I have found that life is much easier if one doesn't start a lie! That is the first recommendation I would give.

When asked how much my new house costs, I just reply with a question, asking them "Oh, would you like to take over the house payments?" and leave it at that. No lies, and they don't need to know. If pressed further, I tell them when we decide to sell, they can see what we list the house for.

I think your answers are very nice ways of diffusing the question. It's really no one's business how much your house costs! In fact, I'm uncomfortable when people freely volunteer how much they paid for their house, car, etc. I don't want to talk about it - it's rude!

I honestly don't consider what you're doing lying. If you gave them a false number, that would be lying. Avoiding an inappropriate question seems like a very nice way of handling the situation rather then telling them what you really think.

I believe I will steal your responses. Good ones.

I think it was "Dear Abby" or her sister who suggested countering all too-personal questions with, "Why do you ask?" You smile and then change the subject. If they persist you have to say, "Sorry, I don't have an answer for you."

Eventually the world will be able to look at your RE tax assessment and figure it out. Or look at zwillow.com

Why are people so hesitant to say, "that is too personal a question". It has nothing to do with hurt feelings. It really is NOT their business. I'm not saying you can't reply in a charming and funny way, but don't waste time feeling guilty for not spilling your guts...

I like the "I'd have to kill you" line--you could say it with a deadly serious face, laugh, then go on to something else quickly. And then there's the "arm and a leg" line. Another tact: just say some dollars per square foot price, like "roughly, $120 per square foot." If they ask how many square feet, just say something like "plenty enough for us".

Keep the actual figure to yourselves--or for the rest of your lives they'll be saying "well, if they can afford a $500,000 (or whatever) house they can afford .... or "how dare they complain about (blah blah) when they live in a $500,000 home!?" You get my drift.

I'm really enjoying the advice. My brother built 3 houses. On one of them we all helped with the construction. But on the last one, which he hired a builder to do, he told NOBODY about it till they had moved in! We knew he was looking around, casually, for a new house, so no one was totally shocked. I asked him why he kept it a secret and he said, "I just didn't want to hear all the commentary." I think he had it right.

deanie1: you hit the nail on the head. It will forever be, "well, if they can afford XYZ, then...." Or, in our case, maybe, "I knew they couldn't afford that house...whatever were they thinking?!" I'd like to avoid the endless commentary.

These aren't strangers; we're a close and compatible family. But also not without our dysfunctions!

So, does anyone care to share their OWN success stories along this line? Or maybe "you learn from your mistakes" stories?

This happens to DH and I all the time. I never would ask someone how much something cost but for some reason everyone seems to ask us. Family esp.! DH has come up with the perfect answer. "About what we wanted to spend". For some though that is not enough. They press to find out more and it drives me nuts. My brother in law does it all the time. Everything we get he will ask much it costs. I think it is rude. When DH will say "About what we wanted to spend" he will reply with "and what was that!". DH breaks and tells him. A friend of mine asked me the other day how much our house was costing to build and I told her about what we had planned on spending. She asked how much that was and I asked her "How much are you wanting to spend on your home when you build?" She just dropped it. My brother always told me to answer a rude question with another question. Works for me!

I agree with deanie1 once you tell someone a figure that is it, they will throw it up in your face whenever they can!

I do really like your responses though!! Maybe next time someone asks me how much I will tell them ...."I would tell you but then I would have to kill you"....laugh and walk away! HEE HEE!

Kelly

I usually say "About 20% more than we planned". All of the above suggestions are good ones.

I would NEVER ask, but I have satisfied my own curiosity by going to the county website and looking up tax records. Have also used zillow.com (which seems to be pretty accurate out here)

I think they are both great answers.

Reminds me of my BIL - anytime he would visit he would ask how much everything in the house cost. I told DH we should just put price tags on everthing before his next visit.

I believe it to be totally rude to ask that kind of question to anyone.

I agree wholeheartedly with chisue, and have used that line on many occasions, especially in the last 18 months! I just say "Why do you ask?" and if there is a follow up, I do respond "Sorry, I don't have an answer for you". If they are nosy enough to look up my real estate taxes, god bless em they have more time than I do!

I wouldn't tell anyone either....it's no one's business! I am in a little different position than most. What my house will cost me when it is all said and done will leave some people slack-jawed in disbelief. Not because of how MUCH we ended up paying, but because of how little. We are doing it all ourselves and saving a fortune. But I probably still won't tell people how much we ended up paying. I'll just tell them "well, if I got paid for all the hours I have in this house, I could retire in hawaii!!" Or something like that.

Sorry, It's such a deal, I had to sign some do not discloser agreement. And they really mean it, I dont even know.

Funny, mikie!

if someone should be so bold as to ask such a personal question my reply is straight forward and honest: "i really don't feel comfortable saying." that's it. it's not rude and it doesn't allow anyone to press on.

katekouros: In an ideal family that might work. It might work in yours. It definitely would not work in mine. People WOULD press on. Try to imagine the Ray Romano TV family and Ray says that to his mother. And she says, "Of course; I didn't mean to be intrusive." Oops! Wrong script. It won't be in the script in my family either.

Do all of you come from normal families who obey the rules of polite society within the family? Or can anybody relate to a family like mine? Is there a psychiatrist in the house?

Too much, I'd say! Then I would go look for my wine.
Salena

Too much, I'd say! Then I would go look for my wine.
Salena

salena: And that would be the end of the conversation? Forever?

Was I raised by wolves? Because the Steel Magnolias around here have their methods and that would not end anything around here. It would just turn the methodology more devious!

LOL pink toes! No, my family is not normal. They will press, they will "suggest" till I am ready to scream! I not only get the how much questions but the "WHY?" questions. You know, "why would you want that kind of front door? A normal less expensive door will be fine." or "why would you want to get DD such a expensive tub....that $200 tub is FINE!" I know the $200 tub would be ok but we really want DD to have the tub she has been asking for. This is the reason we only had one child. She is not spoiled believe me but, there are things we want to be able to give to her that we did not have growing up. I am the only one who had one child so I think it is hard for them to relate to that. They think she is spoiled. She has not had her own room since she was 2 and she really could not tell us what she wanted then.

That is what I get all the time. I am at the point where I do not even care to have a party at the end of all of this. I know more then half of my friends and family only want to look to see how much we put into the house. Crazy~

Kelly

I don't let the cost question bother me at all. For some reason it just doesn't bother me. My dad asked and I gave him a ballpark figure and he didn't say anymore. I know what I can afford and what I want in the new house. If someone offers good suggestions that would make the house better for me, I will listen. If they want to gripe about our selections or the prices we paid, I don't care. When they start forking over money to help pay for this puppy, then and only then will their opinion matter to me.

Now the question that grates on my nerves is WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE FINISHED? Heck I don't know. I now just give them some random date a few months out. The work is going slow but the quality is great. I know some houses are slapped up in a few months around here, but I wouldn't give you five dead flies with their feet up for them.

CB

"You know, "why would you want that kind of front door? A normal less expensive door will be fine." or "why would you want to get DD such a expensive tub....that $200 tub is FINE!""

I get those comments sometimes. Depending on my mood, I'll say "Really? I'll have to switch it out then." Or sometimes I'll say "Darn! I got screwed!". If I'm feeling mellow I'll just shrug and say "Yeah, but I like this one". Of course you might want to look puzzled and say "But this one only cost $200! OMG, I think you must have overpaid for your tub!"

I think I'm probably in the minority here. We aren't completely built yet, but family has been stopping in over the months that we have been building, and we've been asked the "how much" questions several times. I really don't sense it as being a "nosy" question per se though, but rather one of geniune curiosity since nobody in our family has built their own house before. If there was any animosity or condescending tone to their questions, I would absolutely be hesitant to say. But thankfully that hasn't been the case, so I don't mind answering.

I should also point out, the questions we have been asked "how much" on are for specific features or materials we have used that they have really liked and are therefore curious about. I don't think anybody has point blank asked how much our whole house cost, well, at least not to me anyways. But our families are both genuinely & vocally happy for us and for what we're building, and since we are so close, I don't think I would be offended even if they did. Again, I would chalk it up to a curiosity thing...even if it is considered rude. I wouldn't take it in a rude way unless the question was delivered that way.

Based on some of the questions & circumstances some of you have posted about though, I'm very glad I'm not in that situation as I don't have a poker face AT ALL so avoidance I'm not very good at at all lol.

Oh CB....I can relate!! I HATE it when everyone asks when it's going to be done?? Kind of like saying....."what is taking you so long"? I am building it myself in my spare time and paying as I go. My DH is disabled and I work full time.....so I don't have the time or money or manpower to get it done quick. We are 4 years into this build and probably have two more to go. But it will be SO worth it some day!

Cindy

Sheesh, what rude people! I don't know what's worse, rude "friends" looking for something to gossip about, or rude family.

I'm really lucky, I guess, 'cause no one has every asked me what anything cost. I guess if I had someone ask me and I didn't want to answer and I thought they were simply doing it to be nosey I might say, in an offhand way, "Gosh, probably about what you paid for yours... What did you pay?" Don't know if this would work in a really pushy family with poor boundaries, tho. My grandmother was another great gal who, when asked intrusive questions, would smile and say, "Why do you ask?" She claimed it worked.

Bottom line - if you don't want to tell 'em, just smile and change the subject. If they press you, ask, "Why is the dollar amount so important to you?"

As for "When will it be done," try saying "Not a minute sooner than it takes, so I'm not at all worrying about it!"

I love your answers. I have three groups of people. My close family and friends, who I don't really mind if they ask. I like to answer the second group of people who might be building a house and ask how much the subs charged or something like that. I know there have been people who shared information like that with us in the beginning. I like answering with humor for people who might be overstepping on the "how much" questions. It keeps things light, but that's just me.

I just tell them I really don't know, but when it's finished it will be worth x amount. Then I ask if they want to buy it? That ends the conversation.

lol....when people ask me "when will it be done"....I usually reply with "why...do you want to come and help??" That usually shuts them up.

ccoombs1 - ROFL! That is great!!!!!

hee hee....you think that one's bad, how about this one?? We have some relatives that like to drop by....usually around meal time or when we have plans. So if they call first, we tell them we'd love to have them....we are (insert project here) and would love their assistance! Guaranteed.....they will NOT show up. lol!!

I agree with the suggestion to follow up a noisy question with one of your own.

A wealthy acquaintance once asked me how much money I have.

I replied "What do you tell others when they ask YOU this question"?

They didn't tell me, but they stopped asking nosey questions. ;)

well, we are the first ones in my family to build, and we are doing it all ourselves and are approaching the 6th anniversary of the groundbreaking. the family knows that we are doing it a pay as you go, and I make a point of telling them about my great ebay savings and other special deals and conveniently forget to mention the mundane costs like sheetrock, etc.

they do not ask anymore on the cost because we always just say that it is a lot less than if we had to actually pay our 3 kids to work on the house!

The big questions is 'when are you going to move into your new house?' DH just looks puzzled and says 'what new house, we have a house that is almost 6 years old. Is that the one you mean?'

we set small goals rather than a final deadline, although we would love to be in by Thanksgiving.