her husband already had household items.

She threw her own party, did her own invitations and a couple of hundred people showed up because she posted a public notice here at the courthouse where she works. Oh, and it was potluck, bring a dish to pass, LOL.

No registry, but it would have been better because now she has several houseplants that she doesn't want, about four "welcome" mats and just a couple of nice wooden utensils, etc.

I agree, keep us posted on the outcome, I'd still stick with the registry but I'm even more of a heathen than Gina, LOL, and frankly, I don't much care what most people think of me or whether I'm doing the "proper" thing, I just do as I like and my friends just smile and go along. (grin)

Annie

Annie, I'm the child-free-by-choice atheist -- I don't think you can get any more heathen than that, LOL.

Everyone, this is Lars' and Kevin's first house they've purchased, and believe me, in Los Angeles that is always a big deal.

Lars, people who know you know that you are not out trolling for gifts, so don't worry about it. I may be out of town but I will keep you posted.

OK, I tried to check the registry at BB&B and it told me I needed a password!! there is also apparently a separate website for california, wow....

Annie

Lars, Please shoot me an e-mail so I have your new e-mail address. I would like to send you something ;-).

No one here will be able to find my registry at BB&B, as I registered under Kevin's name, and I'm pretty sure that no one here knows our last name. I decided to change the party invitation to say "Open House", which I think is not the same as "House Warming", and certainly does not have the connotations of gifts. So it's simply an "open house" party to orient my friends to where we live now, and it will be very casual. I've been very sick for the past three days with the flu and did not go to work on Tuesday and Wednesday. I had to go in Thursday morning for a half day, but did not have the strength to go today. I had thought about canceling the party altogether, but Kevin had already invited friends from where he works.

I had no idea that BB&B had a separate website for California!! It is a very popular store here, and we've already bought a lot of stuff there, including our new stainless steel garbage can for the kitchen. We had to get a nice one because it's in a prominent area of the kitchen and visible from both the living room and dining room.

For those of you unable to attend, Kevin will create a video that he will post on YouTube.

As for comparing the cost of a wedding to the cost of a housewarming party - what about the expense of just getting into the house? And it is my first house.

Suzie, I hope you do have a nice housewarming party, and I was in the same situation as you - I didn't think of having the party until people asked me when I was going to have it. As you can probably tell, I like to be accommodating to my friends, although at first I really didn't want to have the party, since it will take quite a bit of effort to get everything ready in time. However, Kevin said his friends were really anxious to see the house, and so I agreed to have it. I won't cancel the registry, but will keep it very private and only share it with those who ask for it. Some people are gift challenged and appreciate getting help.

I do feel better now that I have sent the invitations as I did for the Open House and no mention of a registry. It didn't seem right to me from the beginning, but I really have no experience with this, since I've never been invited to a housewarming party and don't know what is expected or not expected. That's why I had to ask. It didn't seem right to me either when I was told that I should register, but having had no experience, I had nothing else to go on than what my friends here had told me.

I think I'm on track now - thanks for all the help!

Lars

As long as we're asking for information, I'd like to have your new address, if I may. I know I sent the maple syrup to your old address...

Annie

Open House sounds great!

And I want to come... too bad I'm almost 3000 miles away, with no vaca time, and limited travel funds. I think the party sounds fun!!

Congratulations, and enjoy your friends and acquaintances, and especially your home!!

I like "Open House". I am sure you will have a great time!

And who knows....maybe some CF friends will surprise you! LOL

Can't wait to see pix! Congratulations to you and Kevin!

Linda