We lost Max's Mom

lsr2002

16 years ago

Helen, Max's mother, died very unexpectedly on Jan. 22. We are both unbelieving and devastated. She went in to the hospital on the 21st for an elective pacemaker, although her cardiologist said it would not be elective in another six to twelve months. There was a complication during the surgery and her ventricle was perforated by the screw on the pacemaker wire. She started to bleed and a drain was put in immediately and the blood put back into her leg. The tiny hole clotted over and the procedure was finished with the pacemaker working perfectly. My cardiac surgeon was on standby in the OR but advised against open heart surgery because the problem appeared to be resolved. She was taken to ICU overnight for observation and a drain had been inserted in case there was further bleeding. She was alert and talking and able to eat a liquid dinner. There was no bleeding in the next twenty four hours and the drain was removed. An ICU nurse was with her at all times.

We were at the hospital throughout the day and talked with her. The next morning Max went to see her before going to his office. She was joking and talking about the Dinner Theatre plans we had with her for the following Sunday. In the afternoon, several hours after the drain had been removed, they were finishing the paper work to move her out of ICU, she was talking with her nurse and suddenly slumped over and arrested. They tried for forty five minutes to restart her heart, both in ICU and the heart cath lab.

Her Dr. has done almost 800 pacemaker procedures and never lost a patient. He has been her cardiologist for years; he spent nearly two hours with us and with our son and his family when they arrived at the hospital. Her death was just impossible for any of us to comprehend.

There was a Rosary and Mass of Christian Burial at the church she had attended here for sixteen years. We found a large tray of her Christmas cookies in her freezer and served them at the luncheon afterward and at our house for those who stopped by later in the day.

Max's DB and SIL flew up from Santa Fe and stayed for a day and a half to help us start to go through her things. They flew back home and Max and I and our son and DIL flew to Chicago for her interment in a mausoleum next to her husband and younger son. A priest from the church she attended there, before she moved to Boulder, did the Rite of Committal at the mausoleum Chapel.

We all flew back last night. We will miss her very much. Thank you for reading this - I guess I needed to write it out because I'm still trying the absorb the reality of losing her.

Please mention Helen in your prayers.

Lee

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Comments (45)

riverrat1
16 years ago
Lee, I'm so saddened to read this. Please know that Max's mother and your family are in our prayers. It is so hard...

Tomorrow starts our Catholic Schools Week with a beautiful Mass. I will be thinking of your family as we go through the week of Faith, Knowledge, Disipline and Morals. Please know, that special intentions will be sent to the alter for you and your family.

I wish there was something else I could do. I will be thinking of you and will keep you and your family in my prayers.
loagiehoagie
16 years ago
Lee, I am so very sorry. Today is the 4th anniversary of my mom's passing so this hit me extra hard. We have so much faith in our doctors and technology but sometimes God has a different answer/path. My mom's heart surgeon had never lost a patient in surgery. She didn't die in surgery but couldn't recover from heart/lung/kidney problems.

Sometimes things happen outside of doctors control. I am so very sorry and understand the heartbreak. We as humans must follow the cycle of life/death that everything does here on earth, but it sure is hard. There is no precription to make the hurt any less. We somehow have to endure and figure out a way to go on...but it sure the hell is hard...and hopefully someday we will learn the reason for this pain we have to endure on this earth. We have joy, but we also have unbelievable heartache.

Bless you and the family. My tears and thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

Duane
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I lost my mother over two years ago to cancer. I found this forum last night, and cried my heart out I think for the first time since she passed. Reading others posts and knowing that there are people out there dealing with the same emotions is comforting. If you can't find a support group or a friend who understands, then please feel free to share it with everyone on this forum. People just don't understand until they are in your shoes, so don't pay any attention to what they say - I truly think they just don't get it. When my Mom was sick, my MIL (to-be) would come over to my house and remark that my house was too messy. Can you believe that? I was appalled that anyone would think that sitting at home cleaning my house was more important than spending time with my sick mother, knowing her days were numbered. I'm still bitter about it, and probably always will be, but honestly, I love my MIL and all I can say is some people just don't get it. I think you and I have bigger hearts than most, and that's the only way I can find logic with such ungodly insensitive behavior. I have cats and dogs, and sometimes, I think animals are better companions at times like this. Whenever I am feeling sad, my animals KNOW it, and they never let me down. I know it may seem difficult to do, but I dug out a lot of old pics of my Mom and seeing her in those "happy" moments makes me feel better. It helps me think about what I had when we were together instead of dwelling on what I've lost. I hope that makes sense. Carry those happy memories in your heart - it's what she would want you to remember, and in that way, she is still there with you every day. My heart goes out to you and I am sorry for your loss. Be well.
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canarybird01
16 years ago
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Max and Lee. I can't imagine what a terrible blow it must have been to lose her when she seemed to be recuperating so well.

Sending you both my sincere condolences and wishes for your strength through these sad days.

SharonCb
lindac
16 years ago
Oh my....so hard.
But dying with a freezer full of cookies...amazing.
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you come to the reality of your loss.
Linda C
User
16 years ago
Oh Lee, I'm so sorry. I know that Helen was a big part of your lives and how much you loved her.

My thoughts are with you and Max.

Ann
jojoco
16 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Please continue to write about her here if it helps you in any way.

Jo
annie1992
16 years ago
Oh dear, Lee, I am so sorry to hear of you and Max losing Helen so suddenly.

You will all certainly be in my prayers, for peace and strength.

Annie
caliloo
16 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is always so difficult, but when it is completely unexpected like this it seems to be even harder. We are all hear for you.

Alexa
kathleen_li
16 years ago
I am so sorry Lee. I will certainly remember her and all of you in my prayers. My sympathies to the family.
I hope you are well!
Kathleen
daylilydayzed
16 years ago
I am so sorry for your loss of Helen. I will be praying for her and you and family. My condolences to every family member.
centralcacyclist
16 years ago
I'm so very sorry to learn of your loss. It seems incomprehensible even to read of it. My thoughts are with you and Max. Hugs.
mitchdesj
16 years ago
What a shock, my condoleances to you and your family in this difficult period.
arabellamiller
16 years ago
I'm so sorry Lee. What a devastating loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

AM
jessyf
16 years ago
I am so sorry about your loss. Its been ten years since my mom and MIL passed. (((hugs)))
shaun
16 years ago
I'm so sorry Lee. It's heartbreaking..... sending my thoughts to you and your family.
pkramer60
16 years ago
My sincere sympathies on your loss.
stacy3
16 years ago
Lee - I, too, am so so sorry. I love that you shared her cookies with those who loved her though...my heart goes out to all of you.

Stacy
wizardnm
16 years ago
I am so sorry to read about the loss, my heartfelt sympathies.

Nancy
doucanoe
16 years ago
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Lee and Max. I can certainly understand your devastation.

Healing thoughts coming your way.

linda
compumom
16 years ago
My condolences too, what an awful shock! Sending hugs to you, Max and the family. We lost my MIL a couple of months ago, I understand your sorrow.
Ellen
woodie
16 years ago
Lee, I am so very sad to hear this news. I know how close you all were, enjoying her company and sharing meals so often. Sending my condolences to you and Max.
dlynn2
16 years ago
Lee, I'm so sorry for you, Max, and the family. I think it was lovely that she was able to share her cookies with friends and family at the celebration of her life. I'm sure she would have been pleased.
User
16 years ago
Oh Lee, I am so very sorry for you and Max. What a shock no wonder your devastated.

Helen will be in my prayers as will you and Max.
teresa_nc7
16 years ago
Lee and Max, I'm so sorry for your loss. These things can happen so suddenly and unexpectedly especially when the person is older. Do post here often if it helps you deal with your loss. We're all here for you.

Teresa
dedtired
16 years ago
What sad news. I am so sorry to hear of He;en's loss, and so unexpectedly. I suppose the only consolation is that she did not suffer a long and drawn out death. Most people hope to go that way -- participating in life until the end.

Thank you for sharing your story. It makes me remember to enjoy every minute with those I love. It can be over in an instant. How wonderful that she lives on in your good memories.
lsr2002
Original Author
16 years ago
Thank you all for your support and prayers.

Christmas cookies were always a huge project for her, fourteen kinds, and dozens and dozens of each. Everyone looked forward to them each year and the plates, trays and boxes of them that were given away were always stacked high. Our son and DIL have already said that when I find her recipes (which I know are in her recipe box) that they will carry on the tradition. That is an especially wonderful gesture because our DIL already makes dozens and dozens of Italian cookies and huge stacks of pizzelles for Christmas. She told me that she and Michael had talked about making cookies with Helen next year so that the tradition would not be lost. I'm glad we have the recipes. I will take on the pies that she made for family gatherings through out the rest of the year. I haven't made more than half a dozen pies in all the years of marriage because hers were so good. I'll probably need your help with the crust.

I know she got excellent care but it was still hard for me to be in the same ICU where I spent too many weeks a year ago. Max was told several times that it was uncertain if I would survive the night but each time they pulled me through. We did not even consider a different outcome for Helen.

I am grateful for this group of friends.

Lee
cotehele
16 years ago
Lee,
I am so sorry for your loss.
Judy
Lars
16 years ago
You have my deepest condolences and are in my thoughts and prayers. This must be doubly difficult for you, considering the situation you were in earlier this year, especially since you were in the same ICU. I hope you are getting all the help you need to cope with this loss.

Lars
compumom
16 years ago
Double hugs going out for you all after realizing that it was the same ICU, but a year apart.
mustangs81
16 years ago
Very sincere condolences for your loss. Know what a fine and gentle man Max is, I can imagine his mother being equally as wonderful. It must have been rough on you have to go to the the same ICU.

What a shock going from making dinner plans with Mom to making the "other" plans. I can't imaging your pain.

(((Cathy)))
Georgysmom
16 years ago
So very sorry for your loss. What a wonderful legacy your mother-in-law left behind. Prayers for Helen and your family.
Bizzo
16 years ago
Oh, Lee, I am crying over your tragedy. Please accept my prayers for your family.
foodonastump
16 years ago
Prayers from me, too. What a sad story; it's not supposed to go that way. I'm sorry for your loss.
claire_de_luna
16 years ago
I too, am so sorry for your loss; it's especially hard to hear that it was unexpected. I'll be thinking of you in the days ahead.
Carol Schmertzler Siegel
16 years ago
Lee, I am so sorry for your loss! Please accept my heartfelt condolences and sincerest sympathies. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers!
sally2_gw
16 years ago
Lee, I am so saddened by your and Max's loss. The cookies and pies will be such a wonderful way to remember and honor her memory. My heart and prayers and hugs go out to you and Max.

Sally
jessyf
16 years ago
Lee, couldja post a picture of her.
eileenlaunonen
16 years ago
Very sad....My condolences to you & your family!
mtnester
16 years ago
I'm very sorry for your loss.

Sue
sheshebop
16 years ago
Lee, my heart is with you and Max. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your dear mother in law/mother. No matter what age they are, is is very hard. Especially when it is so sudden.
(((virtual hugs)))
Sherry
BeverlyAL
16 years ago
Lee, I'm so terribly sorry for yours and Max's loss. It would have been bad at any time, but to be so sudden and unexpected must be horrible. I'm keeping you both in my heart.

Beverly
lakeguy35
16 years ago
Lee and Max, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Know that you and the family are in my thoughts and prayers.

David
petaloid
16 years ago
I send prayers for your strength in getting through this tough time. All the best to you and the family.
KatieC
16 years ago
I'm sorry, Lee. My condolences to you, Max and your family.
trixietx
16 years ago
I am so sorry, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

We lost Max's Mom

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