Boy, I feel for you. My mom is back living with us, after the lady she'd been staying with for two years called up and said she couldn't take it any more. This time it's tough love. No putting up with her crap, reminding her that's exactly why she had to leave her friends' house. Within 5 minutes of walking in the house she had insulted our dog, humiliated my youngest son, and criticized our house. A stern warning almost had her in tears but we just can't live with that kind of stress again (she was with us for three horrible years before the friend). We flat out told her that she needs to be polite, like a guest, and follow our rules and stop nagging us. Anyway, it makes me think that you have to be brutally upfront with your mom. "Mom, hubby & I both work full time, and we won't be able to care for you in our home since you have this problem and that problem." Explain to her that if she can't do the ADL's by herself (activities for daily living) then maybe it's best to go into assisted living, or if she wants to live at home, she'll need to get someone to assist her. Be sure your sister is briefed on this and repeats the same statement. Your gut feeling is probably right. It'll only be worse if she is living in your home. I've known my entire life that I could never live with my mom (I lived very infrequently with her growing up) but the only other choice is her being homeless. She is only in our house due to the generosity of my DH. My kids will probably need therapy for the rest of their lives to get over these years of hell, and I'm not really kidding too much.

Sweeby and colorcrazy, since you are new to the discussion, and raise some important points, I think I should clarify a few things. According to the wife, the husband has not only not stood up for the wife, but in fact has been completely brainwashed by the inlaws. For example, before the marriage, there were no issues with finances between the couple. Both of them are responsible money spenders and they both were comfortable with each other's habits. After the mother in law visited, she continued to comment on how the wife was spending money on her own 'expensive' clothes whereas when she went to buy baby furniture for the baby, she was adamant about setting a budget. She also negotiated with the furniture store for an additional discount. Someone like you or me would admire this, but the mother in law commented that this "stinginess" was missing when buying a Banana Republic sweater for herself. The wife told me that her rationale had always been that the baby grew out of all her sizes - and so the wife was not comfortable buying really expensive accessories, whereas for herself she did not mind it. After the inlaws left, the husband started to criticise each and every action of the wife and began to complain that she was selfish and had two standards etc. Overall, according to her, the husband/son actually began to think with his mother's brain. He really seems to have no backbone and seems to be completely controlled by his mother. She feels bitter because she suspects that he purposely left them out of their dating phase and ushered them in when the child was born. Also, the wife is a close friend of mine; I do know a lot of stuff -- but I refrain from writing about everything obviously because I feel I need to discuss it with her. Regarding counselling, the husband has refused to seek counselling.

Briley, this post was written a while back but I hope you still read the comments. I can so relate to you. My dads wife came into the picture and acted nice as pie at first..then she slowly drove a wedge between my dad and I. Her jealousy of your relationship with him and concern for $$ after he dies I believe are her motivating factors -as are my dads wife's motivations and concerns. I truly feel that if they don't care about the adult children -they really don't care about their spouse. Caring for your spouse is being cordial and welcoming at the very least to your husbands children-no matter what age. My dads wife has wrapped such a web around him-he cannot even see what she's done to us and our father daughter bond. ): and the grandchildren. My advice to you is to make plans often (3x) week to see your dad outside the house without her-quick coffee, dinner, breakfast, a walk on his lunch break -keep your bond strong before he retires. Once retired, the talons get even stronger. I am so very sorry and I can relate more then you even know. It's really really important to not let her keep you from having one on one time with your dad. My dads wife would call and talk to my dad for 20 mins when I was out having a special lunch with him. She would tell me as they left my house"they were going home to have some fun". It makes me want to throw up. She would exhibit naked statues around the house when we came to visit with young children saying it was art. She's highly jealous and suspicious if I am talking alone with my dad like I am the other woman. Some people are really mental. I wish every day that my dad had never married her and ruined our family.

I wrote this to try to get help with my family or what is left of it. This is the first time I ever posted anything on this forum. So instead of getting help I am getting feed back based on the notion I am a teenager or the same person that wrote something on a wedding. The real issue is that a young girl of 17 has manipulated her entire family to the point that she is now posting blogs on how the ruin your parents life and get anything you want while you do it. Again she doesn't want to spend time with her father her real mother or anyone she justs wants to do what she wants to do.. She is entering her senior year and has no job doesn't want to go to college her father lost his job and he is going into over twenty thousand dollars of credit card debt to continue to keep her in clothes and jewelry he can't nor never could afford he never made more than fifty or sixty thousand dollars a year. He has no health benefits he depends on me and now that she is living with her grandmother I don't even know if she is eligible to stay under my health benefits. She is dating a drug dealer and there is nothing I can do or say about it. Her father says he believes her when she says he never carries drugs or deals drugs when he is with her. Tell me does this seem odd to anyone? I now don't want her in my home anymore in fear that she will bring this home. So since I last wrote these new developments have changed things If my husband doesn't disciple her and I cant how can I let her be around my children or in my home. I love my husband but I have an obligation to keep my children safe and under the new circumstances having her in my home isn't an option.. MY children informed me she was bring drugs in the house and when my son found out he told her he was not only going to tell us but call the police. I am sure she brings things into my mother-in-laws house she is 65 and doesn't speak much English. So although I love my husband my life may have to be on hold until she is 18 in June. She wants to go out and be discovered she is considering working at Disney a character for experience for acting. That is today tomorrow who knows. If I sound bitter I am. I gave this child love, a home, clothes and anything she could want.Including consistence and rules. I was her only parent five to six days a week. Now she has total freedom because know one knows what she does she can lie and they believe it. The fact that she is writing this on her new facebook which her father does think she has since the time she put up naked pictures of her self.Tells you she is really something If she put this to good I swear she could rival Donald Trump