Olga's roses are magazine worthy! I work at a greenhouse and nursery so I get TONS of stuff like that, especially because I'm one of the younger members of the greenhouse staff, some of the older customers totally butt heads on what I suggest to them. When I told a woman that rosemary wasn't hardy to overwinter in our area, some might be marginal towards the city, but nevertheless I was telling her about bringing it inside if she wanted to keep it- good harmless advice, but she insisted that she's had hers survive and make bushes here. I asked her if she had big bushes of it planted in her yard then and she said she didn't know where they were and that I didn't know my roseMARIE (her own pronunciation!) She was probably in her mid to late sixties- I was unsure. I had another person today claim she took care of her geranium hanging basket and watered it EVERY day, which is why of course it was bone dry, practically leafless, and she was returning it- but noooo she said it was diseased from the start and insisted that the Japanese beetles ( I showed her the beetle damage and talked about nitrogen rich plant food to fix it) MUST have came in on the plant and all her other plants started looking bad after she brought it home, which of course was July, when the beetles come out. Possible, but sketchy with the disease thing. I asked if she deadheaded the flowers, she somewhat answered but in general didn't know what it was. She got out the receipt but then wouldn't give it to us because " It was wrong, her husband grabbed the wrong one". Anyway I found at least ten dead Japanese beetles in the bottom of the planter- if she had watered she would have seen those buggers chomping on the leaves- excuse my language ladies but this lady ( I want to say rich b*tch because she complained about having come from a hot and strenuous tennis lesson- but that doesn't justify income or snobbery) was just flat out lying to get her twenty dollars back! Normally we wouldn't accept it, but being a gentleman I said to the cashier girl to refund it because I was getting annoyed with her intolerance and I didn't want to start gritting my teeth or argue because that's not polite and you don't do that with customers. I know people want plants and shrubs and all, but why stay so ignorant about them? It seems there is this abstraction people take with plants that just make them so black and white and set in stone, like the image of the ideal hybrid tea, they are a certain way and it doesn't change. A flower's a flower, give me one that I can't kill. Oh well, a bit of a tangent, but people like that make me a bit mad. - Max ( who would have a yard full of rosemary if it was possible)

luvstocraft has written an excellent post, IMO. I agree with her completly. I'd also like to add something for you to consider. I unexpectedly lost my own Mom was I was 19. She was my best friend. Painful loss. When I married, I was overjoyed to have a Mom's presence again. Not that MIL would/could replace my own mother but she was there for me when I had questions or just needed to talk. We developed a strong, loving relationship. In time, I called her, "Mom". I'm certain my real Mom watched my relationship with MIL bloom with pleasure. She would not have wanted it to be strained in any way. My MIL was not a perfect woman. Neither am I. She cooked different than my mother. She raised her children different than I was raised. Her accent was different. Her mannerisms were different. But, her love was the same...I've no doubts it was genuine & came from her heart. MIL often told me that she worried raising her two sons that, someday, she would have bad relationships with her DILs...and how happy she was that I accepted her. Her worst fear of her son's marrying was rejection. She was afraid that her importance in her son's life would be reduced to an obligatory phone call on Mother's Day. She was afraid her son would spend all of the Holidays with his wife's family because she'd taught him to honor his wife. She'd raised her son to be independant & strong. That left her afraid he would no longer need her in his life. When the grandkids came, she was afraid her DIL would always turn to her own mother & there would be no place for her in the grandkids' lives. We lost MIL 3 years ago come the end of June. We lost FIL January '08. I miss them both terribly. I believe our relationships are what we make of them. I became the daughter my MIL never had. She became the mother I lost. It worked because we both put forth great effort to bridge the differences. We talked together, we argued with each other & then apologized for harsh words, we cried together over silly girl-stuff, we disagreed & then agreed it was OK that we viewed something different than the other. Someday, your MIL will be gone. You will either view her as a valued & cherished member of your family or you will be bitter & angry at your differences. The choice is really up to you. The ball is in your court to either allow her a place in your family & heart, or not. Like it or not...woman are the glue that sticks families together. There's an old New England custom...summer homes are popular here (they're called "camps"). When the patriarch/matriarch of the family passes...the "camp" is often willed to the wife of the oldest son. Yes, the property goes to the wife. Why? Because it is respected that women will hold the family together & even through difficult times the summer house will be filled with family laughter making good memories. You are the glue between your DH's family & your own. You can embrace that responsibility & honor it...or you can reject it. We reap what we sow. The next time you see your MIL...greet her with a genuine from the heart big hug & a smile, tell her how glad you are to see her looking well & that the kids can spend some time with their grammy. Then, look in her eyes. Look hard. Watch them soften. Someday, you may find yourself in the role of MIL. Be a good example to your kids. Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh. I'm getting old & I've lost a lot of family. Don't wait until they're gone to appreciate them. /tricia

Yes MamaGoose that is a wonderful thought provoking image. You and LL have been rung through the mill. I also had a few issues with medications for Joe. This is when I started to keep a detailed journal. Some thing that could not just be heard from me but written so the doctors and nurses would see I was keeping details and when he was told to take this or that med is showed up in his food journal as barfing his guts out. Stop the meds he was better. And even though these meds were supposed to keep him from getting sick they did not work that way. I was also very frustrated on the way they were taking care of him in the hospital. His skin was horrible and his toe nails were awful. No one even bothered to look at his feet but me. Interesting the first thing the home health nurse looked at was his feet and she was pleased I had cared for them She said it is common in hospital to neglect the feet. And when they brought him food they did not open the container even after notes taped to the tray and written on his board in the room. I would get there and everything closed up. He could not open the containers so he would go hungry. He was too out of it to ask. I had to spoon feed him for a couple weeks after we got home. Sometimes he fell back to sleep eating half a cup of custard. LBD sounds like a horrible disease. Spiders coming from the ceiling is more than enough to make a person go over the edge. Feeling so bad for your and and Hubby. MG and LL. We did get some sun. We canceled the dentist appointment yesterday AM. too much snow and emergency weather alerts saying stay off the roads. I think we got 5 or 6 inches of snow but at some point in the night there was a bit of rain so it laid down an ice slick under the snow. This morning we woke to sun and about 13 degrees. We did breakfast then out to put the snow plow on the ranger. Joe had about half of it done then I went out to help him do the rest. I know he wanted to do it all by himself but it is good for me to refresh my brain on how it goes on and comes off. Then I went off to the post office and Joe plowed the driveway. LOL He even plowed a swath across the back yard for the kitties to travel on their adventures.

Everyone, Thank you for your kindness. I talked to my best friend about thirty minutes ago and I decided to let it go. I have concluded that this young woman is a reflection of her upbringing and her parents. My DH's side of the family isn't very formal, and while my MIL (and FIL for that matter) is polite and mannered, she was a single mom with two rowdy boys. I think that my DH wasn't paying much attention when my MIL was trying to instill any type of social etiquette. The BM of my SD's is on par with some of the worst BM's described on this forum. She is all about her and she acts as though everyone should bow down to her, as she is doing all of us a favor by gracing us with her presence. Sounds harsh, but any MOM who tells their cute and well-developed daughter that she doesn't want her around her BF while she isn't around isn't going to be a stellar example of anything but self-centeredness. She either thinks her own daughter is a threat to her or she thinks her BF is a pervert and chooses him over her own flesh anyway. SD isn't the type to be uncomfortable with emotion and I have been in her life since she was in 6th grade. I think she is who she is. I believe that she was probably sorry for that brief moment when she heard the news and now it is back to more important things like her. She is like this with everyone. I guess what ticked me off the most is the fact that her dad told her that she didn't have to worry about attending the service. She's not a child and doesn't need to be given "a way out" by daddy - that's just my thought. I am also irritated that he would think forwarding her message is appropriate. The saddest part is that one day she is not going to know how to behave socially and it will make her look badly or perhaps cost her an opportunity.