Hey Florauk, I've been in contact with a Portuguese guy who knows a lot about our fig trees. He says my tree is probably a variety of the Pingo de Mel, but not the Pingo de Mel. He says it isn't fertilized by the wasp, even though the wasp can visit it. I can put the tree in my varanda, but all plants I had there, with the exception of my cactii, have been plagued with pests, and I am too afraid to let her out there, into the wilderness of my city varanda. I've had aphids, red spiders, caterpillars, conchinillas, some fluffy white thingy I forgot the name, you name it, I've had something die with it.

Lars makes some really important points. Also, I have found that not only are some professions more competitive than others, some work places just seem to be competitive. I've worked in academia and at four different colleges, and it is amazing how much the culture changes from college to college, and even more startling, from department to department. The same can be said for high schools. Teaching biology at one school can be a totally different experience than teaching at another. So some of your jealousy issues may stem from the karma of the workplace, if that kind of statement makes any sense. Measuring yourself against others, even in a competitive situation like sports or sales, is not really a path to ultimate success. I've been in some very competitive situations, and the secret is to focus on the task, focus on doing your best, and try very hard to extinguish your negative thoughts about what might be "toxic" people in your workplace. I once worked at a place where there was a guy purposely trying to make me look bad, (even resorting to spying on me looking for issues he might bring up with management), and there were people there who wanted me OUT. But I survived. I decided that if I was going down, I was going down in a blaze of glory, my way. I did the job the way I wanted to do it, the way I knew it could be done, and I went all out to do it that way. I stopped worrying about pleasing these toxic co-workers, (and one of them was my boss) and focused on working with the enthusiastic, collaborative, positive people around me. And I was ultimately VERY successful. And this strategy has served me well over the years of my career. Workplace drama is to be avoided at all costs, focus on loving your work, not the people around you. Seek out and spend time with folks who are not toxic for you, who are like minded. I once worked with a woman who was very jealous of me and cut me down incessantly in the workplace. I was very young, this was one of my first jobs, and it really threw me for a loop at first. But then my boyfriend summed her up with these few words, "She's just jealous because you're getting some and she's not!" (He was kidding, sort of, lol!) But then I started to see her antics as just laughable and distracting, and I got back to living my life for myself, there was no pleasing her anyway, I focused on doing my job, and it all worked out in the end. Do not measure yourself by others standards, create your own!! Also, in the long run, you will find people who are very competitive with others do not get very far in the workplace. They radiate insecurity or their "me, me, me" attitude tends to get boorish after a while, and after working with them once, most folks try to avoid repeating the experience. Don't become one of those people, lol!

Child experts say six is one of those really tough years where bad behaviour is common. In fact the three worst years, according to our family therapist, are 2, grade one, and grade 7. Something to do with the start of grade 1 , and all day school with responsibility tends to short circuit the kids for a while. I remember every one of my kids being a total brat in grade one, after being "angels" ha ha at younger ages. BY the time they got to grade 2, they had learned how to control their own behaviour to be socially acceptable. Just as an afterthought, the main problem in grade 7 seems to be refusing to complete things, whether that be homework, or getting self dressed, or being responsible for their own stuff. THats the most common issue at that age. Anyone else have a kid that lies about homework? What we did when ours were picking on their younger siblings...if it was confrontational or violent, an immediate time out. What also helped was never reacting to the whining, but giving extra attention whenever good behaviour was there. IN other words, when the child is whining about little bro having an extra cookies, ignore it. BUt when the child is playing nicely with little bro, or even coexisting in the same room without any problems, make a point of doing something nice for the child. Kids that age want attention and they arent particular if its positive attention or negative attention. Of course, any direct confrontation has to be stopped. Be careful that you dont just seem to punish the six year old, even if it seems they are causing it. IF they really ARE the ones causing it, then time out for them, but sometimes six year olds can convince themselves that the two year old is doing something to them. IN that case its better to just separate the two for a while, and work on the positive stuff. Six year olds cant reason like an adult can. Their problems with their siblings seem very big to them, even though we as adults cant see what the problem is. It takes about three weeks to change a bad habit of a kid in that age range. IN the meantime, just hang in. This too shall pass.

Juliet, "In recent years, I have asked my MOM to help me finance a few college courses and a small part of my wedding, but the money has come out of his pocket b/c he's the breadwinner. I don't know if he thinks b/c he's given me money that he has a right to talk to me in anyway he wishes but I don't like the position I'm in." I agree with Silver and doodle. If you want to talk to your mom confidentially then you have that right to ask for that. If she cannot or will not do that without your step father then she is giving you an answer to that request. Don't blame him, she's your mother, he's just her husband. That being said, maybe he is being controlling towards you since he perceives you as not just his wife's daughter but as a child. When you put your hand out for the college courses, wedding expenses etc., unless it was a loan, you went back in to the child/parent model with the parent footing the child's bills. Did you really expect that the money came with no strings attached? Your stepdad is feeling like he has rights in your life because he has an investment in your life. You want to be treated like a grown person? Especially a married person? Act like one and don't go running to mom and stepdad for money. When you took the money you put YOURSELF back in to a child's role. Surely you know that stepdad is the provider of finances so why did you ask? Are you grown or not? You decide that not them.