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Chelsea Flower Show

10 years ago

For the past decade, the antique rose forum have been the recipients of my annual rant about this most appalling spectacle. As the show has increased in scope, mostly because of insane levels of corporate sponsorship, my ire has also increased to the point where I came very close to a visit to Disneyland on a couple of occasions. So, to spread the rage and solicit opinions, this forum is getting the yearly outburst.
So, in brief, why do I utterly detest this horrible show of excess and vulgarity. Firstly, the title alone gives away the game. Whatever this show promotes, gardening is not its raison d'etre. After all, what gardening simply places a random collection of plants which neither bloom together nor would ever grow together in even the most artificial environment? They have to survive for a mere week before dismantling....and stand neither the test of time nor have any virtues of utility.
The designers. I have only the slightest patience with design per se since, at Chelsea, it is invariably a triumph of style over substance, often using plants selected for their ornamental qualities with absolutely no knowledge of horticulture involved - a spectacle rather than a living evolving garden.
The money - a few years ago, the sheer vulgarity of million pound creations reached its apotheosis with a charmless 'Diamond Garden', featuring real diamonds and various security heavies. It is quite common for bankers and finance companies to sponsor the placing of plants and landscaping to the tune of several million dollars!
Skills and talents - sadly lacking. Having had numerous chances to see these show gardens in close-up, I have been appalled at the poor standards of work, inapropriate materials and general shoddiness - designed to be viewed as a piece of (expensive) theatre for a mere week, there is little need for brickwork, staging, stonework and so forth to have any solidity or longevity.
Finally - Big trees. Half a dozen years ago, we started to see ancient olive trees appearing at the show along with a plethora of mature specimens which have either been grown in huge pots....but much more likely, to have been sourced from Europe, at massive expense, thereby illustrating the modern phenomenon that anything can be bought if sufficient cash is at hand - regardless of the environmental destruction or upheaval. In fact, Chelsea has been fairly tardy in responding to the environmental impact of horticulture with only the merest nod towards issues of sustainability. Water gardens everywhere, hardwoods and natural stone pillaged at will.

Oh yeah, the horrible celebrity driven, shallow and vacuous lionising of talentless (but well-known) media whores and rich people.....while the real effort from the growers, the nursery-people, the plant breeders and the contractors are given not so much as a mention - it is all about the bloody obscenely self-indulgent 'show gardens'...although I choke on using the term garden to describe any of these abominations.

So yes, I will not be attending, nor watching any of the media coverage because all that results is a creeping despair that the Chelsea Flower Show is neither aspirational, educational, encouraging or even particularly entertaining.

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