Parkinson and behavioral issues (long-sorry)

19 years ago

Hello-

I am a part time caretaker for a 78 year old male parkinson patient. He also has a fair case of dementia. He does not get on my nerves with his constant forgetfulness or telling the same story over and over. The other lady I work with is getting a little more weary, I think, maybe.

Problem is this other caretaker that he is with during 4 days and nites of the week(I work 3 days and nites) calls me constantly about his behavioral problems that she is having with him. For instance, picking up unseen things on the carpet, talking to his deceased wife and turning the t.v. on and off, wanting to change his clothing many times daily, yelling at her, and other behaviors as well. I have seen slight picking at his pillow when I put him to bed at nite, but it stops. When he gets anxious I either try to distract him or sit by him and stroke his hand or massage his back. I also will take him on a ride in the car which he likes. He is on medication for parkinson as well as xanax, paxil and seroquil, low doses of each. I personally have never had to give him a seroquil but the other caretaker has had to give him the seroquil alot.

When she calls and tells me of these behaviors I suggest some of the things above and she dismisses them and tells me that she has been with him alot longer than I have and I am not with him as much as she. Also, she is a retired RN, and more qualified than I. (she retired at 52) I am only a LPN.(This is a second career for me and I have only had my LPN lic. for 5 years) (she is with him 4 days and nites and I am with him 3)

I do not understand what is going on. He does FINE when I am with him except for maybe asking over and over what day it is or something like that. I just tell him and he is o.k.

Why is he acting like that with her? I have just had to do 2 weeks back to back because she could not cope with his behaviors. Everything went fine during those 2 weeks, we went to see his sister, I took him to get a massage, out to eat, and over to his brothers house, so you know if he had had those behaviors she is describing I could not have done all our activities. What in the heck is going on with him and her? I have been told, by his son, he was hard to get along with before she and I came as caretakers. I am wondering when I am going to get the same treatment as her. I care for him very much, and am committed to the quality of his life. By the way, parkinson is in the early/mid stages.

He is really sweet, and I just love him. I have been his caretaker for about a year now, and she has been with him for over two. I am at a quandry.. Any ideas? This has just recently started happening in the last 2 months. I just got a call yesterday and I have got to do another week, as she feels she cannot cope AGAIN. Any ideas out there? I called his Dr. and his psych. Dr. today for an appointment tomorrow so when I relieve her I can help him find out what is going on. Has anyone else (that is a caretaker) or has anyone out there heard of these kind of behaviors in an older person?? Thanks.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

fairegold
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
It's not his behaviors, it is the other caretaker's inability to cope. She may have trouble coping with other things as well. My guess is that she's ready to quit. Or she *should* quit. She's simply not cut out for the job, and you are doing magnificently.

Everyone handles stress differently, and she simply doesn't handle things well.

But in your situation, I think I'd be stern about not taking calls from her on YOUR time off. That isn't fair to you at all.

You are doing a wonderful job, and your client is fine with you. As long as you think that there are no health/safety/abuse issues when the other caretaker is with him, don't worry. It sounds like her problem, not the patient.
agnespuffin
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
That was the first thing that I thought of too. She might be looking for an excuse to quit. The way she figures, if his behavior is bad, it's not HER fault. It's his.

Then it could be that for some reason she makes him uneasy, and the behavior stems from that. Maybe it's the sound of her voice or that she putters around too much, maybe walks back and forth in front of the TV. Who knows??? It's one of those things that you will probably never figure out, but his doctor does need to be aware that there MIGHT be something changing.
Related Discussions
Comps in area not reflective of our place/kinda long sorry
Q
Comments (14)
Thanks for all the great responses. We are just outside the Illinois state capitol of Springfield, about 200 miles southwest of Chicago. We have many "bedroom" villages surrounding the capitol and we are just off a major route into the city that boasts lots of commuter traffic. Most everyone who lives in the area works for the state govt or a biz that supports it. Your comments have pretty much confirmed my feelings...we just need the "right" buyers. I am not certain of the village's code about renting it out, but I know when we went looking for a place like this in the same town, we did actually find one that had a really tacky in-law apt included and the woman was renting it for income. She assured us it was legal, and we had no problems getting the village to issue the building permit. I cannot remember the price of the other house but will look through all my stuff from that time period. I remember the main house was a small A frame with one bedroom and a second bedroom above the inlaw addition with a toilet (I am not making this up) in the middle of the closet....it was also cluttered and the apt had cement floor in the kitchen. Come to think of it I think after looking at this one and high priced duplexes in the village, was when we made the decision to go ahead with the addition. I will check it out when I get back. So I should be looking for comps in the area (and surrounding Springfield) for two family homes? This just might be a way around the comps. Thanks everyone! Dennise
...See More
Our nightmare (sorry, long)
Q
Comments (127)
Jenny wrote: "Disneyrsh, maybe with all of your superior wisdom you could tell me all of the things you do for starving children? What that has to do with a real estate forum, I do not know. I did not realize that only poor people could post here. You call me a snob, you are acting like one. I guess it's just hard to hear that some people have money when you are obviously not doing very well. Maybe you should get some psychological help for your issues with people who are doing better than you. I am a counselor and would be willing to work on a sliding acale if you have trouble affording therapy. Just a thought. Are you actually telling me that doctors and "experts" are never wrong about these things. C'mon! If that doctor is so sure about his little fan, why continuously test the house anyway? Because it is a dangerous situation and he is not so dumb as to blindly trust a little fan! Do some research on the subject and don't just accept what people, you don't know, tell you. $800 a month in taxes? Are you kidding? Is there anyone else who actually pays that little in taxes? I can imagine what the schools are like there! Does every grade share the same teacher in the one room schoolhouse? Or are your taxes just low because you don't have the doublewide? I almost spit out MY coffee when you posted that! This forum is obviously some sort of a clique and outsiders are unwelcome. Sorry to bother everyone with my nonsense. I will look elsewhere and get help from people who are less judgemental and more knowledgeable about the world outside of your insulated little towns. Some advertisement for people from Atlanta! I will make sure never to move there if this is what the people are like! Besides, don't they have a very high crime rate there? Wouldn't want to bring my kids into that area." And that's what I like to refer to as "True Colors". :P I could go through it point by point and argue each egregious misquote and inconsistency, but I think my original assessment that your temperament, as displayed on this thread, necessitates that you rent for any kind of peace of mind or happiness, is probably the best line to stick with at this point. I have no problem being blunt and opinionated. I've also noticed that people react with anger when you present them with a truth that they're not interested in hearing. Whatever. There are good places to live all over the world; and I think it's blind arrogance to assume that money buys it,(along with happiness) and honey, I am by no means poor or uneducated-ask the government, who's really enjoying gobbling up my hard earned money, and the loan people, who are quite happy with the number of decades I went to school. And calling Gardenweb "cliquish" when some of the posters have the temerity to question you, how rude of us! Taking a pot shot like that at me and Gardenweb when you have a psychology degree-really, darlin', you should know better than that. I do hope you find some happiness with your home search, but I think (and of course we all know this is MY opinion) you need to find a little zen in your life.
...See More
Advice needed please (this is long, sorry)
Q
Comments (136)
"Mary with the common sense comment I meant DH not the kids in this post and the previous. Again you took they completly wrong." Yeah. Some of that might be because I'm just generally dense but some can be because on these forums participants can only respond to the words used by a poster. You had said: He wants me to make a list, and he will make sure the kids do those things. Do any of you think I should actually do this. I am not comfortable doing this at all. I think it should be common sense about what they need to do and not do. It was not clear to me that you meant that it should be common sense only for your DH. I thought you meant for people generally, including the kids. I find that people who use the phrase "common sense" are usually referring to some body of knowledge that they think people of a culture share among them. I didn't know that when you use the term "common sense" you mean a body of knowledge shared by you and your DH but not the children. Now I know. It doesn't change anything that I wrote, though. The problem is you are still expecting someone to read your mind only this time it is your DH. He is supposed to know and agree with all of yours ideas of what is and is not common sense. My comments in earlier posts still apply. We all have different ideas about common sense. It is not very "common". "DH said that he doesnt like them wearimg the shorts ot sweats to church either." I got that. Lots of parents would prefer their kids do things that for a variety of reasons they decide not to implement. We might prefer our kids not wear sweats or shorts to church, just as your DH does, but we choose not to force the issue. We do not implement that as a rule. Your DH agrees with you about what might be best but agreeing doesn't mean he has to impose that new standard on the kids. See posts above by Silver and Justmetoo among others. For various reasons parents do not always implement really good ideas with their kids. That is their right. The parent gets to weigh out the variables and decide if, on balance, something is worth doing. That is what your DH is doing. He did not throw you under the bus. You keep doing that yourself. EXAMPLE: The SS10 always wants to wear shorts in the winter, even to church. I do not like for him to. His mother lets him but I dont. This is the only thing that I make a stink about. Well and going outside with wet hair. Stop making "a stink" about anything and you wont find yourself under that bus..
...See More
How to deal with my sister??? Sorry its long
Q
Comments (5)
This sister is not the one with weight issues. In fact she is a beautiful girl. But I know she has some self esteem issues. She is on meds for anxiety because she has social anxiety. And she gets mad real quick. She is always mad at at least one sister. Her latest is that she is mad at one of my sisters for being friends with her bf on facebook. Even though her and her bf hung around my other sis and her bf everyday for weeks and they all became friends my sister was mad at her sis and bf for being on eachothers friend list! Its insane.
...See More
mariend
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
There may be things going on that you are not aware of. You probably treat him like a child, without him being aware of it. Your calming nature is soothing, while the other caretaker may be frustrated because she/he is not in charge and she may be resentful because as a RN she is not in charge--or whatever. Please talk to the Dr's, relatives to solve the problem. You don't want to end up being involved with a elder abuse situation. Good luck.
sistersunnie
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
My husband's behavior (has parkinsons and dementia) can vary according to which sitter is on duty. Several of them seem to agitate him. I havent seen them do anything in particular, maybe its their voice, or mannerisms. The ones he relaxes with treat him like my daughter and I do. We generally have no problems with him.
marry
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
First thing that came to mind, was that maybe he just doesn't like the other caregiver! Could be as simple as that!
dreamgarden
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
mariend wrote: "Please talk to the Dr's, relatives to solve the problem. You don't want to end up being involved with a elder abuse situation."

Well put.

If this RN is such an"expert" caretaker, why is she calling you? This woman shouldn't be bothering you on your day off.

If this were me, I'd be documenting each call and what is discussed. If any questions are ever raised about his care, you will want to be sure your back is covered in case she tries to make you look bad.
cearbhaill (zone 6b Eastern Kentucky)
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
rosealee- you sound like a fabulous caretaker who understands their patients issues and has the patience to deal with him. You treat him kindly and look for things that soothe him and make him happy.
The other one sounds like they are burnt out and need a break or a new career. They probably are just there putting in time for a paycheck and can't be bothered to go that extra mile that you seem so good at.

He's lucky to have you!
Jonesy
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
My husband was in a care home for 9 months before he died and I heard the same thing during those months. Some people could handle him with others it was a battle. The ones who had no problem with him, got down to eye level, rubbed his arm or held his hand and explained what she/he wanted to do for him. Most of the time he let them, if he didn't they would come back in 5 minutes and ask him again. He usually cooperated then. I always smile when I heard that because.....that's my husband, if it wasn't his idea, he didn't like it.

Parkinson and behavioral issues (long-sorry)

Comments (8)

fairegold

agnespuffin

Related Discussions

mariend

sistersunnie

marry

dreamgarden

cearbhaill (zone 6b Eastern Kentucky)

Jonesy

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US