I've "grown" tomatoes before. You know, you pick up whatever plant variety is available at the box stores or local nurseries, put them in the ground, and, with luck, you might get an edible tomato.

Then I found this forum. Bunch of enablers here. :-)

Regardless of reading through the forums to gather information, we uninitiated still hit some of the pitfalls despite the warnings of the more experienced folks here. It comes with the territory, I guess.

* End of February. Dear heavens, all those seeds available for the heirloom varieties! The descriptions sound wonderful. Ok, one of these, one of those. Oh, have to try this one, too.

Before you know it you have 20 packets of seeds. The vendor must have thought I was a farmer. There's got to be a 12-step program for this affliction.

* March. Gave half of each packet of seeds to a co-worker. Insanity loves company. Now we're both overwhelmed.

* Purchased 2 different varieties of seed starting soil and lots of cheap plastic containers with lids; better for keeping the mix moist until germination. Where am I going to put all these? No problem, I'll find room.

* We are having the kitchen and bath remodeled in the small "in-law" apartment, where we live. Since the apartment is up a flight of stairs and my mother can no longer manage stairs, we get the apartment and she has the huge downstairs part of the house.

All the objects from the kitchen and bath are stored in the living room -- cabinets, plastic containers full of silverware, pots, pans, and grooming products; stuff waiting for new homes. It's an obstacle course. If you have claustrophobia you wouldn't want to be here.

There's still a little bit of room over in the corner, next to the couch. So I rescued the old over-the-toilet glass shelving unit, still in great shape. I'll put the containers of seeds on that.

Still not enough room, but we'll make do. Removed items from the bookshelf and colonized that as well.

* Read on this forum that tomato seeds will be viable next year. Phew! Now I don't have to grow all these seeds this year. The ones that I really want to try and haven't been sown yet will be "winter sown" outside in early May.

* Indoor seeds germinated. Quickly. For the love of Pete! -- They certainly have a high germination rate! Didn't realize that.

* Oh dear, now I need light for the baby plants. Off to the box store. Found some under-the-cabinet grow lights. Ok, they aren't very powerful, but maybe they'll help. And, they will fit the shelving unit, but how will I attach them to glass shelves? Duct tape!

* Plants are growing well. The lights aren't perfect, but they're doing a so-so job of it. Because we are re-wiring and the obstacle course makes getting to plants nearly impossible, had to get a surge suppression strip for the "grow lights" and rig it up to the new electricity. Turn the lights on in the morning, finally shut them off around 9:00 at night. Can use the strip for electronic equipment after the plants go outside.

* I hate seed starting (no soil) mix. It eventually gets hard and mats down. What's up with that?! Poor little plants, how can your roots grow in a medium that started off promising, but over time has gotten to be the consistency of powdered concrete? Time to transplant.

* Off to the garden store to get a plant mix with a slight bit of fertilizer in it. No fish spray here -- daughter is violently allergic to fish and seafood. I forget the brand of the potting soil; it's not a major brand name, but it has a nice light consistency and a minuscule amount of fertilizer that can only help the baby tomato plants that have decided to really take off.

* Construction work is ongoing, turning into a bear of a job. Despite obstacles and timing, managed to transplant seedlings, much to the consternation of fiance and contractor. I keep getting in their way. Both are looking at me like I have two heads.

* May was very chilly this year. One week in particular reminded me more of March than May. Can't put them outside yet.

* May 20. Finally, the weather is improving. Not perfect, but better. I usually have plants in the ground before now. Time to start hardening off the wee ones. Put about half of them in a box and moved them outside to the shade. As the fates would have it, the contractor showed up and started work that obstructed the ease of coming and going. Oh, well, the plants are in the shade and they should be fine.

At the end of the day, went outside to bring baby plants inside. Something ate several of them. Looks like they were sheared off. Chipmunks? Mice? I've seen mice do the same thing to marigolds and impatiens, so they are probably the culprit. Otoh, the bumper crop of chipmunks, generously fed and encouraged by the crazy neighbor lady who loves them, may be the culprits too.

The plants were put behind some bushes to prevent them from getting direct sunlight. Nonetheless, some of them did have some sun bleaching on bits of their leaves, and some were completely sunburned. Bummer! The ones that only got a little sunburned survived.

* In the meantime, I decided to spring sow some of the seeds using the winter sowing technique. No seed starting soil here. Went to the compost pile and put finished compost in the containers, threw the seeds in, closed them up, made sure there were enough holes in the tops and bottoms of the containers to get air and water through, put them in a location that gets 6-8 hours of sun each day.

* May 25. Nights are still chilly, but improving. Just in case, purchased some heirloom tomato plants on line. Got tired of waiting for warm weather and bought some black contractor grade plastic to cover the tilled and amended bed. Put holes in the plastic, put in the plants that were ready to face the world.

* June 2. Most of the plants started indoors have adjusted to life outside and are growing and ready to go in the ground, so they were added to the garden. Winter sown tomatoes have mostly germinated. Weather is warming up and finally becoming seasonal.

* June 15. The winter sown plants are growing like banshees. They seem much hardier than the plants started indoors. Although not as big or as far along in their growth, their root systems are incredible -- not fragile like the indoor-grown plants were at the same age. And they don't need to be transplanted several times and then hardened off. Hurray!

* Now I have a bajillion tomato plants, give or take. Some started indoors, the emergency backup plants ordered on line, and the spring sown plants that are bursting at the seams. Where am I going to put them all? Panic.

Put some in the bed originally designated to receive tomato plants and even budged them closer to each other than originally intended. Not a great idea. The paths have since disappeared.

Made use of the large compost pile I have and put additional plants in there. The plants love it, especially those that were a bit neglected. I swear you could plant a dead body in compost and it would come back to life. :-)

Still need more room. Intermingled tomato plants among the ornamentals, in between roses, daylilies, mums, you name it.

* Tomato plants are tougher than you think. They can handle some leaf loss by deer or other pests, bruising, and, to a degree, neglect. It may set them back a little, but not for long. Once they're planted in a satisfactory location you'll never know that they were abused.

Next year: There will be very little indoor sowing, if any; it will be spring sowing outside only. Hopefully, next May will be more May-like and I'll be able to get the plants going sooner.

Impatience and anticipation makes me start indoors, and I still may be tempted to start a few in late winter, but I won't rely on that. No seed starting soil. Only fluffy, rich compost -- it seems to be far superior to the soil-less seed starting mix.

After this year, I may have a better idea of which tomato varieties do well and have a flavor I enjoy, so there will be fewer selections. Also, I still have many leftover seeds that I purchased back in February.

Oh yeah, make sure your ID markers are durable and that you use an ink that won't fade. I have a number of plants that have lost their IDs. That's ok, I like surprises, but would like it better if I knew the variety of any tomato that performs well and tastes good. :-)

Because of the very cool May, resulting in not getting plants in the ground until June, I haven't harvested any tomatoes yet. I'm at least a week away from that, perhaps 2 weeks. But there is one Red Brandywine with a tomato that's starting to pink up. Looking forward to trying that.

Must be doing something right. Only a few of the first tomatoes had BER, and only on one of the Cherokee Purple plants. Removed them. The rest of the tomatoes look just fine. No pest problems yet, and no diseases. Knock wood. But the true test will be in the fruits themselves.