My DH also gone....

14 years ago

He died on June 21--Father's Day. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on Mother's day. Only 6 weeks between diagnosis and death. I haven't been on the forum all summer because of my grief and having to handle finances and memorial and all the rest.

My husband, Chuck was only 51 years old. We met after the death of my first husband from a heart attack. So yes, this is my second time to be widowed. Chuck rescued me and my two daughters and we had a son who is now 20. Our whole family is devastated. Chuck worked as a maintenance engineer in large buildings, but never liked it. He finally went back to college and emerged 7 years later with a Master's degree in Education. He got a job as a middle school math teacher and his last five years were his happiest because he loved his job so much, and they loved him. You wouldn't believe the outpouring of affection from his school community....students, parents and staff.

I am back at work as a school counselor and trying to take each day as it comes. I miss him so much, I can't hardly go up to our bedroom without crying. Our son, who went to school in New Orleans last year, is living with me and planning to go to the University of Oregon just down the road. So that is a comfort to have him here. And my daughters also live close by. But getting used to a life without Chuck is so difficult.

I'm sorry I didn't let you all know this sooner. You have all been such good friends and support through the years. But I didn't trust myself to write about it, or get condolences, without breaking up. Thank you for letting me have a place to talk about it.

Annececelia, please email me if you want to talk privately. Unfortunately, we have had to go through the same thing this summer. And I am so sorry for your loss.

Kathy

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Comments (20)

carla17
14 years ago
Kathy, My heart goes out to you. God bless you and hold you. I am so sorry for your loss! All we can do is day by day but I will be thinking of you. Come vent anytime you want, or e-mail me. I would gladly listen.

Hugs,
Carla
debnfla8b
14 years ago
I'm so sorry Kathy for your loss. I'm so glad you let us know so we could send you hugs and kisses, perhaps some comfort that we care.
I lost my Mom in April and have had a horrible time accepting that she is gone and will not return.
Your husband was way to young to pass away. Thank goodness your children live close by!

Deb
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sammy zone 7 Tulsa
14 years ago
Dear kathy, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. He certainly was too young for this to happen.

My daughter received her Masters at the University of Oregon, and she thought it was a good school. I did not know you lived in Eugene.

I wish you the very best, and I do hope that time will help you.

Sammy
morz8 - Washington Coast
14 years ago
Kathy, I'm so sorry to be reading this - pancreatic cancer can be so fast, we've lost two friends to this disease.

This shouldn't have happened to you twice and I'm glad your son is there with you for now. We're so sad for your loss and we're thinking of you!
paparoseman
14 years ago
Kathy, I am so sorry also to read this. I have too many friends rosy and otherwise having to deal with things like this, Please know that I support you and if you fear breaking down that I am never one to back away from a friend in need.

Rosy hug,

Lance
sylviatexas1
14 years ago
I'm so sorry.

& I'm glad he got to live his dream.
AnneCecilia z5 MI
14 years ago
((Kathy,))
You've got mail.

Anne
reemcook
14 years ago
Dear kathwhit,

I am tears reading your post about losing your loving husband. My beloved uncle died of pancreatic cancer. I cannot even fathom the grief and pain you are enduring with the loss of your husband. It is indeed OK for all of us to share our inner most feelings because there are a lot of people on this forum, friends and well wishers, who truly care. I am glad that you have the support of your family.

God bless you.

Reem.
kathwhit
Original Author
14 years ago
Thank you, everyone, for the kind thoughts and cyberhugs. I really appreciate your caring. My garden has been a wonderful comfort to me during all this and it wouldn't be so beautiful if it wasn't for the rose forum. I have been coming here since at least 2003.

Deb, I remember you writing about your sweet mother and how much you loved her. I am so sorry for your loss.

Sammy, I live about 20 miles from Eugene to the south. It is a beautiful part of the country.

Anne, I didn't get your mail. My email address is: allwhit@q.com. Feel free to write anytime.

Fondly
Kathy
meredith_e Z7b, Piedmont of NC, 1000' elevation
14 years ago
I wish I could give you a big hug! I couldn't imagine being twice widowed, and he was so young :( It's great that his last years were so happy, and I wish you many happy memories when the pain begins to fade.

(((kathy)))
pauline-vi-8
14 years ago
Dearest Kathy, I am so sorry. I saw this last night and wanted to e-mail personally, and I will!

Love Pauline
carlota
14 years ago
Dear Kathy,
My heart goes out to you and your family. My sincerest condolences and a big rosy hug to you. It's times like these I wish the we all weren't so geographically far apart, know that if we could we would all be standing by your side helping you in any way possible.
Please let us know if there is anything we can do!
My heart goes out to you.
Rosy Hugs ((((((((((((()))))))))))))
Carlota
zeffyrose
14 years ago
Oh Kathy---Words cannot express how sad I feel for you. Thank goodness he was able to realize his dream and I'm sure you were a big help to him in his quest for an education.

It must be horrible to lose two dear husbands---

My first DH died when he was 42 ---My second DH is such a wonderful person---it would be unbearable to lose him---

Sounds like your family is very supportive which does help---
We are all here for you-----I hope your garden and your rosy friends bring you some comfort---

Thinking of you-----

Florence
debnfla8b
14 years ago
How are you holding up Kathy? Just know I am thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer.

Deb
kathwhit
Original Author
14 years ago
Hi everyone,
I am doing ok. With the help of my therapist, I finally made a goal of going through Chuck's clothes and stuff in "our" bedroom with the goal of making it "my" bedroom. My sister-in-law came over and helped me, and although it was difficult, we actually got through it with some humor (Chuck liked to wear clothes until they were rags, and then I would hide them at the bottom of the pile so I didn't have to see them anymore.....I found a lot of shredded clothes at the bottom of the pile). And actually, it is nice to have my own space. I am going to buy a new comforter and put up some new pictures.

My son goes back to school this week and that will be good for him. He has been very depressed. I am able to enjoy work and am crying less. I am beginning to see the light at the end of the long dark tunnel. Thanks so much for your kind words and support. I am going to continue to take it a day at a time and live in the moment as much as possible.
Fondly,
Kathy
zeffyrose
14 years ago
Good to hear from you Kathy-----sounds like you have made some progress---which is good---each painful job you are able to finish helps to ease the pain-

Hope you get a really pretty comforter and some really nice pictures that give you peace-

You are lucky to have a SIL to help with some of these tasks which are difficult to do alone.

Please keep us posted about each step in your recovery

thinking of you.

Florence
hoovb zone 9 sunset 23
14 years ago
Very sorry for your loss. I hope you continue to find strength...your DH would be proud. So beautiful that he was able to have those 5 wonderful years of doing something he loved. Hugs to you.
User
14 years ago
I'm sad to hear of your loss.
seattlesuze
14 years ago
Kath, please accept my condolences and best wishes for gentle transitions into life going forward.

Sue
onewheeler
14 years ago
Oh Kathy I am so sad to read of your loss.

I remember the days when I first got my computer, back in 01 or 02 and I was here everyday. We all talked about everything. I kinda wish we had those days back again. Maybe this will be the begining of us all yakking again.

Valerie

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