Vent all you want Elizabeth. It is hard being the care taker. Eventhough the rest of the family may not understand you need your "me" time. If you don't get it you will go insane. Don't feel guilty for taking time to do someting you enjoy. Take care of yourself cause if you don't you wont be anygood to anybody else.

Mary

Being the main caregiver is very stressful. Oftentimes the caregiver will end up ill from ignoring their own needs. You should contact your local hospital or maybe even your physician to ask about support groups for caregivers. Tell whomever is complaing to come over and help out or to shut up! Don't allow yourself to get run down or burned out. Like Mary said if you do that you won't be good to anyone.
Karyn

Of course you have friends. Vent away. We're here to tell you to get out in the garden & the fresh air & de-stress yourself. Get the rest of the family to help out with DH. And if you don't nag them, (& maybe demand) they will be perfectly happy to let you continue doing it all by yourself. If you wear out, who will take care of you?

Linda

Elizabeth, please feel free to vent, I know exactly what
your saying, DH went through a quadtriple bypass 3 years
ago and it can indeed get rough, is there anyway that
DH can get outside with you and maybe lay on a chaseloung
while you do a little gardening?
If you feel like talking email your phone# I`d love to
talk to you or I can email mine.
Take good care of you,
Karen

Thank you Everyone. That is so sweet. I always thought I had friends here. & I also am a friend to everyone of you. such a great group of people I am so glad to know each & everyone of you. you have inspired me to be my best at the thing I love the most Gardening. Elizabeth

Elizabeth.. I have agree with everything that has been said. Just a few hrs off will allow you to breath.. perhaps someone from the Church could stop in to help once in a while..You and your family are in my Prayers...
Hugs!!! Kylie

Elizabeth, I have walked in your shoes and it's very stressful but ya know the garden will be forgiving but you are needed. Check into your church or home health care for help and you need mental help as this stress isn't good. Family will also need to pitch in and ya know they are able to do some work to help out? Count your lucky stars he is still with you. Sending prayers your way.

Poor Elizabeth, you definitely need to take some time for yourself. Hand him a bell or a phone and take another outside with you. Thats what I did when I had my surgery and couldn't get up by myself. I called hubby from my cell phone if he was out working on the boat or down the road at the shop and he would run home and get what I needed or help me to the bathroom until I was able to do it on my own. If he needs something he can call you. Do you have any family close enough to help out some? If not you may have more friends than you think willing to help if you just ask. I wish we were closer. I would be glad to sit with him so you can get some time outside and not have to do anything but what you want to do for a little while. If there is anything I can do or you just want to talk email me and I'll send you my number as well. You need some time to yourself or will burn out and get sick for sure. I am praying for you and your family and well.

Elizabeth...it's so easy for others to say what you
SHOULD do until they've walked just a few steps in your
shoes. You must focus on keeping yourself well and alert
to take care of your DH. If gardening does that for you..
then...so be it. Stay strong and vent all you like.

Margaret

Elizabeth
My prayers are with you and feel free to vent at any time--we are here for you. Try to take some time for yourself when you can

Elizabeth,honey I am going thru the same thing only it is my mother-in-law,no one else wants to help so we have it all to do,hugs to you,and I will be praying for you,I know you need me time,that is so important,I also have a hard time taking me time so I am a good one to say anything,if I try to take me time,I feel guilty,so I really don't get to take me time,but please try.Love you,Bonnie
If you need to talk you are more than welcome to email me.

Elizabeth, I will pray that God grants you strength and lots of energy. Being the main caretaker is not only physically exhausting, but mentally exhausting as well. I know from experience what it is like to wish for just 5 minutes that nobody on earth knew where I was. In the meantime, enlist help from anyone who will offer especially the critics. I had many, but when asked for help they would often say, oh, you're doing just fine......If they helped out, Wonderful, if not then their criticisms were never acknowledged again.
Take care of you, because you cannot take care of him if you are run down too. Linda

Take a deep breathe. It is very difficult to go from spouse to caretaker. It changes the entire dynamics of your relationship. You have a lot to deal with and not any time to prepare for those kinds of changes. And most people have no clue how physically and mentally difficult it is to be the caretaker. Make a chart of what needs to be done. Write down EVERYTHING, baths, feedings, changing linens, making meals, cleaning, shopping, repositioning, EVERY LITTLE TINY THING. Then, get everyone together. Point to your chart. Say, John you will be giving your father a bath every Tuesday. Mary, you will be grocery shopping on Friday, etc. etc. etc. Do NOT let them make you feel guilty. Do NOT let them make you do this alone. You can't. And there is no reason to feel like you have to. When people can see how much there is to do they are less likely to criticize,and if you make them do a few things they will really shut up!
While joining a support group is a wonderful thing I understand that there are times you just can't, you don't have a second to spare. You must have time to de-stress or the situation will only keep getting worse. You must have help.
Vent anytime you want. I'm a nurse and I know I couldn't do anything like you are alone.
Tally HO!

Elizabeth!! I just wanted to let you know you are on my mind!!!
Hugs!!!
Kylie

Elisabeth, I have a friend who went through that. His family threatened to change hospitals, and she put her foot down!
This is YOUR husband. YOU HAVE COMPLETE SAY in his care, legally. Tell them where to get off!
You have my sympathy for your husband's illness.
Doe/Audrey

Elizabeth I don't have any idea what your DH's condition is but if he is terminal you might be eligible for Hospice care. He need not go to a Hospice. He can receive care in your home. When my FIL realized that the end would be sooner then later he made it known that he wanted to die at home. If it hadn't have been for all the wonderful Hospice workers we would never have been able to honor his request. Their help was invaluable.
Karyn

He may also be eligible for home health to come in and give you a hand. Tell your doctor you need help and see.

Elizabeth, please take care of yourself, and unless "the whole family" are very young kids, you should not try "to be at attention, to do whatever someone needs" from you! I like what beachplant had to say.

Elizabeth, I agree with others, you have to take care of yourself as well. If you don't, then you are no good to anyone. Please take care, and don't worry about coming off like a b!tch to people, but you need to demand that they step up and help you out. Take charge, he's your DH & you know what's best for him. It's alot for one person, and if they truely care they will help. Please dont forget to take time out for yourself. There is no shame in that. If you need a break and want to go out to your garden for some stress relief DO IT! If they don't like it, tell them to go screw..uh..you know, lol. ((hugs))
Daniella

Elizabeth

You have my sympathy. Hope DH get well soon. I really don't know what he is sick with. Stick up for yourself, as others around you will let you work yourself to death, if they have their way. Don't get mad, just be very firm, and explain the facts to them!

And you know, I can't stand my hubby being around too much at times- he's get annoying, especially lately. I see I need to appreciate him more, and be glad he's around to bother me!!

Elizabeth, I walk in your shoes everyday. I have a disabled child (30) that I have to take care of along with her son who will be 10. Her hubby dumped them cause he couldn't "hanle it" anymore. So, being my child, she is now living with me and my grandson too. It is very tiring, trying the patience, and you just want to scream. Glad I live in the woods so I can go scream if I want. You have to be there for them, they now depend on you, but isn't that what it is all, family. Still you MUST make time for yourself, if you don't you will start getting run down, then you get sick yourself and then who will take care of you. Been there honey. They will make you feel guilty for taking time for yourself, but that really is because they are frustrated and somewhat lonesome. It is just a double edged sword with a no win situation. I don't talk much here but I do read and they all seem to be a great bunch of people who would stand by you for anything you need. VENT away.

Dee

Elizabeth, I am sorry you are going thru so much, but I know how much the garden helps...maybe get up a little early and get out before he is awake and needing you..and I agree with the bell ...I use to take out the other phone with me, so my dad could call me if he needed me.

I am now on the other end, where I am pretty much dependent on others, and it really stinks..I am sure he is just as stressed as you are...could you do a date night, even with him home...maybe play cards, rent a movie...cause let me tell ya...having to sit inside of four walls for a long period of time is awful...and the "date night" would lift both of your spirits.

If you have a family member that can give you a break once a week, take it..you are entitles to some "me" time.

Hugs for all you do...and know you arent alone. Vent anytime..I honestly havent seen a more caring group of people..we are all here for ya !

ALL I HAVE TOO SAY IS WOW. you guys are the greatest. I will manage. I always do. I have a good family support. they seem to need me more than I need them. but that is the great part of life. they can learn from me. my oldest daughter is 36 just turned that in january. & it seems every year I get smarter or at least that is what she thinks isn't that ironic. but I know all 3 of my daughters love me. in their own way my youngest is 30 yrs old this year & it's funny how we get smarter the older they get. I want to thank each & everyone that responded, you guys light up my life I hope you know that Elizabeth

Glad you are feeling better Elizabeth. It always seems like everyone needs something all at once somtimes and its overwhelming. Keep you chin up girlfriend. You are tougher than you know. I hope my boys will learn something soon, lol.