Hospice

17 years ago

I lost my mother this week. Those of you who saw my entry on the Discussion page in the 'Happy Valentines...' posting already know that. I entered the "Red Geraniums" poem there that seemed so appropriate for her life. She was so funny and tough right up til the end. On my birthday (12th) she said I could relax because even though she was ready to go, she promised not to die on my birthday. Then on the 14th, she said it would be rude to die on Valentine's Day! Rude. We all laughed. And cried. On the 16th, she calmly and peacefully slipped away.

The reason I'm writing this though, is to praise the people who work for VITAS Hospice. After 6 days of hospital care, the move to hospice was amazing and wonderful for Mom and for the whole family. They showed her complete and total respect, never making her uncomfortable or forcing her to do anything she didn't want to do. The lights were dim and the atmosphere was calm but not depressing in any way. And there was always a nurse or chaplain at hand to comfort the family too. We were encouraged to bring in anything that might make her feel more peaceful, including pets.

If you are a caregiver or facing a health crisis with a family member, please don't hesitate to call on any of the hospice organizations. Even if you are providing care in your home, it's likely you can get someone to come out for a few hours a day to help. Talk to your doctor about it. We would have broken the bank to make this happen for Mom, but Medicare covered all of it. The whole experience was truly a miracle.

I'm terribly sad of course to have lost my mother, although I'm glad she is no longer in pain and that she didn't linger. She would have hated that. She was 89 years old, but still mentally sharp and a real character. She posted here occassionally as the Crane Lady but in recent years just lurked as I was posting. She enjoyed all of you.

Kate

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (8)

msmarion
17 years ago
(((((Hugs))))
Marion
cindeea
17 years ago
Oh Kate, God Bless you babe. I was a caregiver for a long time and lost my mother about 9 years ago. If it weren't for Hospice, it would have been so much more difficult. If you need anyone to talk to or cry with, please let me know. I am so glad your Mother had you around to love her.
Related Discussions
Jeannie agreed to Hospice
Q
Comments (29)
Lynn, I feel for you -- I was in a similar position less that two years ago. My dad was in the hospital when my mom passed. He went in and out of the hospital twice more before being put into hospice. Graywings, this is neither the time nor the place to discuss the pros and cons of hospice care or even the extent to which insurance dictates treaments and medication choices. Let's save that for other discussions and give justgottabeme our support. Justgottabeme, I think the choice to accept hospice must be a very difficult thing. I know it hit my dad and me like a ton of bricks, but he accepted it the first time the doctor suggested it. Truth is that he was already in the early stage of dying when we went into the ER that last time. He was in heart failure, kidney failure and liver failure. As he went into hospice, he accepted help he hadn't before and the meds they gave him in the hospital seemed to kick in. He rallied for a bit. While he was in the hospital and ICU, the nurses didn't say it, but they didn't deny it when I told them what I was reading between the lines was that he might not make it home. Whatever was behind that rally, he did make it home, he got a visit from two of my cousins (their mother and his sister passed about a month before my mom and he had not been able to see her or to attend the funeral). They cooked for him the way their mother and his had made things. He loved it. He got to visit with lots of family and friends, call others and reach out. Most importantly, he got a chance to meet with people and get a veteran's memorial stirred up and moving -- it had been a struggling effort for 7 years. It got moving and the statue was dedicated last November on Veterans Day -- just over 6 months after he passed. He was able to go over things with me so he was assured I could follow his final wishes. One of those may have changed another life. He had almost a month and so much that was important and meaningful happened in that time. And he was definitey more comfortable being at home. He never gave up -- but he did accept more help, including a group of firemen to help move him from his wheelchair to the bed the last time he made that move. The head of that crew knew my nephew, who is also a firefighter, and he knew many folks in the volunteer fire department my dad and brother helped start. I was so afraid my dad would be embarrassed and angry, but he was comforted by their assistance and delighted in the memories. As said above, hospice may be the most life affirming choice. How can each day be a gift if you are in a strange place or in agony? I hope Jeannie and her family will have positives to reflect on too.
...See More
Hospice needs your vote
Q
Comments (69)
Sunday afternoon ... voted (again) ... don't know whether I can make it one more time, prior to 10 a.m. Pacific time, tomorrow ... ... when the curtain comes down! Looks as though the agencies seeking support cover a wide area - nationwide? (In a furrin nation to mine, that is). ole joyful
...See More
Thank you, thank you for your votes for Hospice. We Won!!
Q
Comments (14)
That's wonderful news! (And now I feel better about sleeping through the deadline this morning.) Congratulations, and keep up the good work!
...See More
An update on my hubby and his cancer and Hospice
Q
Comments (155)
I know my posting doesn't matter to anyone, and that's ok. Just wanted to send you a hug and let you know, along with a lot of others, how sorry I am. I could have almost written your posting several years ago. Everything you wrote pretty much fit my DH. He was only 57 when we lost him. He was a workaholic and always put off going to the Dr., etc. When he was finally forced to go, it was too late. He did go through the Radiation, meds, etc., for almost 2 years before he left us. Please, everyone....please....get your DH, brothers, sons, male friends, etc., to have this Medical checkup. It is not just an old man's disease, like some seem to think, either. It is a curable type of cancer if caught early. Saying prayers for Jasdip and family for comfort and coping....and all who have gone through the beating that Cancer does to us. A couple of Widow/Widower sites help me a lot. They are out there, if you need them. They helped me to accept that it doesn't get better...but does get easier with time. Hugs.
...See More
wanda9fl
17 years ago
Kate,

You are so right about hospice. They really are a blessing to people. I'm sorry for your loss and I'm glad that you and your Mom had hospice there. We have had several family members that were under hospice care, and I volunteered for awhile, so I know how comforting their presence can be.

She sounds like she was a feisty lady, paving her own road right until the end.

God bless you both,
Wanda
beth7happy
17 years ago
a beautiful and warm message, Kate ... Bless your heart! I agree, Hospice is almost like God's hand reaching....
carmiewest
17 years ago
I am so sorry to hear about your mom, Kate. I perfectly remember some of her posts, she was so funny. She will be missed. I am glad you had the people at the hospice to help you through this difficult time.

Hugs,
Carmen
scents_from_heaven
17 years ago
Kate, my heart and love go out to you. It is not easy to lose anyone, but a mother is one of the hardest to say goodbye to. Mothers are your best friends; your confidants; your shoulders to cry on; and someone who is always there to love you, support you, hold you close, comfort you and just accept you the way you are. I know you have an empty spot in your life and I would like to give you a special plant to place in your garden that will be there to honer her life and the love you shared. I hope you will allow me to do this gift for her and you.

It warms my heart to know you had hospice to help with the transition and as Beth said - it is like they help God as he reaches out for the hand of his child that he is welcoming home to his loving arms. They also wrap God's arms around you and hold you close to him. Your mother chose the way she wanted to leave this world and left it a better place for having spent time here. You are evidence of this because you care for others and bring beauty to the world of people around you. I am happy to have known her as she posted here.

I also pffer my shoulder, ears, arms if you ever need someone to understand and cry with you when you miss her, to listen to more wonderful stories about her and the things she did that brought so much joy to those around her, and just to hold you close and give you a hug if one is needed. I am headed over to read the poem and know it will bring tears to my eyes as I feel the love. She is now watching over us from heaven and waiting to welcome us home when our time comes. *hugs* Linda
lynne_melb
17 years ago
Kate, I am so sorry to hear this. Our deepest sympathies to you. She sounds like she was a great lady.
Lynne
zozzl
17 years ago
Kate,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are right about Hospice. We had them with my mother and they were such a blessing. I didn't know your mother but she sounds like such a great person. I hope you are doing okay.

Pat

Hospice

Comments (8)

msmarion

cindeea

Related Discussions

wanda9fl

beth7happy

carmiewest

scents_from_heaven

lynne_melb

zozzl

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US