Caregiver for Husband with dementia
17 years ago
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Comments (19)
- 17 years ago
- 17 years ago
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Comments (21)She likes to get out and go places- not senior centers, though. My own Mother took her around to several and they were "full of old people!". She would love nothing more than to go shopping every day, but won't use her wheelchair- insists on walking with her walker. Which would be fine if she could go better than 0.001 inches per minute. So from the front door to Wal-mart and back takes something like two hours for a bottle of shampoo I could have picked up in 15 minutes by myself. I am most decidedly not a shopper as I hate leaving home. I am also restoring a older home by myself and do have other duties around the house so have limited time for this sort of thing as well. I take her where she needs to go but recreational outings are between her and her son (my husband) on weekends. That was the deal when I took this on- I do the caretaking necessary but I am not a paid companion, nor am I the entertainment committee. Her mind is plenty sharp and I do expect her to take some responsibility for finding things to stay interested in. I'm harsh, I know. I watched my Mother throw away her own life in order to take care of other people and I will not do that. There's a limit and this is it. Wow. I got really aggravated there. That alone tells me I need to think about it! Great resource, this venting thing!...See MoreYour favorite interactive online caregiver forums?
Comments (5)If I may speak for myself, the site I posted (my blog for caregivers) is not for profit, not for fame, not for any personal gain, ever. I write to share with others and provide a forum for discussion. Most of the people who comment on my blog also have nonprofit caregiving sites and I support their work as well. If you can find anyone profitting or spamming from the link I provided, I NEED to know, because that is not my intention and I will end it immediately. I'm the author and am responsible for all the content. Its integrity is very important to me. Thanks for listening!...See MoreCorrecting a person who has dementia
Comments (19)My mom, who was an excellent public speaker, very comical, very informative, clear ... now can't remember how to ask for what she wants. She asks but uses the wrong words ... for instance, she was asking my 16 year old daughter for pepper steak last night. My daughter is no cook, so she came through to the living room with my mother right behind her and called to me. My mother stood right beside her and asked for pepper steak while looking right into her face. This made my daughter take a step back (while smiling very hard), and of course my mother followed her, also smiling very hard and starting to gesture to my daughter while saying 'pepper steak'. We (my husband and I) couldn't help laughing either ... and so my daughter was laughing and my mother was laughing all the while she kept gesturing to my daughter and looking right into her face very closely saying 'pepper steak'. My husband walked into the kitchen (he's the cook at our house), and my daughter followed him with my mother in tow and eventually they figured out she wanted a smoothie. My daughter makes excellent smoothies and often makes them for our entire family (I have 2 sons at home as well), and this is what my mother knew for a fact, she just didn't know how to ask for it. It was pretty funny and we all had a laugh, but when the laughing was over, I became sad, realizing my mother was losing more and more of her ability to communicate. She is pretty quiet most of the time, and I wish she would talk more often, she still laughs with us when she listens to us talk, and I have to be thankful for that. I at first went through a grieving period, when the realization hit me, I was missing my mother, and I still do ... but I have great memories of her. The memories make me happy, to remember her as she was, and what a wonderful woman she was. For now I am happy she has gotten over the frustrating times when she would struggle to tell us what she wanted, knowing that she was saying it wrong, and trying to find the right words. She is far more relaxed now then she was when it first started, that's the blessing. My mom, I am hurt, I am angry, I am frustrated, and she was the best I could ever have asked for ... so I hide my hurt, my anger, my frustrations. My husband takes very good care of her. He is home with her all the time, and when the kids get home from school, he has time to be out and about doing what he needs to do, and when I get home from work we're all there with her and we have our evening meal together. We're as normal as we can be around her. I don't know how else to be ... it's just the way it is. When things get worse, we will find a way I'm sure....See MoreCaregiver / Help
Comments (8)Respite care is an option - they take care of the elderly / frail one to give the care-givers a break. One type of facility that offers this are Assisted Living places. Nursing homes may as well. It seems that the stroke in February was the start of her anxiety and isolation - is this correct? It also seems that she is not receiving what she needs in terms of medical care / medication. The seeking of extra doses is her way of finding more relief. There can be thousands of reasons why she isn't getting her needs met. Also, it sounds like there's some dementia. All of this does make the situation very very difficult. Maybe placing her temporarily in a nursing home (so you can get some relief) would also make the staff able to get some insight as to what she needs. Of course, there may be expenses involved. My situation with my very elderly parents seems to have been different, but those experiences did "allow" me to learn a lot about the demands / needs of the elderly and the way some services work. Because of the difficulties she and you are facing, solutions like going to the Y to socialize maybe aren't the highest things on the to-do list. In my experience with 'brain meds' and the elderly - it seems often more than one prescription are needed. And it is essential the meds are given as ordered or the doctor can't help figure things out. (She can't have access to more meds than ordered.) Are you using a pill box to place all the meds in? I got my mom to get pill boxes - one for each time of day. So, if meds are needed morning, noon, and evening, then 3 boxes. And then getting each one labeled clearly was another step. THEN, I had to get them a small clock that said the day of the week, as having that information was essential for my Dad to participate in taking meds. Things that you've never thought of can become a problem to be solved. Blessings to you to continue this work. Our country is clearly not set up for the length of time folks are living. I'll stop here. Other than to say - I understand how this is so very stressful for you and your husband. {{Hugs}}...See More- 17 years ago
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