Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers. The memorial celebration went so well, a bright sunny day, people wrote condolence and memories on squares of vellum we provided, those who spoke each took a rose petal from the pink roses (Mom's favorites)and held it while they shared a rememberance, then placed it in a crystal bowl. I will make sachet's for my daughters from the petals. And we sent dozens of balloons sailing up toward the mountains with our love and wishes for Mom. My granddaughter made a collage of pictures of Mom from childhood, college, early wife and mothering, as well as recent pictures, and everyone enjoyed seeing them. All in all, a loving tribute. I am glad I made myself do it for her, when all I wanted to do was go to bed and pull the covers over my head. Little sister breezed into town for Thanksgiving...maybe after the NY trip this week, I will be able to sort out my very mixed emotions about that!

You have my sympathies for your loss. Thinking back to when my mother passed away, and I was already a grown adult with a child of my own, but as I recall, my father, although he was battling alzheimer's and wasn't always in tune to reality, I remember that he knew this was a blow for me, and I remember him coming over a couple of days after, and just getting me out of the house. He took me to a park and a couple of other places, and him just being there was a big lift to my spirits. Just being there with your kids is the single biggest thing you can do. I am sure you will find out, just through their body language, if they are comfortable about talking about mom, or recalling old memories. For me, it also seemed that getting out of the house and doing some types of activity of hobby really helped take my mind off my greif at the time, and I believe it would for my children as well, if I were in that situation with them.

If you were working full time outside the home, you would have to put the kids in some kind of day care. It sounds like you're doing both a full time job and the full time Mommy job. On top of that you don't have any kind of support network, family, friends, etc, to give you some relief and adult time, and your husband isn't buying into the idea of a babysitter for much needed husband-wife time. On top of all that you're not getting enough sleep. No wonder you're not enjoying being a mom. Everything seems to be stacked up against you. First thing, get a babysitter. Find someone you can trust and go out at least every two weeks with your husband. This is essential to rekindling your intimate feelings for each other. Second, if he's not already doing this, your husband needs to care for the kids, on his own, at least one night a week. You need some "me" time, and he needs to see how it is to take care of the kids by himself. By the way, this is not called "babysitting". He is their dad and should spend some time with them when you aren't there. Not only does it help him see what you go through but it also strengthens the bond between him and the kids. While he's with the kids, go out and do things you like to do. Go shopping, or go to a movie for example. Seek out ways to make friends. Ideas: attend your neighborhood homeowner's association meeting; join a church; check the local paper for volunteer organizations that you can see about joining. You get the idea. The fact that you work at home means you don't have work as a resource for making friends. You'll have to cultivate other resources. Oh, and when you do go out with friends, DON'T talk about the kids. Although you probably need to keep the 7 mo old at home with you during the day, the 3.5 yo is defintely old enough for preschool, another great place to meet adult friends. Is your job something that must be done M-F? If not, take off one day (or even a half-day) during the "work week" to just be with the kids and enjoy them, then work on Saturday or Sunday and have your husband be in charge of caring for the kids all day. This might enable you to connect with SAHMs who have play groups during the weekdays. Connecting with other moms while the kids play is a great activity. During these kinds of outings, you SHOULD talk about the kids, compare ideas and vent. It's great for your mental health. So, to summarize, you need: 1. adult time with husband 2. time with the kids where you aren't working 3. connection with other moms in mom/kid playgroup type settings 4. adult time away from husband and kids, either alone or with female friends There is nothing wrong with you. There's no question that your current situation is causing you great stress. As you begin to take steps to make changes, you will regain your mental health, and you will begin to take greater joy in your children and your marriage.

Thank you everyone so much! You have been there for me with each of my losses. I don't know what I would have done without you and your love & support. SamKaren your resident DJ