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boxerpups

I am very upset. I need some kitchen friends

boxerpups
11 years ago

Hi,

I am a cross between furious and sad.

Angry because my kid and her stupid friend were in my

kitchen. The dumb friend age 14 took two giant metal

spoons and began to play the drums on my SS refrigerator.

And there are three Nasty dents. DENTS!

Not to mention all the scratches. I would take a photo

but I am so angry I am going to bed to have a good

cry after this.

I did not know about this until after the girl left.

This is probably a good thing or I would have screamed.

I know it was the friend because I was in the other room

and heard my daughter say to her. Oh becareful you might

dent that.

I called out and said. "Girls becareful in there."

As soon as the friend left, my daughter said. "Mom,

I have to tell you _______ dented the refrigerator."

I could never in a million years say a word to the

mom. In fact it would make my daughter's life miserable at

school if I said anything to the family. I won't.

The mom is known to be mean in this small town of mine.

And really what can they do? They would create a huge

fight and who needs that.

I have already looked into replacements for the doors.

My DH says I am over-reacting, that I need to calm down...

That I should not waste the money. More dents will

occur and who cares. He is clearly not a kitchen person.

This is the same guy who tossed a giant pitch fork size

grill tool into my stainless sink to create a giant

nasty scratch. He is clueless.

And although I am making him sound mean he really is just

a practical but simple guy.

So, I lost it. Cried, tears, yelled like my pants were on

fire....cried some more. The dogs were shaking.

I later explained to my kids and DH that my kitchen

is my santuary. My daughter (the one who feels

responsible) broke into tears and cried for more than an

hour. She is such a good person and I feel like garbage

now. No make that gum on the bottom of someone's shoe

that stepped in dog doo. Rotten.

Before she went to bed, I told her she was more important

than the refrigerator. That I don't care about the dents.

That we could slam her lacrosse stick and baseball bat

into the frig. She is far more important than any

appliance. In life people are far more important than

things. That it is okay to be upset but to keep life

in perspective.

We hugged.

But I am lying. Inside I am truly broken.

I am beyond upset. Yes, of course my kids are important

but I am so very sad that this happened. And even more upset

that my DH and kids do not realize how special my kitchen

is to me. This kitchen is a part of me. I know I am being

a big baby.

The replacement doors are $1200. But a new frig is $2300.

I could talk them down to $2000

Perhaps tommorrow I will feel better. Less angry, hurt,

frustrated that someone could without care make a dent

and be inconsiderate. I will find humor in this but

right now at this second I am beyond sad.

What are the stages of mourning? Shock, Anger?

Well, I am mourning the refrig.

Oh thank you all for letting me vent. I know I am being

a big baby. I had to share with someone who likes kitchens.

~boxerpups (very sad right now)

Comments (150)

  • donnakay2009
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups, you are loved by so many. You were a real "rock" for me when we were remodeling our kitchen, and your open heart and helping spirit were always great.

    I am so sorry for your situation. I am a high school teacher, and I have (in the past) put girls like this into groups with fun, smart, caring, stable girls like your daughter. If an incident happened like this in my own classroom, I sure would want to know, as a teacher. This girl is really needing some professional help. Sometimes a teacher can, subtly, get some counseling through a "side door" via a counselor, dean, or principal. She is displaying some really unbalanced, scary traits here. You were the victim in this. Our three (grown) kids had many other students over, through the years, and I don't ever recall this kind of flagrant property damage. This is really unusual behavior. She sounds like a pariah among her peers, with good reason. Again, I'm so sorry.

    This time, for our "Fabulous Fifties" projects, I let the students get into groups of four with their friends. It is a first for me to do this, but it's "sink or swim." Already, I've had the higher-level students thanking me: "It's nice to work with other kids who want to get the project done, and whose work ethic is like mine." I hope, also, there won't be any dented refrigerators! But if there were, I'd want to know. This girl is needy. She needs intervention.

    Hang in there. You're a wonderful help to many on this website, and I want to thank you again for what you've done for so many of us!! Love to you today from Oregon.

  • dianne47
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    boxerpups, this thread has obviously struck a big chord with readers. I'm a retired educator and consultant. The comments made by smiling above are 100% on target. The girl who damaged your property has serious behavioral issues and almost certainly is being abused at home.

    My counsel to a friend under these circumstances would be to do exactly what smiling suggested. You need a PRIVATE meeting with the principal to start, and immediately. This child needs intervention and her behavior absolutely was a scream for help.

    Like another poster above, my daughter had problems with bullying (on the school bus). It took many many phone calls to get it sorted out, but I kept climbing the chain of command with the school, transportation department, and district office until the offending boys were stopped. In your case confidentiality is important and the only way to solve the problem is in person.

    You must protect your own child from being around this girl and her family, as smiling wrote. Under no circumstances whatsoever should your child to into their home. Please listen to smiling and go into your mother bear protective mode. Your first job is to protect your child, then to try to do what you can to alert school authorities.

    The girl bashed your refrigerator yesterday, what will she bash next? An animal, someone's car, a classmate? Please notify the principal, and if he's not helpful you need to climb the chain of command at the school or district.

    I'm sorry your fridge is damaged and I hope you can get it repaired.

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  • petra66_gw
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups, I am so sorry for you! You have handled this all so well. You know the situation best and this will help you decide whether to act upon it further or let it just die down.

    Thank you for all your generous contributions to this forum, they have served me so well. I am thankful I can repay your kindness in some small way.

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  • marcy96
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    boxerpups,
    I just wanted to send many hugs your way!! I feel so upset for you and I know how it is to feel upset and angry about our material things that are disrespected by our families or friends but at the same time feel guilty as they are after all only "things". I'm always telling my kids to "take your shoes off and don't scratch the new wood floors" "don't write with markers on the granite" "don't eat on the couch" "use a placemat on the new table" etc... My 9 year old daughter said to me one day, "Mom you care more about the kitchen and the furniture that you do your kids"! She was so wrong and I had to tell her that over and over. But at the same time I also told her how hard her parents had to work to afford the new kitchen, new furniture etc.. and we shouldn't take these things for granted. Children learn respect at home - if they don't respect their own home they won't respect other people's homes or public property. It's actually a good, but hard lesson for your daughter to learn.
    I hope you find an easy and inexpensive fix for your fridge. You deserve to be happy in your kitchen!

  • fleur222
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Oh geez.. I reread my post and realize that it was not the best response for someone looking for kitchen friends to empathize. Let me try again. Sorry about your fridge. I am sure it was compounded by the fact that there was a purposefulness to it, that you know you have raised your dau. to not ever even think about doing something like this, that you take good care of your home and your family, and that it doesn't look like you will be able to get the person who did it to pay for the damages.
    I think that the one thing I had been trying to say and didn't say well was that your dau. couldn't have imagined this girl would do such a thing. And really, you wouldn't have imagined it either, or you wouldn't have allowed it. Sorry for saying that you might have been able to prevent it.
    While thinking about it, I was remembering so many different experiences and just wanting to get my two cents in, I forgot about the most important thing...what I would feel like if it happened to me! I guess we are all living and learning.
    Maybe when the emotions settle a bit, you will be able to let the family know how much the repair will cost without any hard feelings. Maybe they would respond positively given the chance. But the other side of it is that some parents get very defensive and try to shift the blame, and ultimately cause more problems. I am sure you will know the right thing to do.

  • honeysucklevine
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    (((((hugs))))))

  • piaa
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I am so, so, sorry (((hugs))) coming your way

    Piaa

  • drjoann
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    ((((((hugs))))))

    smiling is spot on with advice about contacting school. Its likely that the school knows about the issues this girl has, but an outsider's perspective may shake them into being more proactive.

    You can approach this in a non-judgmental way. Just state the facts and your observations & request that the schoolmate not be assigned to any other projects with your daughter.

    Even at this distance, I really feel for you & your family, and, strangely enough, the schoolmate. None of us can fix her problems. All you can do is voice your concerns to people at the school who have resources to help this child through counseling.

    When DD was in middle school, she came to me with concerns that some of her friends were heading for potential trouble. And, these were the "good" kids who were in the G&T program with her, were fellow cheerleaders and members of her sports teams. I reassured her that she had done the right thing to tell me and that it was up to the adults to deal with it. (DD is very sweet & has "fixer" tendencies.)

    I knew some of the parents pretty well, but had no idea how they would take hearing that their daughters had a bet/dare of who would do "it" first. So, I called the director of the G&T program because I knew she was invested in these kids & their futures. She was very appreciative of my call and she and the school counselor tamped the whole thing down without bringing in the parents (who were very "holier-than-thou" which may have caused these girls to "rebel", in the first place.)

    So sorry you have to go through this, but good luck & trust your gut. Its the most important organ a mother has after her heart.

    Jo Ann

  • sweeby
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I'm so sorry about your brand new fridge and the violated sanctity of your kitchen. I can see why you'd be so upset when your only options seem to be spending a lot of money on repairs or staring at heart-breaking dents every time you go to the fridge.

    --------------

    Having finally worked my way through all of the other posts, let me add what a classy lady you clearly are Boxerpups, to also be considering this girl's unfortunate circumstances and responding with compassion for her pain and anger. After seeing the dents, I have to agree that there's just no way more than one of those could have been accidental...

    I do hope you will take Smiling's advice and speak to the school. That poor girl desparately needs help, and neither she nor her classmates are safe until she gets it.

  • neesie
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I'm so sorry this happened to you, Boxerpups.

    You are one person whose name really stands out on this forum, as one who always shows good will and friendship so I hate to hear of this happening to you. I do like what you did for your temporary solution, it is so "you".

    Take care!

  • elizpiz
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Dear dear boxerpups...

    You have had some wonderful advice and support by many others by now. Let me add my own (((((hugs)))) to those you've already received.

    You are a warm-hearted and generous soul.

    Eliz

  • shelayne
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Oh, Boxerpops, I am so sorry. I have nothing to really to add, but I want to say that your heart for the girl shows what kind of person you are, and gave me a big ole lump in my throat. Too bad there aren't more of *you* in this girl's life. She needs some boundaries and some guidance. She surely is crying out for it by her behavior, and you see this and understand--even through your own anger at such thoughtless and reckless behavior--that she is a child that desperately wants attention. Your heart comes through in your posts.

    God bless you. ((((HUGS))))

  • mitchdesj
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I've been reading this thread and yes boxerpups, you are very compassionate in your view of how this girl feels, she must have very low self-esteem; I do hope you get a new fridge so you can erase this bad memory, I'm sure your daughter would like that too.

    It's unbelievable that a 14 year old would have so little common sense, drumming on a fridge with spoons. But what is done is done.

  • sofla
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Oh Boxerpups, I know exactly how you feel. Your heart and sole went into that kitchen and its bad enough accidents happen but this is pure stupidity and disrespect of your property. Its no different than if someone did that to their expensive import car or I can only imagine how my DH would react if a child was banging his golf clubs against the pavement. I would calmly tell the girls mom that it is unfortunate that she would not be welcome in your home after the recent incident. She needs a wake up to her daughter's inappropriate behavior. Its time she uses this to educate her daughter on how to behave and how to repay someone for the damage they caused. If she is decent she will offer financial assistance, even if you don't accept it you will feel better there is some communication and resolve. Whether you say something or not, every time you look at that refrig you will get angry and this is your sanctuary.

  • julie94062
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Dear, dear (((((((((Boxerpups))))))))), I'm late to add my hugs, but wanted you to know that I'm glad you were able to share this with us. Venting with friends is good and allows you to regroup. Lots of good advice here, but only you know all the intricacies, relationships, etc. I know you will figure out what works for you and your family.

    I'm sure it's been an exhausting day! Hope you sleep well tonight and know that everything will turn out OK.

  • jmc2009
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I'm so sorry this happened to you, boxerpups! You have gotten such terrific advice and suggestions. . .I'm just posting to add my sympathy. I feel so badly for you and can completely empathize with how you feel. And I can only hope that I would have your compassion in the same situation. Hugs.

  • blondelle
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    That's so horrible. I really feel for you. I would feel the EXACT same way. Some credit cards offer insurance against damage or loss on new purchases. I would call and see what the time frame is. Tell them you didn't know about the warranty before. You can also try calling an autobody shop and e-mail them the photo and see if they can do anything to help.

    I think if you wanted to take this into small claims court you could probably win. If she's mean already, let her get meaner--so what!, and she would have to pay for the damage. Why should you suffer for her child, or why should your child suffer in school. Do what YOU think is right, and stand up for your beliefs, and what you feel is right. Your daughter will survive, just help her deal with whatever fallout there is.

    Anyway, please let us know how it works out.

  • shelayne
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    *Ack* Boxerpops? (Proofreading is my friend. Proofreading is my friend. Proofreading is my friend.)

    So sorry, BoxerpUps.

  • clkw
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I wanted to let you know that I would do exactly what Blondelle suggested. You can file yourself for very little money-no lawyers. It didn't seem you were open to that so I didn't mention it earlier. Thought I would now just incase you needed the extra moral support in doing so. I would feel differently if it were an accident. Best of luck with whatever you do!

  • simpleallu
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Warm hugs to you dear boxerpups!!!!

  • westsider40
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I so agree with Smiling. And she has creds.

    The issue about protecting your daughter in the future has been brought front and center. And that is MoST important. She sounds like a lovely, sweet, kind girl and I could see that a school person would take advantage of that situation...maybe yes, maybe no.

    In my mind, I am sure that each school staffer knows the troubles of this kid. It is obvious, visual. The school knows she's in trouble and acting out. It is not likely that you are the first family this poor kid has messed with.

    My school protected my dtr from our mean girl neighbor, without me asking. The two of them were never in the same home room. And that's about the only control they had.

    If you follow Smiling's advice, and it would be confidential, it would be a discreet way to protect your child.

    I guarantee you that it would not be the first time the school staff had complaints about that poor girl. It's probably all over her elem and middle school records. Just add your child to the list of.....those not to be with poor girl.

    Think of it as just being another voice that they hear, and don't think of yourself as a troublemaker. You are a messenger and a protector. The kid is making trouble. You all sound like the nicest family.

  • golddust
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    (((((HUGS!!!!))))) It is so hard to take the high road. I want to make mention of this because as hard as it is for you, you are still taking the high road. Oye. (((((HUGS)))))

    This, too, shall pass.

  • weedmeister
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    So many here have said so much, and I don't want to repeat. But I think that you should tell your daughter one more time that you love her more than Bosch. I think she may need to hear it again from her Mom.

    This other girl is toxic. And becoming more toxic as her parents force it into her. This acting out is less a hatred of your daughter as a hatred of what she's turned into, and what she will continue to turn into as time goes on.

    I agree to follow the advice of talking privately to the school. They need to do something to protect both your daughter and the other kids there at the school (and maybe do something to help this kid). You and DH have the so-called 'luxury' of avoiding these toxic parents. Your daughter does not have the same luxury of avoiding the other girl. At 14, she may not have the emotional maturity to deal with something like this, but since she's stuck there, she needs some help with coping for the next 3 years.

    And you thought the problem was a fridge door ... ;-)

  • willowdecor
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups-OMG!! Just read this and SO SAD for you. You have EVERY RIGHT to feel bad and cry and vent!! We put our heart and soul into our designs so it's like part of you is now dented. So very sorry!! I don't' want to repast what everyone else has said but i just want you to know my heart goes out to you and I am sending warm thoughts and big hugs your way.
    xx-Willow

  • francoise47
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Dear Boxerpups:

    I don't want to minimize the larger and more important issue around your daughter's friend. And she certainly should not have been drumming on your fridge. Nor do I want to derail the rightful thrust of the thread, which has produced a beautiful, almost cosmic, outpouring of love and sympathy -- all pretty remarkable for a virtual community. But when I saw the picture of your fridge and realized it was a Bosch (just like my dented Bosch) I wondered if maybe there is something about the stainless steel that Bosch is using that is less sturdy than other manufacturers. Just a question.

    The reason I say this is that my husband and I inadvertently put similar dents in the front of our Bosch linea 800 fridge about a month after we got it. All we were doing was gently pushing it back into place. We now know that it was a mistake, but my husband put his hand in the center of the right door panel when he slowly pushed. With evenly distributed force over his whole hand it doesn't seem like the door should have dented like this; we are not talking about a sudden blow or impact, as in the case of spoons played like drumsticks. We were treating the fridge in a normal, respectful way and still we made two small dents. Of course they only show up from a certain angle and a certain light. But to me they have permanently marred what I consider the world's most stylish fridge. (I admit I bought it for its looks!)

    Do you think this might be an issue to take up with Bosch?

  • boxerpups
    Original Author
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Diane47 and Westsider,
    I agree Smiling has some great advice and I am thankful
    for it. I put a call into the school to talk to the
    teacher first. A simple heads up not going into great
    detail just letting the school know that we noticed
    destructive behaviors. I don't want to by pass the
    teacher, let her take the lead. She knows this student
    too.

    Fleur222,
    You silly girl. I read honest support in your post.
    You are being too critical of yourself. I just forgot to
    thank you. So a huge ((((THANKS))))

    Notadesigner,
    If you can't say anything good say nothing at all. Great
    words!

    Quiltgirl and Sofla,
    I see the refrig and say Ugh but the magnet helps and GW
    support. This place is super.

    Goldust,
    it's passing and I am on to new things. I took advice of
    burning off some negative energy and repainted my mud
    room. The refrig is history. Almost.

    Prill,
    You are being more critical of yourself than Fleur222.
    I think you need a puppy. I know you miss Dominique
    I imagine a day does not pass and you do not think of her.
    But she would want you to get a puppy and remember her
    love with puppy hugs. Maybe a boy puppy so when
    Dominique looks down from dog heaven she will know you
    could never replace her. And you never will replace her.
    She will always be your Dominique. A new puppy is a new
    friend that would have loved Dominique the way you do.
    Thinking of you.

    Donnakay09,
    I am honored that I helped you. Now I can get back to GW
    and help others with pictures, ideas... thoughts, support.
    rather than dwell on this dent.

    Petra, Marcy96, Honeysucklevine, Simpleallu, Piaa, Nessie,
    Julie94062, Jmc2009, Willow and all the lurkers or people
    who are just reading this now.
    (((((((((((THANKS))))))))))))

    Dr.Joann, we have similar girls. Kindhearted and
    hard working. I hope all those who come in contact with
    them pay that kindness forward.

    Sweeby and Eliz
    Moi? Ladies, you both need to look in the mirror. You are
    the Queens of class, style and gracious support to all on GW.
    For you new lurkers; take the Sweeby test and you will feel
    like you are a designer too.

    To others check out Elizpiz blog, An amazing cook. We are
    talking Julia Child talent reborn into Eliz.

    Mitchdesij
    Thanks I do need to give her a few extra hugs and remind
    her that she is far more important in my life than
    anything that money could buy. I will do this with all my
    children. (not the soap opera)

    Weedmeister,
    I wish it were just a dent. Clearly something bigger and I
    have since learned it is not the dent I was worried
    about.

    Blondelle and Clkw,
    I am thrilled to have two intelligent, solid and
    passionate friends support me in small claims court. But,
    the money is really not the issue. I would throw away 5000
    dollars to avoid having to deal with these people. And
    bringing them to court would mean having to deal with
    them. I prefer to let it slowly die away. I will let the
    school know my concerns but the ball is in their court.
    They are professionals and I have a feeling they already
    know what is going with their student.
    But this does not mean that I don't LOVE your advice.
    Because deep down this would force these folks to face
    what they need to face. Truth be told I am a bit of an
    avoider. I lack that fighting spirit. I appreciate your
    support, positive words and kindness. Truly I thank you.
    I only hope I can help you both with the same powerful
    support one day.

    (((((((((((((((((THANKS GW))))))))))))))

  • riverspots
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I think small claims court would turn ugly. I think by now the parents are well practiced in non-acceptance that their girl can do harm. The parents and "that girl" would certainly deny any wrong doing and demand proof such as witnesses, video of it happening, etc. Furthermore, they might even go after your family for alleged slander and discrimination-that you are falsely blaming their girl because she is fat.

    It still surprises me how mean and nasty people can get, especially when they're at fault.

  • riverspots
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I think small claims court would turn ugly. I think by now the parents are well practiced in non-acceptance that their girl can do harm. The parents and "that girl" would certainly deny any wrong doing and demand proof such as witnesses, video of it happening, etc. Furthermore, they might even go after your family for alleged slander and discrimination-that you are falsely blaming their girl because she is fat.

    It still surprises me how mean and nasty people can get, especially when they're at fault.

  • natenvalsmom
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups -
    First, I am so sorry for the damage to your refrigerator. I would feel very much the same, and react similarly, too.
    You have gotten some excellent advice from the kind people at the GW. As a teacher, I agree that speaking confidentially with the teacher who assigned the project is the best course of action. She/he needs to know, and can then take the appropriate action to support and help this child, for she is, probably, the one who is hurting the most. This type of negative behavior is a sign and shouldn't be ignored.

    Good luck to you and your family.

  • fleur222
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups, you are just soo special. Thanks for seeing through my awkward way of expressing myself sometimes.
    Reading how you are planning to handle it made me think of some experiences I had with my children, and I think you are wise.
    A couple of times I gave information to parents about their children,(saying to myself that "I would want to know" or "it would be helpful to the child") What I learned is that if the parents respond in the same way as the degree of the offense. In other words, the worse it is, the worse their response! Denial, anger, or even thanks at first and anger later. I learned to stay away from the negative and so have my children. It does work. It keeps my children friends with healthy, positive children.
    I know someone who always steered one of her children to befriend the troubled children. I seriously think it affected her child's self-esteem.
    Not saying that it is not good to be kind to all, but not to associate with children who's behaviors are destructive, could be seen as a positive role-model.
    Letting the teacher know in the way you plan is perfect.

  • sergeantcuff
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I haven't been on this forum much since I finished my kitchen, but I am glad that it is still such a nice place.

    Boxerpups - I tend to be an avoider too, and it's usually the best way (especially with crazy people). I certainly wouldn't pursue it with the parents. I'm sure the girl or her parents would insist that your daughter had done the damage, and other such lies. You have already taken the high road!

  • nonnyx2
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups,

    May you be comforted by the outpouring of love and affection coming your way.
    You have generously given insight and inspiration to all of us on so many levels,
    that we truly want to extend a healing touch to your heart.
    I feel the depth of your pain and frustration on having a careless act mar a piece of your sanctuary.
    The fact that the girl did not confess the damage she, herself, had done
    but chose instead to leave and let your daughter to be the bearer of bad news,
    disrespected both of you and conveys a lot about her character.
    How could your daughter or you, or any one of us, expect such an act to occur?
    I know I would have been stunned and totally caught off guard and I am in my sixties!
    So many wise comments have been given
    that I can add nothing more than a warm (((hug))
    and a prayer for peace for you heart.
    ~ nonnyx2

  • amberley
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    (((((hugs))))))

    I just read this and was sad to hear what happened with your daughter. I don't think I can add anything new, so I will reiterate so many others and say hang in there, and thanks for all that YOU do for GW.

    Amy

  • 2katz4me
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Just checking back to see what has transpired with this saga. This is a much more disturbing situation than I realized until I read all of the add'l info. Boxer - I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. It's an ugly situation but you clearly have it all in perspective now.

  • sochi
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups - I'm very late to your thread, but I'm so sorry about your fridge, and yet so relieved to read that you're feeling a bit better. I'm also touched by the reaction of your GW friends here - what wonderful support, a real testament to you, the support you've provided in the past and to all those on the kitchen forum! I bet you're happy that you didn't post to the appliance forum! ;)

    More virtual hugs here in any case, I'm thinking about you and feeling your pain at those dings. Ouch. We move back into our kitchen (and home) next Wednesday. I'm hoping your grace under pressure reaction will sustain me through the first time my son or daughter damage my sanctuary. I know that it is only a matter of time.

    Take care,
    Paula (aka Sochi)

  • kitchenconfidential2
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups:

    You're such a beautiful soul. Your beauty just oozes out of you.

    God bless you.

  • gbsim1
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups, I'm chiming in late but I'm so sorry that your lovely fridge got bashed. Thanks for all of your helpful advice since I've been a GWer and I'm sending a virtual hug your way!!

    I'd suggest that you ask the young lady over and have a nice sit down with her face to face over a soda or glass of tea in the kitchen. Your daughter shouldn't be involved and you can make plain that you aren't interested in involving or telling the parents.... you just want her to know that she damaged your refrigerator and that is something that you are upset about. I'd just hope for an apology and let her know that you hope that in the future when she's at others homes that she respects their personal property.
    It just might give her some perspective on her actions that would benefit her in the future.
    No matter what, you're among friends and I don't blame you a bit for going postal when it first happened.... I think most of us would have done the same thing!
    HUGS!!

  • remodelfla
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    boxer... just to piggyback on the on what some of my fellow educators said; I think it's important before the beginning of school to send the school a note and request that your daughter not be placed in classes with this student. I'm now in elementary but have also taught middle and high school. At least in elementary, we do take into consideration "notes" we receive from other teachers or parents about NOT placing certain children together. You don't need to go into specifics. Just state that due to prior conflicts placement in the same class would cause your daughter emotional distress which could impact academic achievement. With the state and federal barometer focused on measurable student achievement; most school administrators would respond to and respect such a note.

    I'm glad you're feeling better. Ya' know we love you boxer!!

  • megradek
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    OH MY WORD!!!! I can only offer an online (((hug))). wow, unbelievable. I know that I would not have been able to contain my temper in the moment as you had - huge kudos to you.

  • jdesign_gw
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Being a guy I should say what's all the fuss. The kitchen is going to get all kinds of dents and dings. But I just dropped a brand new stainless steel 800 dollar KWC designer faucet while I was taking it out of the box to show someone. It has a tiny little flea bite of a dent on it and when I look at it that's all I see. I understand you completely and admire would restraint not to drum some dents into the girls' head who did it. As far as a fix besides the ones already mentioned, a remote possibility could be to see if the people who do paint-less dent removal for autos can get them out. There are a lot of mobile based ones here in LA. Maybe you can find one in your area. John

  • judydel
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups I haven't been on for a couple of days and I just found this thread. Sorry to hear of your trauma. I haven't read all of the posts but i may have a solution. When our SS refrigerator was delivered there was a minute surface scratch on the door. I called the store and they ordered and sent me a skin (retailed for approx $150.00). Apparantly, the "skin" of the refrigerator peels off and can be replaced without replacing the whole door. They said that I'd have to find an authorized person to replace the old skin with the new. I haven't done it yet, so I haven't priced how much the labor would be.

    Anyway, just thought I'd let you know in case you haven't explored this option.

    (((((hugs)))))

  • lmfoodie
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Boxerpups,

    I'm not on the site often but happened to see your post and wanted to send my positive wishes to you in what must be a frustrating situation. As always GWers have great advice. You have always been so upbeat and helpful; I hope that "this too shall pass" for you.

    J

  • theresse
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Can I make this all about me for a moment? ;) You may think I'm kidding - and I'm not - but I feel like a horrible person (mom) after reading all your ever-so-loving-and-mature responses from everyone!!!!!!! I feel like I have to go to an anger-management meeting after reading what happened to YOU! This makes me SOOOOO MAD on your behalf! I HATE bullies and want to just...aaaaargh!!!

    Okay. Of course you should love your kids more than your appliances. True. You should let your daughter know that she matters more than anything. True. Your priorities are definitely in order...and your daughter is so lucky, so loved. And if the other girl is possibly being abused or has very low self-esteem, then yes I suppose it's best to let it go for HER sake - but NOT NOT NOT for her freaky deaky parents' sakes.

    AAAAAAAAAArgh! I'm still so pissed off for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Okay I'm done. Sorry.

  • flseadog
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    boxerpups, this must be so upsetting because you are dealing with 2 things---the damage to your beautiful kitchen and the realization that your daughter has been pulled into an awful interpersonal situation due to her school work assignment.

    The particulars are different but I still remember the ugliness from almost 20 years ago when my daughter had to do a group assignment. When I discussed the situation with the teacher and the school principal they told me it would be useless to try to meet with the other parents to explain what their daughter had done. The gist of the conversation was that "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Apparently, the girl my daughter had problems with did have a track record as does the girl in your case. But for whatever reasons of our modern world that may apply, schools have not been able to deal effectively with family dysfunction of this magnitude for quite a while.

    Although some may call it malicious gossip, the best thing I can suggest is that parents need to build and maintain a network of reporting and discussing these types of events to each other if the school proves to be useless in dealing with the problem. You need to have a real neighborhood of school parents to keep information flowing because it seems that schools have not been effective for a long time in controlling students or parents that exhibit antisocial behavior.

  • kelvar
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    boxerpups...

    I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to wish you all the best. You've been there for those of us who had even the silliest of questions and have supported us unconditionally through our kitchen remodels.

    I hope that you find resolution to both your fridge and the situation with your daughter's friend.

  • Buehl
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    BoxerPups...I'm so sorry you and your DD are going through all this. It must be tough on you both. My thoughts and prayers go out to both of you...and to the other girl. It would be nice if you and your family could be good role models for her during her short contact w/you, but I suspect at 14 she may not be as receptive/perceptive. But, you never know...maybe a seed was planted...

    I also wanted to say that I probably would have reacted the same way...gotten angry, regretted it, and apologized...I think that's normal for most of us when something we've spent so much time and energy on (kitchen) is treated badly. I would try to spend a little extra time with your DD doing "happy" and fun things to show her how much you care about her and how important she is to you...sort of reinforcement!

    Many, many hugs to you! Good luck!

  • desertsteph
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    boxerpups - such a sad situation for that young girl - and surely her sister too. it does sound like she is acting out and I do agree that you should contact the teacher. maybe someone can intervene with her. life is tuff enough for young people today and that girl has more than any one young person should have working against her.

    i don't think i'd go the court route (don't think you will either). in the end it could cause more trouble for your dd and your family than it's worth. i'm not saying the young girl isn't worth it or that we don't have the right to be upset when someone damages our property. but in the end, a fridge is a fridge and hopefully will be fixed w/o much expense. OTOH, I do think the young girl needs confronted about it. for her good! and i think it is something you could handle. holding someone to account is not mean, it is the more loving thing to do for them. short term upset for long term gain. it might not show in her in the near future, but it will be going around in her head that someone was more concerned about her future than a material thing. it sounds like she has been raised to think that things are more important than she is.

    until you decide how to fix the fridge door, i think i'd use it as a prayer reminder for that young girl. and a thank you for the blessings you and your family have in each other.

    and as for getting a new puppy after the loss of another very loved furbaby, my belief is that the best way to honor my precious gone to heaven furbaby is to find another furbaby in need of a loving home and lots of spoiling! i think that makes them very happy!

  • riverspots
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    As for a new doggy-I gotta tell ya there are a lot of young PB boxers showing up in southern kill shelters. Must be breed of the moment. I don't know if rescues are able to take them all in-and in time. Please consider a rescue if you do get a new furry kid.

  • ajard
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    So sorry.. I can feel the frustration...oddly.. I got my 42 inch built in Ge monogram side my side for$ 2000 less because it had a small ding it in ( top center of right door).. I bought it at an outlet... the ding is its CHARACTER.. .. though most people dont notice it until I point it out.

    I do like your quick fix in the photo above..... but I am so sorry that you are going through this right now ...hugs!!!

  • cindyandmocha
    11 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    I'm late to the party too, but Boxerpups you have the patience of a saint.

    To me it is no different than if the girl in question had thought it was fun to play drums on the hood of a new car. And I bet then, most certainly, her parents would have been called in.

    We keep referring to her as a child, and yes she is a minor child. However, frankly, I had an aunt who married at 14! (Yes it was 1934, but still....) All in all, she is certainly old enough to know right from wrong.

    Her parents need to be notified, and asked what they are going to do to help with the repairs. To me that is the bottom line. Their kid - their responsibility. It's not much different than if she'd keyed your car.

    You put a lot of hard sweat and tears into putting that kitchen together, and it was NOT being respected. Vandalism is vandalism. Calling it bad behavior doesn't make it any less vandalism.

    Makes me blood boil that someone would do that to you, or that people would allow their own child to be so disrespectful of other's property. My mom woulda blistered my hide, then made me find a way to pay for it. However, she'd have taken responsiblity for my actions/damages first. You have every right to EXPECT her parents rectify this. No excuses. Do not lower your expectations of them without confronting them first.