Not only no perfume, but avoid scented personal products of any sort, whether they are soaps, deodorants, skin lotions, cosmetics, hair products, the like. She should always choose the unscented version not matter how pretty the scent of the scented version is. The side benefit is that when she goes out in the evening she can put on her favorite perfume and not worry about conflicting scents getting in the way of the scent she has chosen to wear. Sometimes people wear so many contrasting perfumes they cancel each other out. BTW - my daughter took Benadryl for a while because of severe allergic reactions. I noticed she was becoming very sad. Her allergist told me that Benadryl is a beta blocker, which meant nothing to me, but apparently it can affect a person's mood. It also makes people very drowsy, so she should not drive when she is taking it. For long term use I believe there are better medications, but Benadryl is easily and conveniently available when one needs something quickly. And in an emergency, nothing is better than the Epipen. It can save a person's life and give him time to get to the hospital. I wish your mother a quick recovery and a happy return to her garden. Rosefolly

What a mess! I honestly do not think that you can do anything for your mother aside from getting her an attorney and (repetitively) stating that she did the wrong thing. Stand by her, but don't make excuses for her. She may be angry with you, but she will come around later. But there is nothing that you can do to change the circumstances, short of having very deep pockets and paying everyone off yourself. You can always tell the attorney or the judge that you do not believe that your mother was capable of handing any more than very simple financial matters. But that leads you down another road, which is to determine if she is able to take care of her own finances. If that is honestly the case (dementia/incompetence as opposed to outright theft), you are looking at establishing a guardianship arrangement on her behalf. But judges won't usually do this without complicated evidence of dementia or other debilitating conditions. No, I think that you are doing all that is possible for you to do. She does not understand, or she refuses to understand, the situation that she has caused herself. Don't make excuses, and don't "side" with her, as in "yeah, that judge is wrong". Tell her that these are the laws and she did not follow the law, and must suffer the consequences. If you are concerned that she will no longer have sufficient money to continue her current living situation, you can be prepared for that. You say that you are the only one in the family that she has left, and I can see why. You're a good person and doing a good job. Keep it up, don't make excuses for her, or side with her, just be there. If she cuts the relationship with you, there isn't much you can do about it. But I'd bet that even if she does, or says hurtful things, she'll come back to you. Sometimes just keeping one's mouth shut is the hardest thing to do. Just be quiet and just be there. It's gonna get worse, I fear. Good luck, and let us know what happens next.

I wonder if it would be possible to return to Jen_C's original question, you guys? Seems to me that's what these forums are for.....as for anything else, well...you guys can start your OWN forum and duke it out amongst yourselves over THERE. ___________________________________________ As to the original question(s), seems to me you're asking the following: 1) Is it normal for a baby to have their days and nights mixed up, as far as sleeping? The short answer is yes, lol. If you think back to when your baby was still inside you...try to remember what time of day or night the baby was most active. For my DS, he was most active inside me from about 11 pm to about 4 am.....so when he was born, he was most active during those hours. Seems like it took me forever to get him onto a somewhat "normal" schedule. 2) Is it ok to let your newborn baby cry herself to sleep? For me, personally....when DS was newborn, my DH and I rocked him to sleep, or cuddled with him on our bed until he did. We didn't let him cry himself to sleep when he was newborn. 3) How long do you allow the baby to cry before you pick him/her up for a cuddle? Again, for me personally.....in the beginning, when DS was newborn, I picked him up immediately. As time has passed, however, I'm letting the amount of time he cries to be a little longer. He's 6 months old now, and I let him cry maybe 10 mins before I go back in to reassure him. I don't necessarily pick him up, though. Standing over or near the crib reassures DS just fine, most of the time. Sometimes, though....even after giving him 10 mins to get to sleep on his own, and then reassuring him from above or near the crib...he still needs a cuddle. So, I cuddle! Just for a few mins, then it's back in the bed. Sometimes this gets repeated about 3-4 times before he actually goes to sleep. He's falling asleep a lot more on his own now. For me, gradually increasing the time I allow him to cry has worked, and it's teaching him to be a little more self-reliant, while he still knows that we're there. 4) How long in between feedings? My DS woke up about every 2 hours anyway, so I NEVER had to worry about him going too long without food. Of course, at night...this meant I didn't get much sleep, either! :) 5) and finally, WHEN CAN YOU CATCH UP ON SLEEP? LOLOL...this is the question for the ages. I don't think I'll EVER catch up. Now, mind you, there are babies that sleep much longer (envious sigh). A friend of mine had twin boys, who slept 7-8 hours STRAIGHT, right from birth!! She had to wake them to feed, but holy cow, they were NEVER in any danger of starving, lol. They're 8 months old now and they weigh upwards of 27 lbs each. (when they were born, one weighed just under 8 lbs, and one was just over 8 lbs. At 38 weeks, no less! Can you imagine if she'd gone the full 40 weeks??)

Well I think i can give you a different perspective. On Sd and they way she is, i understand. I lost my mother to cancer when i was 11 1/2 years old. So...looking back on those years now, i now see that i was also a very negative , angry individual. I felt that life was unfair and that i was jipped by my mother's death. I focused alot of hate on my own father and i wasnt' the most warm person when he tried to meet woman. My first SM was to me terrible. Not to me but to her kids and i was indifferent to her. My second was amazing. Why? She did'nt infringe on my space. Thought or physical.She let me go to her ...not the other way around. You said you spend money and alot of time to get to know her and fix her room....a bonding when she was no where near being ready to do that with you. I understand your intention were good. I dont think you are a bad person...but it was too soon for this year and she was just thrown into your house without the choice. Plus grandma sounds like a B**ch....So that didn't help you cause. Your husband. Is an *ss for what he has done to you as a friend adn partner in marriage. I would be more concerned with him. He sounds like my husband who didnt' want couciling either...so i basically told him that we are either on the same page or we are not. The day i see him taking his kids side over me , is the day we divorce. I made it very clear to him. The kids fall under the marriage. UNDER the parents. THey are not equal to the parents or more important. All the kids...bio, or step.. THe main issue to address is your husband. Speak to him and stand you ground with him to clear state you treat each child the same and his daughter will be no different. You've put time and effort and she hates you?? Normal, she has emotional issues. Sit down with hubby and tell him how you feel and tell him you were hurt by his comment. That sd is part of our family and will be treated the same...she should not be treated special because mommy died. .....Does she also have biopolar???? This could also be an issue of behaviour. Question...How was your SS with you ? Was it good? Was your husband at his defense when something came up divided or did he agree with you? Cause if he was fine with him , then you should remind your hsuband how he was with his son and you and that sd does not and will not get any special treatment. In the end , if he continues to act this way, warn him it will be the demise of your marriage. If he wants to do that its his choice but you know what, pull back from her and let her dad handle her. Take care of your daughters and when she mouths off to them, you defend them tooth and nail and take it on with your hubby. Go to counciling for your own piece of mind...you can't force you husband but you can put your foot down with him..and if he doesn't like it...sorry tosay...tell him to take the door. You are either a team or you are not. Yes its harsh..but i noticed that some men here are wishy washy with their daughters and need to have it put straight in their face without suttletees... I have a friend of mine , whos' friend at work divorced because daddy put their own daughter above the marriage..well....they divorced and dad has custody because mom doesnt' want her. Its sad..it happens...but its a crazy world. 1. Take a break from her and step back. 2. Go to counciling and see what they say. 3. Keep open honest calm communication with hubby for now. 4. Let him handle her. She views you with hate because she has alot of emotions to deal with....leave her have some space. Its important. 5. Concentrate on your girls now and leave her with dad...it will be divided for a time but it wont last forever. 6. Connect with hubby again and keep connected for your relationship.....because if that goes...its dangerous for the futur. Tell him you will back off on sd but that he must be responsible for her since she has issues with you. 7 . YOU: Expect nothing from her...no cleaning..no chores...her homework? your hubbies problem....expect nothing...Focus on your girls. Your sd is angry, hurt and still trying to get over the loss of her mom...she sees you in the 'mother' position and she hates that...not you personally. She is too young to separate the two. She'll be like this for a while...i know..i went through it. Give her space.