We have a temporary order for protection from harrassment good until we go to court. If I get an order in court it will be good for one year. I plan to bring it to school Monday and ask them to outline how they will enforce it for the remainder of the school year which is only a week but still. This summer my daughter won't have any contact with them as they run the streets and she volunteers as boy scout camp and babysits. DH will be on the field trip so I'm not worried about her being safe, I'm disappointed that we have to babysit thie girls behavior because her parents haven't done their job. The school called Friday night and said the reason these girls did this was because DD and her friend hugged a boy before a game that one of these girls likes and that started it all. I told the VP- that's not the reason, that's their excuse! and I'm not dismissing this incident for any reason based on the previous threats and the constant harrassment. The couselor told me she had "been successful" having this girl see the other persons point of view and apologize many time before as she realizes she has a bad temper..to which I replied..we'll you weren't too successful because she's still at it... I'm so mad about this whole thing- I'm seething. I've always told our kids to tell the teacher and now I find out the teachers can't, won't, don't do anything. Who wants to be the mom that has to go threaten the school to keep their kids safe? or spend all day in court waiting for an order? If DD was a problem child I would understand that they are doing the best they can with her but she isn't even doing anything and despite how many times these girls have been spoken to- they don't stop! It's complete foolishness.

ima, I came across this article the other day. ============= Many unwanted behaviors, including some that disturb parents, tend to drop out on their own, especially if you don't overreact to them and reinforce them with a great deal of excited attention. Take thumb sucking, which is quite common up to age 5. At that point it drops off sharply and continues to decline. Unless the dentist tells you that you need to do something about it right now, you can probably let thumb sucking go. The same principle applies for most stuttering. Approximately 5 percent of all children stutter, usually at some point between ages 2 and 5. Parents get understandably nervous when their children stutter, but the vast majority of these children (approximately 80 percent) stop stuttering on their own by age 6. If stuttering persists past that point or lasts for a period extending more than six months, then it's time to do something about it. There are a lot more behaviors, running the range from annoying to unacceptable, in this category. Approximately 60 percent of 4- and 5-year-old boys can't sit still as long as adults want them to, and approximately 50 percent of 4- and 5-year-old boys and girls whine to the extent that their parents consider it a significant problem. Both fidgeting and whining tend to decrease on their own with age, especially if you don't reinforce these annoying behaviors by showing your child that they're a surefire way to get your (exasperated) attention. Thirty to 40 percent of 10- and 11-year-old boys and girls lie in a way that their parents identify as a significant problem, but this age seems to be the peak, and the rate of problem lying tends to plummet thereafter and cease to be an issue. By adolescence, more than 50 percent of males and 20 percent to 35 percent of females have engaged in one delinquent behaviortypically theft or vandalism. For most children, it does not turn into a continuing problem. ============= Apparently, (if this article was accurate) your SD is just hitting 'peak lying years', so, well, you may have a rough couple years ahead of you, and her mom's example certainly can't help, but she's also probably not doomed to grow up into a pathological liar, she may just be at 'that age'.

$25 to SM??? LOL, that gave me an idea... I should make BM pay me to babysit SD after school everyday. (I'm just kidding) I think it's ridiculous for a parent to charge to care for their own child... and a designated stepparent that is watching the child for the parent should not get paid, unless the parent they are doing it for pays them. (ie. dad designates SM because he's working & it's HIS time.. he pays his own wife) To be honest, what I would do: I would tell him "If it's going to cost $25 for SM to watch DD, it might be better to have my mom watch DD because she does it because she loves DD, not for the money." (and I would not tell him what your financial arrangement is with your mom, it's none of his business unless HE is paying for it) He can demand whatever he wants. That's what court orders are for, to determine what you have to say or do... if it's not in the court order, the only thing he can do is go back to court to ask the court to make you do what he wants. If that happens (enough times), the court will put a stop to it by making orders he won't like. The courts (IMO) tend to see who is creating the drama & they know that isn't good for the kids, so they will begin to rule against that parent. (Sometimes it takes a while for a court to see the pattern or determine WHO is making things difficult, especially if both sides are throwing mud) The more cooperative you are and the more demanding he is, will work in your favor. Ignore his stupid requests, consider what's best for your child & give his requests that are in your child's best interest some though & consideration. If he's gone a month without seeing his child & spends more time trying to engage with you to battle him without asking how his child is, then that says a lot & you already know what it's about. The more you ignore him but make your DD available to him... then he will decide to have a relationship with his daughter or go away. It would be nice if all parents put the kids first or eventually have a wake up call so they focus on their kids, but unfortunately, some are just so filled with anger/hate/selfishness that they never do... or by the time they do, the child has resentment towards them. It's very sad.

I don't think that anyone is spying on their children's or step children's phone calls. I, for one, almost always hear my sd's entire conversation with her mom when she calls her because for some unknown reason she feels the need to sit on top of me every time she talks to her. I personally, try to get her to take it to her room which is a useless fight because by the time she listens to me the phone call is usually over. I completely agree that one of the best things you can do is allow your child to think and act for themselves and to be able to stand up for themselves and what they feel is right. However, it is important not to just throw you child out there to wolves before they are ready. If I were the child's father I would have already had a "conversation" with the mother letting her know that what she is doing is unacceptable and it will not proceed any further. The email was a good idea to allow her to get what she wanted out... Maybe a journal would help her as well. I know that for me one of the most theraputic things is to just get what I am thinking out of my head and for some reason seeing it on paper makes it easier to deal with. Have her write in her journal whenever something is bothering her and also after any phone calls with mom that are upsetting. Let her know that it is her private space so she can say or write anything she wants and doesnt have to worry about others reading it. This will also give her another tool for the whole brainwashing thing ... if she writes in the book while her memory is fresh when she does argue with her mom and convinces herself that "maybe she was remembering it wrong" she can look at her journal and say No, I am right this is what happened.