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Mom goes into LTC tomorrow

21 years ago

What a whirlwind it's been! It's all happened so fast and I'm bursting into tears every few minutes, and I'm about thisclose to cancelling the whole thing!!

I didn't know it would be this hard......

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Comments (12)

mimi427
21 years ago
My thoughts and prayers are with you...Mimi
fairegold
21 years ago
Wish I could share a hug with you. But we're thinking of you and your Mother, and I know you are doingt he best things for her.

Helene
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I'm not sure I can place Mom....
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What an awsome group we have here! I'm teary-eyed reading your kind and generous responses to my outbutst. Sooey, my Mom's 91, and yes, when it's a Mom who's done everything for her family, had more energy than most people half her age, it's terribly difficult and unfair to see them this way; I hope your Mom's light-years away from where my Mom is now... Mark, what a coincidence about the stove! My Mom was leaning on our stove a few days ago, playing with the dials! I'm sure somewhere she knew what they were for, but I'm also quite sure she couldn't rationalize the danger she would have been in had she turned one on near her! How sad what happened in your town...those poor children... Lasershow, yes she's had an MRI, and there's nothing significantly wrong, such as a tumor, etc. Her neurologist has done her own testing and determined it to be dementia/alzeimers. We have thought about visiting various homes in the area, and I imagine that if it's been determined that she's a candidate, we'll begin that process. I've only been in one as a visitor to a friend's Dad, and....well...it's not 'home', is it? I'm honestly not sure anything would be good enough for Mom.... Fairiegold: you almost make it sound feasible! ;-) Sometimes I can picture a more idyllic situation: nice visits, bringing her treats, flowers, taking her on rides...without the mundane duties that can frustrate both of us...Now wouldn't that be so nice??? Sharlee, I'm assuming your Mom was living alone when she suffered her stroke and subsequent dementia? If that were true for my Mom, a facility would certainly be the obvious choice, as it was for you and your brother. Having had her here for 10 years or so...I feel more like I'm failing in her care by placing her. Your Mother seems like she's in a wonderful situation, comforted by her own possessions and receiving loving care. We should all aspire to that for our family members... Mary, yes, we too found an angel who cares for Mom each morning. She showers her, has coffee with her, gets her snacks, and is here for 1 1/2hours on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and 2 hours on Tuesdays, and 4 hours on Thursdays: my DH's and my "date days"...;-) On those days she has lunch with Mom also, and gives her "the full treatment", including manicure! Mom truly loves her and she's become a part of our family! Patti, having to care for your uncle, I think, would be even more difficult. Maybe it's just me, but being close to Mom, and both being gals, I'm certainly more comfortable with caring for her....Does your uncle live with you? How is his condition? His age? I sure do tip my hat to you, Patti! It can't be easy... I hope you ALL take the same advice you offered to me, and take good care of yourselves, too! It's funny...I didn't really feel anything coming on, just felt as if one day rolled into the next, that I was coping quite well, thank you, and then the restlessness began, the not sleeping through the nights, getting 'edgy', resentful, impatient...Not good for me, and certainly not good for my Mother. Thank heavens where I leave off, my darling Hubby takes over with his calmness and sense of humour. Humour helps! ;-D Blessings to you all...I'm sure I'll know more after her assessment on Friday.... Thank you so very much; I hope I can be as helpful to you one day!
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How do I stop people from calling my mom?
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Comments (10)
Sushi has pretty much summarized the dangers ahead. There is no way to truly screen her calls other than you or your cousin being with her 24 hours a day. Allowing her the freedom of answering her phone, puts her at risk -- for physical, financial, and emotional harm. I'm also a "been there, done that." My mom used to think she was outsmarting telemarketers by telling them that she was a widow and in ill health, so she couldn't afford to buy their products. Some of the callers had her name and some address info. I'd tell her over and over again that she was saying too much and that the callers could come to the house. She'd promise to do better, but the next time I'd see her, she'd proudly relate how she told off a telemarketer. Eventually she moved to an assisted living facility and the situation was better. The address change in addition to the phone number change lessened the frequency of calls. When she moved into the memory care wing, her phone did not move with her. As far as doctors, etc., do what sushi recommends. Make yourself or your cousin the contact person. That's what I did with my mom even before she moved to assisted living. Perhaps you could "train" your mom to always defer to either you or your cousin when answering questions over the phone. For example, "I'm sorry. You need to talk to my daughter/niece about this. She takes care of everything for me." There's always the possibility of changing her phone number to a new and unlisted number.
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Moms going in for another procedure tomorrow
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got to hear the urologist explain the procedure and alternatives if it's not what they think - or more complex, he sounds competent and confident which makes me happy. Plus I rode up in the elevator with him and he said he liked my flowers [white and pink carnations for MOm :)] good sign to meet him first I think. Saw the D.O. who is such an optimist and has known my family for 35 yrs. Still waiting to hear how it went but at least I saw Mom today. Thanks for the continued support, it's meant alot. Still need a nap though lol.
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My mom could use your prayers...
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Comments (27)
I'm sorry you are having to take the brunt of these troubles, and I agree that you are a very good daughter. Perhaps you can write out a list of questions for your brother to ask the doctor? Or maybe put in a call yourself to the doctor's office soon after her appointment so you too can hear what the doctor had to say. In my situation which is not nearly as difficult as yours, my sister has to make all the visits with my mom because she is the only one of us who lives in the same city. She is lucky to have a job with flexible hours that makes this possible. It really bothers me when I hear about people struggling to keep their jobs while attending to medical situations with either themselves or their families. Good will shown by employers goes a long way. I wish you and your mom well.
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heydeborah
21 years ago
Linda, things WILL be hard for probably a long time. but knowing the way you love your mom, it's the best thing that you can do for her right now, easier for me to say, i'm the one who wouldn't put al in ltc just down the street from us! but maybe you're getting some kind of sign that things went so fast, sometimes it's the best way! Hugs to you, and take care!!!! debbie
abreeze
21 years ago
May God minister peace to you and your precious mother and bless her with wonderful care... ~abreeze
lasershow
21 years ago
Wow, that sure moved fast. It is the right thing to do, Linda. I know you feel guilt, and you feel like you're abandoning your mom (Been There, Done That), but deep down inside I'm sure you know that she needs the kind of care you can't provide. It is what it is and it's nobody's fault. You did the very best you could, but this is something you can't control. Sometimes life just sucks.

Breathe...take it one step at a time...and know that you will go through these emotions until you are reassured that she's in the right place. Give yourself time to unwind and adjust. The decline has been very rapid, and before you even had time to get used to the fact that she might be placed within a few months, here she is being placed within a few days. So it's a lot of changes in a short amount of time.

(((((Linda)))))
jeanninetx
21 years ago
It is hard, I know, but I knew my dad was getting more attention than I could give him in his condition. He actually settled in better than I thought he would.
Hugs to you and your mom.
Patti541
21 years ago
Linda, please let us know how things progress. We all learn so much from one another...my thoughts are with you...I hope so much it all goes well for you and your Mother. It will be difficult I'm sure, but this may be the best and most loving thing you can do...
PeaBee4
21 years ago
There is no way that you can make it easier. Just take it as it comes. Now, for a few days, she may be more confused. Don't be tempted to take her back with you. This will pass and she soon won't remember any place but the LTC home. You will want to take her for a ride or something soon, but don't do it for a couple of weeks. It will just slow down her adjustment to new surroundings.
Take care of yourself!
PB
quiltdiva
21 years ago
Linda, my heart goes out to you and your mom at such a difficult, heartbreaking time. Not a one of us wants or wanted to make that kind of decision and I still have difficulty with it even though it's been 6 months now since I had to place my dad.

One thing that I am seeing now that might help you a bit, is that my dad is getting the care I could not give him and I know that if anything happens there's round the clock help. I'm also seeing that my dad is being around more people and he's not allowed to "hole up" in isolation like he was used to living. Several aides and nurses just adore him and he likes the attention. He didn't like mine.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and just know there's more of us that are going through this and we all understand. You're not alone. Please be good to yourself and get some much needed rest when things settle down a bit.

Kay
derryw
21 years ago
Dear Linda...I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. You just have to take it slow and get thru each day (or part) at a time. I agree with PB and the others...she can do very well in LTC and you two can still be ever so close. (((To You))). Derry
User
21 years ago
It's very difficult. The hardest part for my father when my mother went into LTC, was the realization that she was much happier there than at home. She knew the limits of her world and felt safe.

Good luck, she'll do fine, and so will you.
sharlee
21 years ago
Linda, Wow! Guess this is the big day for you & your Mother. It will work out best for all...it's just hard to know that at first. Sometimes acceptance is the most difficult part of a transition.

Will keep you in my prayers tonite & God Bless you & your Dear Mother.

Sincerely, Sharlee

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