My problem is not about marriage! Mine is about my eldest, who loves to degrade me, talk about me to her friends, get them to believe she knows me SO WELL, that whatever she says about me is absolutely the truth! She will tell me, she is JUST TRYING TO HELP ME,that I have problems, that no one knows about but her, then she blasted me on an internet page, (not in private) but so E1 could read it, about something I did 2 mos ago and saying the current incident is THE SAME thing but that she stood up for me anyway, when another family member I now live with said I lied,(which I didn't). Anyway,twice, she had asked me to live with her, to help me financially, after becoming disabled and was struggling but both times, it was a disaster, and of course,(I got the blame) even though I stay to myself, respect others in the home,tried not to get work dumped on me. But both times I got accused of not doing ANY of that! And of course,also, SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT! If I would have my own opinion on ANYTHING...she would correct me, telling me and others how WRONG I am! We have mutual friends and I think she is also jealous of that! One of my other daughters has told her to stay away from her and her family, that she was no longer welcome in their home because she related her husband to someone else, that he is totally not like at all. A mutual friend on an internet site, doesn't talk to her anymore, and I recently asked her why that was, and she said she HONESTLY didn't know, she just quit talking to her? I just read the post on: "TOXIC Relationships"! And believe me, most of it has been going on for about 3 plus yrs. between us. I have stopped talking to her in the past, due to this behavior toward me but if she approached me and apologized,(which isn't often but she will do it, if there's a benefit in it somewhere)...or so it seems?...I have given her the benefit of the doubt and we have started hanging out again! It's funny how the very things she accuses me of, she does herself but somehow, the WAY she does it, is still better than me! I just moved out the last time at the end of Feb 11 and moved in with another fam. member because I had no where to go. She didn't ask me to move out but it wasn't pleasant, so decided it was best for me! (all involved)!I think she's jealous as I said about a mutual friend because I had asked her to go places with me without my daughter and so? Her and I get along! my daughter has told me to SHUT UP in public and embarrased me, and our friend said "respect her, that's your Mom". And she'd say, "I'm just playing"! For some reason she had gotten into this bad habit of saying this and even has said it to her husband making him mad too! However, she has gotten over that mostly! Her and her husband had their own problems and needed help, that's ok but now that they are, she advises others, as though she's all fixed and can/should tell others their problems and "learn from this" is what she likes to say now! I have made my mistakes ,I'm human but when I did said I wouldn't do it again and didn't but this last thing she decided to advise me on was similiar but not exactly the same thing happened but she isn't SAYING it but doesn't believe me about it! And when I told her she was wrong about it and me, she just kept going on and on about it and I asked her to quit, that I can kick my own butt all by myself. That I already felt bad about the situation and her rubbing it in wasn't helping!BUT she just kept on, so I said what I had to say and decided it was best to not talk to her and had to delete her off my internet page so I don't get her messages! It's too tempting for me to reply and I just don't need her "helpful" advise or hurtful words! I have felt like crap over all this happening! This is my eldest daughter! I've asked her to respect me, even if she didn't like things I DO! I don't go out of my way to say hurtful things to her! But even in common talk, she will begin YELLING..just to say something like she's anticipating a neg. reply before I speak, so I am already on the defense myself and YELL back! It is utterly ridiculous! ANd I have never liked it! But I can't get her to see her part in it! Even her best friend said,I dont argue with her, cause she has always GOT TO BE RIGHT! And her room mate that lives with them asked me a couple of times,"Why do you argue with her, just ignore her, smile and say BLESS YOUR HEART"!(but she either tells her off or kisses her rear end) and my daug. makes extra money off her for staying there? Well back then, I didn't realize the arguing is what she wanted to prove her point as to why she is always right! But if you tell her that, she will say "No she doesn't need to be"! SO, once again, I am having to just stay away from her,& not talk to her! It feels awful! But if I say look Im done, I can't take this anymore, you won't quit, she will say, "why do you treat me so mean"? "I do everything for everyone and this is how I get treated by everybody"! Gee, I don't know..hmmm!So here I am, on the net, looking up this problem to see, if I am wrong! But from what I've read, it is on her! Her own LOW SELF-ESTEEM, and she needs to do this! OMG, this is heart-breaking to me! She had me convinced for so long, that I was just a terrible Mother and making all these mistakes. Not when she was young, she had the utmost RESPECT for me! But as an adult, she has turned against me! And I honetly don't know why! She once said, she just didnt trust ANYONE anymore after her 2nd husband molested her kids!(13 yrs.ago and lots of counciling). That is where she lost trust! I can understand that but why me? I didn't do those things! Sorry this is so long but it DOES help to get it out! Without burdening my friends and family of hearing it ALL AGAIN! AND she doesn't WANT anyone TO THINK ANY OF IT IS HER FAULT! Never, ever,NEVER!!!! SO, I guess I do just have to stay completely away!?? That is so sad!She can seem so very caring and giving but I tell you, it will benefit her in the end! I did the best I could with what I knew raising my children, I have 4. 3 girls and one son! And the others don't treat me like this! And I'm not sure she treats them anywhere near how she does me! I don't hear all their conversations! Other than the other oldest(my 2nd) telling her to stay away since Thanksgivng I think? Or just around Christmas! By the way, she is 42, not a child! Anyway, thank you for letting me vent! Don't know if anyone has any comments or has had this kind of problem but it would be nice to hear whatever will help!? Thanks... CS

Everyone, Thank you for your kindness. I talked to my best friend about thirty minutes ago and I decided to let it go. I have concluded that this young woman is a reflection of her upbringing and her parents. My DH's side of the family isn't very formal, and while my MIL (and FIL for that matter) is polite and mannered, she was a single mom with two rowdy boys. I think that my DH wasn't paying much attention when my MIL was trying to instill any type of social etiquette. The BM of my SD's is on par with some of the worst BM's described on this forum. She is all about her and she acts as though everyone should bow down to her, as she is doing all of us a favor by gracing us with her presence. Sounds harsh, but any MOM who tells their cute and well-developed daughter that she doesn't want her around her BF while she isn't around isn't going to be a stellar example of anything but self-centeredness. She either thinks her own daughter is a threat to her or she thinks her BF is a pervert and chooses him over her own flesh anyway. SD isn't the type to be uncomfortable with emotion and I have been in her life since she was in 6th grade. I think she is who she is. I believe that she was probably sorry for that brief moment when she heard the news and now it is back to more important things like her. She is like this with everyone. I guess what ticked me off the most is the fact that her dad told her that she didn't have to worry about attending the service. She's not a child and doesn't need to be given "a way out" by daddy - that's just my thought. I am also irritated that he would think forwarding her message is appropriate. The saddest part is that one day she is not going to know how to behave socially and it will make her look badly or perhaps cost her an opportunity.

You have two different issues going on: MIL and FIL criticizing your parenting, and your hubby's aunt who has dementia. As far as the in-laws go, I salute your deft handling of their criticisms and unsolicited advice. If it doesn't pass, you should have a discussion with your husband, asking him to be a filter between you and his parents. He needs to make it clear to his folks that they may not pick on you, nor bombard you with critiques. If something is bugging them, they need to bring it his attention. (I had a similar situation with my in-laws after I had kids. My husband had to draw some firm boundaries.) As to Aunt Dementia, I would ignore her comments, and encourage you to let your hubby indulge her bizarre photo requests. Be aware, dementia patients can go on that way for years. I had a much beloved grandmother who began to say crazy, totally unfiltered, and sometimes cruel comments. It took a while to adjust, but I know it wasn't her real feelings. I refused to let 30 years of memories of a loving relationship be tainted by her final years of dementia. Congratulations on your baby. Enjoy him, love him, love his daddy, and don't let the grands get you down. Times are changing, and grandparents will eventually realize the hazing they endured from their MIL and FIL need not be repeated with subsequent generations.

Things That Make You Peevey Part Deux... I don't have any sort of fit about this, but it's a bit of a peevey issue...Here, when describing home, or any really, "stuff" that has been accomplished, the author will often say "We did this"...And I take that literally, which makes me all sorts of excited because I'm an avid diy-er. But further reading reveals that they didn't do it. They HAD IT DONE. If someone else came in and tiled your bathroom, then you didn't "do" it, did you? You simply paid for it. Anyhoo. Is it too early for a cocktail? I will make it myself :)