I wish I had more time to stick around, but we wanted to get up to Cougar Mountan before it got to busy. Thanks to Jim for the wonderful bamboo, its beautiful *G* I sat the bag up to fill with water and saw a little 1/2" new culm coming up, so tomorrow I'll plant the two clumps. Thnks to Teresa for the ferns, and Shilpa for the day lillies. As my trees and bamboo grows up taller, and I get more shade I'll have lots of sun loving plants to trade as time goes by. Kendal *we made it up to the falls in good time, and got out just as a rush of people with their kids started up*

Thanks for asking. Things have gone from bad to worse. First of all, the memory care unit costs approximately $1500 more per month than her assisted living apartment, and I really have not seen a tremendous improvement in care. The bottom line for us is that we can no longer afford to keep her at that particular facility. The administrator wants to "work" with me, but I doubt if she can give me a $1500 discount. Things were tight even before this move. Secondly, my mother has become even more suspicious & unhappy. In fact, last night she barricaded herself in her room and wouldn't open the door for the aides. I ended up having to go there at 10:30 PM to calm her down. (I live about 30 minutes away) Part of the problem is the constant change in staff -- from shift to shift, day to day, and turnover. With my mom's failing vision, she gets anxious because she doesn't know who's taking care of her. We've decided to move her in with us. We're in the process of fixing up our guest room for her and installing some ramps. I have no idea how it will work, but the finances dictate it. I'll put her on some waiting lists in my area and contact a home care aid agency for help.

I just had time to read the first few responses so I apologize if I repeat what's already been said... or if I missed something new. I'm sure your son, along with the rest of the team(s) notice the 'girls' hanging out. Besides being awkward to ask him, he would probably say he's embarrassed to you but to his friends, he may be their hero... bringing something to look at to the games. (lots of kids that age are plain curious & will look at whatever is there) It's kinda sad that she feels so insecure and threatened to behave that way. (I know that she may not be insecure or feel threatened but everything she does would lead me to believe she is either insecure & feels threatened or she has absolutely no social skills or idea of what is appropriate) I also agree it could be worse but there's nothing wrong with feeling annoyed by her. She seems to be in your face, marking her territory, and maybe wants you to know she exists. Getting there before you might make her feel she has the upper hand... more like you are on HER turf because she was there first... you are walking into a space she has already gotten comfortable in. I disagree that she must care about SS to drive all that way to be there... she may be driving all that way to get in your face so you know she's there, especially if it's her only opportunity for you to see her. (I kinda see that because SD's BM goes to every practice & game for her BF's kids... even if she is on crutches or sick. She wants BF's exW to see her there, she also gets there before exW & seats herself with all the other mothers & starts up conversation so when exW gets there, she will sit somewhere else... it's not about rooting for the kids at all~ BM also is loud & in your face kinda person... and tries to be the sexy SM, so I relate to that part of your post) As your title says "probably won't do anything"... that's exactly what you should do... NOTHING. The more you ignore her and be yourself, it will probably drive her crazy. Whatever she is trying to get out of it... if she gets nothing back, it will frustrate her. As for talking to ex about smoking, I would simply mention that SS smells like smoke, the next time he smells like smoke... and instead of saying please don't smoke, say something like "I wonder why DS smells like smoke?" and see if he cops to it & offers to refrain around the child or shrugs an "I don't know". Then I would tell him that "I'd sure hate to see DS become a smoker, it's a nasty habit" I think that will work better than being an exW that comes across telling him what he can or can't do. I think you should have a right to when it comes to your son's well being but it does no good to complain if it's not going to be well received. If you get a dialogue going about concern for your son, then he might get the message. (what kind of parent would say "oh, it's no big deal if he decides to be a smoker"? That would be ridiculous and inappropriate.)

"Help me out -- who moved away, your DH or her?" Both of them and neither, at the same time. When BM and DH were together, they lived together in DH's condo. Split up and BM moved back to the suburb where her family is---about 10 miles from where she and DH had been living. DH bought a house about 2-3 miles from their old condo and moved there. So I'd say they lived about 15 miles apart, give or take. DH lived in his house for 5 years. Then DH and I moved in together shortly before we got married. He moved to the suburb I live in, but it's about 5 miles from his old house. So this put us at 20 miles away from BM. They went to court right around this time over school district issue. Then BM just moved, last month, about 5 miles farther west of us. So she is now about 25 miles from our house. So---it's been a gradual thing, no one has just up and moved miles away out of the blue. They keep drifting farther apart. We are settled in our home, though, no plans to move, and if we ever did---it would for SURE be within a 3 mile radius. We LOVE the town we live in and would not leave. I don't really blame BM for wanting to be in "her" area because her family/friends are all out there, it's where she grew up, etc. Same reasons we have for wanting to in "our" area.