I think the opinions change as time goes by and more results are avaliable. We can guess what caused this or that but the proof is in experience. Ive been visiting this forum for about 7 years now and preferences have changed drastically and opinions of various laudering products and machines. Im pretty stubborn on my use of powder detergent because of my original Neptune disaster which brought me here to begin with and my misunderstanding of the importance of hot water washes and use and care of my machines. It took using powder detergent and hot water primarily to find a solution to the problem of mold and scum building up in the machine and I just dont want to go through that all over again using a liquid detergent when the powders have done so well. I am willing to accept that hot water alone would have done just as much good, as well as not using liquid softner, reducing the amount of detergent etc. I just dont have a reason to try another liquid I suppose is the main reason. Dont fix what isnt broke. The use of STPP is highly recommended as well when avaliable and if you can afford it I recommend Persil. But I am sure there are a good number of other products that are very satisfactory. The primary thing that you can do for your machine is to use hot water washes, keep your machine aired out when not in use if it isnt adequately ventilated. Although I have had some precipitant buildup I still havent proven that use of citric based anything has an effect on that. I will let you all prove that out over time. I do however ask that folks capable of taking your machines inner drum out to inspect do that before claiming success.

FD, Now that I've gone back and re-read your previous couple posts, I must say I think you're a bit off, for lack of better description. "If that's how you talk to your DH and SD no wonder"-- Huh? WTH are you talking about? "Didn't your DH said that he has a problem with your treatment of him?" Uh, no. Of course he (like most of us) doesn't like it when it's pointed out to him that he's wrong. "he took a long time to voice that" No, FD. He's never liked being wrong. "So talking about open communication at home"-- yes, talk about it. We have LOADS of it. SD is glad she can FINALLY have some. Her own words!!!!!!! "her leg broken, it is still mom's fault"---WHO SAID THAT???? "I understand you have nothing to say nicksmom."--HUH? You are losing me here? "You know I am right."-- Now THAT is about the funniest thing I've hear all day...maybe even all year! I have yet to find you right about much. Sorry 'bout your luck. "I don't know who you blamed for ankle issue."--Welllll, up above you said I blamed Mom. Which is a bunch of crap, of course, but you said it. "Pretty soon you won't be able to blame mom anymore"--again, what have I blamed her for? Unless you are referring to the guilt trips and moving kids away, which are both REALITY, I'm not sure what you are talking about. Now, let's see if you can actually respond to ANYTHING above. Or will you just continue to ramble and make laughable statements?...that aren't even true....

I guess I am really glad I live in the northeast. Twenty years ago when my then toddler was sick and hospitalized for several days, his siblings, who were 5 and 7 at the time, were allowed to visit whenever and for however long we wished. When my youngest was born almost 13 years ago, all 5 older siblings visited at the same time. Two of them were present at the birth, and they all could have been had they wanted to. The only requirement was that there be someone there who would be willing to take them out of the room if they changed their minds in the middle of labor. I recently visited a relative who had given birth by c-section, and one of her husband's friends came to visit with his wife and toddler about 24 hours after the baby's birth. Hospitals in this area, especially in maternity, are desperate for patients, and they try very hard to be patient-friendly. Of course the other thing to remember is that YOU are in charge of your own medical care, not them. You are the one paying a whole lot of money for the hospital's services. The patient has the right to decide who can visit and who can't. There is no reason to ask for permission. Actually, that is a good thing to keep in mind before you go into the hospital in labor, at which time you may not be thinking terribly clearly. Decide what you want - whether or not you want medication, whom you want to be with you during labor, whether you want anything special like a water birth - and let your doctor and the hospital know in advance, in writing. Then, barring an emergency, you are much more likely to have the type of birth experience you want. Also, I would recommend using a doula, especially if you are not confident that your husband will say and do all the right things during labor. Fathers are often not thinking particularly clearly at that time either, and it has been my experience that they are often more scared than the mother, who may be too busy to worry. It is very helpful to have someone reassuring you that you can do this, especially if the hospital staff is saying, "here, take some drugs." It is perfectly possible to deliver even very large babies without medication, as long as you have support. Bring the number of the local LLL leader with you to the hospital, and if possible attend at least one meeting beforehand. Child birth is not normally a medical event, but a wonderful but natural part of life. One of the many reasons the first labor is often more difficult is lack of confidence. The hospital staff and others (yes, I know, including me) tend to tell you what to do. After the first one, they are more likely to leave you alone and assume you know what you are doing.

Wifey, I really do understand. My childhood was also smattered with abuse, physical, verbal and sexual. I'm also a survivor and a very strong woman. I have been on my own since age 16, managed to finance and get through most of college on my own, and at age 35, I now own a pretty strong company that I built from the ground up. As a survivor type, I never even entertained the idea of "can't", giving up or not making life work for me - I really didn't have any other choice. I've learned this is not something everyone is programmed with and I am very lucky to have these expectations of myself, where others are too scared to consider or can't even see life's possibilities. You're absolutely right, blood sucking spongey types seem to practically hunt down survivor types. I have to fight them off constantly and most are from my side of the family. I've learned to recognize them right off but most of the time I still try to play the hero until I get disgusted with them and then I play the avoidance card. Only you know your limits. I guess I just hate to see her win. :) I also know that my survivor background causes me to expect more from people than "normal" people might. I also share your feelings of "well if I can go through this and be this strong in my life, why should I sympathize with someone who makes no effort at all?". I guess my own answer to that question in the middle of my sleepless nights is: I'd rather be me than them. Knowing a little more about the relationship with you and your SD, I would think you shouldn't offer any more of your money to her at all. That should be a boundary you set with her and her father. If you wanted a relationship with her at all at this point, I would insist that it be strictly a mentor/friend type relationship so she can hopefully learn how to grow from you. If she thinks she can con you and be nice to you long enough for you to give her cash, you aren't making any headway at all, just making matters worse. And if she won't accept that type of relationship, then you did your best in offering, and hopefully she'll figure it out on her own someday. I wish I had better answers for you. My husband is ten years older than me, so I related to what could be the unspoken part of your situation. In my situation I wondered if maybe I didn't accept this man in some way to fill the father slot that was left in shambles in my childhood. When I look at it in that light, I begin to question whether I may be suffering from jealousy issues that aren't present in "normal" SM/SD relationships. Examining the possibility has given me more gas for tollerance until I am sure. Oddly enough, the question of how life would have been had my father had the personality of my husband, isn't so much comforting, but scary. I can't imagine what it would be like to be so nurtured and unprepared for this rough world we live in. Another byproduct seems to be the years it takes before family considers your relationship with your husband valid. They seem to think you are going to flee with half the bank account someday. My father was 24 years older than my mother, so the age difference has never been a problem for me, just everyone else. What fun! More unspoken, yet heavy stress. I sit here and I honestly do not know what I would do in your shoes. My situation is rosey compared to yours. What helps me through all this turmoil is communication with my husband, but if yours won't talk to you about it, I don't know how you could ever be expected to move forward. I don't think you are a bad person, a whiner or any of that. If you are like me, you were at your total wits end before you even thought to Google this board. I think anyone on here who creates a dialogue with themselves about these issues is facing the issue and questioning how they can make it better. I haven't yet found a posting on here from a step father, which to me is very telling. It's funny, my husband is so awestruck by the person I am and the things I have accomplished in the face of adversity. He is equally petrified of his children ever having to face these same things. I have explained to him that everything I went through made me a stronger person...that I VALUE these parts of my life because they made me who I am. I don't mean to sound cocky but I can look at myself in the mirror each morning and know I did the right thing the day before and I am very pleased with my progress in this life. Really, what more can you hope for on this journey than that? Sorry this is so long - I pretty much rambled as I went. I hope things work out for you whatever you decide.