Not only no perfume, but avoid scented personal products of any sort, whether they are soaps, deodorants, skin lotions, cosmetics, hair products, the like. She should always choose the unscented version not matter how pretty the scent of the scented version is. The side benefit is that when she goes out in the evening she can put on her favorite perfume and not worry about conflicting scents getting in the way of the scent she has chosen to wear. Sometimes people wear so many contrasting perfumes they cancel each other out. BTW - my daughter took Benadryl for a while because of severe allergic reactions. I noticed she was becoming very sad. Her allergist told me that Benadryl is a beta blocker, which meant nothing to me, but apparently it can affect a person's mood. It also makes people very drowsy, so she should not drive when she is taking it. For long term use I believe there are better medications, but Benadryl is easily and conveniently available when one needs something quickly. And in an emergency, nothing is better than the Epipen. It can save a person's life and give him time to get to the hospital. I wish your mother a quick recovery and a happy return to her garden. Rosefolly

Hi! I'm back for an update. It's been almost a year since I posted this asking for advice and so much has changed. The property that my grandmother owns is now in litigation. One of those 'golden' children is suing because they say it was 'promised' to them. So now grandma even has more of a headache because she has legal fees, depositions and an upcoming trial that she is having to prepare for. Of course her lawyer says that there is no case and that they will not win. However it cannot be sold until litigation is complete. My relationship with my grandmother has gotten much better AND she is actually enjoying spending time with me and my family to give my mom a break. She comes over and sits and watches tv with me and the kids make her feel like a million bucks with all of their coloring and 'gifts' that they make for her. My older daughter enjoys helping to fix grandma's hair and likes to help her open doors and things like that. Smothering my grandma with love has seemed to work in the last few months. Her relationship with my mom has gotten better. She is still pretty mean but she no longer calls the other siblings to complain about my mom. She will snap at my mom but quickly apologizes. She has seen the devotion that my mother has for her and I think that has really changed her. As the weeks and months go on, my grandmother becomes even more confused about things and that is very frustrating for her but she leans on my mom where this time last year she would lash out at my mom. She actually enjoys being around my dad too. Our family dog passed a few months ago and my grandma took it pretty hard. We didn't realize how attached she had become to the dog but she tells us that in the afternoon the dog would go in and sit in her room and watch the kids walking home from school through the window. They bonded which is not something my grandmother is good at. The passing of the dog seemed to bring her closer to my dad which has really surprised us all. She says I love you a lot. She says thank you to my mom. I've caught her calling my mom honey and sweetie which are not names my grandmother ever uses. One sibling has stepped up. Well his wife has stepped up but at least my mom has help now. My parents have been able to travel on three vacations which they had not done in over a year and they were travelers before my grandma moved in. My grandma stays with my uncle and wife for several weeks and actually misses home. That's right she calls it 'home' now. The situation is not perfect but it seems to have gotten better. With her acceptance of how her life his now, she seems to be much happier. She doesn't want to go to a home and so I think with the fear of that happening she has straightened up a bit. She still has those moments but she seems to realize when she has been ugly and shows remorse. She actually sits in the living area with family instea of shutting herself off in to her room. The dr's say she is doing well. She had a scare not that long ago but seems to be much better now. I'm not sure what changed my grandma but she is not the miserable old lady she was last summer. She is a much nicer person who allows her family to love her and help her. Just wanted to give an update.

What a mess! I honestly do not think that you can do anything for your mother aside from getting her an attorney and (repetitively) stating that she did the wrong thing. Stand by her, but don't make excuses for her. She may be angry with you, but she will come around later. But there is nothing that you can do to change the circumstances, short of having very deep pockets and paying everyone off yourself. You can always tell the attorney or the judge that you do not believe that your mother was capable of handing any more than very simple financial matters. But that leads you down another road, which is to determine if she is able to take care of her own finances. If that is honestly the case (dementia/incompetence as opposed to outright theft), you are looking at establishing a guardianship arrangement on her behalf. But judges won't usually do this without complicated evidence of dementia or other debilitating conditions. No, I think that you are doing all that is possible for you to do. She does not understand, or she refuses to understand, the situation that she has caused herself. Don't make excuses, and don't "side" with her, as in "yeah, that judge is wrong". Tell her that these are the laws and she did not follow the law, and must suffer the consequences. If you are concerned that she will no longer have sufficient money to continue her current living situation, you can be prepared for that. You say that you are the only one in the family that she has left, and I can see why. You're a good person and doing a good job. Keep it up, don't make excuses for her, or side with her, just be there. If she cuts the relationship with you, there isn't much you can do about it. But I'd bet that even if she does, or says hurtful things, she'll come back to you. Sometimes just keeping one's mouth shut is the hardest thing to do. Just be quiet and just be there. It's gonna get worse, I fear. Good luck, and let us know what happens next.

I wonder if it would be possible to return to Jen_C's original question, you guys? Seems to me that's what these forums are for.....as for anything else, well...you guys can start your OWN forum and duke it out amongst yourselves over THERE. ___________________________________________ As to the original question(s), seems to me you're asking the following: 1) Is it normal for a baby to have their days and nights mixed up, as far as sleeping? The short answer is yes, lol. If you think back to when your baby was still inside you...try to remember what time of day or night the baby was most active. For my DS, he was most active inside me from about 11 pm to about 4 am.....so when he was born, he was most active during those hours. Seems like it took me forever to get him onto a somewhat "normal" schedule. 2) Is it ok to let your newborn baby cry herself to sleep? For me, personally....when DS was newborn, my DH and I rocked him to sleep, or cuddled with him on our bed until he did. We didn't let him cry himself to sleep when he was newborn. 3) How long do you allow the baby to cry before you pick him/her up for a cuddle? Again, for me personally.....in the beginning, when DS was newborn, I picked him up immediately. As time has passed, however, I'm letting the amount of time he cries to be a little longer. He's 6 months old now, and I let him cry maybe 10 mins before I go back in to reassure him. I don't necessarily pick him up, though. Standing over or near the crib reassures DS just fine, most of the time. Sometimes, though....even after giving him 10 mins to get to sleep on his own, and then reassuring him from above or near the crib...he still needs a cuddle. So, I cuddle! Just for a few mins, then it's back in the bed. Sometimes this gets repeated about 3-4 times before he actually goes to sleep. He's falling asleep a lot more on his own now. For me, gradually increasing the time I allow him to cry has worked, and it's teaching him to be a little more self-reliant, while he still knows that we're there. 4) How long in between feedings? My DS woke up about every 2 hours anyway, so I NEVER had to worry about him going too long without food. Of course, at night...this meant I didn't get much sleep, either! :) 5) and finally, WHEN CAN YOU CATCH UP ON SLEEP? LOLOL...this is the question for the ages. I don't think I'll EVER catch up. Now, mind you, there are babies that sleep much longer (envious sigh). A friend of mine had twin boys, who slept 7-8 hours STRAIGHT, right from birth!! She had to wake them to feed, but holy cow, they were NEVER in any danger of starving, lol. They're 8 months old now and they weigh upwards of 27 lbs each. (when they were born, one weighed just under 8 lbs, and one was just over 8 lbs. At 38 weeks, no less! Can you imagine if she'd gone the full 40 weeks??)