Possibly they used spray paint?

This is my first post on the forum. My wife spends a lot of time talking about washing machines here. I don't want to start a fight but do want to offer a different side to this. I could be considered absent-minded as well. I try to keep my calendar updated (the old saying "tell me and I'll forget" really applies for me). I normally have a lot going on in my head(hey...that hamster wheel may be rusty, but it still turns). If I am without my calendar, I would easily agree to something that happens on a scheduled date. I believe most guys have a one track mind (no...it is not just about sex either). If I am thinking about something...that is all that is on my mind. If my wife throws something at me while I am thinking about something else, it is tough for me to remember. I have to stop what I am doing and refocus. Come to think of it, that may be one of the reasons guys think women are all over the place in conversations. Women are much better at keeping about 20 things on their mind at one time. If a guys is on a mission, you have to refocus him. If you shift his focus, the last thing on his mind is pushed way back into cold storage. It is not that I don't care, I can focus on one thing. I was also taught to make a decision and follow through with it. I try to involve my wife in decisions. It seems like she can spend hours picking out a jar of mustard. I feel like I have a goal and must accomplish it quickly to move on to the next task. I don't try to make my wife angry. I do my best to make everyone happy. I know that is impossible but still try. She would agree that she has to be a witch to get me to do what she wants. I will let you know...it does not work. She does get her way but it builds resentment. I don't like being told what to do. My impression is many (not everyone one) of the guys you are talking about try to be nice guys. They are trying to help others and do good. I was once taught to use "I" messages. I feel ______________ when you______________ because____________. Telling a guy "I feel neglected when you spend so much time with everyone else because I would like to spend that time with you like we had already planned." A lot of the women I know try to sugar coat it and use some secret code. I don't always get those subtle hints. If the message is simple and to the point, I get it right off the bat. I hope I did not make everyone angry in here. I always appreciate a friendly reminder about a future event...and often. I would rather be told 20 times ahead of time than yelled at once for forgetting. I NEVER intentionally do things to get my wife angry. Most guys will pick (it is a childish thing...I know) but don't want a wife angry at them. That is never fun. Oh...one more thing. My mother once told me a story of an old man. The guy said the worst day of his life was the day a pregnant woman got up to give him her seat. We like to feel important...and we like to feel like we can make the entire world a better place. I feels great when someone makes us feel important..attractive...or like a hero. When a women "flirts" with me, it does feel good even if I would never act on it. I like to feel important and desirable even if it is just an illusion.

Carol, I have a pet spider also. He/she lives in the living room at the bottom inside corner of the entry door frame. At least once a week I clean up tiny wings and or legs or otherwise apparently inedible body parts that the spider tosses out. I am sure it is not the same spider that has been there for years, but there is always one there. It is very tiny, but is certainly earning my respect and it's keep. Other than lady bugs, I don't see any other bugs around. The LBs seem to know about what spiders do.

As I said, she is far less venomous than before her becoming a born-again Christian. I realize she is damaged and will sadly always be damaged. Her childhood was dysfunctional, marriage wasn't sacred to her parents - the dad cheated, the kids lived w/ relatives during the bad times, so it was very sad. DH was her third husband and as I mentioned earlier, he had ended the relationship when she turned up pg. Yes, it takes two, but I think one of them planned it. It's not like she's a constant figure at my house, but she comes over on Tuesdays - my day off, so I'm here, to join SD for dinner or something, and if SD's running late (usually), who gets to 'entertain' her for the waiting time? My mom once said, "How did she get in the house?" I said, "Mom, you didn't raise me to be rude - I asked her if she wanted to come in - it was like 90 degrees out and she was sitting in her car..." So, part of the problem, I guess (if it's a problem) is that I'm well-mannered! When SD and I had the blow-up last month, I did say that once the kids knew the truth (about why their parents divorced - the mom sleeping w/ SD's tennis coach), I kind of expectd some tiny amount of validation or simply, "Dana, we had it all wrong - sorry if we caused you any stress along the way. Hope we can just move forward from here." But, it never happenend. And, the X never said a word other than "I'm praying for you both.." which was nice but I kind of thought, "praying for us or cursing us????" LOL. I would have loved to have said, "Oh that's great, now do you mind writing to all of our patients who you trashed me to and telling them the truth, too?????" She hurt the practice, hurt our marriage, hurt my relationship w/ her children, told her children to ignore my dear nephews (who were much younger than her kids, so they didn't get it and wanted to be noticed by the big kids in some fashion) then decided she was no longer angry about being dumped by her BF and losing her DH and one day began being civil. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the peace we've had in the years that followed, but it seemed like it was all just supposed to be forgotten because she found herself and the Lord. I guess I was hoping for something that resembled an apology for all of the crap and the hurtful things she said about my dear mother (who pulled through, thank goodness). I feel so petty holding onto that junk as it was years ago. But, some things are easier to forget, KWIM? Like saying horrid things about my mother and causing my sweet little nephews, who suffered enough w/ the hand they've been dealt in the parenting dept, to be asking why the big kids didn't like them. It made for a lot of awkward weekends when my steps visited. I largely raised my nephews during those years, so they were w/ me a lot. Everyone had their own space in the old house - it was quite large, but hardly glamorous! Anyway, I know I just need to let go of this baggage. Sometimes I'm able to do it, other times it seems to rear its ugly head... Dana