Thanks everyone! pecanpie- purr fect pet- LOL love it, funny! flyleft- our local shelter runs a website updated every 20 minutes, they detail photo (usually) age/sex etc and temperment/overview including things like 'not suitable with children' 'used to dogs'. I started looking on the website about 8 weeks ago and when he came up I thought he sounded like he had a great personality. They close for the public at 4.30pm Friday and this was 10 to 5pm Friday. Needless to say we were there waiting at 10.30 on the dot Saturday waiting for them to open! DD clicked with him straight away and when I explained the situation the staff thought he'd be perfect. The funny thing that happened was another different cat came up to DD at the cage door and was all gooey and purring and the staff we amazed as this other cat apparently hates children! LOL my DD is a cat magnet! Bill- siamese? his eyes are quite oriental -and yes flyleft he is a talker. Thanks for all the well wishes! Em and DD

Oh, ouch, ouch. Tough spot, Ima. Sad to say I'd trust this young girl as about how far I could throw her. She has proven over and over again not to be trustworthy. On top of that, the kid is not near as 'street wise' as she'd like to think she is. She's a kid who normally lives a fairly well supervised safe little life. Kids tend to get in the frame of mind that nothing bad will happen to them. Maybe some other kid, but surely not them. If I were Dad, I'd hit the safety thing hard and heavy. Sure walking around town (whether in shorts/tank or a turtleneck/jeans) as young girls of their age is dangerous. Even if they think they are going to meet someone they know and trust, who knows what other person may intercept that meeting and do harm to them. How many young girls/teens go missing and are either never seen again or found dead...and all they were doing is going down the street to met a friend. Scary stuff out there. While you don't want to scare the kid to live her life as if evil lurks around every corner, well, in reality it can be. While SD is full of secrets and 'fun' plans to sneak off and meet a guy she knows and likes, she's not thinking of all the other facts tghat could happen. She's a kid, nothing can happen to her. It only happens to other kids, not her. Not her friend. Nope, they ar safe, they can handle themselves and nothing to worry about. And then yes, the very real thought that even if she survives the walks and sneaking around, there is the fear of pregnacy and STD. But of course she's not thinking about or worried about this either. She's 'all grown up', knows how to handle herself and well, that too only happens to other kids, not her. I get the thought lines of not wanting to encourage the kid to have sex. Not wanting them to thinkn you approve blah blah blah. But then one has to stop and wonder. If the girl is bent on doing what she pleases, lying about it, sneaking around and jumping in head first into going to do it like it or not, what other options does a parent have in trying to protect the child? I tend to think once a kid starts to show signs she is going to do this no matter what, the thoughts towards preventing it need to sometimes face reality too. Of course no parent wants their kid having unsafe sex, unprotected sex or sex period at that young age. Of course parents don't want to write the kid a 'free pass' to think they can do it 'heck mom/dad approve, even helped me do it safely'. But some parents come to the point where the parent has little choice. They either have to do all they can to protect the child or they have to keep turning that blind eye and praying their kid suddenly grows a brain, stops herself in time, develops a last second change of mind and/or survives the experience as intact as she was before the 'event'. Obviously the girl is not ready to be a mother. The girl likely is not even equating sex yet to motherhood, let alone some STD that could affect her the restg of her life. Nope, she's thinking like a 13 yr old with all the ability of a immature untrustworthy child bound to 'grow up' before her time. The BC is a choice your husband will have to make all on his own. he's going to have to sit down and talk to her one way or the other. Sometime I doubt he's looking forward to nor knows quite what to say. He's going to have to come to the conclusion that he is the responsible parent when it comes to his child and make a decision based on what he honestly believes is the right/best choice pertaining to the daughter. He can't count on BM to do it nor to supervise her. He can't count on SD to instantly take this all seriously and understand her actions could have great consequences attached. Any chance he can get through to BM that SD needs to stay home this summer, maybe go to summer school. Is BM in denial on the chances of what could happen this summer or is she just immune to caring? (not really in a she does not love the child but just naturally accepts it's ok for this behavior at this age) If BM thought she would get SD handed back to her to live 24/7 and raise (along with a possible grandchild or a STD infection or even a raped traumatized daughter)would she be open to discussing leaving the child home with Dad?

I deleted some stuff that doesn't apply to your situation. ............................................................ A couple in my church adopted a little boy whose parents' rights had been severed because of sexual abuse. The first year of life with Daniel was traumatic for all three: Daniel's kindergarten called the new mom to come pick him up because he was approaching children and adults sexually. Daniel went to a few birthday parties & was quickly blacklisted because of his sexual overtures to guests & parents. Daniel & his new parents went to intensive counselling, & the new mom quit her job to take care of Daniel... not only did he need full-time mothering, but he kept getting thrown out of day care. The parents learned that children who have been abused sexually almost always approach others sexually; it's what the children have learned to do for attention, approval, companionship...love, or a cheap facimile thereof. Yet their abusers have also shamed them into keeping the big secret; Daniel never said one word about previous sexual "activity". Based on what you *know* of sexual activity at her mother's house, I'd bet that this young girl has seen, *& been involved in*, a lot more than you know. She'll keep approaching people, girls, boys, grown men, whoever, sexually because *that's what she knows how to do*. ............................................................ Please get some help for this little girl, & keep her safe. If you 'give her back' to someone who's led her a chaotic existence & allowed her to be sexually abused, I think the day will come when you will find it impossible to forgive yourself. I wish you the best.

Theotherside... can you read? Or do you just actively ignore what is said? SHE HAS REFUSED COUSELING OF ANY SORT! Yes I would be happy to help find a program for her but right now it won't do her any f** good if she refuses to go. And pray tell me when do you CONSIDER HER AN ADULT??? She is an adult as she blurts out all the time.. The law sees her as an adult. You say around 30, good fight the laws to where parents can make decision for their kids until that age. I am not allowed to make decisions for her any longer... So how do I help someone who doesn't want the help. I really grow weary of your ignorance... oh and by the way her drug of choice is METHANPHETAMINE!!! We would not be having this conversation if it was were pot. No if she were 14 and out of control I could send her to freekin rehab! I could do something about it... Oh and you forgot to post your address :) Your thoughts on parental responsibility is ridiculous and absolutely ignorant.... How do you do something about it... (other than disscussing it with her) At 19 she is an ADULT! Let's put it this way say you had a foster child in your home and they had turned 19 and you found out they were using and became a danger to YOUR other children... You're telling me you would still allow them to stay under your roof? If so you are in my opinion as well as that of the law UNFIT... You parental responsibilities is to protect the minor children you are responsible for. It doesn't mean you can't try to help that older child. But you can't allow their habits to harm your other children... But when they refuse help there is NOTHING you can do! Really do you live in the 50's still? where kids are like "Golly gee ma, I'll do anything you say." You act as if after 18 years of age we have power over them... When in other forums you encourage children to not speak to their parents... Well using your theory these people probably weren't 30 yet so they weren't responsible for any affairs or anything else they were doing. Their parents should have been helping them... Quit being a hypocryte it is either one way or another... People are adults at 18 responsible for their own actions and choices/ or they are children for ever and can blame parents for the rest of their lives!!! You can not pick and choose!!! I mean really in you theory a drug addicted man at 25 yrs old murders someone and it is his parents fault??? What cult are you in? I apologize for my anger but your thoughts don't make sense from one forum to the next. You cange your mind like the wind blows... "She's just a kid, He should have known better, they don't deserve forgiveness, They should always be forgiven" So what the heck is it... Make up your mind on where you stand with the issues before you jump on someones..... case. :)